Laughing at the Romantic - 1

Chapter 001 A Romantic Encounter at the Green Pool
A gentle evening breeze blew, and dusk settled. Zhang Yonglin stood in front of a villa on the outskirts of Tianhai City. He was a thief, and a very sophisticated one at that; this villa was his target.
Passing through the undulating iron fence in a European style, there was a three-story white villa. The inside was pitch black. Based on Zhang Yonglin's observations over several days, the owner of this house left early and returned late, never coming back before midnight.
A slight smile played on his lips. He gripped the iron bars with both hands, and with a powerful swift movement, flipped over. He crept to the corner of the wall, then quietly approached the door. He took out his tool—a thin steel wire—carefully inserted it into the keyhole, and with a couple of gentle turns, the door clicked open easily. He looked no more than seventeen or eighteen, but his movements were those of a seasoned veteran. He slipped into the room. The moment the door closed, his previous caution vanished. He straightened up and swaggered inside, as if he owned the place. He took out a miniature flashlight and shone it lightly around. Leather sofas, a sandalwood coffee table, luxurious lamps—none of it suited his taste. After all, he was a thief, not a moving company; how could he possibly take these things with him?
He smiled slightly and went up the stairs to the second floor. Suddenly, he noticed something strange: there were fourteen doors on the second floor, and the characters "laugh" and "heaven" were faintly written on them. This three-story building wasn't very big; how could it have fourteen rooms?
He was still wondering what was going on when suddenly, with a "snap," all the lights came on, and he could faintly hear footsteps downstairs. Oh no, someone was there! Without thinking twice, he casually pushed open a door. His gaze swept across the room, and he vaguely saw the character "笑" (smile) written on it. He had assumed the door was locked, and with considerable force, he realized it was only slightly ajar. Once the door was open, he was shocked to find the room shrouded in mist, as if it were floating in mid-air, with lush green trees and mountains below—a truly enticing view. "My god, if I go down there, I'll fall to my death!" Unfortunately, he had used too much force, and now, realizing the danger, he couldn't control himself. Due to inertia, he lost his footing and fell.
"ah!"
He couldn't help but let out a loud scream, but the sound was drawn out for an extremely long time. He thought to himself, "I'm doomed now. How can I possibly survive falling from such a height?"
With a loud "thump," Zhang Yonglin's heart sank. "Looks like I've landed," he thought, "I'm probably dead." He wondered, "Should I go to hell or heaven?" Aside from being a thief, he was a law-abiding citizen and had never done anything wrong. Even when he was a thief, he always stole from the rich. Think about it: the rich have money they can't spend, so I can help them spend it. Isn't that responding to the Party's call to boost domestic demand and stimulate consumption?
Before he could finish his wild thoughts, he felt a tightness in his chest. He instinctively opened his mouth to breathe, but icy water rushed into his mouth, choking him violently. Opening his eyes, he realized he wasn't dead, but had fallen into a lake. He quickly used a doggy paddle to steady himself. The lake was quite large, surrounded by woods, with several large rocks standing on its shore. To his left, a steep, jagged peak rose abruptly, and to his right, a path faintly visible through the woods led down the mountain. How could this be? It was clearly nighttime just now, how did it suddenly become daytime? And this place doesn't seem right either.
Just as he was looking around, a series of bubbles suddenly rose to the surface of the lake, and a woman emerged from the water. She raised her head slightly, her body arched backward, her skin fair and delicate, her figure shapely, her breasts prominent and firm, the tips of which were delicate pink nipples. Water droplets clung to her alluring body, shimmering under the sunlight. Zhang Yonglin couldn't help but swallow hard. Looking at the woman's face, he saw her tossing her head, seemingly enjoying the playful water. Her long hair cascaded down her shoulders, swaying gently behind her. Her eyebrows were like crescent moons, her eyes like stars, and her skin was fair, like tender lotus roots. She was using her slender, white hands to arrange her hair, her nose upturned, her lips rounded, a faint smile playing on her lips, revealing a unique youthful vitality. However, her smile froze instantly. She let out a soft cry and sank to the bottom of the water in a flash, leaving only her astonished head above water.
