Me and My Women (3) Classic...Recommended and Featured...

12.

I discovered that although fate had been relentlessly tormenting and tormenting me since I was seventeen, it hadn't completely abandoned

me; sometimes it even showed me a little pity. For instance, seeing me partying too wildly and exhaustingly among women, it gave me a minor illness a couple of weeks before

the Spring Festival , sending me to a VIP ward in a Beijing hospital to rest.

Some might guess I had a sexually transmitted disease. No, it was acute gastritis. Not from sex, but from drinking. Although I've been with

countless , safety comes first, pleasure second, and I'm quite hygienic. When sleeping with a woman I wasn't entirely sure about for the first time, I

would definitely wear a condom to protect my genitals.

However, it was precisely this illness that brought a very important woman into my life. Important because she later

became my wife, although we are now divorced.

Her name is Xiao Wen, and she had just graduated from medical school a little over a year ago. At the time, she was my attending physician.

Initially, my impression of her was very bad, extremely bad. Although she was tall and voluptuous, her pretty

face was cold. She would often make surprise rounds, searching the refrigerator or wardrobe for the beers brought by the women and friends who came to visit me

, and then pouring them all out in the bathroom right in front of me. My cigars were also repeatedly confiscated from under my pillow.

I had never seen such a cold-blooded woman in my life. During the month or so I was hospitalized, she cut off my alcohol and cigarettes, which was like cutting off

my food supply, like taking my life. I begged her countless times, but it was all useless.

One day, I snapped at her. It was just past visiting hours, and all my friends who came to visit me had left, except for one woman who had come

all the way to Beijing and was still lingering with me. She came in. She said to my woman, "I'm sorry, visiting

hours are over ten minutes past, my patient needs to rest." I immediately got angry. I said to her, "Dr. Xiao, please don't be

so rude. It's only been ten minutes." "I'm here to be hospitalized, not to squat in the bathroom," Xiao Wen said, getting agitated. She said, "As long as I'm your

attending physician, I'm responsible for you. Once you leave this intensive care unit, even if you die, I won't say another word to you or look at you again."

With that, she turned and left. As a result, my girlfriend had to leave dejectedly.

I'm a heartless person; after a outburst, I forget about it almost immediately, let alone overnight. The next morning, I saw Xiao Wen come for

rounds with a frosty expression, not even greeting me, which I found strange. I asked Xiao Wen, "Dr. Xiao, what's wrong? Who made you

like this? You didn't even greet your patient." Xiao Wen rolled her eyes at me and said, "With your attitude, I can't be bothered with you." Only

then did I remember what happened yesterday afternoon. I shamelessly said, "Dr. Xiao, are you still angry with me? I was wrong yesterday, I

apologize. The person who came to see me yesterday was my girlfriend, so I did something a little... you know." "A gentleman doesn't hold grudges against a petty person, please be more forgiving."

I saw Xiao Wen's expression slowly soften. She, who had already left the room, turned back and threw me a remark: "You've only been

here a few days, and dozens of women have come to see you. You don't claim each one as your girlfriend. I think you're a bit too much of a scoundrel.

" I shamelessly retorted: "Scoundrel? That's called skill.

Whoever marries you is doomed."

Xiao Wen then left.

There's a saying, "Women don't love men who aren't a little bad." Although I was as rotten as a piece of meat baking in the sun, attracting a swarm of flies, I

occasionally attracted a few little bees, and Xiao Wen was one of them.

Later, although she still poured me drinks and accepted my cigarettes, her attitude was much better. Sometimes after checking on me, she would linger a while,

standing there chatting with me for a bit.

One day, she picked up a photo of Ya Nan and my son from my bedside table and asked me: "Is this your wife and your child?"

I said: "My son is mine. She's not my wife, just my first love from college.

She's very beautiful, more beautiful than all the women who have come to see you." "But why haven't I seen her come to see you?"

Xiao Wen asked curiously.

"She's abroad,"

I replied.

"Which country?"

Xiao Wen continued.

I said, "First in the US, then she went to Europe, and now there's no news of her and her child."

Hearing this, Xiao Wen put the photo back. She sighed and said, "You're such a hopeless man.

