Hymen Destruction Group

In the autumn of my senior year, I finally broke up with my girlfriend of three years. I felt I still loved her very much, but she was preparing to go abroad with a graduate student to find happiness on the other side of the ocean.
It was a beautiful golden autumn, and amidst the falling yellow leaves, I was alone, silently grieving.

Later, that autumn, I met Xiaojun, Xiaoqiang, and Xiaogang. Together, we formed this "Hymen Destruction Group."

All three of them had already left school. Xiaoqiang and Xiaogang had been working for several years, already on the front lines of labor. Xiaojun graduated from vocational school and had unknowingly spent many years in the underworld.

When I met them, I was still struggling with the innocent pain of heartbreak, drowning my sorrows in a dimly lit bar with the last few yuan I had.

The three of them, like me, had just been dumped by their girlfriends or had just dumped them, and were all in a bad mood.

So, after filling our bellies with alcohol, we met in a daze.

Forming this "Hymen Destruction Group" initially started as a joke. Driven by the deep sorrow of heartbreak, we vowed to rape virgins, using their precious blood to commemorate our lost pure love.

Our motto was: to play with the bodies of virgins, destroy their spirits, trample their personalities, and grind their souls.

This joke eventually became a reality. Xiao Gang and his friends meticulously organized our weekend activities. Everyone was dedicated, taking it upon themselves to break hymens, resolutely destroying one after another.

At that time, I was still a virgin. My sexual experience was limited to passionate kisses with my girlfriend.

However, after meeting these three, my progress in sexual matters was phenomenal.

Xiao Qiang and Xiao Jun were both skilled at picking up girls. Compared to them, Xiao Gang was an even greater master.

He could always pick up the most desirable girls in the shortest time and at the most crucial moment. For Xiao Gang, taking a beautiful woman's underwear amidst the chaos was as easy as taking candy from a baby.

I'm fairly handsome, not quite as good-looking as Andy Lau, but at least on par with Chow Yun-fat. So girls always seemed to want to get close to me.

Plus, I constantly learned humbly from Xiao Gang and the others, and soon I forgot about my freckled college girlfriend.

Every dark, moonless weekend was our virginity-breaking group's time to act.

Actually, we didn't rape or gang rape. We just diligently sought out and introduced girls to each other, then tried every means to verify their virginity, and finally slept with them.

Each time, we used the virgins' blood to soak toilet paper red. Then we used it to make little paper flowers. We'd made these little paper flowers since kindergarten. But the paper flowers of childhood were as pure as a child's innocent smile; now they symbolized the degeneration of virginity.

The first little paper flower I made was stained red with the virginity of a beautiful elementary school teacher. She was a very beautiful girl, just graduated from teachers' college and assigned to teach Chinese at an elementary school.

Xiao Gang introduced her to me and whispered, "This girl is pure. I haven't touched her yet, she's guaranteed to be a virgin." We slept together in her dorm room within two days of meeting.

That was my first time, and hers too. When I entered her, she frowned and let out a moan. I felt incredibly lewd; I couldn't imagine how she could stand in the classroom, so dignified, lecturing her students.

Afterwards, I calmly used a pre-prepared tissue to dab her blood. She didn't ask anything, just blushed and looked at me.

Not long after making my first paper flower, I dumped her. This female teacher was beautiful, but I didn't love her.

I was just making my paper flower; I didn't want to be with her for life.

She was the first, but not the last. After her, relying on my accumulated experience, I pursued one virgin after another, breaking one hymen after another.

Being with Xiao Jun, Xiao Gang, and Xiao Qiang, I definitely learned bad habits. We never took responsibility for our actions, and we never regretted anything. We simply used girls' blood to make paper flowers with reverence, as if making these paper flowers was something nobler and more glorious than sex or ideals.

This world is ridiculous. When I was a virgin, all I heard were unsettling statements about the decreasing number of virgins in the world. But after becoming a member of the "Hymen Destruction Group," I discovered that there are still many virgins in the world, so many that our group was exhausted and wiped out.

