The Gentleness and Elegance of the Crotch (Part 2)

The next morning, I woke to warm sunlight streaming through the glass window. The sky was cloudless and clear, the autumn sun seeming as bright as spring in my cheerful mood. Did this kind of day foreshadow something? I spent the entire morning in deep thought. Around noon, I went to Zhao Yazhi's house. Having visited so many times, I'd never seen her husband home, and of her three sons, I'd only ever seen the youngest. This time, she was home alone again. Seeing her reminded me of what I'd done to Huang Guangye, which she knew nothing about. My guilt deepened, but it couldn't dampen my joy at seeing her again.

She gave me a forced smile when she saw me: "You're here."

Seeing she was alone at home, I understood what was going on: "Yes, Sister Zhi, how did the advertisement shoot go? The journey must have been tiring."

She said listlessly, "Everything's fine. I'm not afraid of being tired, I'm just unhappy. Yesterday at the airport, I was excitedly calling my husband, thinking I'd see him when I got home today. But when I arrived this morning, the house was empty. He told me he'd taken on another big case and couldn't come back. Sigh..."

She let out a long sigh, and my heart was touched. She was truly a woman who evoked pity. I suddenly... I wanted to take care of her, but I knew I wasn't qualified. I cautiously said, "Sister Zhi, I'm here. I know I can't compare to your family, but I'll do my best to take care of you." After saying that, I felt the word "take care" was inappropriate, but then I thought, let's just say it's like a doctor taking care of a client. Zhao Yazhi smiled faintly, "Thank you, Xiao Wen. You've been keeping me company a lot lately, relieving my loneliness. I hope it hasn't interfered with your work."

I quickly explained, "No, no, our director said that being your personal doctor is my most important job right now."

"Well, thank you for your hard work."

"It's alright. You must be tired from your journey. Let me give you a traditional Chinese massage."

"Okay, let's go to the bench in the gym then," she said. I could guess what she was thinking. If we went to her bedroom, it wouldn't be good if her husband suddenly came back and saw us. Even though it was a massage, even though Huang Jinshen had made her suffer from loneliness and hardship, she was always thinking about him. I could see that.

The gym benches were soft, and her home was filled with high-end items. She lay on the bench, wearing white tight-fitting training pants and a top, quietly waiting for my hands to roam over her body. She seemed to be free of distractions, unaware that my mind was filled with them. I said, "The most tiring part of the journey is the feet." Then, my hands trembled as I reached for her ankles. "Actually, massage works best when it's close to the skin." Before she could speak, I continued, "But it's effective even through clothing."

I lifted her ankle, gently shaking her foot with one hand, and then massaged each of her toes. Her delicate feet were visible through her white socks. I really wanted to take off her socks and see her fair feet and slender toes. My hands moved up to her calves, using alternating pressing and rubbing techniques to fully relax the muscles, accurately locating each acupoint, especially the Chengshan and Chengjin points. I was almost at her thighs when I hesitated, wanting to touch that sexy area. Massaging there is perfectly normal, but because of my guilty conscience, I finally placed my hands on her thighs. In fleshy areas, I used pushing and pulling techniques, pressing the muscles and pushing forward, then lifting the flesh. Although it was a standard movement, the actual contact with her body still excited me.

During the massage, I interspersed my movements with expressions of my own desire, roughly kneading her body like during sex, but only briefly. I'd only rub a few times before resuming the normal massage. I was afraid that if I went on too long, she'd become suspicious. This alternation, kneading her body without her knowledge, gave me a secret pleasure.

During this process, Zhao Yazhi seemed to enjoy it, making comfortable sounds: "Mmm... Hmm... Xiaowen, your technique... is very good." I said, "I practiced for a long time before, and I've reached the level of a professional massage therapist."

When I massaged her groin, my hands would occasionally touch the inside of her thighs, and she would reflexively squeeze her legs together, whether out of fear that I would touch her private parts or because she had a physiological reaction.

