Pain and sweetness: A woman's first sexual experience

Women's feelings about their first sexual experience can be positive or negative, and this is closely related to the relationship between the two partners. In other words, although most women bleed and experience varying degrees of pain during their first time, if the relationship between the two partners is good, women may view this experience as an obligation and develop a sense of belonging; however, if the relationship between the two partners is bad, it will intensify feelings of aversion.

A girl's first sexual experience:

Part 1: Primarily positive feelings – a sense of obligation and belonging

. "My first sexual experience was very painful, extremely painful. I only accepted it out of love, because love means enduring and giving. He couldn't bear it and said, 'Seeing you in so much pain, let's just stop.' After the first time, I felt like everyone in the world had changed. When I saw someone on the street, I would think, 'They'll do that tonight,' as if I'd seen another side of people."

"After we got married, our sex life was unsuccessful, taking several days to succeed. There wasn't much pleasure, just psychological satisfaction."

"We had sex after registering our marriage, before the wedding. The first time, besides the pain, I didn't feel much. I had a feeling that I was now an adult."

"Our first time didn't feel much; I felt a little nervous, not much pain, and it just passed by in a daze."

"I had my first sexual experience at 21, before marriage. I didn't feel any particular pain. We had no sex life before marriage. Before marriage, he was worried about himself, feeling that he was too old (over 30), had neurasthenia, and was sentimental. He was under a lot of psychological pressure on our wedding day. He ejaculated before penetration that night. He said then: I can't do it, we have to get a divorce. We didn't actually have sex until about a month after the wedding. I was in a little pain and bled a little. His penis is on the smaller side, and he's not very strong physically, so he was under a lot of psychological pressure."

"The first time was extremely painful, and it still hurts sometimes afterward. Neither of us knew how to do it the first time. My husband is impeccable in terms of morality and character. His family is a revolutionary family; they only teach traditional education and nothing else, so we knew nothing about sex. We didn't even know about sex back then. There were no books available, and my mother didn't tell us. The first time, he couldn't even find the right spot. I was in a lot of pain, but we finally managed. When we turned on the light and saw blood, he said, 'You're still a virgin.' (At the time, some people in the factory said I was immoral and had a bad reputation.) My first sexual experience was after marriage, and I don't think it hurt. He wasn't skilled at first, and my hymen broke later."

"I remember the first time I wouldn't let him do it, but I was willing to do anything else because I didn't want children. He said it was rare for someone like me. I only dared to do it after taking birth control pills. I don't remember much about that first time. It didn't seem to hurt, and I didn't know about orgasms. He didn't know either."

A woman who gave her first time to a married man described her experience like this: That day he came to my dormitory; it was my first time having sex. He pushed me onto the bed, and it hurt a little after he entered. Before this, I only knew that a man had to enter a woman's body, but I didn't know where he would enter. After he entered, I felt a sense of merging into one. I thought this meant that we were going to live together, and I had a feeling of 'I belong to him now.'

Secondly, the first experience is predominantly negative—aversion.

Women who recall aversion and pain when recalling their first sexual experience are mostly either divorced or have a poor relationship with their husbands. This suggests a close relationship between sex life and marital harmony, but it's difficult to definitively say which is the cause and which is the effect; it's highly likely that they are mutually causal—a poor relationship leads to aversion to sex; and a bad impression of sex exacerbates the deterioration of the marital relationship.

A divorced woman recalled her first sexual experience like this: "My first sexual experience was terrible. I had never dated before marrying him. I didn't like him much from the start, and it felt awkward. During our first time having sex, he peed all over me, which left a terrible impression. I never liked sex after that. I had never been caressed or loved, only felt humiliated." "

The first time was very painful, I bled, and it wasn't very successful. He didn't let me sleep much that night, and we did it four times. The last time I cried, sat up, and said to him, 'What are you doing!' It hurt for the next few days, and it only stopped hurting a month later."

"The first time I didn't feel any pain; he had premature ejaculation. I was quite disgusted, although I didn't say anything, he could sense it. Up until this time, I had never seen a male genital, only a child's, and I found it quite stimulating."

"The first time, I was terrified. I felt pain, shock, dislike, unhappiness, and discomfort. The most I like from men is a hug and a caress, that's enough."