Ironically, every virgin likes to talk about sex and sexual ethics. Although they lack sexual experience, they have their own unique insights into these matters. And it seems that every virgin is sexually hungry, willing to sleep with a man at any time, thus bidding farewell to the traditional era of chastity and purity.

I find this strange. The sacredness of chastity described in books has become worthless in reality. Is this a betrayal of human ethics or a development of morality?

I asked Xiaogang, "What is purity?" His answer was, "More sex, less dreaming."

The principle is clear; what more can be said?

Xiao Gang has made fourteen paper flowers. Every time we show them off, his smile is pure.

Xiao Qiang has made ten. His work is busy, so his time and energy are limited. Xiao Jun has made the fewest, only three so far.

Aside from the few college girls I introduced him to, he's always disappointed after sleeping with other girls. He can never find a virgin?

Xiao Gang points out that Xiao Jun spends all his time with prostitutes, and the girls he knows aren't any good; he's long lost the ability to distinguish virgins.

Over the course of winter, I actually made five paper flowers. Each one was stained bright red with blood. In fact, I slept with seven girls, but two of them weren't virgins. I was blind to have met them. I spent the most time and effort developing relationships with them, but in the end, they were the ones who got satisfaction.

Winter passed, spring came.

Day after day, I dealt with my studies and devoutly made these chastity paper flowers.

I feel like I'm starting to have a postmodern, sublime quality.

Unmoved by external gains or losses, indifferent to everything, even a girl's genuine tears.

Recalling the sadness of being dumped by my girlfriend, I could only grit my teeth and utter the word "idiot." I thought I wouldn't be as foolish as before; my past naiveté and ignorance, along with those hymens, had long been destroyed by me.

What remained was only a sexually potent shell and a professional womanizer's mentality. My soul was purely dead. I thought I would live like this, half-dead, until old age, until death.

But life always changes. The world is full of surprises every day.

In the last spring of my senior year, I strangely fell in love with the sixth virgin I had taken.

This girl was a senior in high school. She wasn't particularly beautiful, but very pure, always delicate and reserved, with an innocent and timid smile; you could tell at a glance she was a student, and a virgin at that.

I met her at the city library. Because I was preparing for my university graduation thesis, I sat opposite her in the reading room, studying diligently. When we started reading at the same time, I smiled at her, and that's how we met.

Her name was Xiao Ting. I prefer to call her Xiaoting.

It was clear she was a good student and a very idealistic girl at school. When I met her, she had a copy of *The Gadfly* in her bag.

She stroked the cover and earnestly told me, "This book describes the strength of the soul and unyielding ideals."

Xiaoting was still very innocent, full of hope for the future.

As for me, besides making paper flowers, I had almost no strong soul or unyielding ideals.

So I wasn't the Gadfly; I was a rogue. The next night, I slept with Xiaoting.

I had also taken the college entrance exam and had ideals. Therefore, I clearly understood what a pure high school senior like Xiaoting wanted to hear and loved to hear. That night, I invited her to a small room I rented off-campus. The moon was full, and a cat in heat was meowing loudly outside the window.

I told her about my experiences with the college entrance exam, about perseverance and patience, about *How the Steel Was Tempered*, and about existentialist philosophy. When I sensed a hint of admiration and worship in her eyes, I seized the opportunity.

I wasn't a novice. I touched her with my fingers, making her lose control. Finally, when I entered her body, she clung to me tightly, letting out a scream. That piercing scream echoed for a long time in the quiet night.

That night, I was incredibly excited. Xiaoting's blood stained a large sheet of toilet paper. I decided to use it to make a large flower.

Xiaoting nestled in my arms, gently stroking my arm. Her eyes seemed still pure, like the lakes of Jiuzhaigou, tranquil and serene.

But I knew she was no longer a virgin; I had defiled her.

So, I held her close, excitedly telling her about our hymen-breaking group, about the little paper flowers we made, about our slogans, and about my paper flowers.

Xiaoting listened without saying a word, her face pale. She suddenly realized she had been played with.

I will always remember that moment. Xiaoting angrily got up and dressed. Her movements were beautiful, graceful and elegant, like a dance.

