One Laugh a Day 2

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-24

1. A patient came to the hospital for treatment. The doctor asked, "Where do you feel unwell?" The patient replied, "I had a dream last night that I was a cow eating grass." The doctor said, "Don't worry, that's normal. Everyone dreams, and dreams are different from reality." The patient then said nervously, "But...but...when I got up, I found that half of the straw mat on my bed was gone."
2. Today at a meeting, a bunch of strange guys sat down casually, took out their phones, and asked me, "Which mode on your phone is on vibrate?" I said, "Meeting mode, I guess." He said, "I'll switch to meeting mode, then you call me and see if it vibrates." Then he gave me his number, and when I dialed it, his phone rang enthusiastically. Before I could even react, he deftly found my number: "Hey, what's your name? What's your name?"
3. A reporter interviewed the director of a mental hospital: "What methods do you use to determine if a patient has recovered?" The director replied, "We fill a bathtub with water, place a ladle and a large bowl next to it, and see how they drain the water." The reporter scoffed, "Of course they use the large bowl!" The director glanced at him and slowly said, "A normal person would pull the plug..."
4. This afternoon I was chatting with a group of female colleagues when suddenly someone said I wasn't a man. I got angry and said, "You say I'm not? I'll pull it out and show it to you!" All the girls laughed. One of them was the most audacious, saying, "Go ahead and pull it out!" So I pulled out my ID card.
5. The clothing store across the street is always having promotions: "Rent only has one month left, all clothes are 40% off. Don't miss this opportunity!!!" I couldn't help but confront them about this scam: "You keep saying it's only one month left, but it's been months and it's still not over. Aren't you lying?" The saleswoman smiled and said, "The advertisement is definitely not fake. My boss always pays the rent month by month."
6. A man wanted to divorce his wife but was afraid of hurting his three-year-old daughter. So he coaxed her, saying, "Mommy is old and not pretty anymore. How about I get you a new mommy?" The daughter thought for a moment and said, "No way! Your mommy is so old, why can't I get you a new mommy!"
7. Woman: "I want to complain. The nurses at your hospital are swearing at me." Doctor: "Who swore at you?" Woman: "The nurse just told me that after abdominal surgery, I have to wait until I pass gas before I can eat." I asked her what passing gas meant, and she said, 'Passing gas.'"
8. The bus was very hot with the air conditioning on. The girl standing next to me had her down jacket open, revealing a low-cut top underneath that showed half of her chest. Many guys on the bus were glancing at her. I whispered in her ear that she was showing too much skin and that the guys were staring. But she replied, "So what if they look? They can't touch me anyway."
9. She doesn't nag, doesn't break dishes, doesn't chat on QQ, and doesn't have extramarital affairs. She drives a nice car, bought a new house, and treats her husband like a baby. She's stunningly beautiful, with intelligence surpassing even Zhuge Liang; by day, she's like Lin Daiyu, and by night, she's a shrew. She loves children, dotes on her husband, listens to her in-laws, and is equally adept in the living room and the kitchen. She dedicates her days to earning money for her husband, and feels heartbroken if he doesn't spend it. She is one of the ten most touching figures in China—named—"Someone Else's Wife!"

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