The past can only be reminisced.

Reluctantly opening my eyes, I glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. "Oh my god, it's already past midnight. I slept so soundly!" If it weren't for the fact that it's Saturday, my husband is away on a business trip, and the kids are at my mother-in-law's, such peaceful moments are rare indeed! Looking around, I saw that the sunlight streaming through the curtains had already brightened the room; I should definitely get up!
I got out of bed and stretched. "Snap!" A vibrating egg slipped from my body and fell to the floor, completely immobile. I was speechless. I'd really gone a bit crazy yesterday; I don't even know how many orgasms I had. After the last orgasm, I even passed out and forgot it was still inside me. I hadn't felt this happy in a long time. It wasn't that my husband was impotent; he's a normal man. But for me, he still couldn't satisfy me. It's not my husband's fault. He's very traditional about sex. For the past three years, we've only had sex twice a week, and in only one position: he lies on top of me, spreads my legs, and inserts himself. After a few thrusts, he rolls over and falls asleep. It's not that I don't have orgasms; I'm very sensitive, so my orgasms come very quickly, but even so, I've only had two at most. To others, this might seem like ordinary married life, but for me, I always have to go to the bathroom to masturbate—something my husband doesn't know! I think this has a lot to do with some of my past experiences. I've always believed I'm not an ordinary person, at least not when it comes to sex. If someone wants to... Knowing my past experiences might lead some to call me promiscuous, I don't deny it. I think it's related to my life experiences. I've always believed that many things I did in the past were influenced by my environment. But a close friend of mine doesn't think so. In her words, "We're the same kind of people. God blessed us with beautiful appearances when He created us, but He is also fair. Beneath this enviable body lies a promiscuous heart. As long as you're not stupid, that heart will be activated. At that point, our beautiful appearance is just capital for us to indulge in debauchery, and we will also bear the corresponding responsibility." I can't deny it; perhaps this is what they call fate.
My name is Xiaoyu (which has nothing to do with my real name). From a young age, I inherited all the good qualities of my parents, growing into a pure and lovely "beauty." Everyone has their own understanding of beauty. I dare not say how beautiful I am, but at least those who have seen me wouldn't insincerely say I'm beautiful! No one who has seen me would associate the word "promiscuous" with me, but I have done many unexpected things.
When I was 13, I had just started junior high school. I was extremely ignorant about sex, feeling both afraid and shy, yet also intensely yearning. That year, I experienced sex and my first orgasm, and from then on, I was hooked. My family wasn't well-off then. We lived in my grandfather's house on the outskirts of the county. Later, my grandfather retired and returned to the countryside to live a rural life (his house was on the outskirts of the county, only about 5 kilometers from our home, but it was all rural). So we lived in the house. Later, because my parents couldn't be home all the time due to work, it became my home alone. Although my grandmother would come to visit me often at first, she was older after all. It's inconvenient to go back and forth, and besides, the residents of this compound are all retired cadres like my grandfather. The neighborhood is also very safe. At my insistent, albeit reluctantly, my grandmother stopped coming over and just told me to visit my grandfather once a week. Living alone is always lonely, and I get a little scared at night. To alleviate this loneliness and fear, I became obsessed with romance novels. Back then, all the girls in my class were passing around those small, palm-sized books. Although they weren't erotic novels, they still contained many explicit descriptions. Whenever I read such descriptions, my body would react; I couldn't help but blush and my heart would race. Occasionally, I'd find my underwear had become... The wetness, the pleasure and excitement brought by the novel, the repeated probing, the tightening and friction made me forget my loneliness and fear, and I slowly got used to living alone at home.
