Eleven carefully selected jokes—don't let them affect your sleep!

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1. Aphrodisiacs and plasters
A young man rushed into a pharmacy, panting, and said to the owner, "Boss, could you give me the strongest medicine? Three beautiful women are coming to my house later."
The shopkeeper took out a package and said to him, "This is the strongest aphrodisiac in our shop. It will guarantee you will be invincible in every battle." Before the shopkeeper could finish speaking, he took the medicine and swallowed it with a gulp.
The next day, the young man returned, his face contorted in pain, and asked the shopkeeper, "Sir, do you have any good pain relief ointment? I can't take it anymore..."
The shopkeeper then asked him, "Was it too intense last night? Did you buy some ointment to apply to your penis today?"
Unexpectedly, he said, "No, it's on my right hand. None of them came last night!"
Comment: The medicine seems to be good, but unfortunately it wasn't used in the right place.
2. Is it lewd enough?
Mr. Li was holding a large cardboard box while waiting for the elevator. When the elevator arrived, Mr. Li had just stepped inside when he saw a brightly dressed female employee shift her position, placing one hand on the elevator button and facing him.
He said, "Sir, is that lewd enough?"
Mr. Li was stunned for a moment. The female employee then said somewhat impatiently, "Sir, are you going down or going up?"
Comment: You need some basic English to understand this.
3. The Lost Silver Spoon
Because their hometown was far from the university, John and another classmate, Mary, rented an apartment near the university together to make it easier for John to go to school. One day, John invited his mother over for dinner.
At the dinner table, the mother noticed that Mary, John's roommate, was very beautiful, and she felt that the way the two exchanged glances was unusual. She strongly suspected that their relationship was not really limited to that of roommates.
John also realized what his mother was thinking, so he took the initiative to explain to her: "I know what you're thinking, but I can assure you that Mary and I are just roommates, there's absolutely nothing more to it."
A few days later, Mary came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came over for dinner, I haven't been able to find my sterling silver spoon. Do you think she might have taken it?"
John said, "I don't know! But don't worry, let me handle this."
Afterwards, he wrote a letter to his mother: Dear Mom:
I won't say you "took" a sterling silver spoon, nor will I say you "didn't take" one, but one thing everyone has noticed is that ever since you had dinner here, there have been...
Something is missing. Love, John
A few days later, a reply came: My dear son, I won't say that you and Mary "slept" together, nor will I say that you and Mary "didn't sleep" together, but there's one thing everyone has noticed, and that is...
If she had truly been sleeping in her own bed, she would have discovered the sterling silver spoon long ago. Love, Mother.
Comment: What a clever mother, could she possibly have anything to do with Sherlock Holmes?
4. Ni Ping's Whip
Ni Ping visited Mengcheng and was served a bullwhip, which tasted exceptionally good. She asked what it was. Feng Gong replied, "Niu Qun has it!" Niu Qun said, "Feng Gong has something similar!" Ni Ping asked, "Do I have it?" They both answered in unison, "You do!"
Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.
Comment: This answer is brilliant! Just say you have everything others have.
5. The Price of Being Eager to Learn
Guohui's car was brought in for maintenance. Inside the car factory, he ate his lunchbox with the workers, and as they chatted, the conversation turned to Chinese historical figures. Guohui asked them, "Do you know a man named Cai Lun?"
"I don't know," everyone answered in unison. "Sigh, if you were like me, going to tutoring classes at night, you'd know that Cai Lun invented paper. Also, do you know who Bi Sheng was?"
"I don't know," everyone answered again. "Bi Sheng was the inventor of printing. I think if you don't go to tutoring classes at night like I do, you'll never be learned in your lives..."
The welder said dismissively, "Hmph! I know you know about Chinese historical figures like Cai Lun and Bi Sheng. But let me ask you, do you know anyone named Wang Xiaoming?"
"How would I know? What did he invent?"
"Fine! I'll just tell you straight: Wang Xiaoming is the one who secretly sleeps with your wife while you're at tutoring."
Comment: The old saying that scholars are useless is indeed true.
6. The repressed husband
One evening, as a couple lay down to sleep, the husband gently patted his wife's shoulder and began rubbing her arm.
The wife turned around and said, "I'm sorry, darling, but I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."
After being rejected, the husband turned around and tried to go to sleep.
A few minutes later, he turned around and gently patted his wife, this time whispering in her ear, "Are you going to the dentist again tomorrow?"
Comment: A reserved husband, a typical European gentleman. If it were us, we wouldn't get this treatment; we'd just stab him with a gun.
7. Experts
An expert saw two turtles curled up motionless by the river and asked a farmer, "What are they doing?" The farmer replied, "They're fighting." The expert was puzzled: "They haven't moved at all, what are they fighting about?" The farmer answered, "They're playing dead."
Home: But the one with the oracle bone script on its shell is long dead, isn't it? At this moment, one suddenly poked its head out and cursed: Damn it, it died without making a sound! Suddenly, another one also poked its head out: Damn it! What the expert said...
If you believe that, you've lost.
Comment: These days, even turtles don't trust experts anymore...
8. Cycling
A missionary was teaching an indigenous chief English. In the forest, he pointed to a tree and said, "This is a tree." The chief looked at the tree and repeated, "Tree." After a few steps, the missionary pointed to a stone and said, "This is a stone."
"Head." The chief, after hearing this, said, "Stone."
The missionary began to take an interest. Just then, a sound came from the bushes. Looking over, he saw a man and woman engaging in sexual activity. So the missionary said, "Riding a bicycle." The chief watched for a while...
He pulled out his gun and shot them dead. The missionary yelled at the chief, "Why did you kill them so heartlessly?" The chief replied, "It was my car."
Comment: What a cool chief! He died instantly in a car crash.
9. The Fiery Husband
Zhang San is afraid of his wife, but in front of others he always says that his wife is afraid of him. One day, guests came to their house, and he cooked while his wife drank with the guests. One dish had too much salt, and his wife started scolding him. Zhang San angrily...
He came out carrying a kitchen knife, pointing it at his wife: "How dare you! Who are you calling names?" "I'm calling names at you, so what?" Zhang San hadn't expected his wife to disrespect him even in front of the guests, so he could only say, "Go ahead and call names."
"I'll let it go, but if you insult a customer, I'll kill you!"
Comment: This statement is flawless.
10. The powerful Chinese characteristics
After a difficult journey to Mars, American astronauts discovered two drawings and a line of numbers on a rock, which they believed might be remnants of a Martian civilization. The United States assembled a team of scientists to analyze the evidence.
Analysis failed to decipher the meaning of those 11 digits. One scientist suspected the two paintings were two Chinese characters, consulted a dictionary, and confidently stated: "These are definitely Chinese characters; the pronunciation of these two characters is..."
The line of numbers in "banzheng" (办证) should most likely be a phone number.
Comment: I'm so moved, I once found these two Chinese characters in the restroom of our city government building.
11. Dialogue (Extremely Powerful)
On the bus, I overheard a boy, about 8 or 9 years old, saying to the little girl next to him, "Who says you can't predict the future? At least I know what my children's last name will be. But you're different; your children..."
"What the child's surname will be is still unknown!" Without hesitation, the little girl retorted loudly, "Hmph, that's right! But my child will definitely be my child, and your child might not be!"
The car and its occupants were instantly killed...

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Eleven carefully selected jokes—don't let them affect your sleep!

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