She yelled at Zhang Yonglin, "Who...who are you?"
Zhang Yonglin licked his lips. In his seventeen or eighteen years of life, this was the first time he'd ever witnessed such a vibrant and sensual scene—excluding, of course, his Japanese friend's pornographic films. His eyes narrowed, seemingly savoring the vivid beauty of the scene, lingering on the snow-white breasts. He momentarily forgot to answer the woman's question. The woman, both ashamed and angry, couldn't help but reach out and slap him across the face with her right hand.
Zhang Yonglin hadn't expected the woman to have such a strong grip. One slap knocked out two teeth, blood trickled from the corner of his mouth, and his head was ringing. He almost fainted. He mumbled, "You... why did you hit me... I... I didn't mean to look at you!"
"You...you still dare to talk back!"
The woman's face flushed red, her eyebrows furrowed, and she was seething with anger. She reached out, ready to slap Zhang Yonglin again.
Just then, someone on the shore suddenly burst into laughter: "Haha, not bad, not bad! I never expected there to be such a sensual story at the summit of Mount Heng. Haha, this has broadened my horizons, Old Tian!"
The woman made a squeak, moved behind Zhang Yonglin, poked her head out, and said to the man on the shore, "You...who are you? How dare you come to Hengshan to cause trouble?"
These words were said more to Zhang Yonglin than to that person.
The man was in his thirties, with a handsome appearance, but his eyes were lecherous and sly, clearly the kind of lecherous man you'd find. He laughed loudly, "Little girl, I am Tian Boguang, the so-called Lone Ranger. Hehe, it's fate that we meet at the summit of Mount Heng today. Come, let me cherish you."
The woman spat and said, "Since you know this is Hengshan, you still dare to come. Aren't you afraid that Uncle Mo and my father will kill you if they find out?"
"I am naturally aware of the great name of Master Mo Da of Xiaoxiang Night Rain, and he is someone I cannot afford to offend. It's a pity that he is so elusive, appearing and disappearing without a trace. He hasn't been in Hengshan for the past two years. And who is your father?"
Tian Boguang said nonchalantly.
"My father is Master Liu the Third".
The woman cried out from the water. She knew that Tian Boguang was skilled in martial arts and that she was no match for him. She only hoped that mentioning her father's name would scare him away.
Tian Boguang was taken aback: Liu Zhengfeng went to Hengshan? Wasn't he staying in Hengyang City? He glanced at Zhang Yonglin with a sly look, then looked at the woman behind Zhang Yonglin and said, "Could you be Liu Zhengfeng's eldest daughter, Liu Jing?"
"That's right. If you don't leave now, my father will take your life when he gets here!"
Liu Jing threatened.
Tian Boguang was initially surprised. He had happened to be passing by Hengshan that day, and having nothing better to do, and having heard that Hengshan was one of the Five Sacred Mountains and boasted beautiful scenery, he decided to climb the mountain for a visit, perhaps out of a desire for refined tastes. The Hengshan Sect was one of the Five Sacred Mountains' sword sects, and he dared not offend them. He had only chosen some secluded paths to ascend Hengshan and enjoy the scenery. Unexpectedly, he witnessed such a sensual scene. Being a notorious lecher, he was now overcome with lust and couldn't resist jumping out. He was surprised to find that the woman was Liu Zhengfeng's daughter, and that Liu Zhengfeng was even on Hengshan. A sense of fear gripped him, and he prepared to make a hasty retreat. However, Liu Jing's threat actually calmed him down. He laughed, "Of course I'm afraid of your father, but he must have a lot of business at the Hengshan Sect, and this is the summit of Hengshan. I don't believe he'd come here for no reason. Little girl, let's get things done first. Once your father comes and sees that we've already slept together, will he still have the nerve to chase after his son-in-law? I've been a womanizer for years, and my skills are superb. I can do everything—old man pushing a cart, one pillar reaching the sky—I guarantee you'll think of me all the time after you've enjoyed yourself. Feel it, it's already standing up so high, hahaha..."