On one hand, you drink yourself into gastritis for them, and on the other hand, you're such a womanizer, with a bunch of women. I really don't understand what you're thinking.

This is called living a life of debauchery."

I smiled bitterly and replied.

On New Year's Eve, the hospital wards were empty. Patients who could be discharged early had all gone home for the New Year.

At that time, although I could start eating a little bit of liquid food, I still needed IV drips every day, so I couldn't go home. Several women in Beijing offered

to come and keep me company, but I refused. During the New Year, who wouldn't want to be with their family? What kind of business would it be to keep a patient like me company? Luckily

, I had a TV in my room, so I could watch the Spring Festival Gala and not be too lonely.

But I didn't expect Xiao Wen to come around 10 PM, bringing a can of ginseng and black chicken soup in a thermos.

I knew she wasn't on duty tonight. She was giving up the New Year with her family to come and keep me company; even if I were indifferent, I was still

touched.

Shortly after Xiao Wen sat down, she took a book out of her bag. I looked at it and laughed. It was my thick book, *On

Contemporary Urban Diseases in China*.

Xiao Wen asked me, "Did you really write this book?"

I nodded. Xiao Wen started laughing heartily.

I asked her what she was laughing at.

Xiao Wen said, "Tonight, when I saw this book with your name on it in my dad's study, I told him you're still a young man in your twenties

, but he didn't believe me. He said the author must be at least forty years old and have many years of

experience in urban management and construction."

Hearing this, I laughed too. I asked Xiao Wen, "What does your dad do?"

Xiao Wen said she used to work for the Beijing Municipal Party Committee, but had recently been transferred to a real estate company as its CEO.

Xiao Wen also told me that her father wanted to treat me to a meal after I recovered and was discharged from the hospital, wanting to see what a great reporter I was like.

That night, we chatted while watching the Spring Festival Gala. Xiao Wen stayed with me until after 1 a.m.

I stayed in the hospital for a full month.

On the day I was discharged from the hospital, I didn't notify any of the dozen or so women in Beijing. I just had Xiao Wen call a taxi for me, and

I went home alone. I did this not because I was afraid they would bump into each other, but mainly because I didn't want to be too conspicuous.

Before sleeping with each of my women, I always made it clear beforehand: you can be with me, but don't think about having me all to yourself. I don't

belong to anyone; I have my freedom.

However, this statement also drove away quite a few women. Some had even started to undress, but in the end, they still got out of bed and left.

Well , that's called giving them a heads-up, preventing problems before they arise. So, although I have many women, they don't make a fuss. Even if they

occasionally bump into each other, they all pretend not to notice and live in peace.

A person who is used to driving, driving every day, gets tired of it, but if he doesn't drive for three days, his hands start itching again. It's the same for me, a person who is used to writing. Suddenly

not writing for thirty days, I was already itching to write. So, the very next morning after I got home, I went to the department to report for work.

At that time , a press corps from Beijing was forming a reporting team to go to Tibet to cover the dramatic changes that had taken place there in the decades since liberation.

When I heard about it in the office, I went to my boss and asked if I could go. He said, "This trip to Tibet is long, demanding, and there's the

risk of altitude sickness. I considered sending you, your quick-wittedness, but you've just been discharged from the hospital after a serious illness, and I'm worried about your health."

I said, "I'm fine. I haven't held a pen for over a month. Please let me go and have some fun."

My boss looked at me and finally agreed.

Actually, wanting to write was one thing, but I mainly wanted to get away and relax.

I was starting to get tired of being surrounded by women all the time.

The day before I left, I called each of my women, bidding them farewell and telling them I'd be away for about a month in Tibet, and that I might not be able to contact them during that

time . They only complained and expressed regret that they couldn't be with me, but none of them mentioned that I'd just

been discharged from the hospital and whether my body could handle the high-altitude reporting. Perhaps they lacked geographical knowledge and didn't know anything about Tibet.

After making all the calls, for some reason, I thought of Xiao Wen. I picked up the phone and quickly connected to her office.

