Dragon Tattoo - Chapter 361 Xiyuan's Self-Narration and Her Father-in-Law 23

Coincidentally, her husband was very close to her when she was reading the text message. He saw the message she had sent and was clearly very unhappy. He asked her about his situation. She knew that he was mainly afraid that she would talk to other people. He had seen that some boys in her classmates' group had said similar things to her in a half-joking manner. So he started checking her phone frequently after that.
At first, she was a little resentful and resistant, and felt awkward for a few days. Later, she didn't insist anymore, thinking that maybe he cared too much about her. Anyway, she sometimes looked at his phone, and she was innocent, so she let him be.
On Valentine's Day, that colleague sent her flowers again. She wasn't there when he delivered them, so he put them under her desk. She thought about it and decided not to return them, nor did she take them home. It wasn't that she wanted to give him any wrong ideas; she just felt that returning them in person might have a worse impact and make their future colleague relationship awkward. It was better to explain later when the opportunity arose.
Her husband was always unhappy about her attending class reunions, though he didn't really stop her. At one reunion, she ran into her college sweetheart, whom she had broken up with because he went abroad. He had just returned and gotten married. He called her several times afterward to ask her out for dinner, which annoyed her husband. However, he only assumed it was a classmate who liked her and didn't know he was her ex. He wanted to remain friends, but she knew he wanted to pursue things further. She refused, believing that there was no such thing as pure friendship between men and women; if it did, it was at least one person secretly in love with the other.
Of all Xiyuan's romantic relationships, her deepest was with her ex-boyfriend; it was unforgettable, perhaps even eternal. He was the same boyfriend she still had a relationship with just days before her wedding. How could she not miss him? She would occasionally recall their intimate moments. She deliberately avoided seeing him, and after her marriage, they only spoke twice on the phone. The last time they contacted each other, he wasn't married yet and said he wanted to wait for her and try again, always wanting to visit her.
She didn't want to hold him back, so she never contacted him again. After getting married, she insisted on not seeing him, not because she was heartless, but because she was genuinely afraid that if she saw him, she wouldn't be able to control herself and would never want to be separated from him again. That would hurt not only the two of them, but also the other way around. It was better to cherish the memory than to meet again. If they couldn't be together, they should forget each other.
Her father-in-law has two regular mistresses, and he's shown her their photos. Her husband is different; he only has casual relationships with other women, and she hasn't discovered he's had a regular mistress. He's never considered divorcing her, and he's never mentioned divorce during arguments. Whenever she brings up divorce, he firmly opposes it.
Xiyuan would definitely intervene if she discovered her husband was seeing another woman, otherwise he would get the wrong impression that she let him do whatever he wanted. Men shouldn't be spoiled. Now that they were married, for better or worse, he was hers, and no one could take him away unless she didn't want him anymore. She had heard many people say that, regardless of gender, it was rare for a remarried person to be better than the original one.
Her husband treats her and her family well and seems to love her, though he's a bit of a womanizer. They don't share much in common and don't communicate much, but nothing is perfect. She wants to maintain the marriage. She doesn't want to cheat on him, nor does she want him to, even if their love eventually fades into just familial affection.
Zheng Luping once asked her, "Your husband cheated on you. You've had several suitors, but you haven't been with anyone else since you got married. Is it because you really don't want to be with anyone else, or because you haven't met anyone you like?"
Xiyuan felt she had to accept both. Firstly, she felt it shouldn't be this way; men feel a sense of accomplishment when they have lovers, while women are likely to feel guilty. Secondly, she couldn't accept having sex without feelings; most men fall in love because of sex, while most women have sex because of love.
An ancient Greek philosopher once said (I forget who): human pleasure is of two kinds, one sensory and one spiritual. Sensory pleasure is fleeting and can never be fully satisfied, while spiritual pleasure is lasting and can be completely fulfilled. Another important point is that she may find it difficult to meet someone who will truly move her again; once you've seen the ocean, other waters seem insignificant.
She once wrote a passage that always evokes deep emotions: Everyone will likely meet four people in their lifetime. The first is yourself, the second is the person you love most, the third is the person who loves you most, and the fourth is the person you spend your life with. Life loves to play tricks. The one you love most often doesn't choose you; the one who loves you most is often not the one you love most; and the one you ultimately spend your life with is neither the one you love most nor the one who loves you most, but simply the person who appears at the most suitable time. Who you spend your life with, how you spend it, and for how long—some choose based on love, some on material things, some on appearance, some on future prospects, some on pressure. But after making those choices, you realize that the most important thing in love isn't passionate romance or sharing joys and sorrows, but unwavering commitment. The one who stays with you the longest is the one who loves you most; the one who accompanies you the longest has the deepest affection.
