Chongming Xantong Extra: The Happy Life of Brother Guofu

Character Setting
: Yu Guofu: The protagonist, the old Chinese medicine doctor in the main story, representing the demon's childhood.
Ruan Ku: The protagonist's master's wife, a Western Region beauty with a seductive face and a voluptuous figure.
Niu Chajun: The protagonist's senior sister, a proud and somewhat clumsy young lady who often has short-circuited imaginations.
My home is located beside the Dripping Pool on Zhengren Peak, where, according to legend, Emperor Yao once brewed wine, named "Hua Yao."
Hua Yao Qiongye is the source of all wines, said to be able to intoxicate even celestial beings, but the recipe has long been lost. Unexpectedly, it was created by my master ten years ago. The wine brewed by my master is exceptionally fragrant and strong. From afar, it smells like the arrogant wine of a powerful alchemist, but upon closer tasting, it is like the apricot rain of Jiangnan, dispelling all sorrows. The Dripping Pool is bustling with activity, attracting a constant stream of carriages and horses.
Countless wine merchants from Shanling Bridge offer high prices to purchase the secret recipe, but my master puts on a cold face, saying in a wise manner: "This wine recipe was told to me by Emperor Yao in a dream." I brew this wine solely to continue the lost teachings of the sages, not for any other use. You greedy fools, why don't you leave quickly and not disturb my cultivation?
After the wine merchants have gone far away, my master will put down his aloof demeanor and jokingly say to me: Taro, aren't these people stupid? What kind of secret recipe is this? It's just the strong liquor from Xinghua Village mixed with our precious spring water!
Besides selling fake wine, my master is also good at physiognomy. When the master was giving his fortune readings, the first half was always off-the-cuff and wildly inaccurate, like mistaking a cook for a Shang dynasty official or a prime minister. The second half, however, was remarkably accurate in its understanding of human nature, especially in matters of marriage. The master would simply calculate the couple's birth charts, ramble on about the I Ching, and declare them a once-in-a-century match, destined for a harmonious and loving marriage, with their bloodline continuing within a year. If the master lacked inspiration and couldn't concoct a perfect match, he would simply say they were a pair destined for a tragic end, and after their return, both families would be filled with discontent. When scandals are exposed, in-laws become enemies.
Even more mysteriously, even if the master's divination was wrong, describing a wicked merchant as "a virtuous person, only you haven't realized it," that merchant would return home and start building roads and bridges, accumulating good karma; a local tyrant would be portrayed as chivalrous and righteous, instantly reforming and becoming a Robin Hood-like figure; a corrupt official portrayed as ruthless and corrupt would suddenly become honest and diligent; and a thief who was considered a kind-hearted thief would suddenly become a simple and honest farmer. When
I was young, I greatly admired my master, my eyes filled with stars. Xingdi asked his master, "Master Hongru, why do you speak so fluently and know so much?" The master's ears turned red. "What nonsense about Master Hongru? Taro, how can you speak so incoherently at such a young age? And you dare to tease your master? Are you asking for trouble?" "Master! I truly admire you. How do you know those people will abandon evil and do good for the community?" "Fu'er, I've taught you Mandarin since you were little, but as soon as your master's wife arrived, you spoke with a thick Northeastern accent. It's giving me a headache!" "Oh dear..." "Taro promises to speak properly from now on and never speak that Guanwai dialect again. Please have mercy and tell Taro today, how did you know they would become such good people? Only by teaching Taro the art of physiognomy today can Taro protect our family's legacy in the future. Look at Yu Kuigui, now he's idle and good-for-nothing. Besides being chased and beaten by his stupid senior sister every day, and helping his master's wife correct her Mandarin, he can only eat and wait to die. He has no skills to rely on. After he passes away, our village will be nothing but ruins. Master Tang Yao will blame us." "You're so sharp-tongued! All I see is you bullying your senior sister and teaching your master's wife Mandarin. The other day when I woke up, your master's wife asked me, 'My lord, I want you,' is that the highest form of greeting in Mandarin? I almost lost my composure!" "Master, it's precisely because I'm idle and bored every day that I joked around with my master's wife and senior sister. If you were to teach me the art of physiognomy today, I would definitely get up at the crack of dawn and study diligently without fail, and I guarantee I would never bother my master's wife and senior sister again." "It's not that I'm unwilling to teach you, it's just that I..." "Your physiognomy skills are self-taught, bestowed by a celestial being. How can I teach you?" "Master, I've heard many of your bedroom secrets from your master's wife. If you continue to play dumb today, I'll turn your sordid affairs into a storytelling performance, 'The Great Scholar Battles the Western Region Barbarian Woman,' and have the village boy broadcast ten episodes daily. Surely, your name will then spread far and wide, making you a national hero who fought against the barbarians!" "You hopeless disciple! I'll take you in today!" "Master, I knew this would happen..." "I've already copied ten copies of the storytelling and handed them to Xiao Hei. If you happen to use your 'always-on Uzi at home, never lacking calcium for murder and silencing' skills today, then the reputation of 'Golden Spear of the Scholar' will be firmly established!" Master, with his hair in a crown, rushed towards me, yelling "Waaah!" Thus began the much-loved daily routine of parkour within the Di Shui Guan.