It was a summer Saturday morning, and as usual, I rode my bicycle to my grandfather's house. When I pushed the bicycle, I found that the seat was broken, so I found a rope and wrapped it around the front of the seat. But the rope I chose was a bit too thick, and it bulged out quite a bit. I thought I could just make do and get it fixed at my grandfather's house, but after riding it, I found it uncomfortable. The bulging rope pressed against my genitals through my underwear and skirt. At first, it hurt a little, so I stepped back a bit, but after a few pedal strokes, it hurt again. I pushed against it, but it got increasingly itchy. Because of the itching, I deliberately slapped myself a few times each time I pushed against it! It was an indescribable feeling, reminding me of scenes from romance novels. My face started to burn, and my body felt hot, which only made it itchier. I simply pressed my vagina against it, and as I pedaled back and forth, the seat rubbed against my genitals. Instead of pain, it felt comfortable. I couldn't help but lean forward to let my vagina rub against the seat better. I had a strong urge to urinate, and leaning back would help, but I also longed to push against it. Inexplicably, I chose to leave the road and go to the woods below the road. The path between the belt and the cornfield was a dirt road, not often traveled, but it was quite slippery when it didn't rain. So I pulled up my skirt on the seat, letting my vulva rub against the bulge directly through my underwear. This felt even better. With each rub, my body trembled involuntarily, and my legs tightened! With each rub, the urge to urinate grew stronger. I wanted to stop but couldn't hold back. Leaving felt empty, but I also vaguely felt that what I was doing was wrong, yet I couldn't suppress the pleasure deep inside me. The more I thought about it, the more I craved that feeling. After a struggle, I stopped the bike, propped myself up on one leg, and decided to rub it one last 10 times. I took a deep breath and slowly rubbed my vulva against the bulge 10 times. Just as I was about to climax, I forced myself to stop. The intense desire made me decide to thrust one last 10 times, aiming for my sensitive spot and thrusting wildly 10 times. The intense lust made my mind go blank. My body tensed up. After the 10 thrusts, I didn't stop. I continued thrusting 34 times, finally unable to hold back any longer. I gripped the handlebars tightly with both hands, my body trembling violently. My upper body straightened, and I thrust my waist forward to press my sensitive spot against the clitoris. My legs involuntarily clamped together, and urine gushed out with a hiss, flowing down my thighs to the ground. My sensitive spot, pressed against the sensitive spot, pulled back sharply and then thrust upwards again! I did this 7 times, feeling urine gush out each time, but less each time! Finally, I ran out of strength to push up, and the car tipped over. Instinctively, I squeezed my legs together and squatted to the side, but the friction from my underwear almost made me sit down. After a few more attempts, I finally squatted down, panting heavily! My consciousness began to return. I carefully observed my surroundings and, finding no one, I relaxed and tried to stand up. Due to the excessive thrusting and the resulting pleasure, my clitoris was extremely sensitive; every movement caused pain in my underwear. But I also felt a deep sense of self-reproach. I felt ashamed, a strange sense of guilt welling up within me. I mentally cursed myself with every swear word I knew, and it took a while before I could finally stand up. I got up. Luckily, I wasn't far from Grandma's house. When I got home, I took off my underwear and saw that my clitoris was a little red and swollen. I tried urinating, and it didn't seem to cause any problems, so I felt a little relieved. I spent the night without any anxiety, and the next day everything was normal. I breathed a long sigh of relief.
Before this, I didn't really understand what masturbation was, but after this, I unconsciously started paying attention to my body and everything related to sex, including the physiology textbooks at school. I began to understand that my behavior was called masturbation, and that it was a normal human behavior, but it was bad for my health. To maintain my image as a girl and to avoid affecting my studies, I didn't dare to be so unrestrained anymore. I had started to forget about it, but things didn't go as planned.