What is most important in life? She believes it is freedom and true feelings. Without freedom of body and mind, nothing else matters. Freedom depends on weighing gains and losses; doing whatever you want is not freedom. True freedom can only be obtained by knowing what to do and what not to do. True feelings must be exchanged with sincerity. Sincerity may not always be reciprocated, but true feelings must be exchanged with sincerity.
Feelings are mutual; there's not much that's taken for granted or given without reason. The only thing happier in the world than being loved is to love.
Deeply rooted family ties, tranquil friendships, and unforgettable love constitute their emotional world. Family ties are an innate destiny that they cannot choose, nor can they avoid, and therefore require extra care.
Friendship is tolerant, while love is selfish; the simplicity of friendship is what truly reflects its sincerity and tolerance.
Selfishness, understanding, tolerance, and unwavering commitment in love are what truly leave a lasting impression. Regardless of the type of relationship, love is the one thing you shouldn't wait for, yet it's also the one that can withstand the longest wait. If love is right before your eyes, even a second feels long; if love is at the end of the world, even a lifetime feels short. The three types of people you should cherish most in this world are: friends who offer help in times of need, women who are willing to walk through poverty with you, and men who tolerate everything about you.
She's also done things that don't conform to universal values. It's not that she's trying to cover it up; wrong is wrong, and there's no need to find excuses to hide it. It's just that these are private matters, so she hasn't spoken about them. These experiences of hers are actually insignificant, but why speak about them? She probably isn't trying to relieve pressure, much less to seek attention. Perhaps it's a form of reflection and self-analysis.
Many things can only be truly understood in retrospect when distance grows. People are complex; everyone has different facets, but generally, she likes to explain it with the saying, "Human nature descends, but the heart strives upward." Life is neither long nor short; there's no standard answer to how to live it. So why not just live it the way you like?
If fate has destined them to be ordinary people, then they should try their best to be worthy of their relatives and friends, worthy of themselves, and not to hurt others.
Happiness doesn't need many reasons; as long as there are more smiles than tears, you've found the right person.
Everyone has a blind spot in their life, a place they can't escape from, and others can't enter. Everyone has a wound, deep or shallow, visible or hidden. Everyone sheds tears, which others will never understand. Because at most, they can only empathize; true understanding is impossible. Life can't always be perfect; for every gain, there is a loss. Life requires effort, but even more so, it requires learning to choose. But how many people can truly judge gains and losses and make choices based on their own inner desires?
She grew up in an ordinary family. Her father was from the north and worked as a factory worker before becoming a driver. Her mother was originally from the south and was a doctor. Therefore, she often joked that she was of mixed northern and southern heritage. Her parents divorced when she was very young, and her mother remarried, so she has a half-sister who is almost ten years younger than her. Due to some family reasons, her mother took good care of her from the fifth grade onwards.
She grew up with her father. Because of his excellent teaching and example, she didn't have the extreme and inferiority complex that children from single-parent families often have. She started learning dance at the age of five, and also studied arts in college. Before graduating from college, she participated in a dance competition, but because she refused the dirty demands of a key leader of the organizer—the so-called unspoken rules—she only won second place. Her performance was disappointing, and she lost the closest opportunity she could have come to realizing her dream. Although she has never regretted it, and now works as a dance teacher, she can be said to be putting her skills to use. However, her childhood dream of being in the center of the stage and under the spotlight has gradually faded away.
She thought that whether one chooses solitude or not, the prerequisite should be a correct value orientation. Don't mistake desire for ideals. Ideals are unrelated to interests; don't mistake worldliness for maturity. Maturity is the sublimation of inner mind and body; worldly-wise people cannot control their own destiny; don't mistake numbness for profundity; profundity is not the same as heartlessness; don't mistake cowardice for prudence. Prudence is never escapism; don't mistake slickness for wisdom. Petty cleverness can never compare to great wisdom; don't mistake recklessness for courage. Great wisdom can produce great courage. Great courage can also produce great wisdom; don't mistake naivety for passion. Na?veness only brings confusion and emptiness; don't mistake extremism for persistence. Extremism is a pathology; persistence is the key; don't mistake temptation for opportunity. Opportunity requires rationality and pragmatism, but temptation is uncontrollable; the greed for unearned gains often leads to greater losses.
She applied to university in the arts, majoring in dance, specifically modern dance and ballroom dance. Perhaps due to her strong foundation—she had studied dance since childhood without interruption, something most of her classmates hadn't done—her academic performance was consistently outstanding. She even won second place in a national dance competition. It's no exaggeration to say that almost all the teachers and students in her department had a deep impression of her.

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Dragon Tattoo - Chapter 361 Xiyuan's Self-Narration and Her Father-in-Law 23

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