When I got to her buttocks, Zhao Yazhi's buttocks were right in front of me. Although she was wearing pants, they were very tight, revealing the curves of her buttocks and clearly showing their shape. I couldn't help but swallow. Without asking her opinion, I directly reached out and patted her buttocks. She twisted her body slightly but didn't say anything. I thought that if she suggested not massaging that area, it would seem like she was overthinking things, while I was simply doing my job. My patting motions varied in pressure, making a slapping sound. I even considered rubbing her for a while, but she finally spoke: "Xiaowen, there... okay, massage my back, it's been really tired lately." My

hands reluctantly left her buttocks and moved to her waist, wrapping my arms around her sides. Her body jerked. Her husband used to hold her waist like this when he was having sex with her from behind. I also wanted to grab that spot and thrust into her buttocks in that position, but I knew my place. Right now, I could only massage her.

"Ah, Xiaowen, it tickles! I'm very ticklish."

"Hehe, Sister Zhi, I've heard that people who are ticklish are very emotional." I patted her back lightly with both hands.

"Hmm, this feels very relaxing," she said in a languid tone.

Then I moved on to the back of her neck, using a lot of pinching and kneading techniques—repeatedly pinching and releasing the flesh with my whole finger or fingertip. "Sister Zhi, if I massage you more, it will have an anti-aging effect." "Oh, you're already quite young," I quickly added, correcting her. This was the first time I had touched her skin. Perhaps the neck is a very sensitive area; she let out a soft moan with each pinch.

After a while, I said, "Turn over, it's time to massage the front." But she suddenly stood up and unexpectedly said, "Ah, no need, I already feel very relaxed, let's stop here." After saying that, she got off the bench, and the moment she spread her legs, I suddenly saw a small wet patch on her genitals! My God, was she wet from my touch? Yes, it must be. Thinking of this, I felt incredibly excited and proud. My hands had actually caused such a beautiful woman to have a physiological reaction, with fluid secreting from her vagina! She's Zhao Yazhi, you know. She must have refused halfway through because she was afraid of having a bigger reaction when I massaged her front.

My inner world was churning, but I remained outwardly calm: "Okay, a massage is all about feeling yourself. If it feels good, that's enough."

She smiled serenely: "Your technique is really good. I've had massages before, but none of them were as meticulous as you."

I thought to myself, "Have they all secretly admired you like I have for so many years?" I said aloud, "Then I can massage you often in the future. Since you've already paid, you should maximize your use of me."

Zhao Yazhi frowned, just like in her roles, and said with a furrowed brow: "Xiao Wen, don't say that. Our relationship shouldn't be so materialistic." "Zhi, I never intended to take advantage of you just because I paid you. I only considered you a friend."

I was happy to hear her say she considered me a friend, but then she added, "I also respect the cook and driver at home. I treat them as friends. Cooking or driving for me is their job, but I appreciate their labor. Otherwise, we are all just friends." Hearing this, I felt both disappointed and relieved. Disappointed that she treated me no differently than anyone else, but relieved that she was truly a kind woman. My idol of so many years hadn't been disillusioned; in my heart, she had become both real and even more noble.

I tentatively asked, "Then I'll come and massage you every week on my days off, Thursday and Sunday."

"Okay, if I'm home, thank you, Xiaowen." Zhao Yazhi smiled gently, a smile so warm and compassionate. Her eyes curved into crescent moons, her gaze as pure as moonlight. Her lips curved upwards in a smile that didn't reveal her teeth. This classical smile wasn't deliberate; she was simply a woman who seemed to have stepped out of the Book of Songs. The one I longed for was on the other side of the water, and now I had finally arrived in the middle of the water, gazing at her in her white dress, her beautiful eyes sparkling with a captivating smile. For a moment, I was mesmerized.

"Xiaowen?"

I snapped out of my dreamlike reverie. "Oh, I should thank Sister Zhi, thank God."

"What are you saying, child?"

"Thank you, Sister Zhi, for recognizing my work. Thank God for giving me such a wonderful client." My explanation was satisfactory.

For days after each meeting with Zhao Yazhi, I spent my time in a state of contentment and anticipation. The previous meeting fulfilled my expectations, and I looked forward to the next. Spending time with such a beautiful person was such a wonderful experience. Upon returning home, I would always excitedly want to shout and tell strangers on the street how lucky and happy I was. They wouldn't know why I was so happy; they would only see my beaming face.

