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delusional direction 

"When did this start?" I suddenly asked my husband, who had crept into the room, from the bed. I was surprised at how cold my voice was. The sudden sound in the dark room must have startled him.
"Hey! Don't scare me, you're still awake?" My husband thought I was already asleep. Of course, it's past 2 a.m. now.
"If you're not asleep yet, just turn on a light!" I immediately stopped my husband as he reached for the light.
"Don't turn on the lights!" I said sharply.
My eyes have long been accustomed to the darkness. Therefore, I can see my husband's movements clearly without turning on the light. I don't need to turn on the light now.
"What are you doing! If you're not asleep, just turn on a light! I need to change my clothes!"
My husband grumbled as he took off his shirt in the dark. He seemed a little guilty, after all. I watched him take off his shirt and loosen his tie from the bed, and he still hadn't answered my first question.
"Tell me the truth! When did it start?" I asked again.
"What? About the business trip?" the husband asked, feigning ignorance.
"You're only asking about your business trip this late?" I asked sarcastically.
"What are you doing? If you have something to say, just turn on the light and say it!"
"No, I don't want to see your lying face anymore!"
"What's the meaning?"
My husband's tone seemed to betray his guilt. I slowly sat up in bed.
“You can’t be clueless! Stop pretending! Do you think I’m still in the dark? Tell me honestly, when were you with that woman?” I asked in a more forceful tone.
Throughout the waiting period, I kept telling myself to stay calm, but even though my husband had just returned from that woman's place, I still couldn't calm down.
"What woman! What nonsense are you talking about? It's as if I'm having an affair!"
"Stop pretending! But you've already given yourself away. I haven't even told you you're having an affair!"
"What do you mean by 'leaking the secret'? You're kidding! I was exhausted from having guests today, why do I have to deal with your overthinking when I get home? Please have mercy on me!" While arguing, she roughly took off her shirt and reached for her pajamas on the bed.
"You still won't tell me?" I asked in a low voice. My husband's reaction was as I expected. I didn't think he would confess to his affair so easily.
"Why are you pretending? If it didn't happen, it didn't happen! You're acting so strange! Hey! Are you out of your mind? What's wrong with you?"
"So you're saying I know you're having an affair!"
"Why…."
“I don’t want to tell you, because if I do, you’ll just lie to me again. I hope you can tell me the truth before I lay out the evidence.”
"Really! You're overthinking it. Do you think I have the money to have an affair? I'm dragging down the mortgage like a dog every month, and you practically take my year-end bonus. Besides, with this economic downturn, the company is scrutinizing my expenses for entertaining clients, and sometimes I even have to pay for it myself. Where would I get the money to support a woman?" my husband said self-deprecatingly. In the past, I would have believed his explanation without a doubt, but…
(He's definitely having an affair!) I muttered to myself. My husband was already wearing his pajamas. I stared silently at him as he hung up his suit.
"What's wrong? Why are you suddenly so quiet! You know you're overthinking things, right?" My husband suddenly stopped what he was doing and asked. He was probably starting to feel uneasy about my sudden silence.
"No, I'm not just imagining things. I won't fall for your tricks again!" I said resolutely.
"Why! What makes you think you've come to this conclusion? Just say it's not true, or did someone tell you I was having an affair? Or do you have some evidence? Hey! Explain yourself!"
"Don't be so loud. Your anger is evidence that you're having an affair. I already know that. Just tell me the truth and think about how to prove it in the future. That will be more in your favor."
"How are we supposed to prove this now? What are you referring to? There was no affair at all, yet you want a divorce? Are you out of your mind?" The husband said, pulling the covers over himself. He probably intended to cover it up again.
"You're the one with the problem. Since things have come to this point, let's just be frank. Do you love her very much? If so, I'll back off."
"You're such an idiot! Thinking like this is practically violence. I'm not playing along anymore." With that, the husband crawled into bed. Just as I suspected, he was going to use sleep as an excuse to avoid the issue tonight.
I sat up in bed and looked at my husband, who was lying on the bed with his back to me.
"So tell me, why didn't you shower before going to bed tonight? Did you shower at her place?" The question was asked ruthlessly, like an inspector.
"Ugh! So nagging. I'm so tired, and I've been drinking. What if I pass out in the bathroom? I can just shower tomorrow morning!" my husband said, his back to me.
“I knew you’d say that. Your answer is exactly what I expected. But this reason doesn’t hold water. You didn’t shower last night before going to bed. I pretended to be asleep, but I was watching you the whole time! Just like tonight, you slipped into the room in your suit and changed into your pajamas without a word. But you didn’t shower this morning either. Don’t you always say that cleanliness is the most important thing for salespeople? But you went to work without showering for two days. There’s definitely something wrong. This proves that you showered somewhere else.”
