Original Joke Collection - Featured Jokes, Issue 89

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20. When a man and a woman meet, the man says: "I used to only see your photos, but now that I see you, I realize that all your photos have been photoshopped."
Woman: Who doesn't Photoshop their photos these days? I'll see you the same way.
Man: I didn't send you any photos, so why are you saying I photoshopped them too?
Woman: I'd say you look like you've been struck by lightning. @PastEventsLikeTheWind
21. My husband lost his keys. I asked him, "Where did you lose them?"
My husband said: I didn't go far, I just wandered around the neighborhood.
I said to my husband, "Why don't you go look for it?" So my husband went to look for it, and when he came back, he said to me dejectedly, "I couldn't find it!"
I said: Didn't you ask the neighbors if they found it?
Husband replied: I can't ask! If the neighbor finds it and gives it to me, that's fine! But what if he's obsessed and finds it but doesn't give it to me? He might even go to his house to steal something! @This humble monk comes to beg for a girl
22. I have a wonderful son. He dotes on me and is extremely filial. He cares for me constantly, thinking of things I never even considered, and taking meticulous care of me. I believe he is the best son in the world.
An old friend told me: "To tell you the truth, your son doesn't look like you. He looks more like your wife's boss. They're practically identical."
I was furious when I heard that. I told him: It doesn't matter if he's my son or not, as long as he's good to me! But your son gambles all day long, and you have to pay off his gambling debts. If you don't, he beats you so badly you end up in the hospital! So, what are you to him?
Old Wang slapped himself in the face and said shamefully, "I'm his son!" @PleaseLeaveYourSmile
23. A chubby girl asked me: If you were to compare me to an animal, what would it be?
I thought for a moment and said: I think it must be an animal that is completely white!
The girl exclaimed in surprise: "Is it a white swan?"
I shook my head and said: No, it's a polar bear!
24. Cao Cao and Liu Bei were discussing heroes over wine. When Cao Cao said, "In the world today, the only heroes are you and I," Liu Bei was startled and dropped his chopsticks on the ground. Just then, thunder rumbled, and Liu Bei said, "The thunder is so loud, it scared me to death!"
Cao Cao, a cunning and ruthless man, was not so easily fooled. He squinted and asked, "Xuande, I'm well-read, don't try to fool me! The thunder just now wasn't that loud. Are you up to something?"
Liu Bei calmly replied: "Hehe, Prime Minister, you don't know this, but I have big ears. Even very small sounds sound very loud to me, and loud sounds sound like a deafening roar!"
25. Pigsy went around telling everyone that Chang'e loved him.
When Chang'e found out, she angrily questioned him: "You dead pig, what nonsense are you spouting everywhere? What do I have to do with you that I could possibly have the word 'love' for you!"
Pigsy said quietly, "Of course there is. Your indifference towards me is also a form of love!"
Chang'e...

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Original Joke Collection - Featured Jokes, Issue 89

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