I lost my iPhone 5s yesterday.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-07-05

1. I lost my iPhone 5s yesterday! I posted about it on social media! Today, more than ten friends called to check on me! All they wanted was a charger or earphones!!! Damn it!!!

2. A new female employee joined the company. She's short and chubby, and quite the joker. Today, she squatted down to tie her shoelaces, and a male colleague teased her, saying, "This girl, when she squats down, she looks like a sitting cannon!" The woman said, "Watch your mouth." I went over and righteously criticized the male colleague: "Exactly! How can you say that to her? Does she like hearing that? Only long and thin ones are called cannons; this is clearly a landmine..."

3. I saw a news article today saying that while most smartphones are candybar phones now, flip phones are still popular in Japan! Then there was a bunch of analysis and discussion about why. Finally, a netizen gave a brilliant reply: "Because the Japanese like the 'snap, snap, snap' sound!"

4. My nephew wouldn't eat properly, and my sister-in-law couldn't coax him no matter what she did. I saw this and coaxed him to eat, saying that he wouldn't be handsome if he didn't eat. My sister-in-law agreed, saying to my nephew, "Your uncle didn't eat properly when he was little, and look what happened..."

5. "How to subtly say a man is no good?"

"He might say he wants it, but his body is too modest."

6. One rainy day, during a downpour, single Xiao Wang saw a beautiful woman standing outside a small supermarket, looking melancholy.

Xiao Wang thought his chance had come, so he went inside, bought an umbrella, and was about to leave to find the woman when he turned around and saw her come in. She said to the supermarket owner, "Honey, aren't you leaving? It's getting dark!"

The supermarket owner said, "Stay a little longer, our umbrellas are almost sold out..."

7. Today I handed in my resignation letter. A moment later, the manager called me into his office and launched into a long, rambling speech... He talked about the company's current prospects, how great the situation was, painting a perfect picture of his future, praising and admiring me, saying I was hardworking, ambitious, efficient, and quick-witted. He was talking a mile a minute, exaggerating and embellishing everything... I was completely confused and felt a bit dizzy, but as a manager, I'm just a floor sweeper...

8. I just bought a steamed bun, took a few bites, and found there was no filling inside. I asked the owner why.

The owner said, "I haven't mastered the core technology yet."

9. Colleague A: The boss invited me fishing.

Colleague B: You're lucky.

A: How so?

B: You can enjoy fishing alone.

A: What do you mean?

B: Your boss is probably just making an excuse to make his wife believe he's going fishing, but actually he's going to meet his mistress. He invited you along just to cover for him.

A: How do you know?

B: Because he invited me last time.

10. Wife: Honey, you're so focused on writing, what are you doing?

Husband: I'm writing two books.

Wife: Oh, you're writing two books at once, the royalties must be at least 100,000 yuan.

Husband: How come your guess is so accurate? Exactly 100,000 yuan.

Wife: Then as soon as we get this money, let's buy a Rolls-Royce and enjoy life.

Husband: A Rolls-Royce costs over a million yuan. Don't even mention it. This one incident alone cost me over 100,000 yuan. Where am I going to get the money for a Rolls-Royce?

Wife: Didn't you just say you could earn 100,000 yuan writing a book? What do you mean by losing 100,000 yuan?

Husband: I used 100,000 yuan of public funds to gamble, and the police caught me red-handed. All the 100,000 yuan was confiscated. Luckily, our bureau chief was merciful and bailed me out of the police station…

Wife: What does this have to do with earning 100,000 yuan writing a book?

Husband: Our bureau chief said he'd give me another chance to start over, but I have to pay back 100,000 yuan of the public funds, write a self-criticism, seriously examine my mistakes, and write a guarantee promising not to repeat the same mistake.

Wife, upon hearing this, is furious: Damn it, so you were so focused on writing these two books?

After saying that, she lunged at her husband and yelled: "You damn spendthrift! You've cost me over 100,000 yuan! I'm not finished with you!"

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I lost my iPhone 5s yesterday.

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