Some women have negative feelings about their first sexual experience, not because of aversion to the experience itself, but because the first sexual partner wasn't their husband but a lover, creating immense psychological pressure: "My first time wasn't with my husband. I was already quite old then. I remember being terrified and resentful when we kissed, feeling like he had ruined me. I think it was an instinctive fear, unconsciously related to the Chinese-style education I received from childhood. I initially resisted it; he begged me, and I kept refusing until I finally couldn't refuse anymore. Actually, his traditional moral values were very strong. We were just ordinary boyfriend and girlfriend; he had a wife. I still valued my first time very much."

Although women's feelings about their first sexual experience vary, most take it very seriously because it is, after all, a "first" in their lives. A person has many "firsts" in their life. I remember a mother talking about how she joyfully observed her child's "firsts": the first time speaking, the first steps, the first time recognizing words, and so on. However, for many women, their first sexual experience has a different meaning than other "firsts"—losing virginity, becoming an "adult," becoming a different kind of person; this feeling should be seen as primarily psychological, not physiological. That is to say, the difference between this "first" and other "firsts" mainly stems from social norms and the special meaning society assigns to sexual behavior (such as the concept of virginity).

A note to girls:

What should I do at the beginning?

You can't expect him to know how to make you feel comfortable. You must tell him or show him, which means taking some initiative and guiding his hand to a position that makes you feel comfortable. Take it slow. If this is his first time, he might be nervous about what you're about to do, and his penis might not respond at first. Patience, gentleness, and understanding are the ways to revitalize it. This might not be easy for you, but that's why we tell you to give yourself more time.

Will it hurt?

You've probably heard many terrible stories about how painful it is to lose your virginity. For some women, it can be painful, but with the right touch and the right partner, you can have a painless experience with penile penetration. Let him take it slow, use lubricant, and gently insert his fingers to help you relax. Tell him when it feels good and when it doesn't. >>>

What position should I use for my first sexual experience?

Many women prefer the top position to take control during their first time. Others prefer the bottom position, giving control to their partner. Find the position that works best for you. Just remember to tell him to take it slow and not rush, and use lubricant like Kyjelly if you feel the need.

A note to boys:

What if I can't get an erection?

It might sound funny, but your penis, which has been functioning normally for years, might give you a fatal blow the first time you're able to have real sex. That's normal—you're too nervous. Take a deep breath. Do something else with your hands, your lips, and your tongue. Try to forget your anxiety; your penis will respond. This is only a temporary problem.

If I am a virgin, should I tell her?

Many men believe that because they are men, they must be in control during sex, regardless of who has more experience. If you are a virgin and she is not, tell her to let her take the lead if she wants. Learning and gaining experience is also an expression of love. Don't be afraid to be honest. Many women would rather you be an inexperienced explorer than a foolish blunderer, and they will be happy to guide you on your way.

Will we orgasm at the same time?

Don't worry about whether you orgasm at the same time. Some women don't orgasm during sex, or even if your girlfriend orgasms, it doesn't guarantee that you will orgasm at the same time. Enjoy yourself and trust what she tells you about her feelings.

What if I orgasm too quickly?

If you orgasm much earlier than you would like, slow down, take a break, and try again. The second time you should be more relaxed and ready to slow down.

Is my size big enough? Or too big? Is the shape normal?

Another common question is about size. On average, the length of a penis when erect is about 5 1/2 inches, which is far more than the length needed to hit the main nerve areas of the vagina, including the legendary G-spot. The vagina can expand to accommodate a larger penis and contract to fit a smaller one. Size has nothing to do with your ability to be a good lover.

Another common question concerns shape. Some men worry about being slightly bent downwards or to the left, and assume they are abnormal because they haven't seen men like them in pornography. Others worry that a downward bend will make sex difficult and painful because the vagina and penis are not shaped alike.

Postscript: The penis and vagina can fit together in different ways, and each new position can bring new pleasure to you and your partner. Here, I hope every man remembers that she is now your woman, and you must learn to love her wholeheartedly, cherish her, and fulfill the responsibilities of a man!

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Pain and sweetness: A woman's first sexual experience

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