Several women in my life

On a boring afternoon, I sat quietly in front of the computer, feeling restless and bored. September in Shanghai was already bringing a touch of autumn chill. Outside the window, boats came and went on the Huangpu River, bustling about, coming from where and going where? I closed my eyes quietly, thinking about the women I'd encountered over the years. Memories are truly a mysterious thing…

Speaking of women, I think most people's deepest longing is for their first love. For no particular reason, perhaps just for that pure, innocent innocence, that unconditional, unambitious devotion. I often find myself lost in thought, and honestly, it's hard to pinpoint exactly which woman marked my first love. Perhaps that's my saddest moment.

From the age of 16, I've had feelings for the opposite sex, but these feelings were limited to writing love letters. In the 1990s, writing love letters was all the rage. Compared to the internet of today, I still miss the era of writing love letters. I always feel that while the internet has made communication easier, it has also distanced hearts further apart. Haha, I seem to have gone off on a tangent. Let me tell you about the girl I first wrote love letters to; for easier recall, I'll call her A. I met her at the school sports meet. She was the announcer, or more formally, the host. The first time I heard her voice, I was captivated; seeing her on stage was simply breathtaking. I was a senior in high school then, and she was two years younger than me. Logically, we shouldn't have crossed paths, but the spark of love is a truly magical thing. After finding out her class, I started writing her letters, one every two days, and never leaving a return address. I think I wrote like this for about a month. Girls at that age are usually quite curious, especially when a strange boy is pursuing you so intensely, and you don't even know how to contact him or who he is. It must be incredibly frustrating. I saw her go to the mailroom to collect her mail a few times, and seeing the expectant yet slightly melancholic expression on her face when she received my letters, I really wanted to go up to her and tell her it was me. But back then, I wasn't as shameless as I am now, and I just couldn't muster the courage. Our relationship progressed rapidly in the period leading up to the college entrance exam. I felt that after starting university, we might only see each other a few times a year, and if I didn't confess now, I'd miss my chance. So, in a letter, I told her who I was, how much I liked her, and arranged to meet her at a certain time and place. I asked her to be there if she wanted to see me. For the next few days after sending the letter, I was on tenterhooks. Finally, the night of our meeting arrived. I went to the agreed-upon location, and she was indeed waiting there. Surprisingly, her first words to me were, "I knew it was you!" Haha, it turned out she had noticed me secretly going with her to the mailroom to collect mail, but I hadn't said anything, so she couldn't confirm it. And so, my beautiful first love began. But sometimes I wonder, was this really first love? Because during the month we were together, the most intimate thing we did was hold hands and kiss. Describing my story with A at such length is more of a nostalgic reflection on those innocent times, and of course, it also foreshadows our later meeting, which I'll elaborate on later.