She seemed to still be in pain in her lower body. After getting dressed, she clutched her lower abdomen and stood bent over for a while.

I saw her shoulders trembling. She must be crying.

Before leaving, Xiaoting gritted her teeth and said to me, "You ruined me, you're a beast!" Her expression in the lamplight resembled that of a wild animal, her eyes radiating hatred and anger, yet her face was covered in tears.

She liked me. I understood as soon as she cried.

So, I laughed out loud. With that laughter, she left, walking into the vast night without looking back.

That night, using the paper Xiaoting had dyed red, I carefully crafted the most exquisite paper flower. This paper flower was the best I had ever made, beautiful and even, almost perfect.

After finishing, tears rolled down my face. Not regret, not sorrow. Just wanting to cry, inexplicably wanting to cry. Crying doesn't need a reason.

Xiaoting's tears proved that she liked me. My tears made me think that I had also fallen for Xiaoting.

A few days later, I went to find Xiaoting. This was the first time I went back to find the virgin I had ruined.

At the gate of her middle school, I saw her, her face downcast, carrying her schoolbag alone, walking out of the school with her head down. Her two long, beautiful legs, encased in sweatpants, looked particularly alluring.

She cried as soon as she saw me. I told her, "I ruined you, so I want you to take responsibility for me for life."

Xiaoting must have been very moved. Her tears soaked my clothes.

That night, she didn't go home; she came back to my little apartment with me. We entwined on the bed like snakes.

Xiaoting said, "You're so good to me." Her words puzzled me. I only made love to her to satisfy my pent-up desires. I didn't intend to be that good to her. Even when I said that afternoon that I would take responsibility for her for life, I didn't take it seriously. Why would she think I was good to her?

Perhaps I liked Xiaoting because she had integrity, which I didn't; or perhaps I liked Xiaoting because she had ideals, which I had long since lost. This kind of liking is like liking a rich person because you're poor—it's despicable.

But Xiaoting didn't think that way. She was willing to use her meager allowance to buy me delicious sweet rice cakes, and she was willing to spend as much time as possible with me after school each day. She said she liked looking at me,

and that I was sometimes mischievous, like Yang Guo. She wished she were Little Dragon Girl, so that our love would last forever.

I didn't want to leave the hymen-breaking group yet. But having Xiaoting around was always inconvenient. Fortunately, I was busy with graduation matters at that time, so there were no awkward situations.

Writing my university graduation thesis was as easy as taking a dump; I could produce a huge pile in one go. After finishing my graduation thesis, I gloriously graduated in June.

A relative was enthusiastically helping me find a job, while I had nothing to do.

At this time, Xiaogang came to find me and told me that he had found three avant-garde girls, all guaranteed to be virgins.

He invited Xiaojun, and the three of us would put on a good show in my rented little room. Of course, we weren't driving a horse-drawn carriage, but rather an old man pushing a cart. These three girls were indeed avant-garde and rebellious.

They were eager to bid farewell to their virginity on this even-numbered day of the week.

So, on my small bed, three "wheeled carts" raced across the field of sex. They

were indeed all virgins. The three bright red marks of blood excited me immensely. The girl beneath me, besides her full breasts, also had exceptionally alluring moans.

Xiao Jun's roughness was making the girl beneath him struggle. Xiao Gang, busy with his own things, lectured Xiao Jun: "Slow down, watch the rhythm," as if he were dancing a ballroom dance.

Just as the six of us reached our climax, the door was pushed open, and Xiao Ting walked in. She was carrying my favorite sweet rice cakes.

Seeing the six of us naked, in these exciting positions, she was stunned by what she saw. If she had been pure at heart before, seeing this, her soul was defiled.

Everyone looked at me, waiting for me to find a solution in this awkward atmosphere.

I could only scold Xiaojun: "You didn't even lock the door when you came in."

Xiaojun scratched his head and chuckled. On days when there wasn't a gang fight, his smile was actually quite endearing.

Xiaoting clenched her fists and questioned me: "You said you'd take responsibility for me for life, you...?"

She herself didn't know what to say.