I, relying on my small size and agility, dodged and weaved; Master, on the other hand, moved with graceful movements, soaring and circling, flying left and right. My clumsy senior sister stood on the wall, munching on dried fish while muttering: Master, add... "Oil! ...If Master catches taro, Xiao Cha will give Master dried fish to eat!" Master's wife, Ruan Ku, sat in the pavilion by the pond, watching the two men in the courtyard, covered in sweat and having a great time. Her eyes were full of laughter as she called out in her broken Mandarin: "Dan na, Taro, you've done your job!" A
moment later, Master lost his composure, crashing headlong into the locust tree in the courtyard, falling straight down, nose bleeding profusely, looking utterly pathetic. I was about to put my hands on my hips and laugh at Master when he broke the locust tree, which landed squarely on me.
"Fu'er, do you still remember the eight-character mantra I taught you?"
"What are you doing? Our relationship is like father and son, no need for such a grand ceremony! ...While your master certainly possessed some masculine charm in the past, and your admiration for me is understandable, to be honest, I still harbored some selfish motives back then, after all, your master is naturally gifted..." "No! Master, last night I observed the stars and already calculated that I am destined for marriage with Cuihua at the village entrance, Lanzhuang at the village end, and Bailing from the blacksmith's house on the west side of the village. Please, Master, act as matchmaker and propose marriage for me!" "..." The scene froze. Fortunately, my master's wife gracefully emerged from the main room, changed my master's bandages, and then helped me up. I massaged my muscles and bones. My master gently held his wife's hand, reminiscing, "Your wife suffered confinement in her early years, rendering her unable to bear children. For many years, she has felt guilty towards me. Actually, I just wanted to say to you and your master, Lingqing, that from the day you and Acha entered my life, the four of us have been one family. What does blood relation matter? Taro, you always ask me why I can always speak prophetically. The truth is, people are inherently good. I simply planted a seed of kindness in the hearts of the villagers, and more kindness from others came to nourish it. Peach and plum trees do not speak, yet a path is formed beneath them. There is no such thing as the ability to speak prophetically in this world. Your master doesn't..." "I am but a commoner, and all I know and have learned in my life is to cultivate myself and do good for others. There are no immortals in these remote mountains and counties, only kind-hearted commoners like Master. But as the saying goes, many small acts of kindness accumulate to form a great tower; it is precisely through the convergence of the kindness of countless commoners that the mountains and counties have finally achieved great order." "Master, although I am very moved, do I look like a fool?" "..." "A great villain who has committed evil for half his life can suddenly become a good person. Master, such stories only appear in the books that Sister Acha reads. Your disciple understands the truth in Master's words, but I beg you..." "Be sure to tell Taro the truth.
Yu Hongru: The protagonist's master, a physiognomist from the Drip Water Pavilion on Zhengren Peak. He has no children, but treats his young disciple as his own.
Taro has learned his master's skills and will surely be like his master, suppressing evil and promoting good, protecting the people of the Three Mountains!" The master remained silent for a long time, then sighed: "Enough." He dismissed his master's wife and entered the dripping water curtain.
Behind the dripping water curtain was a magnificent cave. It was autumn dusk, and the moonlight shining through the water curtain turned into an eerie purple. I held my master's hand tightly and walked deeper and deeper into the cave.
The purple light, like a tangible form, transformed into a purple flower at the end of the cave.
"Remember, without losing your pure heart, you will achieve enlightenment."
"Guard your mind and silently recite these eight words of mantra, then follow me."
As I walked within three steps of the purple flowers, a strange, intoxicating fragrance suddenly filled the air, captivating my senses. I quickly covered my mouth and nose, silently reciting: "Without losing your pure heart, you will achieve enlightenment." Suddenly, an image of a strange bird with double pupils appeared in my mind, coldly watching me and whispering: "Do you want to become a god?"