The first woman in my life was B. I met B during a period of emptiness after the college entrance exam. Without the pressure of the exam, I finally burned those annoying books, and the long-suppressed feeling of release was exhilarating. After a few days of partying with some close friends, we suggested inviting a few more acquaintances to a more remote mountain area. That's how I met B. The first time I saw her, I felt a bit attracted to her—ha, because I thought she was the prettiest among the girls we hung out with. B was also a classmate of ours, but we didn't know each other before, since she was in the humanities and I was in the sciences. Fate is truly a strange thing; often, two people come together unexpectedly. I forget how we got together, but it was probably while hiking. There was a rock she couldn't climb, so I helped her up, and that afternoon, I didn't let go of her hand. That night, when we arrived at a classmate's house in the mountains, B said she was tired and wanted to rest, so I stayed by her bedside. She slept in bed, and I held her hand and sang nursery rhymes to her. As I sang, watching her lying on the bed, she looked incredibly sexy, especially her breasts, which rose and fell with her breath. I don't know where I got the courage, but I actually put my hand on her breast. She probably didn't expect me to be so bold. She opened her eyes, looked at me, and softly said, "Don't do that." Thinking back, I was so innocent then. As soon as she said that, I immediately pulled my hand back, and I didn't touch her again for the next few days. After a few days of playing together, we went back to school to pack our things and prepare to go home. At that time, I was renting a house outside the school. The next day, while I was packing, she actually came to find me. I remember very clearly that she said that we might not see each other again after this separation, and she didn't want to have any regrets. Naturally, I hugged her tightly and started kissing her passionately. Although my first kiss was with A, to be honest, after all these years, I still can't forget the feeling of kissing B. It was so crazy. The two of us could kiss continuously for three or four hours, until our lips were swollen. I've forgotten how I had sex with B. I vaguely remember being clumsy, not fully penetrating her, not breaking her hymen, and not ejaculating. Then she yelled that it hurt, so I quickly pulled out. What's even more ridiculous is that even though I didn't ejaculate, I still bought her birth control pills, haha. I've forgotten how it ended with B. I heard about her after I went to university; apparently, she failed her college entrance exam and went back to school to retake it. I was quite playful back then, and after going to university in Shanghai, I enjoyed the novelty of the new city, and gradually I lost contact with B. This is dedicated to the first woman in my life; I wish her all the best.

When I was in university, the internet became more developed, but I only used computer class time to chat with strangers because internet access was expensive. Even though I had a few friends over the years, it never really reached the point of online dating. My real online romance started during my senior year internship. The company had convenient internet, and since I didn't have much to do during my internship, I basically spent all my time online. It was during that time that I met C, an English teacher from Northeast China. I remember back then QQ wasn't very popular, and people mostly chatted in Sina's chat rooms. I met C in a Sina chat room called "On the Edge of Love and Pain." C was two years older than me, and when I met her, she had already been working for a year as an English teacher at a school. Although we met online, we mostly communicated through letters, probably because it wasn't very convenient for her to access the internet at school. Through letters, we exchanged photos, developed feelings for each other, and started to feel like we were dating. This went on for a few months. On the eve of her birthday, I said I would come to Shenyang to see her, and she said okay, come on, I'll wait for you. So I took the train there. When I arrived at the Shenyang train station, I told her which hotel and room I was in, and she came quickly. There was a moment of awkwardness when we met, but soon we embraced. She was the first woman to give me oral sex and the first woman to guide me on how to penetrate her vagina. So although she always claimed it was her first time, I always knew in my heart that she wasn't a virgin anymore. Of course, she didn't bleed. After that, there were still letters and online chats, but eventually time and space faded everything away, and she married someone else and became a wife and mother.

When I met D, I had already been working for a year at the company where I was interning. I met D online; by then I had a steady girlfriend, so my sexual skills had improved rapidly. Of course, I also knew that things online shouldn't be taken seriously. One afternoon, I was bored and, as usual, went to a chat room to chat with women. D was one of the more sincere replies. To this day, I remember D's username was "Midday Coffee 33," but I won't say which website's chat room it was from to avoid any identification. We chatted for about an entire afternoon, from work to family, and of course, finally to sex. D said her husband wasn't very good at it and didn't touch her much. I said I could make her very satisfied and asked if she wanted to meet. She said she would think about it. Finally, she told me that meeting was okay, but she would come to the company; we couldn't go to a hotel. I agreed. That afternoon was the longest. I checked my watch every few minutes. D, also a teacher at the school, didn't finish class until after 5 pm. It took her more than half an hour to get from her school to our office. I waited and waited until she arrived, and it was almost 7 pm. Haha, coincidentally, no one else was working overtime in the office that day; I was the only one there. When D arrived, I was on the phone. After seeing me, she asked directly, "Are you XX?" I nodded to indicate that it was me and quickly hung up the phone with the client. D was quite pretty, about 165 cm tall, with a great figure—the kind of woman who would turn heads on the street. After locking the frosted glass door of the office, I hugged D from behind. To my surprise, D reacted very strongly. She turned around, wrapped her legs around my body, and started rubbing against me. This action was so stimulating that I immediately pushed her down onto the carpet and began kissing her neck, her lips… D responded passionately, her whole body twisting and turning. I pulled off her bra, and a pair of large breasts sprang out, easily a 36D or larger. I greedily suckled on D's breasts, using my hands and feet to pull down her pants. D's lower body was already soaking wet; it seemed this woman hadn't had sex in a long time, she was incredibly horny. I frantically licked D's lower body, and she made those squeaking sounds that only come when she's cold. Even her moans were unique. After a few minutes of foreplay, I carried her to the large desk and frantically thrust into her right there. The lights of the Huangpu River flickered outside the window, and inside, our wanton moans and the hazy glances between our eyes became a beautiful picture in my memory, one I could never forget. After about ten minutes of thrusting, I finally ejaculated inside her amidst D's cries! D hugged me contentedly, stroking my hair like a mother, saying, "You were really good..." Afterwards, I took a taxi to send D home, and as she turned to walk into the apartment complex, she ran back and hugged me again. At that moment, I thought D was truly in love with me. I never used that account to go into that chat room again, and of course, I never saw D again. She was over 30 then, and quite a bit older than me, although she still looked young. I always felt something was off about her.