"Stop making a fuss, okay? I went to a sauna on my way back to the company during the day!"
"Lying again and again. Going to the sauna at work? I'm not single!"
"Nonsense! Going to the sauna is my right! Why do I have to report such a small thing?" the husband said agitatedly, pulling the blanket over his head.
I jumped out of bed, pulled away the quilt covering my husband, and then jumped onto his bed, roughly removing his pajamas.
"What are you doing? I have to go to work tomorrow. Are you planning to keep me from sleeping?" My husband said angrily, but I wasn't going to stop now. No matter what, I had to make him tell me the truth tonight!
I held down my resisting husband and took off his clothes.
"What are you doing? Stop!" My husband stared in surprise at my hand that was gripping his penis.
Married for seven years, I've never taken the initiative—no, until now, I've never even held my husband's penis, even though I desperately want it. But now, all I want is for my husband to admit he's having an affair! My husband hasn't touched me for over a month; if he weren't having an affair, he would definitely want me. But, my husband's penis is in my hand, completely still.
"Please, let me sleep! I have to get up very early tomorrow!" the husband pleaded.
Looking at her husband so closely, she could clearly see his expression. He was frowning, looking very unhappy! And he was sweating profusely.
"What wife wouldn't keep quiet when her husband comes home having an affair?" I said, looking directly at my husband.
"Stop it! I'm really angry!" My husband glared at me, but I looked straight at him, and he immediately looked away.
"I'm the one who should be angry! She hasn't touched me, her wife, for a month or two! How old is she? Younger than me, right? A woman's skin is beautiful at twenty-two or twenty-three, isn't it? After thirty, it's no good. When I married you, my skin didn't have any dark spots, it was smooth! You didn't leave me alone every night then. Just like back then, you don't leave her alone every night, do you?" I deliberately launched into a series of sarcastic remarks, as if venting my frustrations. It seemed to work.
"Stop talking! If you know any women like that, introduce them to me. What do you mean by 'over thirty'? You're only thirty-two months old! Why are you acting like a woman from midday? After seven years of marriage, any couple's nightlife will inevitably decrease. And yet, I'm constantly being accused of having an affair. How can this be tolerated? Hey! Don't grab me there, not tonight!" My husband reached out to try and push my hand away and backed away. But I gripped him even tighter. The thing I knew best about my husband's affair was his penis.
“我没叫你要上我,但现在,你的那话儿还是属于我的。还是,你已和某个年轻女人说好要给她了?”我抬起头瞪着丈夫。大概丈夫的眼晴也已习惯了黑暗了。这种近距离应看得到我的表情。
“真下流!我的阳具的所有权那有给谁。妳一定要我承认外遇吗?不曾有过的外遇!”丈夫叹了口大气低声的说著。
“不曾有的外遇!那么是认真的喔!”
“我不知道妳指的那个人是谁?”
“到现在还装蒜!”我瞧不起般的说著。并握住丈夫的阳具上下的摩擦著。可能是一段时间没有做爱吧!只握著丈夫的阳具就令我身体火热的。但,丈夫的阳具在我手中,还是没有任何变化。
“装什么蒜?.妳别再闹了!”丈夫生气的叫着。
“累的半死的回来,疑神疑鬼的不让我睡觉,那有像妳这样的妻子?这已是拷问了!”
“还说,自己和别的女人尽情的做爱,不管自己的老婆!这对我来说才是刑罚呢!”我生气的说著。
“没辨法啊!我很累的!且是四十多岁的中间干部。一到公司,每天从上面就有命令,要什么新产品的点子,部下也吵著劳动条件什么的!我都快受不了了!”
“所以才有外遇吗?不和新女人做,就无法发泄吗?”
“为什么什么事都要连想到外遇上呢?已是无法和妳做爱的状态,那有精力搞外遇?”
“就是因为有外遇,才无法和我做爱!仔细想想,四十多岁的男人精力正旺盛,那有可能一、二个月不做爱?”
“当然可能,连欲望也没有呢!妳们女人根本不能了解,男人的性欲若碰上疲倦、压力时,则一点都不会想做。这对我来说也只能说是很无奈吧!总之饶了我吧!被妳这么抓着,也不会想做的。况且在被妳拷问什么外遇之后,更没有心情做了。”说著,丈夫强行的想要抽开身体。
“不行!你不老实说,我绝不放过你。”
我握得更紧了。在丈夫坐起身体想要把我移开的瞬间,我忘形的将脸埋在丈夫的双股之间,并含住了柔软的丈夫的阳具。才刚从别的女人阴道抽动的丈夫的阳具,我会将之含在嘴里,这动作是连我自己也想不到的。
丈夫的阳具,没洗澡却没什么味道。不出所料是在和女人完事后洗澡的。又多了一个证据,我内心这么想着。但,我却也不想停住动作去告诉丈夫这件事。到刚才为止还很没力气的那话儿,已在我口中缓缓恢复了男子气概。
(我也有和丈夫做爱的权力!)我心中的肉欲这么呐喊著。被冷落一个月以上的重要部位,明显的想要丈夫的阳具。我自己都还没碰触,花蕊却已湿润起来。
“怎有这种老婆!工作到三更半夜的老公,一回来就胡思乱想的拷问后,现在却来个强奸!还是在黑暗之中!真是的,今晚的妳到底是怎么了?”