On the phone, when Xiao Wen heard I was going to Tibet for a month-long interview, her first reaction was a firm disagreement. She said I was practically playing with

my health, and altitude sickness would land me back in the hospital. I said the plane tickets were already booked, and I was leaving tomorrow. After

a moment of silence, Xiao Wen said, "Okay, come to our hospital after work tonight. I'll prepare some common medications for you to take on the road."

Hearing her words, a warm feeling welled up inside me.

Of all the women I've known and interacted with, including Feng Lan, apart from this mother and daughter, no woman

had ever cared for me like this in my daily life. The moment I hung up the phone after speaking with Xiao Wen, I suddenly realized that all these years, it wasn't me playing with women, but rather women

playing me. Rather than saying they loved me, it would be more accurate to say they loved my young and strong body for their

temporary sexual pleasure, giving them a gratification they couldn't get from the men around them.

A deep sadness suddenly filled my heart.

Because of traffic, it was almost 6 PM when I arrived at Xiao Wen's hospital entrance. From afar, I saw Xiao Wen standing

under the streetlight at the entrance, looking around. I stopped the car beside her and got out.

After taking the package containing the medicine, I asked her what her plans were for the evening. She said no. I told her that I was going to meet up with some friends from the Beijing press who were going to Tibet for an interview the next

day if she could come with me.

Xiao Wen hesitated for a moment and said, "They're all your friends, I'm afraid it's not appropriate for me to go. Besides, they might misunderstand."

I asked knowingly, "Misunderstand what?

They might think I'm your girlfriend."

Xiao Wen smiled shyly.

I smiled and said, "Then let them have a chance to misunderstand. Come on, get in the car."

I was about to open the car door for her.

Xiao Wen said, "Don't rush, let me call home and tell them I'm going out to dinner with you tonight, and that they don't need to wait for me."

I said, "Just use my old-fashioned mobile phone."

Back then, I hadn't had a cell phone for long; it was one of those old-fashioned ones, huge and heavy, like a brick. I dialed for Xiao Wen first.

She took it with both hands, briefly spoke with her mother, and then got into my car.

On the way, I asked Xiao Wen, "Why did you insist on mentioning that we were going to dinner together? Were you afraid I'd run off

with you?" She smiled faintly and said, "No. It's because I wanted to be with you. Besides, I don't really have

any other friends besides that colleague at the hospital. "

Her answer not only explained my question but also seemed to imply that she was still single and unmarried.

However, although I was starting to develop strong feelings for Xiao Wen, I told myself not to get involved with her. Thinking back to her almost unreasonable seriousness during my

hospitalization , I knew she wasn't someone who would just have a casual fling.

That evening, my friends in the journalism industry were quite surprised to see Xiao Wen and me together. It wasn't because of

Xiao Wen's beauty, but mainly because I'd never brought a woman into the news circle before, except for Feng Lan.

To avoid embarrassing Xiao Wen, I told them, amidst their chatter, "Hey, hey, don't overthink it.

Ms. and I are still just doctor and patient, nothing more.

" One of my friends from the China Youth Daily said, "Ms. Xiao Wen, are there any other women in your hospital who are as pretty as you? Even those less attractive are fine. If

so, I'll pretend to be sick and stay at your hospital for a few days after this interview.

" Xiao Wen laughed and said, "Yes, many! I'm just afraid you're seeing things."

We chatted and laughed until after ten o'clock before I drove Xiao Wen home.

Just before she got out of the car, Xiao Wen suddenly smiled and said to me, "Rousseau, actually, I think you're a pretty good person, not that bad, except

for ."

I chuckled and said, "You really need to be careful, don't be fooled by my appearance."

Then I got out of the car and opened the door for her. Under the dim streetlights, we said goodnight and goodbye. Xiao Wen, who had already walked a few steps, stopped

again and repeated the words she had told me countless times all night: "Take care of yourself. Don't drink or smoke anymore.

If you can't handle the altitude sickness, don't push yourself. Come back early."

After saying that, she walked home, turning back every few steps.

Watching Xiao Wen's figure gradually disappear into the distance, a sudden thought occurred to me: Xiao Wen might not become a good lover, but she would definitely

become a good wife.

13.

Our interview team consisted of sixteen people, six women and ten men. We first flew to Chengdu, and then transferred to Lhasa.

