One night's stand isn't enough, let's have multiple nights! 12

When I got home, I first turned on my computer and checked all my emails. After confirming I hadn't received any emails from my sister, I sat in front of the computer, lost in thought. I knew exactly how I was supposed to get through the days ahead, but if I had held onto a sliver of comfort a couple of days ago, now I truly understood the meaning of despair. After a long while, I remembered that I hadn't looked at the things my sister had left for me, which I'd gotten from Ugly Girl. I pulled the carefully wrapped little cardboard box from my pocket. The cold lamplight illuminated this last memory my sister had left behind. I opened the box. Inside were several photos of my sister from her school days or even younger, and a letter folded into a heart shape. In the photos, my sister looked innocent and happy, smiling like a rabbit that had just eaten a carrot. I thought, if she hadn't met me, perhaps she wouldn't have had so much happiness, but she certainly wouldn't have had so many worries either! I lit a cigarette and, trembling, carefully opened the letter. In it, my sister said that from the moment she saw me, she knew our relationship wouldn't end in a simple one-night stand. Even during our close relationship, she sensed it was unlikely to lead to anything serious, but neither of us wanted to separate. We kept using this self-destructive method to escape reality and satisfy our fantasies, always thinking that one day we'd both get tired of each other and naturally part ways. She always thought she loved me more than I loved her, until the day I told her I was going to start saving money to buy a house and build a home. My sister said she was actually very selfish and weak. She told me that after breaking up with her boyfriend in college, she had an abortion. During her most vulnerable moment, a traitor helped her, which is why she eventually married him. After I openly confronted the traitor, she had been wanting to talk to him about breaking up. But I really didn't have the courage. This outcome is for the best. She said she wouldn't contact me anymore. On one hand, I should have my own new life, and on the other hand, she was powerless to fight against many of the consequences she had caused. In the end, my sister said that no matter what, I was the person she loved most in her life. She said that if I were to fall in love again, I must be clear about whether the girl's feelings for me were out of gratitude or genuine love. Some things are not worth repeating. The only thing she regrets about our relationship is that it wasn't pure from beginning to end. Even so, she thinks it's one of the most beautiful things in her life. There's one thing she and I think about: neither of us hurt the other. Even today, neither of us has lost the other. We've shed enough tears. I hope that many years later, when we think about this, we'll feel happy and joyful.

I read my sister's letter over and over again, sensing that tonight would be another sleepless night. Thinking about how I've never been persistent in pursuing anything in the past 27 years, because deep down I believe that nothing in this world is impossible to give up. If you can get it, don't let it go; if you can't get it, don't cling to it. But in this matter, the ending is truly heartbreaking and I feel powerless. I sighed deeply and went online to find a stranger to chat with about life ideals and such. Lately, I've often used this method to pass the time. Occasionally, I even go so far as to pretend to be a heartbroken and do whatever I want in chat rooms. I opened QQ and found Iceberg was there too. He immediately asked why I'd been so quiet lately. I told him I'd been arrested for soliciting prostitutes and had just been released. Iceberg asked if the government jobs were good. I said they were delicious, I didn't even want to go out. Iceberg then said to talk about something serious: how did you plan to spend your holiday? I replied that I'd sleep and masturbate. Iceberg said he wanted to go shopping in Shanghai and asked if I wanted to go. I said no, no, what's there to see in that lousy place? It's crowded and chaotic during long holidays, and I'd be bored. Iceberg asked if my girlfriend had left by now. I said she left a long time ago, and now I'm single, even being a stay-at-home dad... Even though I'd been stripped of my rights, Iceberg comforted me, saying that everyone experiences setbacks, and tormenting yourself is shameful. A man should be more open-minded to be a real man. I told her, "Sister, I know the道理 (principles/reasoning), but there's always an adjustment period." Iceberg said, "Okay, okay, I know you'll get over it eventually. How about we meet up tonight?" I hesitated. Actually, subconsciously, I'd been wanting to see Iceberg lately; she was my lifeline in relieving my sadness. If I wasn't worried about things getting messy again, I would have called her already. Iceberg saw I hadn't replied for a long time and said she didn't mean anything by it, that I was just hanging out anyway, so I should just keep her company. I felt it would be too much to pretend any longer, so I asked her where we were going since it was past midnight. Iceberg said, "Let's go to that bar we always meet." I said, "Okay, first come, first served. I'll have a Heineken, what about you?"