The woman spat lightly, remaining silent. She stood behind Zhang Yonglin, so he couldn't discern her expression. However, Zhang Yonglin asked curiously, "Hey, are you guys filming an adult film? The dialogue is way too explicit! It definitely won't pass censorship. This is supposed to be a harmonious society."
Ever since Zhang Yonglin heard that the man on the shore was named Tian Boguang, and also heard about Liu Zhengfeng and Mr. Mo Da, he kept looking around, trying to find where the camera was, but he couldn't find anything. However, as Tian Boguang's words became more and more vulgar, he couldn't help but interrupt him.
Tian Boguang was taken aback and said, "What Category III film? Who are you? Are you Liu Jing's lover? Don't be afraid, I don't intend to do anything except give you a cuckold's horns. You'll have to learn from me later, this bedroom skill is also a skill."
Liu Jing angrily said, "You...I...I don't know this person. You...you've ruined my reputation. I'll fight you to the death."
On the shore, Tian Boguang laughed heartily, walked to the side where Liu Jing had taken off her clothes, drew his single-edged sword, picked up a bright red embroidered mandarin duck bodice, and said, "Are you perhaps going to fight me three hundred rounds naked? Welcome, welcome!"
Liu Jing angrily retorted, "Shameless!"
"Hey...hey...Tian Boguang, your acting is wrong. You should pick up the undergarment, smell it, and then look lewd on the face. That's how you show your true nature as a lecherous thief. Your acting is terrible...Director...where's the director?"
"Ouch!" Zhang Yonglin cried out in pain in his back. It turned out that Liu Jing had hit him because she couldn't help but slap him after hearing his lewd remarks.
"What nonsense are you spouting, you brat?"
Tian Boguang was a little confused, but he knew that Zhang Yonglin was mocking him. He couldn't help but kick a small stone on the shore. As soon as he kicked it, the stone seemed to come alive and "whoosh!" it hit Zhang Yonglin's forehead.
My God... This... This is real kung fu... Who on earth could kick a pebble so fast? Zhang Yonglin was dumbfounded.
Chapter 002 Bet
Just as the pebble was about to hit Zhang Yonglin, Liu Jing suddenly pulled him aside from behind, scolding him, "If you keep talking nonsense, you'll lose your life."
Zhang Yonglin was terrified, his face pale. He was starting to believe this wasn't a movie shoot. Damn it, what was going on? He suddenly remembered the "smile" on the door—could it be referring to *The Smiling, Proud Wanderer*? In this situation, there was no way he could escape. Even if Tian Boguang let him go, he'd feel guilty for the rest of his life. Yes, he was a thief, but not a lecher; he had a conscience. But how could he rescue Liu Jing? According to the book, Tian Boguang was a man of some character, so perhaps… Thinking this, he shouted, "Tian Boguang, I've heard you're quite skilled. How about we have a three-match contest? If I win, you must leave the mountain immediately and never appear before Miss Liu again. If I lose, then I'll do whatever you ask. How about it?"
His words were loaded with meaning: if he won, Tian Boguang would leave; if he lost, it had nothing to do with Liu Jing.
Before Tian Boguang could speak, Liu Jing whispered behind Zhang Yonglin, "You...he's very good at kung fu, how come you..."
Before she could speak, she stopped. It turned out that Zhang Yong had taken advantage of the moment to take off his shirt and secretly slip it to her from the front, saying, "When I'm competing with Tian Boguang later, don't worry about anything else, just run straight back to Hengshan Sect."