There were many young and beautiful nurses in the hospital, and I used to strike up conversations with them from time to time, because I thought my partner might be found there. After seeing Zhao Yazhi, I practically ignored them. Except for a brief greeting to acquaintances, I no longer initiated conversations with anyone. Their charm simply couldn't compare to Zhao Yazhi's, whether in terms of natural beauty or the depth of her character. Zhao Yazhi's appearance was impeccable; her beauty was unique. Other women may be beautiful, but once seen, they're forgotten. Her beauty aligns with traditional Chinese aesthetics, leaving a lasting impression and lingering long after. Millennia of Eastern tastes have seeped into our very being, shaping our unchangeable aesthetic sense, which explains why we were instantly captivated by Zhao Yazhi's Eastern beauty. She possesses a unique noble air, inspiring awe and reverence, even a hint of guilt at the thought of profaning her beauty. Yet, her nobility remains approachable, never alienating. She possesses genuine kindness from the bottom of her heart; every gesture, every smile in her dramas seems to radiate this compassion. How could we not love a woman with such a beautiful face, noble soul, and kind heart?

Thursday finally arrived, and I couldn't wait to call Zhao Yazhi early in the morning: "Sister Zhi, are you home today? I'm off today, so I'll come over!" But

her voice came through the phone in a low voice: "No need, Xiaowen, you should rest at home." She sounded unhappy, and I became anxious: "Sister Zhi, are you feeling unwell? Is something wrong?"

She didn't answer directly, but said with a hint of sadness, "It's nothing, don't worry about me." Then she sighed softly and hung up.

I was anxious and sad. What was bothering her? I finally understood the gap between us. She hadn't told me her innermost thoughts. What was I to her? Could I really expect to be close to her and share everything? A wave of sadness washed over me, and I felt hopeless at my insignificance. But thinking of her unhappiness, I forgot my own sadness and hurriedly got up to go to Zhao Yazhi's house.

The weather, like my mood, changed from sunny in the morning to gloomy. The scenery outside the car flashed by, but my gaze didn't linger; I just stared at a single point in the air. After getting off the bus, I was still some distance from Zhao Yazhi's house when it started to rain. I hadn't brought an umbrella and had nowhere to take shelter. I called Zhao Yazhi's cell phone in the drizzle, but it was switched off. I called again, but it was still off. She probably didn't want to be disturbed and wanted some peace and quiet. What could I do but walk in the rain?

I wandered aimlessly near her house, stopping to look up at her bedroom from where I could see it, and then continued walking. The wind picked up, and the rain grew slightly cold, soaking my thin clothes. There was neither wind nor rain, neither sunshine nor gloom, not out of carefree abandon but out of pain—heartache for the woman I loved. I couldn't feel the cold anymore. What was wrong with her? Could she know how deeply I worried about her? She didn't need to know, she didn't need to worry about me. As long as she was alright, that was enough.

The rain gradually intensified, blurring my vision. Perhaps it would have been blurry even without the rain. I stopped, looked up at the sky, and saw rain rushing towards me from the distant sky, dripping onto my face. I slowly lowered my head, watching it disappear into the earth. Had it traveled so far just to keep a date that would never come to fruition?

The rain stopped at my feet, but it continued to fall elsewhere. I looked up and saw an umbrella overhead. Turning around, I saw Zhao Yazhi standing behind me, holding a simple umbrella. She simply looked at me, her expression serene, her eyes seemingly filled with tenderness. I felt a dizzying happiness; everything before me seemed like an unreal illusion. She was dressed simply, without makeup, standing gracefully in the rain, like the white-clad woman seeking love by the Broken Bridge a thousand years ago. That love story, spanning countless lifetimes, was being reenacted now. We gazed at each other in silence. I wasn't afraid of her seeing my disheveled state. Shi Lin had been just as lost and heartbroken back then, but when he saw this beautiful woman's gaze, he felt enveloped in tenderness, forgetting all his worries and finding peace in the calm lake. Finally, she parted her lips slightly: "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

I said, "Sister Zhi, what's wrong? I'm worried."

