The joke of a foodie girl

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-24

1. My girlfriend is on a diet, and I said, "Dieting will make your skin look bad and your hair lose its shine; that's what the books say."

So, my girlfriend ate a lot for lunch. After finishing, she said, "You know quite a lot, huh? Which book says that?"

Give me some advice: should I tell her it's from "100 Questions on Dog Care"?

2. The owner of the small shop downstairs has recently started making and selling braised pig's trotters, and they taste pretty good. I went to buy some in the evening, and there were only 5 left, so I bought them all.

The cashier asked me, "Are you eating them all by yourself?"

I said yes.

She said loudly, "You'll gain weight!"

I said, "It's okay, being a little chubby is good for your health."

She whispered, "I'll let you in on a secret, these aren't very tasty, don't buy so many!"

I was puzzled; what was wrong with this cashier?

I said, "It's okay, I like them."

She seemed a little unhappy.

While packing my food, she finally couldn't help but say: "The boss said if there are any braised pig's trotters left before closing time, he'll give them to me to take home and eat..."

3. This morning my girlfriend said her stomach hurt, which scared me so much that I rubbed it, comforted her, and coaxed her. Then she said it still hurt, so I asked her what was wrong and what kind of pain it was

. She said: "It's the kind of pain you get when you're hungry."

Damn...

4. My girlfriend is a foodie. She just finished eating and was very full, her stomach round. While touching her stomach, she said: "Rather than letting a man get my belly big, I'd rather get it big myself.

" 5. My girlfriend is a foodie. Today, she saw a truck transporting pigs on the road,

and her eyes lit up. She muttered: "If one of them fell off, that would be enough for me to eat for a week..." Eating a whole pig for a week, how the hell can that be sustained?! 6. The child asked his dad: "Should I buy an iPhone or an Apple computer?"

The dad didn't even look at him and casually said: "Replace your mom first!"

The child asked: "Why?"

His dad: Because no matter which one you choose, your mom wouldn't agree...

7. Dad had just had surgery, and Mom wouldn't let him smoke. One day, Dad and I were watching TV, and he secretly took out a cigarette and lit it. Suddenly, there was a door opening sound—that was Mom coming home! Dad quickly put the cigarette in my mouth, and Mom just happened to open the door and come in. Then Dad started righteously scolding me: "Smoking at such a young age, are you trying to drive me crazy?!"

8. Baby asked: "Mom, what are we having for dinner?"

Mom said: "How about we have beef for dinner? Braised!"

Then the baby cried: "You tricked me again! I don't want instant noodles!"

9. I'm only 20, but my parents are already getting anxious. Dad advocates free love, saying: "Blind dates are something only arranged marriages from the last century did!"

Mom retorted: "Do you think anyone would want your daughter if she had free love?"

10. Tang Sanzang mounted his horse, and the Queen of the Women's Kingdom ran over and asked: Are you really not planning to marry me?

Tang Sanzang: Sigh! If I were to marry you, wouldn't I have to take you back to the Tang Dynasty? That's so far!

Queen of the Women's Kingdom: Then will you marry me?

Tang Sanzang: Marry...wait, White Dragon Horse, stop right there...stop right now, I said marry, not drive...

11. At a class reunion, I ran into a good friend from before. This guy is doing pretty well, he owns a big company.

When I saw him, I asked him, "Dude, how much profit does your company make in a year now? Are you making a fortune?"

He said with a worried look, "The company can't continue, I've run into some trouble lately."

I was stunned and quickly asked him, "What happened to the company?"

He sighed and said, "I was invited by CCTV, they really want me to talk about my entrepreneurial journey, I really, really don't want to go, so the company is closing down."

I was furious at that moment, CCTV is such a big media outlet, they're helping you promote your business and you still won't go.

I quickly asked, "What program is it?"

He sighed and said, "The 315 Gala."

12. Son: Dad, do you have a mistress?

Dad shouted: What business is it of a child like you?

Son: Mom says men who keep mistresses love their wives even more. I see you becoming increasingly subservient to Mom, always obeying her every word... you must be hiding something, right?

Dad: Did your mom really say that?

Son: Of course, she told Uncle herself...

13. Wife: Honey, what gift are you going to give me for Children's Day?

Husband: You're not a child, what gift do you want me to give you?

Wife: Don't you always want me to have a baby for you? Then you need to learn how to coax a baby!

Husband: You're a tomboy, you don't have the feel of a baby at all...

Wife: You........

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The joke of a foodie girl

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