At that moment, my hand was still on one of her breasts. I touched that breast and told Xiaoting in a student-like tone: "You have no right to interfere in my private life. I don't love you anymore, so get lost."

Hearing this, Xiaoting's tears streamed down her face.

I politely added, "Remember to lock the door when you leave." After saying that, I continued making love to her.

I don't remember how Xiaoting ran out crying.

When I said goodbye to the three girls, they didn't mention this incident.

They had just lost their virginity, and I think they must have felt some regret.

As I left, Xiaojun said to me, "You're so inhuman." His tone was full of admiration.

To be admired by a gangster made me feel very proud.

I knew Xiaoting wouldn't come looking for me again; it was over between us. Fortunately, I used the blood of another girl's virginity to make another paper flower. Seven flowers now. Seven fairies, their most important membrane gone with my destruction. It's a kind of accomplishment, I suppose. But even

in that satisfaction, I feel empty.

This emptiness, like the vast night sky, devours my soul. Today I hurt Xiaoting, destroying her soul again by defiling her body. There's only a month left until her college entrance exam.

I hope she gets into a good university, so maybe she won't resent me for the rest of her life.

My wish is kind. At that moment, I thought I was a good person; I deceived myself, finding peace in the process.

But later, I heard from Xiaoting's classmates that she failed her college entrance exam.

That day was about a month after Xiaoting's exam. I couldn't suppress the urge to know which city she got into, so I unconsciously walked to her school's list of successful candidates.

It was a late afternoon, the sun setting, and the air in Xiaoting's middle school was filled with the fragrance of osmanthus blossoms. I had smelled this scent on Xiaoting before, so it felt particularly familiar.

A girl in front of the list told me that Xiaoting had failed her college entrance exam. This was a girl with long braids and beautiful black eyes. She then told me meaningfully that Xiaoting had collapsed before the exam. Her spirit seemed to have suffered a severe blow before the exam. After not doing well in the first few subjects, she didn't take the last two exams. She gave up.

This girl with long braids also told me that Xiaoting was originally among the top three in her class, and the teachers had high hopes for her, thinking she should have been admitted to a prestigious university.

Listening to these words, I suddenly remembered what Xiaoting had once said to me: "You ruined me, you're a beast."

I didn't think I had done anything wrong; I just felt ashamed.

Due to the pressure of my inferiority complex, I tried hard to please this girl with long braids. I kept making her laugh heartily, and finally, we made love in the small room I rented.

The girl with the long braid wasn't a virgin. She said she and her boyfriend had tried it in their second year of high school.

I didn't care if she was a virgin or not. The most important thing was that she was Xiaoting's classmate. So I fucked her hard, making her scream with pleasure. I searched for the essence and sin of the soul in those screams.

I kept in touch with this girl with the long braid. Because through her, I knew where Xiaoting was and what she was doing. The girl

with the long braid got into the same university I had just graduated from. As soon as school started, she cut her braid into a short haircut less than a finger's length, and she became indescribably ugly.

She told me, with her short hair swaying and a crooked nose and slanted eyes, that Xiaoting was studying at a very ordinary tutoring school.

I didn't have the courage to go to Xiaoting because I felt I might feel guilty if I saw her. I still liked her. Whenever I slept with other girls, I would think of her, and the screams she made during her first time having sex.

During this time, I found a job in a government agency. Besides sweeping, fetching water, and currying favor with the section chief during work hours, I spent my time reading newspapers and books extensively.

Naturally, weekends were spent participating in the hymen destruction group activities. The result of this meaningful participation was that by the time I saw Xiaoting again, I had made a full twenty paper flowers.

Xiaoting's was still the most vibrant and exquisite. Seeing that flower always reminded me of her.

Finally, two months before Xiaoting was preparing for her second college entrance exam, I decided to see her.

My intention was to encourage her, so I went to her tutoring school.

She was noticeably heavier than a year ago, and her face was much paler. Every girl in tutoring school looks like that, so I wasn't surprised at all. My appearance, however, took Xiaoting by surprise. When she saw me, tears streamed down her face like broken beads.