She sighed softly: "Come to my house and change your clothes. Be careful not to catch a cold."

We walked side by side. At that moment, my heart was as pure as a virgin, as clear as the green mountains after the rain, my conscience cleansed by tears. Suddenly, the matter of Guangye flashed through my mind. I shuddered, filled with self-reproach and panic. What would she do if she knew what I had done? Those sordid thoughts and immoral actions were completely incompatible with the beauty before me. I tried my best to forget them and went into the room.

As I entered the room, a warm breeze enveloped me, and my slightly trembling body relaxed a little. The wet clothes clung uncomfortably to my skin, and I stood there awkwardly, hesitant to move forward for fear of getting something dirty. Zhao Yazhi urged me, "Rest on the sofa for a bit, I'll go run you a bath."

I was somewhat flattered and said, "No need, no need, I'll change into any spare clothes and take a bath when I get home. If I don't have any, it's fine, it's okay..."

She didn't allow me to argue, saying, "Just sit there and wait, I'll change and then run you a bath."

I didn't insist any further and gently sat on the sofa, only a small part of my buttocks touching the fabric, afraid of getting it wet. Watching her turn and go to the bathroom, I watched her figure. Although her waist still swayed gracefully, she seemed a little tired. I looked down, and a newspaper headline on the coffee table caught my eye: Huang Jinshen Enters Nightclub with Mysterious Woman. Below was a candid photo; the two were gazing at each other, but there was no indication of any special relationship. I suddenly realized that Zhao Yazhi must be troubled by this photo, which is why she didn't ask me to come when she called. Thinking of her, such a devoted woman, heartbroken over love, I felt a pang of pain in my heart and felt I needed to comfort her immediately, so I got up and went to the bathroom.

She was bending over, washing the bathtub, the sound of the flowing water masking my footsteps. I stood at the door, watching her, reluctant to go closer. I didn't have many opportunities to gaze at her so closely for so long, so even just seeing her back was enough. She was bent over, her left hand holding the edge of the bathtub, her right hand gently washing. I wanted to tell her she didn't need to work so hard, that I didn't mind, but I wanted to watch her a little longer, so I stood there silently.

Her buttocks were raised towards me, swaying gently with the movement of her hands, her bare, fair legs occasionally lifting up. This ordinary scene, common in every household, left me speechless and my heart pounding. Because people don't only have desires for the physical body, the spiritual level also plays a significant role. The same buttocks, if they belong to another woman, I might glance at them a couple of times, but they won't stir any ripples in my heart or leave any memory.

But when it comes to Zhao Yazhi's buttocks, the feeling is completely different. It's part of the goddess's beautiful body, the most alluring and sexy part that stirs a man's heart. It's presented realistically before me. The form-fitting dress outlines the beautiful curves of her hips, which look just right in size and shape. Despite her age, her hips haven't sagged at all, which is inseparable from her consistent exercise. It's already incredibly tempting just sitting there, let alone when it's swaying from side to side. What physiologically normal man could resist such temptation? I prayed that the bathtub would be even dirtier so she could scrub it for a longer time, but how dirty could her bathtub be?

Her calves have flawless skin, as delicate and white as porcelain. The beautiful curves of her legs become slender at the ankles, as if they could only be held and caressed, not placed on the ground. Although I can't see her thighs, with a man's rich imagination, I seem to be able to imagine the covered parts from the exposed parts, and I continue to imagine upwards, wondering what the hidden valley between her legs looks like. She has a vagina just like any other woman, she can be penetrated just like anyone else, she moans and cries out when she orgasms just like anyone else, she's no different from any other woman, she's a woman who can be slept with! And I'm a man, why can't I have her? Thinking this, my heart suddenly raced, I felt both nervous and excited about this sudden thought. I was restless, wanting to hug her from behind, grab her breasts, and rub my penis against her buttocks—how exciting and daring that would be! I felt that urge several times, but I suppressed it each time. I couldn't take that step. It wasn't about the idea that beautiful women are inviolable. No matter how pure and beautiful a woman is, if a man doesn't have to consider the consequences, he'll pounce on her like a hungry wolf to vent his desires. Purity only works on gentlemen; it has no deterrent effect on ordinary men. I'm just an ordinary man, so all I lack is the final courage.

