"Oral Account: When My Husband Becomes a 'Shared File'" Narrator: Ying (pseudonym)

Narrator: Ying (pseudonym), female, 33 years old, employee of a private company in Jinan. Married for 8 years, with a daughter under two years old.
Text:
For eight years of marriage, I had been living a sweet and happy dream in what I thought was a perfect marriage. However, one day, a cruel reality shattered my dream. I suddenly learned that more than two years earlier, in another city, another woman had been "sharing" my husband with me. December 18
, 2004
—I will never forget this day. Because for me, this day meant unspeakable bitterness and pain.
That night, around nine o'clock, my husband left without a word. An hour passed, and he didn't return. I couldn't hold back any longer and called his cell phone to ask what he was doing outside. My husband stammered and replied, "I'm helping a friend with some things." I clearly felt that he was trying to hide something from me, so I said, "Can't you come back and explain before you leave? If you don't come back, I'll wait outside."
At eleven o'clock, he drove back. He came in and immediately said he had to go rescue someone; someone had overdosed on poison. My in-laws and I, who live with us, were completely bewildered by this abrupt and nonsensical statement. My husband seemed unwilling to explain further and tried to leave immediately. I stopped him, and my in-laws joined me in urging him to "explain things clearly before you go." My husband, somewhat agitated, blurted out, "To tell you the truth, I have another wife!"
Hearing such words from a husband would be unbearable for any woman. Caught completely off guard, I fainted. My in-laws were stunned, and the house descended into chaos. In the panic, my husband called his sister, who lived nearby, to take care of me, while he insisted on leaving. My father-in-law, unable to bear it any longer, scolded him, "You can't be so shameful!" But he suddenly knelt on the ground, kowtowing repeatedly, begging his parents to let him go. I came to my senses and knew that my family's objections wouldn't change my husband's mind, so I said to my father-in-law, "Let him go. I'll go with him and see what happened."
Around midnight, my husband drove me and his older sister to S City. We arrived at our destination around 7 a.m.
the next It was clear that my husband cared a lot about this woman. Just because he sensed her low spirits from our conversations over the past few days, and he hadn't been able to contact her all day yesterday, he was worried she might do something foolish, which was why he rushed to her side that night. In front of me, my husband didn't shy away from showing concern for Fei, constantly asking her how she was doing. This scene gradually brought my previously confused thoughts back to normal. I was now fully aware of the problems in my marriage. With my mind clear, I calmed down: "I know what's going on. I won't allow this to happen to me. I'm willing to divorce you both." Perhaps my calm attitude surprised my husband; he seemed to regret the trip. So he abandoned his plan to stay another day in S City and drove me back to Jinan that same day. That evening, my in-laws, worried about me, wouldn't let me go anywhere. The next day was Monday, and by the time I went to work, I had made up my mind not to go back home. Tuesday evening, my in-laws invited my parents and my aunt—the person who had introduced us—and then called me home from work. The elders took turns trying to persuade me to give up the idea of divorce. But I couldn't convince myself to face my husband the way I used to, even though I considered that my daughter was still young and I didn't want the family to break up. The elders wanted my husband to make a statement. He said, "I know I was wrong. I can change, but it's very difficult..." His attitude chilled me to the bone. I left with the words, "I still choose divorce," and went inside to comfort the children. My husband followed me into our room. Then, he confessed to me the entire story of how he and Fei met online and became inseparable, even including every detail he could remember… It was March 2002. My husband, influenced by his colleagues, became fond of online chatting. Fei, who lived in S City, entered his life at this time. When she met my husband, Fei was already married with children. She had a very easy job in S City, and online chatting was her main way of passing the time. After they became addicted to chatting, their relationship quickly heated up. Taking advantage of their work, Q City, located between Jinan and S City, became their relatively fixed meeting place. They continued this relationship for more than two years without my knowledge. In addition to going to Q City, my husband also went to S City to meet Fei many times, and occasionally, Fei would also come to Jinan. Actually, during this period, I accidentally saw two ambiguous text messages on my husband's phone and sensed something was wrong. I trusted our relationship too much, and at the time, I only asked my husband for an explanation and didn't pursue the matter further. Perhaps, in my husband's eyes, his relationship with Fei was just a supplement to their marriage. But Fei's thoughts seemed more complex. Although she told my husband she "didn't want a formal title, just to be together often," after getting together with him, she divorced, and the child went to her husband. As a result, she poured all her attention and energy into my husband, even expressing her willingness to have a child with him. My husband's assessment of Fei was, "She's so doting, practically a 'love-obsessed' woman." I asked my husband who was more important to him, me or Fei. He told me painfully, "You two each occupy 50% of my heart. I can't let go of either of you—you have children and elderly parents, and I don't want this family to fall apart; she's all alone, she has nothing but me, and I can't bear to hurt her." I was heartbroken! Did he intend to forever juggle between two women like this? But how could I tolerate another woman "sharing" a husband with me?! Even if I turn a blind eye, would Fei really give up so easily?! My husband showed me their chat history, and I could clearly sense that Fei is a shrewd and calculating person. Compared to her, my husband is so naive and simple that since they met, he has always been in a passive position, practically obeying Fei's every word. For example, she introduced him to all her friends, took him to meet her parents, and even prepared a complete set of household items for him in her house, turning it into another home for him… My husband has fallen deeper and deeper into this carefully laid trap of tenderness, unable to extricate himself. These past few days have brought me, who had previously only tasted the sweetness of married life, a variety of other flavors—bitter, spicy, sour, and salty. Shock, anger, resentment, helplessness, confusion… a flood of feelings overwhelmed me, leaving me somewhat at a loss. During this time, Fei also sent my husband text messages, maintaining contact. Perhaps my words, "I can get a divorce so you can be together," gave Fei hope; she desperately wanted to know the final outcome of our story. Fortunately, my husband didn't disappoint me again this time. After confessing his infidelity, he deleted Fei from his QQ friends list and voluntarily handed his phone to me for safekeeping. I know that for someone as soft-hearted as him, saying "goodbye" to this affair would come at a painful price. He did this simply hoping to use my help to extricate himself from this emotional quagmire as quickly as possible. Although I was the one who suffered the most throughout this whole ordeal, before I could even heal my wounds, I faced a new challenge—helping my once-lost husband find himself again. After all, our eight years of marriage together hold so many beautiful memories.

I don't know what trials our marriage will face in the future, but I hope everything that has happened these past few days has taught my husband two words: cherish.
[Postscript]
A few days after Ying told me her story, she came to the newspaper office again. The second time we met, the helplessness and confusion she had shown during her first conversation were gone; she appeared very calm. But I could clearly sense the resilience hidden within that calmness—the defense and steadfastness of a wounded woman for her marriage. She said that she and her husband had many heart-to-heart talks during this time, and her husband supported her telling their story so that more people would know that online dating is not a game to be played.
Many days have passed since I last saw Ying; I wonder how she is feeling now. With thoughts of Ying on her mind, the new year has arrived. I hope Ying's forgiveness and hard work can awaken her husband's lost heart, and that this little family will soon return to peace and harmony.
Source: Urban Women's Daily
Editor: Da Kui

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"Oral Account: When My Husband Becomes a 'Shared File'" Narrator: Ying (pseudonym)

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