We stared at each other for a long time. I said, "I wish you good luck on your college entrance exam this year."

She slowly walked over, slapped me hard across the face, and then buried her face in my chest and cried loudly.

That night, we returned to my dormitory. I've already asked my workplace for a single dormitory room; I'm no longer renting that pitiful off-campus shack.

In bed, I showed her through my actions how much I'd missed her this past year. She silently reciprocated. The little dormitory bed creaked and groaned in the darkness,

as if it were the most joyful bed when Xiaoting and I made love.

I felt Xiaoting and I had made up. So, I earnestly showed her the twenty little paper flowers I'd made. I told her, "You're the biggest and most exquisite one among them."

Her face instantly changed, turning completely pale. She was angry. She knew I was still breaking her hymen. She was the sixth, but in a year, that's fourteen more. I hadn't learned anything; I'd become even worse.

That night, she left immediately. I don't know if she had enough money for a taxi, but I know Xiaoting must hate me to the core.

Someone once said that the college entrance exam is like sex; the first time is the most important. It's the same for boys and girls.

After the first time, boys become more and more slick, and girls become more and more worthless.

Xiaoting failed her first college entrance exam. She failed again the second time.

However, I didn't provoke her much the second time; she failed on her own.

Of course, I also bear some responsibility. A few days before the exam, Xiaoting discovered she was pregnant.

After failing the exam, Xiaoting came to see me. At that time, I was in the dormitory reciting poetry with Xiaogang. A bright-eyed girl sat next to me. This girl said that whoever had better writing skills, Xiaogang or I, she would give her virginity to.

Xiaogang recited a poem, "Spring Dawn": "Spring sleep is unaware of dawn, sexual harassment is everywhere. The sound of moaning in the middle of the night, the girl becomes a sister-in-law."

I, being highly educated, naturally refused to give up easily. So I gave him a couplet; if Xiaogang could come up with the matching line, I would admit defeat. My first line was: "Menstrual belt, every month, the more you wear it, the more menstrual belt there is."

This was an absolute masterpiece. Xiaogang, full of nonsense, couldn't come up with a matching line. Just as he was about to give up and leave, handing the girl over to me, Xiaoting arrived.

Xiaoting's eyes were a little swollen. She said, "I'm pregnant."

I was speechless. I was healthy, and she had no physiological problems. It was a natural thing.

My indifference angered Xiaoting. She raised her fist and said, "You ruined me. You're a beast!"

I had heard those words before; they sounded familiar and endearing.

She added, "I'll hate you for the rest of my life." As she said this, she seemed to calm down again.

After saying that, she walked away.

She had become a little sharp, a little strong. I think this might be because she had read *The Gadfly*.

I had also read *How the Steel Was Tempered*, but I still didn't possess any noble qualities.

I admired girls like Xiaoting who could draw strength from books.

After Xiaoting left, I didn't see her for two years.

During those two years, our hymen destruction group's activities gradually decreased. The four of us felt a little bored. It turns out that everything in life eventually becomes tiresome; nothing is always worth doing. What's the point of living?

In two years, Xiao Jun had risen from a gangster to a minor boss. Xiao Qiang had made his fortune but suffered from impotence. His thirst for money far outweighed his sexual desires; it was perverse.

Only Xiao Gang and I remained the same as before, wasting time in monotony and boredom.

During this time, I read a book that deeply moved me.

It was called "Perhaps Pain, Not Necessarily Happiness." The author

, Nai Gang, stated in his preface that he was writing about emotions, but I read in that book a sense of past purity.

I had almost forgotten this noble emotion for a long time, and unexpectedly, a book brought back my former personality. I hate recalling the past, because it makes one feel even more ashamed.

So, after being moved, I immediately burned "Perhaps Pain, Not Necessarily Happiness."

I wanted to turn my past personality, my past nobility, to ashes, like Qiu Shaoyun.

However, there are many things in life that you can't help but remember, and many people that you can never forget.

Xiao Ting is one I can't forget. For two years, her image and her expression have always flashed before my eyes. I can't forget the first time I saw her. She stroked the cover of "The Gadfly" and earnestly told me, "This book describes the strength of the soul and the unyielding ideals."