Perhaps just being able to watch her like that would be the happiest thing for me, but happiness is often fleeting. The bathtub was almost full, and she finally got up. Before she could turn around, I quickly called out, "Sister Zhi,"

as if she thought I had just arrived. She turned and glanced at me, saying, "I put chrysanthemum, rose, lemon slices, and bath salts in the tub; they're all very good." I thought to myself that I only use water and shower gel when I shower; I don't need to be so particular. Looking at all the bottles and jars around me, I really didn't know which one to use. I stammered, "Actually, I can just use the shower... Thank you, Sister Zhi."

Just as she was about to turn and leave, I mustered my courage and said, "Sister Zhi, I saw that newspaper... I... I think you shouldn't be sad."

This kind of comfort had no effect whatsoever. She sighed softly, said, "Go take a shower," and then turned and left.

I carefully stepped into the bathtub after taking off my clothes. The water temperature was just right, and I lay down comfortably. Colorful flowers floated on the surface, as if they were blooming again before my eyes, given a second life. And where in life can one find spring again? I greedily inhaled the sweet fragrance.

Why is a woman described as gentle as water? The texture of water is indeed incredibly gentle, gently enveloping the body according to its shape, leaving no gaps. Nothing is more intimate than water. I thought of Zhao Yazhi's hand, which had once lingered in this water, and now, being in this water, even being able to indirectly touch it was a kind of self-deceptive happiness. Which piece of water had touched her hand just now? Which part of my body was this water touching now? I fantasized about this humble little happiness.

How wonderful it would be if she could bathe with me! Her body would be even smoother in the water, and her beautiful face would be even more charming and rosy under the rising steam. She's right outside; could she come in and step into the bathtub? How excited I would be then!

I suddenly snapped out of it. I had intended to comfort her, but I had no idea how she was feeling. I needed to get out and talk to her quickly. So I hastily rubbed myself a couple of times and got out of the bathtub. Just then, Zhao Yazhi knocked on the door and said, "I'll get you some clean clothes to change into later."

She assumed I was still in the bathtub and couldn't see me, so she pushed the door open and came in. She hadn't expected that I had just come out completely naked. I quickly turned back to get back into the bathtub, but slipped on the water and fell, hitting my hip on the edge of the tub. Luckily, the edge was smooth and didn't have any sharp edges, but I still felt the pain. She saw both of these unexpected events and was at a loss, unsure whether to leave to hide from my nakedness or help me up. She stood there hesitating for a moment.

I didn't get up either. Zhao Yazhi probably felt bad about leaving me, whose injuries were unclear, on the ground. She quickly walked over and knelt down beside me, asking with concern, "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Good heavens, was she really going to ignore my nakedness and my private parts? Just as I thought of this, she grabbed a bath towel and draped it over my lower body. I was impressed by her calm and composed demeanor; she was truly a woman of impeccable manners. I asked if I was alright and tried to stand up, holding onto the bathtub for support. She held my arm and said, "Don't stand up all at once. Try to stand up little by little."

As a doctor, I understood this principle. I knew I was fine, but I wanted her to hold me for a while longer, so I pretended to be cautious and slowly stood up, using the bath towel in my left hand to cover my lower body.

I said to Zhao Yazhi, "Sister Zhi, I'm fine. I didn't break any bones."

She breathed a sigh of relief, "That's good. You've fallen twice at my house already. Now, change your clothes in a bit." Then she turned and left.

I sadly removed the bath towel, my body exposed to the air again. I hated my own cowardice. Why didn't I take the bath towel away earlier and hug her without hesitation? There were only the two of us in this house; what was there to be afraid of? I slowly put on my clothes. They all seemed new, probably bought by one of her sons but never worn. After I dressed, I went to the living room. Zhao Yazhi sat quietly on the sofa, her thoughtful expression heartbreaking. The newspaper was still lying on the coffee table. I sat down on the sofa, keeping a distance from her. I wanted to comfort her about the newspaper, but I didn't know how to start.

I couldn't let the awkward silence continue. "Sister Zhi, I think... there must be some misunderstanding. Don't worry..."