Perhaps because of the long holiday, many people went on trips, and business at Bing Shan (born in the 70s) didn't seem as good as a regular weekend. Bing Shan arrived before me, and I saw that she had already ordered my Heineken, so I reached for it, took a big gulp, and then sat down. Bing Shan smiled and said, "You don't look tired at all; you seem to have recovered quickly." I said, "You know men are forgetful creatures, otherwise, how could you say men are more forgiving than women?" Bing Shan said, "Stop being stubborn. Tell me, how many nights have you been crying?" I said, "Pah! Would I cry over something like that? You underestimate me. How have you been lately? Has the number of people licking your feet increased again?" Bing Shan took a sip of mineral water and said, "Well, how should I put it? My life has indeed changed a bit recently..." She asked if I was pregnant with someone's child and would be a single mother, otherwise it wouldn't be a significant change. Iceberg said, "How can you be so mean? Looks like I can't talk to you about anything serious." I took a sip of my drink and started swaying gently to the music. Iceberg asked again if I really wasn't going out to have some fun. I said, "To be honest, I'm not in the mood." Iceberg said a man was pursuing her recently, then paused to see my reaction. I said, "Great, congratulations! But it would be best if that guy was more handsome than me, otherwise I'd definitely feel resentful." Iceberg said, "Actually, I did like you a little back then, but you're just not right for me." This person is someone I grew up with, and ever since she found out about my situation, she's been encouraging me to forget those unpleasant experiences. We talk on the phone almost every day. After that phone call, I'm a little unsure if I've really started to like him. I said, "Pah! Look at this! How much does a few hours of phone talk cost? I used to chat up girls on the phone while working overtime. Why doesn't he come out and keep you company, help you with your sexual frustrations or something?" Iceberg said, "Do you think all men are like you, running off to every woman they smell? Besides, he's in Shanghai." As soon as I heard that, I realized, "Heh heh, going to Shanghai to go shopping? Just an excuse. You want to go to Shanghai to meet your lover, right? And you want me to come with you?" Iceberg said, "Exactly. So, if you're a brother, come with me." I asked why the guy didn't come to Beijing. Iceberg said he works in the service industry, and he's especially busy during holidays, so he can't come. I said, "Damn it, why do I keep meeting all these random people I have no connection with lately?" Iceberg said, "It wasn't really appropriate to drag you along, but I think you're the best person to judge whether I should accept him. Besides, I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself if I go alone." I said, "It seems like if that guy doesn't treat me to drinks, gambling, and prostitution, I can easily ruin his plans. Let me think about it; I really don't want to move around lately." Iceberg stopped talking about it, and we started talking about light topics, from current events to dirty jokes, going on and on until 4 AM. After taking Iceberg home, I received a text from her in the taxi, asking if I was going to Shanghai. I thought about it and texted Iceberg back to tell her I was going.

The next morning, I called Lao Pei to ask if he was in Shanghai, telling him I was going to Shanghai to play and stay at his place, maybe with a friend. Lao Pei said his wife was pregnant and couldn't go anywhere, and his mother-in-law was in Shanghai taking care of her, so I could make do on the sofa in the living room. I said, "Then forget it, I'll stay in a hotel. Can you book me a cheap one?" Then Iceberg called me and said my flight was at 2 pm. He asked if I was ready and suggested we have lunch together before I left. I said, "What lunch? I'll pick you up at 1 pm. Let's eat separately. I have a ton of laundry to do." Iceberg said, "Fine, I'll come to your house to find you. Waiting for you to pick me up is really unreliable."

When Bing Shan arrived, the house was a mess. The washed clothes were drying, and I was on the floor cleaning up cigarette butts around my bedding. There were also newspapers, magazines, and cartoons scattered all over the floor. Bing Shan shook his head and said, "You always look so presentable when you go out, but your place is no different from a construction shed." I said, "Stop talking nonsense. The kitchen is yours. We need to finish before 11 o'clock so we can each have a bowl of instant noodles." Bing Shan saw the wedding photo of me and my sister next to my computer and said, "Is this your girlfriend? She's quite pretty." I tore off a sleeve from a tattered piece of clothing to use as a rag and said, "Let's get to work first. We can still make it later." Bing Shan reluctantly went to the kitchen and busied himself with chores. At 12 o'clock sharp, we ate our instant noodles. Iceberg sat down at my computer and started looking through the photo album of me and Halen. While eating, he said, "You really couldn't pull off the groom look. She's quite good, she looks like a bride. By the way, is there any chance for you two?" I told Iceberg about the traitor's emigration, saying that I guess we'll never see each other again. Iceberg said, "You're such a spineless man! Why don't you go to Japan to find her?" I said, "We've lost contact now. Besides, even if I found her, what good would it do? I tried to win her over before she left." Just then, my phone rang. It was my sister's ugly classmate. As soon as she answered, she started nagging me to treat her to dinner, saying that my sister and she had been exchanging emails and that she had my sister's latest contact information. I was so excited that I almost dropped my phone. I kept asking where I was. The ugly girl said she was at the Yonghegong subway station. I told her to wait, that I'd be there in 3 minutes. Iceberg said, "What's the rush? Get your things ready and go straight to the airport after you meet her." I told the person on the other end of the phone that I would be there in 5 minutes at most and that she had to wait for me. After a flurry of activity, I grabbed my laptop, tossed it to Iceberg, and ran straight to the Yonghegong subway station.