E was an insurance agent. When I met her, I was basically at the age where I didn't believe in love anymore, and she seemed to be too. I bought her several insurance policies, all from company sales. She seemed to have hinted at giving me a kickback, but I explicitly refused because I felt it wasn't necessary. First, I didn't need that money, and second, I felt it wasn't easy for her to do sales. She once told me that after deducting food and accommodation in Shanghai, her salary was almost gone. People seem to have a tendency to sympathize with the weak, and I think that was also my feeling when I started dating E. E's appearance was average. Although she had a good figure and was over 165cm tall, her skin was dark, which wasn't my type. When I first met her, I had absolutely no ulterior motives. She was grateful for my help with her business and treated me to hot pot twice, but I felt bad letting her pay, so I paid both times. The spark with E came when my fiancée went back to her hometown. One night, E called me saying she was feeling down and asked if I could go for a walk with her. Since my girlfriend wasn't around and I had nothing else to do, I drove her around. E seemed genuinely upset that day, and she kept crying throughout the drive, no matter how much I tried to comfort her. Her rented apartment was in the suburbs of Shanghai. When I was dropping her off at home, we passed a sparsely populated street, and E suggested we stop and listen to some music. So we parked the car there, reclined the seats, and lay down side-by-side listening to music. I don't know how much time passed, but E turned to look at me, her eyes brimming with tears. At that moment, I suddenly felt so sorry for this woman. I gently stroked her face, wiping away her tears. She nestled my hand between her head and neck, crying even harder. Later, we got together. I forget who made the first move, but during sex, she was on top of me. In the Shanghai night, on a deserted street, in an ordinary parked car, we thrust wildly. Occasionally, a car would pass by, its headlights shining on us, and she would be on top of me. That feeling was both thrilling and exciting. In the end, I ejaculated inside E. After that, I rarely saw E again. Some time later, I heard from a new insurance agent that E had gone home and gotten married. Apparently, her father needed a large sum of money for medical treatment, and she had essentially sold herself to a wealthy local businessman. I don't know if E is happy.