Before I could finish, Zhao Yazhi said, "Yes, it must be a misunderstanding. I called him. He's in Guangdong investigating and gathering evidence. That woman is his client. His contact with her is for work purposes. I believe him, I believe him."

Her words were meant for me, but also seemed to be for herself, to give herself confidence.

I carefully chose my words: "Yes, the most important thing between husband and wife is communication, understanding, and trust."

Zhao Yazhi leaned back against the sofa, sinking deeper into it, and said in a somewhat melancholic, detached tone, "Yes, husband and wife, over twenty years of marriage." After that, we remained silent for a long time. I didn't know how to break the silence without seeming abrupt.

At this moment, Zhao Yazhi spoke up: "For over twenty years, outsiders only know that our marriage is happy and loving, but who knows the troubles in every family?"

I thought she must have a desire to confide in me at this moment, so I just listened quietly and was a good listener. Sure enough, she began to talk about their past: "My first marriage was very unfortunate. It's hard for two people with such different personalities to be happy together. Many things in life are not destined to be beautiful, but it's all in the past, and I don't want to recall it anymore."

She paused and continued: "Fortunately, I met Huang Jinshen. This is the happiest thing in my life. It seems that my first love truly arrived when I was with him." A girlish shyness appeared on her face, as if she had returned to the season of love. "We are very compatible, our personalities suit each other, and we admire each other. He was very romantic and passionate when he was young, and he also had female confidantes, but I knew clearly that he loved me, so I didn't make unfounded accusations."

"Later, he became a lawyer, and his work became increasingly busy. While he was at home, I might be filming or attending events, so it was inevitable that we would be apart for long periods. I also heard rumors about him from time to time, but I always believed in his love for me, and I have always loved him deeply, without any change. I tried my best to be a good wife and a good mother, and I think I did." As she said this, she raised her head and looked at me with a firm gaze. I sincerely admired her: "Sister Zhi, you are truly a gentle yet strong woman."

She continued, "Whenever I'm home, I cook for my husband and sons myself, taking meticulous care of them, paying attention to their homework, their performance at school, and their emotional changes. I think I have a clear conscience towards this family." She lowered her head

and remained silent for a while, then suddenly became somewhat agitated: "But Jin Shen, how could you do this to me? Maybe you're innocent with every woman, but even if you are, there are too many possibilities. I've never said these things to my friends. I've told everyone, on every show, that you're such a devoted family man. But women are selfish; they don't want to share their husbands with other women. Can't you dispel that little bit of doubt in my heart?"

Zhao Yazhi's sudden change in mood left me somewhat at a loss, but her words didn't seem to be directed at me; it sounded like she was talking to her husband in her heart. I didn't know how to interject. She let out a long sigh: "Xiaowen, I hope you're not annoyed by all this complaining." I quickly replied, "No, no, maybe it'll make me feel better after I've said it."

Just then, the phone rang. Zhao Yazhi cleared her throat and got up to answer it. She always wanted to present a good image to the outside world, but what woman doesn't have moments of vulnerability? She glanced at the caller ID and said with some doubt, "An unknown number. Who would know my home phone number?" But she answered anyway.

"Hello... um, this is..." Her voice remained soft and her tone elegant.

"Okay, tell me what happened... What? What happened to Guangye... Okay, I'll be right there." Something must have happened to Guangye. I saw Zhao Yazhi's face turn pale instantly. She said to me in a hurried voice,

"Guangye is injured and hospitalized. I need to get to the hospital right away." I said, "What happened to him? I'll go with you."

She hurriedly changed her clothes, and without even calling the driver, she drove off herself. I sat in the back seat, and I was a little worried watching her drive so anxiously. Luckily, the hospital wasn't too far away; if it were my hospital, it would be much farther. When we arrived at the hospital, we went straight to the emergency room, but were told to wait at the entrance. Guangye had just gone in; his spleen had ruptured and was bleeding! Zhao Yazhi was stunned when she heard this.