Ugly Girl immediately handed me a piece of paper with an email address written on it. I said, "Good sister, I'm in a hurry to catch my flight. I'll definitely treat you properly when I get back. By the way, what did Xiao Ke and you talk about?" Ugly Girl said, "I just found a language school. The email only said everything is fine, nothing else." After saying that, Ugly Girl said, "Okay, call me when you get back. Don't stand me up, or there won't be a next time." After seeing Ugly Girl off, Iceberg came over, panting, carrying our luggage. When he saw me looking at the note, he asked with a grin, "How is it? I know a place that offers a pretty good intensive Japanese language course. I can ask a friend to give you a 10% discount."

As soon as Lao Pei dropped us off at the hotel, I couldn't wait to open my laptop, plug in the phone, and start writing emails. I'd thought about it for a long time on the plane. I didn't want to put any more pressure on my sister, nor did I want her to be saddened by my emails. What she said was right; perhaps enough tears had been shed. It was time to replace the sorrow of parting with bright hope. I wrote an email to my sister, telling her how much I missed her and that I planned to never forget her, but I wouldn't bother her anymore. I said, "You told me to learn from your experience and distinguish between gratitude and affection in the future. I hope you can also learn from my experience and think about what you truly want in this life." She said that the thought of you continuing your life aimlessly makes my heart ache so much that I can't sleep. If you could truly live a carefree and happy life, I wouldn't be sad even if I never saw you again. But right now, you're forcing yourself. Now that I'm not by your side, I know it will be very hard for you to rely on yourself. You must persevere until you have the ability to fight for the life you want. I told my sister that I understand what she meant by "neither of us has lost the other." No matter what, you must tell me if you're unhappy or have any difficulties. After finishing the email, I breathed a sigh of relief. Iceberg had been watching quietly the whole time. Only after I finished sending the email did she coldly ask, "Can she read Chinese?" I was momentarily stunned. Iceberg looked at me and laughed, saying it was good that I had a brother who was good at English. Then she shooed me away and made me read the gist of the letter to her. She then helped me write an email in English. As I watched Iceberg typing away happily on the keyboard, I couldn't help but feel jealous and said, "Don't treat this like an official document. This is a love letter!" Iceberg replied, "Who's like you with only mediocre English skills, only able to communicate physical feelings?" I was speechless and got up to pour Iceberg a Coke in a flattering manner.

Old Pei pulled me outside and secretly asked me what my relationship was with this girl. I said she was one of my brothers, as I had just told him. Old Pei slyly gestured towards the door and said, "I don't think so. Hey, your girlfriend left, right? I didn't dare mention it earlier for fear of ruining your plans." I said, "You scumbag! I already told you she's my brother. She knows everything about me and my wife. Just talk to her in person." Old Pei said, "So you two are really living in the same room?" He looked at me with feigned sincerity. I laughed and said, "Come on, don't worry about it. Go back and buy groceries now. I'm counting on you guys for dinner." After seeing Old Pei off, I returned to my room. Bing Shan was on QQ. When he saw me, he said, "I've already sent you the email." I said, "I'm going to Old Pei's for dinner. Are you going with your old flame or coming with me?" Bing Shan said, "I told him I'll be there tomorrow. I wanted to have a serious talk with you tonight."

Considering the pile of gifts Bing Shan and I brought, Lao Pei, his wife, and his mother-in-law didn't ask too many questions and we happily finished our meal. I accompanied Bing Shan for a stroll through the glamorous streets of Shanghai. Going to a bar at 9 pm seemed a bit early, at least the malls weren't all closed yet. We wandered around Xujiahui slowly, and Bing Shan suddenly said he wanted to go online and asked if there were any internet cafes nearby. I said that the only one I knew nearby was a game cafe called "Strategy Master," and suggested that I play games while he chatted. I hadn't played CS in a long time. I was engrossed in a gang fight when my phone buzzed with a text. It was from Iceberg, saying she was bored and wanted to chat with me on QQ instead of playing the game. I looked at Iceberg, who was less than 10 meters away, puzzled. She winked at me and pretended to be busy at her computer. I shook my head, logged out of the game, and logged onto QQ. Iceberg's first message was, "I have something I want to tell you. It's better to say it here than in person." I said, "Go ahead." Iceberg said, "You know I like you, right?" I said, "I know, I know. I also know you like me because I'm so loyal, right?" Iceberg said, "But do you really understand why I can't choose you?" I said, "I understand. I'm not very reliable." Iceberg said, "No, I think you're quite reliable, but you still have feelings for me." As for other women, I've thought it through. I won't compete with an unseen rival. To be honest, I'm quite jealous of your girlfriend. I told her, "Sister, I'm not right for you. We can be brothers, that's enough. You know I'm a dangerous person." Iceberg said, "I used to say I'd cook for you when you were single. Now that I've broken my promise, don't you hate me?" I said, "I just think we're the best this way. To be honest, back then I didn't know how to comfort you and tell you not to have any expectations of me." Iceberg said, "You really don't mind?" I said, "If you say that again, I'll take it seriously. I'll secretly put aphrodisiac in your drink tonight." Seeing that Iceberg didn't reply for a while, I glanced at her seat and found her smiling at me. We quickly exchanged a glance and immediately went back to QQ to start joking around.

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One night's stand isn't enough, let's have multiple nights! 12

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