态度虽不友善,但丈夫也不再抵抗了。仰躺在床上,将下半身交给了我,是放弃挣扎了,还是在享受妻子对他的服侍?我无法判断。但,不管丈夫说什么,现在的我只想要他。我要和那女人一样爽,不,要比她更爽,丈夫若不给我,那我也绝不会放过他。
“再大一点!)我心中这么喊著,我吸吮著丈夫的阳具,以舌头不断的探索著丈夫的性感地带。但,没有自信,原来我就不怎么喜欢吃男人的性器。新婚初期,应着丈夫的要求不得不做,但这数年来,纵使丈夫要求我也都拒绝了。当然,像今晚般这么主动的含着丈夫的阳具,这是七年来结婚生活中的头一遭。
但,对丈夫来说,该是很刺激吧!我口中丈夫的阳具已雄纠纠的像石头般的硬了,顶到了我的喉咙深处。若这顶进了女人的那里!一想像到,花蕊中又涌出了大量的花蜜。丈夫的手指终于伸进了我睡衣内,滑进了我那炽热的部位,看来丈夫也终于想要了。
“唔….唔….”我不禁停止了舌头的动作,呻吟著。
丈夫的手指上下抚摸着我的敏感部位,我立即有了反应。麻痺般的快感,从花唇传到了全身。丈夫的手指更缓缓的张开了我的花瓣,在皱折中来回著。
“这么湿!妳是不是在我回来之前自慰著?”丈夫说著。
我因害羞而全身发热著,虽今晚没有做,但却常常一边自慰一边等待着丈夫的回来。而且,我的自慰,就如同丈夫现在所做的,只是用手指拨弄阴蒂,但不曾用异物或手指插进阴道中。
想着现在丈夫对我的爱抚,我自已也动起了手指。但不管怎么做,也无法达到此种快感。应该是自己的手指,才是最了解自己身体的性感部位。真是不可思议,在数小时前还爱抚其他女人的手指,却带给我如此反应!真是不甘心。
但,我现在却顾不了了。就是想要!阴道激动的蠕动着。身体不住的抖动着!在我口中的丈夫的阳具也不输著。刚才还在我手中摊著的阳具,现在则耸立在我口中。
“好了,放到那里去吧!”丈夫哑着声音说著,把手指插了更进去。
“唔….唔….啊….”我呻吟著,并抬起了头。立刻,丈夫抱近了我,丈夫的体味,传进了我的鼻腔。
我抱住了丈夫,丈夫的唇盖上了我的唇。接吻….隔了多少个月的吻?这唇的感触,舌与舌交错的快感,丈夫的呼吸也急促了起来。丈夫压在我上面。手指抽离了花蕊,替代的以成长至壮硕的阳具,往那里探去。我自己抬起了腰,想要迎上去。但丈夫故吊味口般的,老不把腰放下。
“啊!老公….”我撒娇的要著。
“我知道!妳想要吧!对不起,冷落了妳!但我真的没有外遇,都是妳在胡思乱想的!”丈夫低声的说著。
“算了!现在不要说了,老公!不要吊我味口….”花蕊被吊著味口,不住的抽动着,我以快要哭出来般的声音哀求着。现在我已等不及了。
“承认是妳胡思乱想吧!我就马上给妳!”丈夫半威胁的说著。
说不定丈夫就是为这样,才半推半就的和我做爱吧!那么,真的有女人了!
“不要….不….”扭动着腰,我无意识的叫着。不要,究竟是什么意思,连我自己也不明白,是不要胡思乱想还是不满现在的这种状态?大概两者皆有吧。
“真是顽固的家伙!随妳吧!”抱怨的同时,丈夫突然沈下了腰。穿过了炽热的花蕊,丈夫壮硕的阳具侵了进来。
“啊….啊….老公!”被激烈的强顶着的子宫的快感,令我发出了接近悲鸣的叫声,并不住的扭动着身体。
不太能配合的,但对我来说反而是种刺激。高潮的波浪,不断的袭击着我,连呼吸都觉得困难起来了。丈夫进入我体中后,即不再说话。并像是豁出去般抽动腰,不断的刺着我深处。
(受不了了….老公….)是否化成了声音还是只有在心中喊著,我已经无法判别。扭动着,呻吟著!我已完全成了野兽。
“我开灯了喔!”丈夫低声的说著。丈夫已在我的体中达成了欲望。
“不要….没有必要….”我沙哑的说著,但可能丈夫没有听到,灯亮了起来。
“讨厌!好亮!”我躺在床上闭上了眼。已习惯了黑暗的眼晴,受不了灯光的亮度。
“反正,就快天亮了。可是!真受不了妳!”丈夫抱怨著裸著身,下了床点了烟。
“怎么了?生气了吗?”我不禁撒娇的问著。
“不是生气!妳是怎么了?一下说我有外遇,一下又怎的!妳真认为我有外遇吗?”