Just then, a nurse came out anxiously and said, "We're running out of AB blood." The man at the door said, "How could we not have enough?" The nurse said, "Someone was injured just now, and a new mother also had AB blood. The blood bank's AB blood reserves have all been used up, and we haven't had time to requisition any more." Zhao Yazhi became even more anxious:

"Then you must think of a solution quickly! I'm type O, can I donate to him?" The nurse said, "No, only type O."

I calmly told the nurse, "Take mine, I'm type AB. Don't worry about hospital regulations about not collecting blood on your own right now, saving lives is the priority. I'm a doctor too, and I'm very healthy. Let's solve this immediate problem. Go and get the blood now." The nurse glanced at the doctor, who nodded in agreement. So I followed the nurse to have my blood drawn. Zhao Yazhi grabbed my hand and said, "Thank you, Xiaowen." I looked at her; her eyes were full of tears and gratitude. I squeezed her hand tightly and said, "It's okay, Sister Zhi, Guangye will be alright."

Before, I only donated 200cc of blood at a time, but this time it was 600cc. I was very nervous, watching the red blood flow from my arm into the blood bag. My palms were sweating, but I persevered. I was willing to make this sacrifice for Zhao Yazhi. She was watching me, undoubtedly feeling grateful and guilty. Thinking of this, I actually felt a sense of pride; I could do something for the woman I loved.

My blood was transfused into Guangye's body. The doctor told us that this was the most crucial time for blood donation. After a while, the blood bank's blood arrived, and Guangye finally pulled through. Zhao Yazhi held my hand, almost crying with emotion. I knew it was because her heart was finally at ease, and also because she was grateful to me. When you help a woman in her most difficult time, she will trust you like family, seeing you as her most reliable person. I enjoyed this feeling, but given her son's situation, I shouldn't have such thoughts.

After calming down, Zhao Yazhi asked the doctor about the cause of Guangye's injury. The doctor said, "When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, his classmates briefly said that he was walking with his head down, seemingly lost in thought, when he was hit in the abdomen by a spring-loaded door handle and fell to the ground. It was an emergency, so we rushed back after ascertaining the location of the injury. We don't know the specifics."

Zhao Yazhi frowned angrily, "What's wrong with this child? Xiaowen, after you talked to him, he seemed fine. Why is he so distracted at school?"

I was shocked. It was all my fault. My momentary indulgence had dragged Guangye into this abyss. My sins would surely be washed away with my blood, but even that wouldn't lessen my guilt. I couldn't show it in front of Zhao Yazhi. I said guiltily, "Well… let's talk to him again sometime. Adolescence is full of… emotional fluctuations, um."

I didn't know what to say. I felt I couldn't face them, especially with them both present.

Zhao Yazhi and I were both preoccupied with our own thoughts, and the wait outside felt incredibly long. Finally, the doctor came out and said we could go see him. Zhao Yazhi rushed in, and I followed her. Guangye looked pale and haggard, but he was still conscious. Zhao Yazhi stroked his head with boundless affection, unable to utter the scolding she had outside, only softly saying, "How could you be so careless? It must hurt so much." Guangye glanced at me behind him, then looked at Zhao Yazhi and said, "Mom, don't worry, the doctor said I'm fine now."

Zhao Yazhi pulled me to the bedside and said to Huang Guangye, "Guangye, it was Xiaowen's blood that saved you. You should thank him."

Guangye looked at me expressionlessly, bit his lip, and said, "Thank you, Xiaowen."

I said fearfully, "Guangye, it's alright. Just rest well, you'll get better soon." I was very grateful that Guangye hadn't exposed me, but in this... I couldn't stand that environment any longer. Luckily, the doctor came over and said, "You should go out first. He's very tired. Let him rest a bit more."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Zhao Yazhi, however, was reluctant to leave. At the hospital entrance, I said I was going home, but Zhao Yazhi insisted on driving me. Along the way, despite my objections, she bought me a lot of nutritional supplements. She still said gratefully, "Xiaowen, thank you so much for today."

I felt unworthy of such words: "Sister Zhi, I'm happy to be able to do anything for you. Please don't say that."