I've been a journalist for almost five years, and I've always dreamed of one day setting foot on this ancient and somewhat mysterious plateau, using

my pen to touch this magical world.

We stayed in Lhasa for two days, had medical checkups and rested, before setting off for the Nepalese border to begin our interview work along the way.

Following the interview plan agreed upon with my boss before leaving, besides a major feature article, no matter how tired I was, I insisted on writing some notes every day in

the form , sending them back to headquarters as early as possible. Many of these were drafted under the dim light of an oil lamp or a flashlight,

hunched over my knees.

And so, on my first day in Lhasa, starting with my first interview diary entry, "Deep Affection for the Khata," my emotionally charged essays,

like fragrant wildflowers blooming on the Tibetan Plateau, began to compete for publication in several major national newspapers.

For the first few days, the altitude and road conditions allowed us to easily travel in our off-road jeeps; later, we had to switch to riding Tibetan yaks,

a laborious and slow journey.

Conditions grew harsher day by day. The initial

novelty unique desolation and melancholy characteristic of the Tibetan Plateau began to subtly emerge between my lines.

A deep, clear blue sky, a dazzling sun. In the vast Gobi Desert, patches of light often shimmered—the

numerous lakes, large and small, dotting the plateau. Looking out, against the backdrop of the distant, faintly visible snow-capped mountains, in the shimmering light of those lakes, I

saw the plateau air, like a boundless, transparent river, flowing swiftly across the sand dunes. Occasionally, I would miraculously spot a few Tibetan

yurts on the lakeshore. From a distance, these yurts resembled mushrooms, growing on this

desolate wasteland where, apart from a few vultures circling overhead, almost no other signs of life could be seen.

This was a world isolated from the rest of humanity. For thousands of years, the people here, relying on the most primal survival instincts and with minimal

human desires, had lived and multiplied peacefully, generation after generation. Our arrival was like that of

aliens . Our pocket-sized radios, digital watches, flashlights—the most ordinary of things—aroused

their intense curiosity. They would even chase after us, offering their ancestral jewelry and jeweled Tibetan knives in exchange.

I was deeply moved by these simple and pure forms of life. I often turn back, gazing eastward, at

the place where the sacred snowmelt of this plateau beneath my feet eventually flows into the sea, polluted and murky. I think of my own

life in the bustling, materialistic city under that gray sky, and a longing arises within me to retreat into the vast, boundless nature.

At first, I worried that my boss wouldn't approve these desolate and melancholic essays, so deeply ingrained in the paper. Unexpectedly, he called and said: "

The more you write, the more real it becomes. Continue."

Our interview team began to fall behind due to altitude sickness. One, two, three—after twelve days, only seven people remained, including myself,

two female reporters and two guides.

At that time, even in the afternoon, the sun was still high. The guides forced us to

set up camp , because further on was very dangerous; there was no one for dozens of kilometers around, and we would freeze to death in the cold winds of the plateau at night.

At night, we slept in the Tibetan yurts with our sleeping bags. Usually, several of us squeezed together on a carpet of dried cow dung. Because

there were no facilities for bathing, we smelled terrible and started getting lice, which gradually spread to our hair. I was in even worse shape. One day,

while writing my article by the campfire, I felt something crawling on my beard. I reached down, touched it, and pinched off a plump, shiny louse. I threw it into the fire

, and it even made a faint popping sound.

Since we only ate milk tea, sticky rice cakes, and mutton without any vegetables, we all started to suffer from constipation, especially the two female reporters.

That's when the glycerin suppositories Xiao Wen brought me came in handy, becoming everyone's most precious and readily available item.

When we finally finished our month-long interviews and returned to Chengdu like a bunch of smelly, filthy beggars, the first thing

we did upon entering the hotel was to throw away all our clothes, inside and out, and shave our heads. The two female reporters did the same,

tearfully nuns.

That day, I lay in the bathtub for over three hours.

Having not experienced the pleasures of a woman for over a month, I was eager to find one I'd slept with and have a good night's

respite once I got back to Beijing. However, thinking of Xiao Wen's concern for me, I restrained myself.

As soon as I got off the plane in Beijing, I called Xiao Wen. I invited her out for dinner that evening. I told her it wasn't my

treat , but rather for the four other reporters who had accompanied me on the trip, as a way of thanking her for the glycerin suppositories.