I felt that this sentence was her banner, showcasing the noble qualities beneath her pure exterior.

I miss her. I find that missing her makes me love her even more. If I see her again, I think I will still say to her, "I ruined you, so I will take responsibility for you for the rest of my life." One day, it was raining heavily, and Xiaojun told me he had seen Xiaoting.

Xiaojun's boss owned several nightclubs and dance halls with prostitution services.

Xiaojun saw Xiaoting working as a hostess there.

Braving the heavy rain, I immediately rushed into that nightclub. When I saw Xiaoting, I could hardly believe my eyes. She was wearing a short white skirt that revealed the most private parts of a girl, sitting sideways on the lap of a man old enough to be her father.

The man's fat, ugly hands were wantonly groping Xiaoting under her already short skirt.

Xiaoting said coquettishly, "Boss Zhao, you're so bad." Then she saw me.

At that moment, I thought Xiaoting would cry. But she didn't. She smiled at me and continued letting the old man grope her. I cried. I knew I had truly ruined Xiaoting.

I rushed over, took out all the money I had, and threw it in the old lecher's face, telling him I had this girl for the night. Then I grabbed Xiaoting and ran out.

I pulled Xiaoting into the pouring rain and questioned her, "Do you still remember 'The Gadfly'?"

She snorted and said she'd forgotten long ago. The rain soaked our clothes and washed away the thick makeup on Xiaoting's face, finally revealing her pure and charming appearance again.

I took her back to my place. My workplace had allocated me an apartment. The rain outside the window kept falling, like the endless tears of human sorrow that had flowed for millennia.

Xiaoting lit a cigarette and told me about her life over the past two years. After failing her college entrance exam for the second time, she was heartbroken.

Add to that, she was pregnant with my child. The pressure she endured, a girl not even twenty, was unimaginable.

She had an abortion, then worked in several places, eventually becoming a prostitute in a bar, naturally going through the process of going from not selling her body to selling it. I said to her, "Remember what I said?

I said I ruined you, so I'll be responsible for you for life."

She sneered and said, "I'm not the Xiaoting I used to be. I'm not naive anymore. I'll never believe the nonsense you stinky men spout again."

She got up to leave, but before going out, she turned back and gave me her phone number, telling me to call her if I wanted to hire a prostitute, and she'd charge me half price.

I wanted to win her back, but I couldn't. She was truly no longer Xiaoting.

Through the window, I saw her standing in the rain downstairs for a while, letting the rain relentlessly wash over her.

I thought she must be crying.

I felt that if I rushed downstairs and kissed her in the rain, we would definitely get back together.

But I was wrong.

Just as I was about to rush out the door, I saw Xiaoting turn around and spit viciously at my building. At that moment, a flash of lightning illuminated the entire night sky, revealing Xiaoting's eyes filled with venomous resentment. She hated me terribly, I was sure of it. Her eyes were like a demon, a shrew, a venomous snake. The tranquil clarity, like that of Jiuzhaigou Lake, was completely gone, gone.

I felt terrified. After a muffled clap of thunder, I collapsed to the ground. I had ruined Xiaoting.

I asked Xiaojun to keep an eye on her; Xiaojun was well-connected in those nightclubs and dance halls. Xiaojun said,

"A whore isn't worth your concern."

I really wanted to punch him when I heard that, but I figured I couldn't beat him, so I let it go.

After that, I saw Xiaoting a few more times. I asked her out, but she always refused. She said if I wanted to sleep with her, I should go to their nightclubs.

To see her, I had no choice but to go to her. Sometimes I went alone, sometimes I went with Xiaogang.

I remember that time after Xiaogang and I went to her place, she patted my shoulder and said my body was still as good as ever. As she spoke, she reeked of cheap perfume, the faint scent of osmanthus from our student days long gone.

Later, Xiaoting died. She contracted a sexually transmitted disease, tried several times without success, and died a rotten death.

I knew her disease couldn't be cured by medicine, because her decay began from the depths of her soul. She was once a very idealistic and pure girl, once exuding a faint fragrance of osmanthus, and once inspired by the novel *The Gadfly*.