It was a summer afternoon. Since girls love to look pretty, I especially wanted to wear high heels. I didn't have any, so I went to my mother's wardrobe to get some. I found a small box at the very bottom. Opening it, I found some letters and a few CDs. Out of curiosity, I randomly picked one up, put it in the CD player, and it started playing. The next image made my heart race: a beautiful girl sitting on a sofa, wearing a blue tank top, white hot pants, and white high heels. She was sexy and cute, her fair skin a stark contrast to the two men beside her, who were only wearing underwear. Four hands were caressing her body from top to bottom. The girl had her eyes closed, her face a mixture of pleasure and pain, making soft moaning sounds. The men, while groping her, pulled off her bra, revealing her lovely breasts, which they then grabbed and sucked. The other... Several men simultaneously caressed the woman's long, slender legs. The girl didn't resist; instead, she spread her legs, revealing the shape of her genitals clearly through pink panties. As one man stroked her vulva through her hot pants, the girl twisted her hips. Another man joined in, inserting his fingers through the seam of her pants while unbuckling the belt. The girl rose and knelt on the sofa, easily pulling down her hot pants. The small panties couldn't conceal the shape of her vulva. The men rubbed and kneaded it a few times before slowly pulling down her panties, first revealing her anus, then a long slit, and finally, faint pubic hair. The men forcefully spread her vulva apart. The woman's genitals were clean; except for a slightly darker outer layer, the inside was still pink. The girl moaned incessantly; each touch from the men made her tremble. Ignoring her, one man inserted a finger inside... "Ah!" I cried out involuntarily, a shiver running through my lower body. I collapsed onto the sofa, writhing uncontrollably. Feeling utterly weak, I drifted off to sleep. It took me a while to wake up. I must have looked terrible. My face was still burning red, my skirt was pulled up to my waist, my shirt was disheveled, my bra was pushed up, one breast was spilling out, my other hand was still inside my underwear, and my lower body was wet. There was a small puddle on the floor. A series of screams pulled me back from my daze. Looking up, I saw the film wasn't over yet. The female lead was lying naked on the floor, and a similarly naked man was between her legs, forcefully spreading them apart. Their genitals were... A penis was connected, and with the man's back and forth movements, the penis went in and out of the woman's vagina, with occasional slapping sounds. At first, it was slow, but after a while, the man increased his speed, and the woman's moans became more and more rapid, and she kept shouting some words I couldn't understand. Her expression seemed to be in some pain. The man continued to speed up, and his breathing became heavy. With two heavy thrusts, the man let out a cry, and the speed slowed down. Each time, he forcefully went in and then slowly withdrew. The woman's moans also slowed down. After a few times, the camera focused on the two joined parts, and a dark penis slowly moved out of the woman's vagina until a light-colored head fell out. Could this be what is called... This is what a man's penis looks like? It's the first time I've ever seen one. I stared blankly, but my hands were never idle. My underwear was already off. I spread my legs wide, one hand squeezing my breasts, the other stroking my vulva. I didn't dare to use too much force, probably because I had used too much force when I masturbated earlier. So now my clitoris was a little swollen and very sensitive. Every touch brought me indescribable pleasure. Watching the penis being withdrawn on TV, the woman was still trembling, and I felt a noticeable tightening under her body. Then a stream of white fluid slowly flowed out. I felt I was about to climax. I quickly removed my hands, closed my legs tightly, and only managed to suppress the urge to climax by thrusting a few times. After that... The scene felt empty. I don't know why the climax was suppressed; perhaps it was because the film wasn't over yet.