Perhaps my words were ambiguous, because Zhao Yazhi blushed slightly. When we arrived near my residence, I said, "I won't invite you to my house. It's too humble. You should go home quickly too." Zhao Yazhi said, "I'll go home to rest, grab some things, and then go take care of Guangye. You must be weak. You should also take care of yourself. I'm leaving." "I watched her car disappear into the distance, overwhelmed with mixed emotions. If I hadn't done what I did to Guangye, I would be so proud and at peace with myself now. But my actions now feel like an act of atonement. I sighed and went back to my room to lie down. I was truly weak. I suddenly realized that at such a crucial moment, Zhao Yazhi hadn't called her husband. Was it because Huang Jinshen was in Guangdong and couldn't help her, or was she afraid he would worry and so she was bearing it all alone? I couldn't figure it out."

The way she relied on me at that moment made me incredibly happy. A surge of masculine pride welled up within me, a desire to cherish my woman. Thinking back, since becoming Zhao Yazhi's personal doctor, my life had undergone a dramatic transformation, and my relationship with her had gradually changed as well. I went from being her personal doctor, an outsider, to someone deeply involved in her private life. She occupied my mind and body, appearing repeatedly in my thoughts every day. Her joys and sorrows tugged at my heartstrings. Countless times I wanted to pin her down and taste her body, but I never actually did it. The more I suppressed my desire, the stronger it became. Countless times, I would either imagine her face, watch that sex video, or simply watch her sleeping on video, releasing my burning, yearning semen with my hand. Then I would be lost in endless longing for her. Lost in these thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up feeling dizzy. Remembering I hadn't eaten dinner the night before, I ate something. I felt too physically for work today, so I picked up my phone to ask my supervisor for leave. I saw a message from Zhao Yazhi: "Xiaowen, I'm taking care of Guangye at the hospital. Seeing his sleeping face puts my mind at ease. It's late at night, but I can't sleep at all; my mind is in turmoil." There were a few more messages, all about women's worries—about their families, husbands, and children—and she mentioned me too. Reading the messages, my heart ached. She hadn't slept all night; how difficult that long night must have been, how many trivial things must have tormented her.

So I replied to Zhao Yazhi first: "Sister Zhi, the nurses at the hospital will take good care of Guangye. You can stay at the hospital during the day and go home to sleep tonight." Zhao Yazhi replied quickly; it seemed she hadn't slept yet: "I know, Xiaowen. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. My husband will be back soon. You should also take care of yourself and don't go to work today." I was speechless. After asking for leave, I put down my phone, lost in thought.

Guangye recovered quickly and went home to recuperate after a few days. Zhao Yazhi told me that Huang Jinshen had returned home and was heartbroken to see Guangye, but his case required him, so he left again soon. He hasn't stayed home for more than a few days in a long time.

I don't know what Huang Jinshen is thinking. Is a man's career really that important, more important than his beautiful wife, more important than his own son? In the past, all I heard about him was that he would bring his family to visit Zhao Yazhi on set; he seemed like a man who cared deeply about relationships. How could he become like this? Doesn't he know how many people envy him, being able to openly have sex with Zhao Yazhi? This is the dream of many men; how can he not cherish it?

I also wish he weren't home, so I could have more opportunities to be with Zhao Yazhi, but I feel sorry for her loneliness at home. Treating a beautiful woman like this is an unforgivable sin. I long to comfort her like her husband, to offer her a strong shoulder to lean on and a broad chest to embrace. If it were just that simple thought, I wouldn't feel guilty. I have an uncontrollable desire for her body, which constantly confuses and torments me.

I don't know what to do. At first, I was determined to have sex with Zhao Yazhi.

As our relationship deepened, although my desire to have sex with her grew stronger, I also became increasingly reluctant to ruin this perfect goddess. My feelings were conflicted, and I still am now. I don't know whether to go all in and have sex with her, or to completely give up this idea. The former would allow me to taste her body and fulfill my greatest wish, but who knows what would happen if I did? Would we be estranged? Would I end up in jail? The latter would allow me to remain friends with her for a long time, but her beautiful body is often before my eyes, and I am unable to enjoy it. It's a painful temptation, like a hungry person facing delicious food but unable to eat. And so, I spend my days in the happiness of my relationship with her and the difficult, painful choice.

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