Xiao Wen happily agreed. That

evening, when Xiao Wen arrived at the restaurant we'd arranged, she

laughed heartily upon seeing the three of us (three monks and two nuns) waiting for her.

At the table, we reporters took turns telling her about our experiences on our trip to Tibet, which captivated Xiao Wen. After

a while , she suddenly remembered something, got up, and took a large notebook from her handbag, handing it to me. I opened it—wow! It was

a collection of newspaper clippings from my entire month-long reporting diary. My colleagues were incredibly envious. They all egged me on, insisting I

kiss Xiao Wen. I looked at Xiao Wen, she looked at everyone, and finally, blushing, she said, "Okay, but only on the cheek.

" Before she finished speaking, I had already leaped onto her fair, rosy cheeks and planted a hard kiss. By the time Xiao Wen reacted, I had already

turned and sat down.

That evening, as dinner was ending, Xiao Wen asked if I was free the following evening. I said yes. Xiao Wen invited me to her house for

dinner .

I laughed and said, "Why? Your family wants to meet their son-in-law?"

Xiao Wen laughed and kicked me under the table: "Get lost! You wish! It's just that my dad wants to meet you. Didn't I mention it to you before you were

discharged from the hospital ?"

Seeing my hesitation, Xiao Wen said, "What are you afraid of? My family won't eat you."

I chuckled and said, "Well, I'm afraid too. Although I've drunk with many provincial governors, ministers, and mayors, I've never drunk with my father-in-law before."

After dinner,

my words made Xiao Wen feel very happy, and her face turned even redder.

And so, the next evening, I stepped into the Xiao family's door as promised, thus beginning my only

marriage with the Xiao family so far.

14.

Having worked as a reporter for several years, I've met many people, from high-ranking government officials to ordinary citizens, so I

wasn't intimidated by visiting Xiao Wen's father, the CEO of a real estate company. However, I still had some reservations. The reason was that I didn't want

the Xiao family to misunderstand and think that I was already dating Xiao Wen. To be honest,

I wouldn't consider marriage until I heard any news about Ya Nan and her son. Moreover, after years of carefree living, I was used to a free life and didn't want to prematurely tie myself to a woman at

only twenty-five. However, when I thought of Xiao Wen's

concern for me during my hospitalization, I couldn't bear to refuse. This is also my biggest weakness. I can't accept favors from others, even the smallest ones; it makes me

uneasy , and I always try to find ways to repay them. So, the next evening, as soon as I got off work, I reluctantly

arrived at the Xiao family's house early

, just as we had agreed. The Xiao family lived in a well-preserved courtyard house with blue bricks and tiles behind Shichahai in Beijing. I had driven Xiao Wen home twice

before, so I knew the way quite well. As soon as I parked the car, before I even had a chance to get out, Xiao Wen, hearing the car, opened the gate to greet me.

She had taken the afternoon off to come home early.

I hadn't brought any special gifts, but knowing that Xiao Wen's father also enjoyed a few drinks, I took two bottles of Moutai from the car and gave them to her.

These were bottles I had brought back two years ago when I interviewed at the Guizhou Moutai Distillery; both were over seventy years old, and I hadn't been willing to drink them.

Xiao Wen seemed particularly excited; she took the bottles and forgot to say thank you, just shyly making a face at me before leading me through

the gate .

Crossing the high threshold of the Xiao family's house, there was a blue stone screen carved with dragon and phoenix patterns. Beyond the screen was a spacious and

clean courtyard. Two pomegranate trees, seemingly decades old, stood side-by-side between the east and west wing rooms. Under each tree was

a white marble table and four stone stools.

We went straight to the main house. Before we even reached the door, Xiao Wen called out, "Dad, I've invited your friend!"

A somewhat thin man who looked to be in his fifties came out, followed by a woman who appeared to be well-off and in her

forties .

Before Xiao Wen could introduce us, the man stepped forward and shook my hand: "Little Lu, I've heard so much about you! I didn't expect you to be

so young; you're truly a promising young man!"

I smiled and said, "Uncle, you flatter me. I'm very happy to meet you and your family."

