Cheap jokes are coming, but not vulgar or violent.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-06-13

A foreigner was visiting Beijing and wanted to go to the Forbidden City and the Palace Museum, but he didn't know how to ask. So he asked a passerby, "Do you know how to get to the uterus?" The passerby pointed ahead and said, "You motherfucker, just walk to the end and you'll get there."
2. A man boarded a plane and felt nauseous. The flight attendant took a paper bag, and when it was almost full, she went to get another bag, telling him not to vomit. When she returned, she found the bag full of vomit. She asked him why, and he replied: "I saw it was almost full, so I took a sip, and everyone around me vomited."
3. A CCTV program featured a word-guessing game. The charades player asked, "What horse did Guan Yu ride in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms?" The guesser didn't know. The charades player then gave a hint: "Lu Bu also rode that horse." The guesser shouted, "It's Diao Chan!" The charades player angrily yelled, "Are you stupid? I said the one he rode during the day!"
4. A beautiful woman sought medical attention due to feeling unwell. The doctor asked her to undress. "Doctor!" the woman said softly, "I'm afraid to undress in front of you..." "Okay!" the doctor said, "I'll turn off the lights first, and tell me when you're done undressing." A minute later, the woman said softly in the darkness, "I'm done! Where should I put my clothes?" "Here," the doctor said, "Just put them on top of my clothes."
5. I was chatting with my boyfriend, and in the midst of our conversation, I spit out so much saliva that it landed on his face. He instinctively wiped it off. I was a little embarrassed, but deliberately changed the subject, pretending to be angry: "What? You're disgusted with me?" He smiled like a gentleman and said, "No, just spreading it out!"
One day, the teacher asked Xiaoming, "Xiaoming...do you have a younger brother?" Xiaoming suddenly looked down at his crotch...and then frowned at the teacher and said, "Teacher...I can't kiss him!"
Township head Zhang, who wasn't usually careful about his attire, was giving a report in the village one day wearing shorts. When he got excited, he put one foot on the table, and his genitals accidentally exposed! The crowd erupted in commotion! But the township head, thinking the audience was getting impatient with his report, said, "This is just the beginning; the real thing is yet to come!"
8. One day, the school exam question was "What do bad carrots and pregnant women have in common?"
Only three students passed, and the answer was: it was all the bugs' fault.
There was only one perfect answer: It was pulled out too late.
9. A salesman arrived at Xiaoming's door and heard an argument inside. He decided to wait a while before knocking and going in. A little while later, Xiaoming opened the door and came out.
Salesperson: "Are your parents still arguing?"
Xiaoming: "They're always arguing."
Salesman: "Who is your father?"
Xiaoming: "That's exactly why they're arguing."
On the morning of the 10th, Xiaoming got up and prepared to go to school!
Before leaving the house, I asked my mother, "Have my sister and brother-in-law gotten up yet?"
Mom said, "Not yet."
At noon, after school, Xiaoming went home for lunch and asked his mother, "Have my sister and brother-in-law gotten up yet?" His mother replied, "Not yet."
When Xiaoming came home from school in the afternoon, he asked his mother as soon as he entered the door, "Have my sister and brother-in-law gotten up yet?" His mother replied, "Not yet. Why do you keep asking that question all day?"
Xiao Ming replied, "Last night before I went to bed, I heard my sister ask my brother-in-law to get lubricant from the bathroom, but when I got up this morning, I found that the tube of super glue I put in the bathroom was gone."
11. The father asked his son, "Who will you marry in the future?"
Son: "Grandma usually dotes on me the most, so I want to marry her."
Dad: "Nonsense! How could my mother be your wife!"
The son retorted to his father, "Then how can my mother be your wife?"
12. The sun calls the grass!! Sun: Hey, grass, is that you?! Grass: What the hell, who are you?! Sun: I'm the sun. Grass: What the hell, who are you?! Sun: I'm the sun, you're just grass!! Grass: Damn it, who are you, you grass
Sun: Damn it, damn it!! Grass: Damn it! At this moment, the sun's mother answered the phone: Damn it, you're grass, right? Where's your mother?
Thirteen men were buying furniture. One of them said to the shop owner, "If you can sell me this sofa cheaper, I'll buy a bed tomorrow!"
The proprietress agreed and sold him the sofa at cost price.
The next day, the man asked the shop owner to buy the bed at the same discount as the previous day.
The landlady shouted, "You're so greedy! Yesterday you took advantage of me on the sofa, and today you want to take advantage of me in bed!"
14. A grown man came to a hotel and saw many beautiful cars in the garage. He asked the owner, "Why are there so many beautiful cars?" The owner told him, "I have a five-year-old son. He does three things. If you can do them, you can choose any car here and drive it away. If you can't, you can leave your car here. Many people can't do them." The man thought, "If a five-year-old can do it, surely he can do it," so he decided to try. The owner took him to a room where there was a beautiful woman. The boy went over and kissed her, and then he did the same. Next, the boy touched the woman's entire body, and he did that too. The third thing the boy did was to take out his penis and bend it three times.
In delivery room 15, a baby was born laughing loudly. The nurses were very puzzled and gathered around to observe. They found the baby's fist was clenched, and when they pried it open, they found an abortion pill inside. The baby seemed to be saying: "Damn it! You want to kill me? Not so easy!!!"
16. One night, a woman tried to persuade her child to sleep in his grandfather's bed, but the child refused. "If you don't go, Mommy will go," the woman said. The grandfather overheard this and waited all night. The next day, the grandfather remarked: "Children should be taught honesty; you can't coax them like that!"
17. Mr. Wang took a bus to Gaochao Town in a certain city. Having never been there before, he asked the female ticket seller after only two stops, "Has Gaochao arrived yet?" The ticket seller replied, "No." After two more stops, Mr. Wang asked again, "Has Gaochao arrived yet?" The ticket seller replied, "No." A few minutes later, Mr. Wang asked again, "Has Gaochao arrived yet?" At this point, the ticket seller was extremely impatient. She loudly replied, "When Gaochao arrives, I will announce it!" As soon as she finished speaking, everyone on the bus was startled. All eyes turned to the ticket seller.
18. Two ant brothers were accidentally blown into a girl's underwear by a gust of wind! The older brother said, "Little brother, I guess you'll have to sleep in the cave tonight!" The younger brother replied, "Okay, then where will you sleep, brother?" The older brother said, "I'll sleep on the grass outside!" And so, they spent the night. The next day, the younger brother angrily said, "Damn it, last night a snake was running around in the cave, and it even spat at me!" The older brother, upon hearing this, roared, "Damn it! I'm even worse off, two big rocks kept hitting me all night!"
19. A certain leader kept his mistress's phone number as "Mayor's" on his phone. Every time the mistress called, his wife would say, "Quick! The mayor is calling!" After answering the phone, the leader would say, "The mayor wants me to come over." As he was leaving, his wife would urge him, "Do a good job!"
A couple was sleeping in the same room. The girl drew a line and said, "Anyone who crosses this line is an animal." When she woke up, she found that the boy hadn't crossed the line. The girl slapped him hard and said, "You're not even as good as an animal."

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Cheap jokes are coming, but not vulgar or violent.

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