“是的!”我立即回答著。当然这么想。丈夫确实是有另一个女人。
“那么,为什么要引诱我?会想和有外遇的老公做爱吗?”丈夫吐著烟问著。
要谈这种事,还是在黑暗中较适合,我这么想着,但我不明了丈夫点灯的真意。
“我只有你啊….”我看着丈夫侧脸说著。
“或许是!但看到今晚的妳,我越来越不了解女人了。为什么怀疑丈夫有外遇,却还能更有快感?”
“不是更有啦!你是只看到那女人,而忽略了我罢了….”
“还说!根本没有女人。我要怎么说妳才会相信?若我和其他女人做了爱,今晚根本无法应付妳啊!”
"No way! Isn't it said that men get younger when they have affairs? By the way! Your sex style is a little different than usual!"
"What's different? You're the one who's different! Completely different from before. You took my baby in your mouth right away and kept teasing me. The feeling there is like someone else's!"
"Was it good?"
"Idiot! Does that sound like something a wife would say? It sounds like something a prostitute would say!" the husband said with a sneer.
"Is she a prostitute? The one you're having an affair with...?"
"Stop making a scene, okay? What evidence do you have to suspect me like this?" The husband appeared unhappy again.
"Can you turn off the lights?" I said slowly as I sat up. This serious confrontation with my husband made me sad. In this situation, I really started to believe that he wasn't having an affair.
"Seriously! Fine! Then you'd better give me evidence. Why do you think I'm having an affair?" The husband angrily turned off the light.
"I... have no evidence!" I said the truth in the darkness.
"Nothing!? What is this?" came the husband's bewildered voice from the darkness.
"So! I have no room to doubt you. It's true that you come home very late every day, but it doesn't seem like you're having an affair. Although you rarely have sex, it's because you're too tired from work during the day! So, it's very tiring. I have to believe that you're having an affair! I have to observe your every move closely. Last night, I saw that you went to bed without taking a shower, which gave me the feeling that I had caught you. You really are having an affair, so you don't shower at home."
"Hey, wait a minute! Why do you insist on assuming I'm having an affair?"
"That's what I suspect!" Of course, this answer doesn't really answer my husband's question. But it's what I truly feel.
"You want to suspect something? Suspect a non-existent affair!?"
“Yes! I can’t stand it if I don’t do this! Honey, do you know how long you spend at home each day? You leave at 6:30 in the morning and don’t get home until 2 or 3 in the morning. And all you do at home is sleep. On Sundays, you’re either entertaining guests or playing golf, leaving me at home again! I’m practically all alone 24/7.” Suddenly, a rush of heat rose from her chest to her head, and tears instantly filled her eyes.
"There's no other way! It's work! We don't have kids, so most of the weekend overtime or dinner invitations fall to me. Besides, taking on more work means I can pay off my loan sooner!"
"Stop it! I'm sick and tired of your excuses! You never stop coming up with the same reasons! Jobs, loans! How pathetic! Can't you at least have a little bit of romantic gossip now and then?"
"What nonsense are you talking about! If there were any scandalous rumors, that would truly be a terrifying hell!"
"Hell is fine too. At least I feel alive! I'm so lonely, repeating the same things every day, without even arguing! How can this be considered a married couple? What is this anyway?!" I shed big, big tears.
My husband immediately came close to me and hugged me tightly on the bed.
"I'm sorry! I never imagined you were in so much pain. Although your commute is a bit long, at least you have your own place. And although we don't have children, we rarely argue. I always thought we got along pretty well!"
My husband's gentle words only made me sadder. I increasingly felt that he was truly a good person. But... (maybe this is also a deception...) I heard another voice in my heart.
(Yes! He still has another woman. So, you have to appease me first! If you think I'll believe you, you're sorely mistaken.) This time, it was my own inner voice that spoke. Jealousy welled up again towards her husband's mistress.
Hua Rui suddenly felt a pain. We had just made love, but Hua Rui was already yearning for something more. I buried my face in my husband's chest and slowly reached my hand between his thighs.

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