50 jokes including "Smoked JJ"

page views:1 Publication date:2022-07-13

1. A guy from Wuhan has a girlfriend who's from Hunan. She's quite pretty and loves smoked meat. One day he complained, "She's great in every way except for one thing!" I asked, "What is it?" He said, "When we're having sex, she always teases me: 'Your little brother looks like smoked meat, but it doesn't taste like the smoked meat from my hometown.' I have no choice but to go to the bathroom, light a cigarette, and smoke it up first to please her!"
2. I saw a dwarf in the produce section of the supermarket, picking up a bag of mushrooms. I couldn't help but shout at him, "Grow bigger! Mario, grow bigger!!"
3. Once, I was walking down the street when Adele walked right in front of me. A piece of paper fell out of her pocket. I picked it up and saw it was her supermarket shopping list. It only had one line written on it: Salad. Hmm, it's definitely more convenient for her to only write down what she doesn't want…
4. "Hey, do you come here often?" "Get lost!" Tch, I'm never hitting on girls in the STD clinic waiting room again...
5. My girlfriend's birthday is coming up soon, and she gave me three hints about the gift she wanted: 1. It starts with the letter "d"; 2. It vibrates; 3. It's a woman's best companion. Haha, these hints are so obvious, I immediately knew what she wanted. (Please repeat after me: dildo) Dishwasher.
6. I just lost ￡200 and my right arm. The idiot who invented the saying "Nothing is impossible if you throw money at it" has absolutely never encountered a grizzly bear in the woods...
7. The dying grandmother, her body trembling, called her granddaughter to her side: "I...I'm leaving my farm to you...there's a villa, a tractor and other equipment...and ￡22,398,750 and 78 pence in cash..." The granddaughter, overwhelmed with emotion at the prospect of becoming rich overnight, almost cried: "Oh my god, Grandma, you're so generous...I didn't even know you had a farm! Where is it?" With her last breath, the grandmother whispered: "Kaixin.com..."
8. I called my wife: "Hey honey, I have to work overtime tonight, I probably won't be home until midnight." "This is the fifth time this week! Are you cheating on me with other women?" "Uh...of course not...why would you think that!" "You milkman, what kind of overtime are you working?!"
9. I know what should be written on my tombstone. "I didn't forward that text message to 15 friends within seven days..."
10. I thought this dry well wasn't very deep, so I jumped in to play. I was wrong, and it started to narrow.
11. I just had a kindergarten interview, and the interviewer asked me, "Do you think you have any weaknesses?" "Well, actually, I have two. First, I have sexual desire when I see children, especially little boys; second, I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time."
12. Yesterday, I took my three-year-old son for a walk in the park. As we were walking, he asked me, "Daddy, Daddy, why is the sky blue?" Good heavens, even an idiot should know that shorter wavelengths of light scatter more in the air, and blue light has a shorter wavelength in the visible light spectrum, so it scatters more strongly in the atmosphere than longer wavelengths like red light, which is why the sky is blue. How could this child be so ignorant! So I gave him a good beating.
13. I went to the swimming pool yesterday and asked the ticket seller, "How much for two kids?" "50 yuan." "Can I choose, or is it based on luck?"
14. The kid next door was running around in the garden, waving a stick around and chanting some kind of spell. "You must really want to be like Harry Potter, right?" I asked him. "Yay!" he replied excitedly. So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.
15. I set all my passwords to "Incorrect" so that the computer will remind me of the correct password every time I enter it incorrectly.
16. I'm going to prepare a romantic Valentine's Day dinner for my wife. Long-cooked soft noodles. Tiny green peas. Carefully selected spices. Fine chicken broth. And all sorts of meticulously prepared vegetables. Finally, add water to the fill line and put in the sauce packet, and it's done!
17. I saw a Harry Potter poster at the train station, with "hp7" written in big letters next to Voldemort. Hey, is it really okay to tell us he only has that much HP left? It makes the ending predictable, doesn't it?
18. I just poured a bottle of super glue into the non-stick pan. I'll see who's making false claims...
19. Okay, to be honest, I'm still pretty sad that Harry Potter is ending. One of my hardest-to-talk-about hobbies is taking out the Harry Potter DVDs and masturbating to that beautiful woman with the perfect name... Ahh... my beloved Hedwig...
20. There was a long line at the store. When it was my turn, I told the clerk I wanted to buy 50 condoms. The two women behind me started laughing hysterically. So I turned around, gave them a dark look, and then said to the clerk, "Wait, change it to 52."
21. Yesterday I stayed at a hotel. A bottle of Nongfu Spring mineral water in the room cost 18 yuan. I bought two bottles outside for 4 yuan, cleverly switching the two bottles in the hotel room. They didn't notice during room checks. That's called business acumen—a nine-fold difference in profit instantly! Now I'm drinking the 18-yuan Nongfu…
22. My lab assistant invented a device. It allows you to instantly steal someone's idea while completely erasing the victim's memory. Why didn't I think of inventing such a thing?
23. Is the sign “Guide dogs only” written for blind people or for dogs?
24. When I was little, my parents would say that it was French after they swore. I'll never forget the first day of school when the teacher asked, "Who can speak French?"
25. BBC News - British boy falls from balcony, dies two weeks later. Wow, how high was that balcony?!
26. There are three things certain in a person's life: death, taxes, and if you open Storm Player and find the volume set to 20% or 50%... the last person who used it must have been watching porn.