Liu Jing glanced at Zhang Yonglin's muscular shoulders, her face flushed, her heart pounding. She took the clothes, secretly grateful. But people in the martial world value "loyalty," and she shook her head, saying, "You..."
"What?! Hurry up and put your clothes on, then go find your dad and save me!"
Liu Jing was taken aback, seemingly not expecting Zhang Yonglin to speak like that. Logically, Zhang Yonglin should have continued to demonstrate his masculinity. Seeing Zhang Yonglin wobbling through the water, seemingly about to take off his pants, she exclaimed in a low voice, "What... are you going to take your pants off too?"
Zhang Yonglin rolled his eyes and retorted, "Are you planning to run back to the Hengshan Sect naked?"
"you……"
Liu Jing, slightly displeased, blushed and shut her mouth. Zhang Yonglin said without hesitation, "Wait, don't worry about me. Once you're ashore, just keep heading towards Hengshan. If you're too slow, I won't be able to save you."
He handed the pants to Liu Jing. Liu Jing blushed and took the pants, but her eyes couldn't help but look at Zhang Yonglin's lower body. Fortunately, she breathed a sigh of relief. He was still wearing a pair of underpants, but they were too small, just tightly wrapping around his huge buttocks.
When Tian Boguang heard that Zhang Yonglin wanted to make a bet, he became interested and asked with a smile, "What kind of kung fu do you want to compete with me in? Tell me."
He was very skilled in martial arts, but he couldn't swim, so he was less able to use his skills in the water. In fact, Liu Jing and Zhang Yonglin only needed to soak in the water for a while, and the Hengshan Sect would notice something was wrong and come up the mountain to look for them. Tian Boguang would naturally be scared away.
Zhang Yonglin's eyes darted around, and he said casually, "Let's have a contest of lightness skills first."
"Lightness skill? Hahaha, don't you know my nickname is: The Lone Ranger? I'm a lecherous thief, lightness skill is my life-saving skill, and you dare to compare your lightness skill with mine! Hehe..."
Zhang Yonglin said with a disdainful look, "Don't be so arrogant. I'll just say one thing: do you dare to compete?"
Zhang Yonglin's provocative tone annoyed Tian Boguang. He thought to himself, "My lightness skill is renowned throughout the martial arts world. You dare to challenge me? If I refuse, won't my friends in the martial arts world laugh at me?" Wait a minute… Tian Boguang's eyes darted around, and he smiled, "Yes, if you want to challenge me, of course I'll oblige. But let's get back to the point, if we're going to challenge each other, we can only do it here at Biyu Pool. Otherwise, if she runs away while we're competing, I wouldn't dare go to the Hengshan Sect to find her!"
Zhang Yonglin's heart skipped a beat. This Tian Boguang wasn't stupid. He had originally planned to use words to trick Tian Boguang into a race to see who could reach the foot of Hengshan first, but Tian Boguang hadn't expected him to think of that himself. However, Zhang Yonglin was extremely quick-witted. He quickly came up with another plan, feigning dejection, and said, "You… let's have a contest of lightness skills right here in the Jade Pool. To be honest, my lightness skills are definitely not as good as Brother Tian's, so you walk on the shore, and I'll swim in the water. We'll run ten laps around this Jade Pool, and whoever gets there first wins. How about we use that big rock as the boundary?"
He pointed to the large blue rock on the left side of the Jade Pool.
Tian Boguang frowned and said, "Ten laps? Isn't that too many? Can't we just compare the speed of our lightness skills by one lap?"
Zhang Yonglin chuckled and said, "Alright, I'll do as you say. But let's agree beforehand that there will be three rounds of competition: first, a contest of lightness skills; then, a contest of swordsmanship; and finally, a contest of internal strength. If the contest isn't completed by the end of these three rounds, the other side will be considered the loser. How about that?"
"Of course. If someone only competes once and then runs away, then the person who ran away is the loser."

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