F appeared shortly after E returned home to get married. During that time, I always felt a deep sense of guilt towards E. Perhaps that night, she was going to ask me for money, but she didn't say anything. Perhaps if I had helped her then, she wouldn't have had to go home and marry that old man. I had dreamed about E countless nights and blamed myself countless times, but looking back, could I really help E? I had a girlfriend I was already talking to about marriage. What could I do for E? Help her become my mistress? I knew I couldn't bring any change to E's life, and even if I could, it might just be a wrong turn. F met me online during my low period. She listened to me pour out my regrets about E like a receiver, and she would even shed a few tears when she got emotional. At that time, F had been married for many years, although she was still a few years younger than me. I remember she loved to call me "Uncle" like a character in a Korean drama. We chatted like this for a long time, about a year. Once, I told F that I was getting married on [date]. F surprisingly said to me, "Uncle, let's meet." I asked why, and she said, "Because in a few days you'll be someone else's man, and I want to meet you while you're still single." Naturally, we arranged a time and place. Actually, I didn't think much about it at the time, because I had no idea what F looked like. To make it easier for us to recognize each other, we specifically chose the McDonald's near the Oriental Pearl Tower. Looking back, it seems so corny—meeting a beautiful woman at McDonald's for our first meeting! Haha, but at the time, I didn't know F was beautiful. Honestly, all my previous women were beautiful and had great figures. Because of my work, I've seen many beautiful women, and I once thought that no particularly beautiful woman would make me feel anything special. But F's appearance really startled me. A standard beautiful face, a standard figure, and skin so white and smooth it looked like it would spring water. The moment I saw her, I regretted meeting her at McDonald's. How ridiculous! Because I had sent F photos before, she didn't seem too surprised. Seeing my expression, F laughed and said, "Uncle, can you really be attracted to a beautiful woman?" I was amused. Men, fundamentally, are all lustful, especially when they encounter a beautiful woman. Even if you're getting married in a few days, you'll still indulge in lust. After parting ways with F, we chatted more frequently on QQ. If before I only considered her a chat buddy, after meeting her in person, I genuinely had sexual fantasies about her. F seemed to notice my change and often teased me online, saying things like, "Uncle, you're always chasing girls!" I would occasionally throw in some suggestive remarks, which F didn't seem to mind. We chatted like this for a few days, about two days before my wedding, when F suddenly asked me, "Uncle, do you want me?" Good heavens, at that moment, a man who said no was definitely not a man!!! I quickly booked a room at a five-star hotel near the company. F arrived as promised in about twenty minutes. The moment she knocked on the door, I was so excited I almost fainted. I politely opened the door and let her sit on the sofa, politely making her a cup of tea. I forget what we talked about, but I remember saying to her, "Let's begin." She nodded, and I picked her up and threw her onto the bed. Words cannot describe my excitement. I kissed F from head to toe. She writhed and moaned like a bitch in heat. Her firm breasts, slender waist, and thick pubic hair... everything about her intoxicated me. I put my thick penis to her mouth, and she sucked on it incessantly, her tongue constantly touching the glans. I dare say no woman has ever given me oral sex so pleasurably! F liked to stand by the bed, letting me penetrate her from behind. Each time I thrust, she would scream, a scream of genuine, unfeigned pleasure. I would slap her white buttocks from behind, caressing her breasts as I frantically thrust… During the climax, she would turn her head and our tongues would intertwine, both of us reaching orgasm in ecstasy. I must admit, during the years I was with F, I had several impulses to divorce my husband and marry her, but reason always prevailed over emotion. For me, F was more suited to be a mistress than a wife, because one day you'll get tired of a wife's body! This entanglement with F lasted for several years. Gradually, the initial madness faded, the romance disappeared, and the growing disagreement about marriage and doubts about whether I was toying with her feelings became the main issue. In the end, things ended without a clear resolution. When friendship is no longer possible, all that's left is pain. If a man can't promise a woman much, what reason does she have to wait? I understand!

Time will prove everything, and time will heal all wounds. But some beautiful things will remain forever in your mind, like my beautiful memories of first love. I really didn't expect to meet A again, but fate is fickle. When I met A again, she was already a top editor at a magazine. More than ten years had passed, and that naive little girl was now a charming young woman. The moment I entered that body that should have been mine more than ten years ago, I actually felt like crying. It should have been mine, why did I lose it? I held A in my arms on the bed and murmured softly. Tears streamed down A's cheeks and dripped onto my arm. At that moment, I deeply felt a kind of touch—pain.

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Several women in my life

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