But I ruined her. Once a person's pure and noble qualities are destroyed, death is not far off.

So, I think perhaps only I in this world know how Xiaoting died.

On the day of Xiaoting's funeral, there was no memorial service, no relatives, no friends. Perhaps they thought the death of a prostitute was insignificant.

That day was very gloomy. Our hymen destruction group and Xiaoting's mother, a group of five, said goodbye to Xiaoting. Xiaoting's father was heartbroken and refused to come.

I never imagined Xiaoting's final appearance would be so pure, instantly reminding me of the first time I saw her. Now, she no longer wore heavy lipstick or the professional attire of a prostitute. Her face was pure and pale, with even a slight smile at the corners of her lips. It was as if she were earnestly telling me:

"This book describes the strength of the soul and the unyielding ideals."

I understood; Xiaoting was dead. This pure face was merely placed on a pile of dead flesh.

So, at that moment, I regretted it.

This was the first time I felt such regret, such shame. I knelt before Xiaoting's body, unwilling to rise for a long time. Though I didn't shed tears, my soul wept.

Xiaoting's mother cried her heart out before me. If she knew I had destroyed Xiaoting, would she go mad and kill me? She wouldn't. Because she couldn't comprehend the extent of my destruction of Xiaoting.

I remembered our hymen-breaking group's motto: "Play with their bodies, destroy their spirits, trample on their personalities, and grind their souls."

I achieved all four in Xiaoting's case. But I regret it.

The hymen-breaking group's achievement today is the destruction of Xiaoting.

I think it destroyed more than just Xiaoting. We made a hundred paper flowers, which means a hundred girls were destroyed by us. We played with them, destroyed them, trampled on them, and ground them. A hundred girls, a hundred moments of purity, became our shameless achievement.

I truly regret it.

If Xiaoting came back to life, I feel I have no right to say to her, "I destroyed you, so I must take responsibility for you for life."

A hundred paper flowers were placed around Xiaoting's body. I took all the paper flowers from Xiaogang, Xiaojun, and Xiaoqiang.

I want to use these hundred paper flowers as Xiaoting's burial offering. I want to use the chastity and purity of these hundred paper flowers to express my deepest apology to Xiaoting!

Xiaoting's body was cremated along with the hundred paper flowers. I said to Xiaogang and the others, "Let's disband our hymen-breaking group."

No one objected. This organization was indeed too boring, so boring that everyone was tired of it.

And so, this long-standing hymen-breaking group finally disbanded completely with the destruction of a girl.

From the day Xiaoting turned to ashes, my soul has been filled with deep regret, a regret that makes my stomach clench, making me feel nauseous.

The ghosts of countless virgins, their lost chastity, swarm everywhere in this city, like flies and mosquitoes, disturbing my soul.

I resolved to leave this city. I wanted to change myself; I wanted to start anew with the purity Xiaoting once possessed.

I bought a train ticket to the farthest city. I wanted to say goodbye to the past completely, forget Xiaoting, forget those paper flowers, forget the hymen-breaking group. I would walk far away. No one would remember me anymore, and I didn't want to remember anyone anymore.

After boarding the train, I was excited. I felt I was finally overcoming my guilt towards Xiaoting, and I smiled. My emotions seemed to infect the other passengers. They greeted me with smiles, making me feel a warm sense of homecoming.

Across from me sat a pure-looking girl, probably a student, perhaps going to school in another city. Because she was very pretty, I couldn't help but glance at her a few more times.

Noticing me looking at her, she smiled at me. Only then did I notice she was holding a copy of *The Gadfly*.

She stroked the cover of *The Gadfly* and earnestly told me, "This book describes the strength of the soul and unyielding ideals."

Hearing this, I cried. I had never been so heartbroken in my life. My tears flowed like a tidal wave, my body trembled uncontrollably, but I couldn't utter a sound.

Every passenger, including the girl, stared at me in astonishment.

But I didn't care. I wanted to cry my heart out, to let the tears flow freely, hoping to wash away my sinful soul with my tears.

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