After saying that, I gave a slight bow and greeted Xiao Wen's mother, who was standing to the side.

To be honest, I was quite pleased with my refined and appropriate demeanor. After all, I'm someone who's seen many important occasions; I could put on an act

.

While I was talking to Xiao Wen's father, I noticed Xiao Wen's mother smiling and exchanging glances with him, as if praising

her daughter's good judgment. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. It seemed the Xiao family really considered me their future son-in-law.

I was ushered into the living room.

Surprisingly, this old courtyard house, which looked quite worn from the outside, had a surprisingly modern interior. German-imported oak

floors, maroon leather sofas, a standing air conditioner, and several ink paintings of landscapes hanging on the walls. "

Dad, this is from Rousseau,"

Xiao Wen said, placing the two bottles of Moutai on the coffee table. Xiao

Wen's father said, "Little Rousseau, I just invited you in for a casual meal and a chat. You're too kind."

I smiled and said, "It's nothing. This is some aged Moutai I brought back from an interview at the Moutai distillery. Knowing you enjoy drinking, I brought it for you

to try ."

Upon hearing this, Xiao Wen's father reached for a bottle, examined it, and exclaimed, "Oh, this is a rare find! Just look at the porcelain bottle; this wine must be at least

sixty seventy years old! Good! Let's have

a good drink tonight, you and I!" Xiao Wen, who had been standing to the side, immediately panicked when her father said he wanted to drink with her that night: "Dad, Rousseau has quit drinking! Don't

lead him astray! Besides, he drove here!"

Xiao Wen's father laughed heartily. He said to Xiao Wen, "Wenwen, Wenwen, when have you ever cared for

your father like this?" "Dad, don't accuse me wrongly! Have you forgotten how good I was to you? Who stayed by your side every day when you were in the hospital?" "Rousseau was

only recently discharged; he was also one of my patients, that's why I said that,"

Xiao Wen said, blushing. "

Alright, alright, don't be so hasty. You show Rousseau around; I'll go check if your mother has prepared the food."

Xiao Wen's father finished speaking, smiled at her, and got up to leave the living room.

Xiao Wen showed me around her house briefly. The main house, besides the living room where I had just sat, had a bedroom and a study

connected on either side. This was where her parents lived. Xiao Wen herself lived in the east wing, which was also a living room, with bedrooms and a study on either side,

though smaller than her parents' main house. The west wing contained the dining room, kitchen, and storage room.

That evening, during dinner, Xiao Wen's father and I talked at length about housing reform, developing commercial housing, urban planning and construction, and the maintenance and

renovation . He was very enthusiastic. Xiao Wen's mother kept putting food on my plate, occasionally asking me questions about myself

and my family in a very friendly and natural way, to which I answered truthfully. Xiao Wen herself didn't say anything, but looked at me affectionately from time to time. Having long forgotten

what shame was, I actually felt somewhat flustered under her gaze in front of her parents.

Firstly, because I was driving, and secondly, because Xiao Wen was watching me, I only drank three small cups of the fragrant

Moutai I brought with Xiao Wen's father throughout the entire dinner.

I had a good impression of the Xiao family; they seemed like a harmonious, warm, and upright family. This cheerful atmosphere even started to make

me waver, and I began to imagine what life would be like with Xiao Wen after we actually married.

However, the thought of my husband and son, who were completely unaware of my plight, quickly hardened my resolve.

After dinner, back in the main living room, I had some tea and chatted with Xiao Wen's father for a while before getting up to leave. Xiao Wen offered to drive

me home, but I refused, saying, "No need to go through all that trouble. You'll need a taxi on the way back. Get some rest; you have work tomorrow." Xiao Wen

reluctantly agreed.

On the drive home, I wasn't in a good mood. Suddenly, I longed for a warm home. I even told myself to stop

messing around with those women and marry a beautiful, virtuous wife like Xiao Wen, from a good family,

and settle down for the rest of my life. But I'm a wanderer, a wanderer burdened with an incredibly heavy emotional debt. I was genuinely worried I couldn't be

a good husband. I'd already ruined Feng Lan; I didn't want to hurt the kind-hearted Xiao Wen and her happy family.