Years ago, when I recited the mantra, I had never experienced anything like this. My mind momentarily lost focus, and the strange fragrance took advantage of the moment. The image of my master's wife appeared before me. She walked towards me from within the purple flowers, swaying with every step, graceful and alluring. My master's wife's voluptuous figure drew closer and closer, finally touching my face.
My master's wife's tongue touched my earlobe, while her slender hand grabbed my little taro, giggling, "My little taro has grown up so much, I'm so happy." I stammered, "Master's wife, what are you doing here? By the way, where's Master? I can't see him.
Where did he go?"
My master's voice didn't answer, but her hot breath repeatedly patted my ear, cheek, and collarbone... Huh? Something's wrong! My master's wife actually peeled off my inner shirt and passionately sucked on my nipple.
"Master's wife! What are you doing? Hmm... Oh... Where's Master? Master..." My master's wife's hot breath gradually moved upwards, and I felt as if I had turned into a ball of scalding heat, completely melting my body. I closed my eyes, letting myself be torn apart by my master's wife's breath. The heat finally stopped, and I looked closely, and in front of me were my master's wife's high, firm breasts.
"Little Taro, you're so heartless! You only think of your master and don't love your mistress at all." Before I could defend myself, my mistress said seductively, "Little Taro, you're so pitiful. You've never had a mother, and you've probably never tasted a mother's flavor. Come here, your mistress has milk here, it's fragrant and sweet." I was completely captivated, and my hands involuntarily grabbed my mistress's soft breasts. The feel was indescribable, as if it were a natural place for a man's hands to rest. I could never get enough of touching them. My face couldn't help but be buried in my mistress's vast bosom, and I absentmindedly called out, "Mama."
It got dark, and my master and I lay by the Dripping Water Pool to cool off. The sound of the water was so gentle that it evoked thoughts of the deepest hell. My master adjusted the plaster on his nose and said slowly, "Taro, your mistress is a pitiful person. You must not mistreat her in the future. In the past, a group of Arab merchants passed through my Dripping Water Pool. The cargo boxes were covered with black cloth. I don't need to guess, they had slaughtered a Hu village on the way and were also smuggling some 'human goods'." Unexpectedly, the carriage carrying your master's wife was startled. The unruly horses galloped wildly, throwing your master's wife and all the goods out. I knew that being exposed meant certain death. Your master's wife was barely clothed, her body covered in whip marks, not a single patch of unscathed flesh. Two Arabs leaped out, stuffed cloth into her mouth, and dragged her into the camel caravan. I couldn't bear it. Relying on my past favor with the Arab chieftain, I made up a story that your master's wife and I were destined for each other, begging them to leave her with me. The Arab chieftain couldn't help but smile, giving me face. Hearing this, I disregarded my pain and sorrow, jumped up, and knelt before my master.
Thus, my daily parkour routine in the Dripping Water Pavilion came to an end.
Opening my eyes, I returned to the Dripping Water Pavilion. My master's wife, her face flushed, was wiping away my sweat. My master sat in the distance with a complicated expression, and my senior sister was munching on dried fish with a mischievous grin.
"Master's wife!? You!?"
Senior sister said, "You're awake, you stinky taro! You've really embarrassed yourself this time! That night you were..." Master Ling Qinghong said, "Xiao Jun, don't talk nonsense!" Master seemed to be lost in thought. After regaining his senses, he hesitated for a moment, "Fu'er, it's good that you're awake. That night you were possessed by a demon, your mind was in turmoil, and everything you saw and heard was an illusion. Don't think about it anymore." "Ten dried cod!" "Deal! You can't go back on your word!
" This is my first victory against this mischievous junior brother!
That "smiling without saying a word" trick is so effective! Ah Cha, Ah Cha, you're a genius! The whole world is proud of you! You managed to embarrass your junior brother again and earned ten dried fish—well done! Hahaha! This is so satisfying!
"I want it cold. Otherwise, five dried fish." Jokingly, who am I? I've fought you for over ten years without a single defeat, okay?
"Senior sister, stop grinning like an idiot, you're drooling all over your shoes." I tried to sit up, but I couldn't muster any strength, especially in my legs, which felt like two pieces of paper. "Pour me a bowl of water and some..." "Go get it yourself!" "Nine." "Hey!"
"Seven."