The woman was still lying on the ground, panting slightly. Then another man, holding a penis, walked over. He helped the woman up first, then lay down. The woman slowly got up, turned her back to the man, and straddled him. Both the man and woman had their legs wide apart, so their genitals were clearly visible. The woman squatted on the penis and reached out to hold it. I was startled. Was the penis really that big? It was just the right size for the girl's hand to grasp. It was probably twice the length of a woman's hand. The upper part was covered in bluish-green veins, and the glans seemed thicker than the lower part. But the woman's vagina looked pitifully small. Was she going to insert it? The woman aimed her penis at her still-dripping semen-filled vulva and slowly lowered herself down, first the glans, then slowly downwards. Her vulva was completely swollen, only her clitoris was visible. To my surprise, she went all the way down. I couldn't help but look down at my own vulva; it was spotless, slightly raised like a small bun, with a smooth slit in the middle, now separated by my two fingers. Above it was my clitoris, now bright red, probably from masturbation. Two pink branches branched out from below the clitoris. My labia minora are red, unlike those of women on TV. They're very small, almost negligible. There's a small ridge in the middle with a small opening on top, which is where I urinate. Further down, unlike those on TV, it's not a small hole, but a bunch of tender flesh. After some more flesh, a small opening appears, and the opening is very small, only about the thickness of a medium red vulva. Further inside, there are two more small holes, both about the size of two pen refills, connected by a small strip of flesh. Beyond that, you can't see anything at all. I'm so surprised; this is the first time I've observed my genitals so closely. Because I didn't understand much back then, I only heard about it from books or some young girls. I even suspected I was impotent or something, but I was still excited. The female protagonist started moaning loudly again, moving up and down, lifting her breasts with one hand. After a while, the woman stopped moving. The man held the woman's slender waist and continued to thrust violently. Several times he was too rough, and his penis slipped out, then the woman pulled it back in. After a while, the woman cried out something and started to tremble. Her legs seemed to want to close, but the man held them down. The woman could only clench her teeth. At this time, the man would stop for a moment, and the woman would finally feel the pressure and probably have orgasmed, but then there was another round of frantic thrusting. This happened 56 times. Then the woman started screaming again, and the man was panting heavily. I stared intently at the TV, imagining myself as the female lead, legs spread wide, forcefully rubbing my clitoris. My whole body tensed, and a strong urge to urinate surged through my lower body. I kept pushing, accelerating, and just as the man ejaculated, I couldn't hold back any longer. A stream of fluid gushed out from my lower body, followed by one, two, then less and less, until finally I collapsed onto the sofa, convulsing.
This time, I woke up in the evening. I felt weak all over, and my lower body ached. I felt deeply guilty, deeply guilty. I felt I had let my parents down. In their eyes, I was a good child, perfect. But what had I done? I felt so lewd. I used every shameful word I knew on myself. I swore that for my parents, this was the last time.
But then my parents started arguing endlessly and were preparing for divorce. The reason was simple: both my parents had their own companies. My mother accused my father of having affairs, and my father accused my mother of having affairs. My mother would always cry when they talked about it. I didn't want our family to break up like this. I tried my best, and although the arguments stopped, they stopped seeing each other. If one of them was home, the other wouldn't come back. I spent the entire holiday in distress. I believe that men with money become bad, so I hate my father. He destroyed my family. I could even agree to their divorce; at least I would still have my mother.
However, all of this shattered on my third day of school. I forgot my homework for the third period that morning. Since home and school are very close, less than a 15-minute bike ride round trip, I asked the teacher for leave to use the break time to get it. Just as I was about to unlock the door, I heard sounds I'd only ever heard in pornographic films. This time, the female lead was my mother, and the man was named Tianming. "Ah, um... so good, Tianming, faster, faster..." "Harder, I'm about to climax, shoot inside, I want to have your baby, ah!" Then silence. I stood there dumbfounded outside the door, unsure whether to go in or leave. Then the phone rang, followed by a man's voice, "Hello, Mr. Wang... Okay, okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes, I'll hang up now." I heard my mother's question; I knew the man was about to... I left and ran upstairs. There were some miscellaneous items on the third and a half floor, so I hid inside. Just as I hid, the door opened, and a man came out. He looked younger than my mother, wearing a suit, clearly a businessman. The man was very tall, and my mother was clinging to his neck, standing on tiptoe. My mother was dressed very daringly, wearing a pink lingerie camisole. Because she was clinging to the man, the camisole went up to her waist, leaving her completely naked below. The man left after a while, and then my mother came out again, this time changed. She was on the phone as she walked, apparently in a hurry, asking Tianming to come back and pick her up. Watching them leave, I opened the bedroom door. The scene and atmosphere inside were so lewd. My mother's pajamas were by the door, her pajama bottoms were on the sofa, her bra was on the floor, and her underwear was on the bed. The room was a complete mess, with used tissues everywhere. It wasn't hard to imagine what they had done. I wanted to cry but didn't. I just quietly took my things and left. When I returned that evening, no one was home, but the room was clean and tidy. I started to neglect my mother, and she seemed to realize something was wrong.

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The past can only be reminisced.

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