27. An English teacher was hospitalized, and a friend came to visit him in the ward. At the bedside, the friend took his hand and asked, "Are you alright? What did the doctor say?" The teacher replied, "Doctor."
28. Once upon a time, a young man found a large snail and took it home. The next day, he went out and muttered to himself that he wanted to eat fried rice with eggs. When he returned home that evening, there was a plate of fried rice with eggs on the table. The next day, he muttered to himself that he wanted to eat shredded pork with green peppers. When he returned home that evening, there was shredded pork with green peppers on the table. The third day, he muttered to himself that he wanted to eat spicy stir-fried snails. When he returned home that evening, there was a plate of spicy stir-fried snails on the table. The fourth day, he said he wanted to eat steamed pork with rice flour. When he returned home that evening, there was nothing there...
29. I just heard the news of the death of one of the most famous stars of our time. We all knew this day would come eventually, but his pale skin and distinctive nose will forever be etched in our memories. Rest in peace, Voldemort…
30. A friend of mine hanged himself in a modern art museum. It took three weeks for someone to discover he was dead. Six weeks to realize he wasn't an exhibit, and two months to finally think to call the police… All of this happened last year.
31. If a zombie apocalypse ever breaks out, I'll put a ring of treadmills facing outwards around my house. Then I'll be safe.
32. Did you know that it takes 40 pigs to make 3,000 sausages? That's incredible! Who taught them that?
33. If you're going to keep a parrot, you should teach it one phrase: "Help! They've turned me into a parrot!" Otherwise, you're a loser.
34. A recent study shows that 50% of newlyweds want to try penetrating the butt. In other words, isn't that all the grooms?
35. For the past few years, I've been sponsoring the education and living expenses of an extremely poor child in Africa. Every now and then, she sends me a few family photos. Then one day it suddenly occurred to me: where did she get a digital camera?
36. Two days ago was my best friend's funeral. He always loved playing pranks, and I never expected he'd still make us laugh until the very end. He actually put a tape recorder in the coffin, and somehow, just as we were lowering it, a recording of his own voice came through: "Ha! You've been tricked... I'm still alive!" The recording was quite long, with a bunch of lines like, "Guys, I'm serious... I'm not dead! Let me out!" We were all laughing so hard we were doubled over, even the pastor couldn't help but burst out laughing. Rest in peace, Dave... you were amazing.
37. Um, today I saw my neighbor's cat playing with the hanging cord on my blinds for more than 10 minutes. I thought, "Good heavens, this silly cat is so good at entertaining itself!" Then I realized I had been watching it play for about 10 minutes.
38. This morning I successfully saw through about 50 April Fool's jokes and then I lost my job as a front desk clerk at the emergency center.
39. I mentioned to my buddy that lately I've been watching anime while masturbating. "Wow, that's pretty popular. Do you watch Japanese hentai or those Disney adaptations?" "Uh, no, I just watch The Haier Brothers..."
40. My new sofa arrived, and I looked at all the labels. One of them said "Hand wash only." The manufacturer is so thoughtful! If it weren't for that, I would have thrown the sofa in the washing machine! Do I really need to be reminded of something like that?!
41. I was sexually assaulted multiple times by a Jewish neighbor when I was a child. I was too young to understand anything then, and just silently endured it. It wasn't until I grew up that I finally realized what was strange about him. He actually charged me money…
42. My husband and I had a fight. He yelled at me, telling me to take my things and get out. I stuffed him into a bag, crying and saying, "You belong to me." "That's touching, and then?" my friend asked. She replied, "Then I had to pack him into four bags before I could fit him in."
43. I forcefully spread her legs. She screamed and kicked wildly, her face flushed red from the struggle and crying, but I didn't slow down: she belonged to me and should obey me. I tried to hold her again, and this time I succeeded. My hand pressed firmly between her legs. Perhaps because I used too much force, she seemed to stop resisting, only sobbing. And I finished what I had to do… A hint of satisfaction flashed across my gloomy face. …Finally, I had changed my daughter's diaper.
44. When I got home, the house was engulfed in flames. To verify if my husband had really quit smoking as he said, I left the gas on this morning…
45. The pregnant teenage girl's inner thoughts: My mom will kill me! The fetus's inner thoughts: My mom will kill me!
46. Boy: Shall we play a fire truck game? Girl: How do we play? Boy: My fingers are the fire trucks, and I'll drive them back and forth on your legs. When you want me to stop, just shout "Red light!" Girl: Okay, let's play. So... Girl: Red light! Boy: Fire trucks don't stop at red lights!
47. Last night my dog swallowed a condom. ...When we went to the vet, it had just pulled it out halfway. How am I supposed to explain this...?
48. I said to my wife, "I think your focused expression is really cute." She replied, "Could you please not come in when I'm in the bathroom?!"
49. I think we should make an animated film about how Edison invented the light bulb: Edison has a flash of inspiration, a light bulb appears above his head, and he says, "My God, this thing is amazing! I have to invent it!!"

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/216506.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=216506&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : 10 embarrassing stories

Next Page : Chicken feed

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

50 jokes including "Smoked JJ"

comment Open a new window to view comments