"Little taro, you're so pitiful, missing your mother so much. Why don't you come inside your mother's body? [The rest of the text is nonsensical and likely machine-generated gibberish.]" The girl comforted herself for her beloved dried fish. "Where's the hot water? Where's the hot water? I'll find a kettle of hot water to scald you to death!"
"Hold it properly!" the girl said coldly, handing over the water cup. "
Senior sister, I can't muster any strength. Can you help me sit up?" "Hey! I said, are you even a man?" "Help me up, five dried fish, give me water, and five more." Lesson learned: a combination of kindness and severity.
For my beloved dried fish…sigh…drink, drink, drink! I’ll choke you to death! The girl reluctantly waited until I finished drinking, then finally burst into laughter: “Ha! Ha! Ha! You stinky taro! You’re so embarrassing! That night you were so scared of the demon in the cave that you peed your pants! Hahaha!” What? Just peeing your pants? But why are my legs so weak? No, no, I’ve read about this feeling in a book before, it’s…excessive yang…I mean, silly senior sister, are you really that clueless…? The girl over there still had a wild imagination, showing off her lack of common sense: “No, no, no, you definitely didn’t just pee your pants, you definitely pooped on yourself too, when your master’s wife washed your pants I saw sticky stuff on them! Fishy and smelly, you must have been so scared of the demon that you lost control of your bowels and pooped and peed! Hahahaha!” Master’s wife? That’s right! According to my master, the master’s wife I saw that night must have been an illusion. That’s right! My master's wife's Mandarin isn't quite that good... Wait... Stupid senior sister said there's a demon in that cave... Could it be that she went there before? Yes, everyone knows about the cave... But why... why have my master, master's wife, and senior sister always kept the cave's affairs a secret from me, and why were they all safe when they went, while I'm the only one bewitched by my inner demon?
"Senior sister, you've also been to that cave and seen the demon?"
"Of course, back then, my master took me to that cave. I'm much better than you! The inner demon originally gave me a lot of rare dried fish, but when I recited the eight-character mantra, I discovered that those dried fish were just a cloud of purple mist. In a fit of anger, I... Ah! Oh no... Master doesn't allow us to talk about these things with you! I let it slip in my pride! Humph! I won't say another word to you!" It sounds so easy. Purple mist... It seems those illusions must have been emitted by the purple flower. But why could my foolish senior sister see through the illusion with just a recitation of the eight-character mantra, while I… wait… “Not losing one’s pure heart is to become enlightened…” “Enlightened…” “A strange bird with double pupils…” “An immortal?” The image of the strange bird in my mind gradually became clearer: “Do you want to become a god?” “A god?” Suddenly, my master’s wife’s naked figure appeared before me, her eyes vaguely reflecting a strange purple light: “Become a god, and with the power of a god you will have me.” “Master’s wife, I want you… Mom…” “Hey! Stinky Taro, are you alright? Don’t scare me! Wake up!” Breaking free from the great illusion, seeing my senior sister’s concerned face, I felt a warmth in my heart and forced a smile: “I’m fine, I was just a little distracted.” “Hmph! I wasn’t concerned about you. But stinky Taro, your expression just now was so terrifying, so greedy… just like that rich man who always came to our Taoist temple to steal incense!” “Senior sister, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of incense burners in the temple every day, but you…” She just happens to have a soft spot for a wealthy man with a face full of moles… Ugh…” “You stinky taro, you’re still not honest even in this state! I’m not going to serve you anymore. Remember, you owe me seventeen dried cod, not one less! Once you’ve recovered, you’re going to catch fish for me!” After saying that, my senior sister laughed and went out with a smug look of revenge. The sunlight shone on her youthful and invincible profile, and I suddenly realized that my senior sister had grown into a beautiful and graceful young woman.
“Beautiful lady!” For some reason, I, who am usually quite composed, blurted out in a flippant manner.
"You stinky taro, you're talking nonsense again! You scoundrel! I'm not happy at all!" The girl blushed slightly after speaking, revealing a surprisingly charming demeanor. I saw it and my heart skipped a beat. Being a scoundrel isn't so bad,
is it? Wait, what did that idiot senior sister just say? Again? Why did she say "again"? Could it be that I said something I shouldn't have while I was fainting? Wait, it seems that my master's wife was blushing just now... and told that idiot senior sister not to speak... Did I shout out all the dirty things in my life while I was fainting?
Master, master's wife, taro was wrong, please don't hate taro.

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Chongming Xantong Extra: The Happy Life of Brother Guofu

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