So, from the day I met Xiao Wen's parents, I slowly began to distance myself from her. Xiao Wen invited me

to her house many times afterward, but I refused with various excuses. Even worse, several times when Xiao Wen called me, even though I was right next to the phone, I

had my colleagues say I was out.

I knew Xiao Wen was heartbroken during that time, but I thought a short, sharp pain was better than a long, drawn-out one, so I hardened my heart and persisted.

But fate always seemed to be working against me. No matter how much I struggled and resisted, some things that were destined to happen still

happened. Three months later, one evening, I still ended up with the persistent Xiao Wen.

15.

It was all destiny!

In fact, in the second month after Feng Lan went to the Guangzhou reporter station, during the initial period when I was anxiously searching for Ya Nan and her son

, Ya Nan sent a short message to Feng Lan from France. But Feng Lan wasn't there and didn't see it. Ya Nan's letter was mixed with

the daily letters from readers to Feng Lan and piled up

in a corner of Feng Lan's Beijing newspaper office by the mail delivery staff.

During this time, Feng Lan returned to Beijing several times for meetings and reports and visited her office. However, looking at the mountain of letters,

she only picked up the top few and looked at them, seeing that they were all expired reader letters, and didn't look any further. Later, Ya Nan sent two more letters,

which were also buried in Feng Lan's pile of letters. These three letters weren't discovered until Feng Lan, after she was officially transferred back to Beijing as deputy director of the journalism department,

was idly . But two whole years had passed!

Those two years were the most difficult and tragic years of Ya Nan and her son's lives, and also the darkest and most painful days of my own.

More than ten years have passed, and today, as I face the screen and type these tear-soaked memories, I still feel a chill.

What kind of days were those for Ya Nan and her son!

My once hopeful Ya Nan, after arriving in Paris with my son, was picked up by her mother's distant cousin, a

widower in his fifties, and driven to another port city, Marseille. At the time, this great-uncle of Ya Nan owned a Chinese restaurant in Marseille.

The day after , Ya Nan was assigned to clean toilets, mop floors, and wash dishes at the restaurant. My son, only three years old, was always locked inside the house,

often crying until his voice was hoarse. When Ya Nan dragged her exhausted body home from the restaurant late at night, she would hold my

son, who was still sobbing in his sleep , and silently shed tears. She didn't dare cry out loud, afraid that her great-uncle next door would hear.

For the first two months, Ya Nan's life was

relatively She only hoped to raise my son as soon as possible.

However, Ya Nan was wrong. Her great-uncle had arranged for her to come to France from the United States not only to have her work for him for free,

but also to secretly take advantage of her.

One night, Ya Nan had just returned from the restaurant and lay down with my son when her drunken great-uncle barged in and pounced

on her. Ya Nan struggled desperately, and my son, who was already asleep beside her, was awakened and cried loudly in fright. Perhaps my son's

cries saved his mother. That beastly old man, afraid that the workers in the other rooms would hear, finally had no choice but to sneak back to his own

room .

The next day, no matter how much this two-faced man pleaded with Ya Nan to stay, she still left the jaws of death with my son.

Later, Ya Nan went to Paris. She washed dishes in Chinese restaurants, worked odd jobs in underground Chinese sewing factories

, babysited children, and even set up a street stall. She and my son lived in people's storage rooms and slept in train stations. In the most

difficult times, she even received meals from church charities.

But despite all this, Ya Nan, knowing I worked at a news agency in Beijing, stubbornly refused to send me a single word.

If I hadn't later seen her three letters and resolutely resigned from the news agency, said goodbye to Xiao Wen who had just married me, abandoned

everything I had in Beijing, and come to Paris, enduring hardships to finally find her and my son, Ya Nan probably would never have seen me again in her life.

These unbearable past events are all hindsight. Let me have a drink, and then continue typing out another

story of joy and sorrow between me and Xiao Wen.

In the blink of an eye, a month had passed since I parted ways with Xiao Wen at the Xiao family home. During this time, I hadn't seen Xiao Wen.

One day, I went to the Xishan Hotel in Beijing to interview a national seminar on the development of large and medium-sized real estate development enterprises and ran into Xiao Wen's

father. At lunchtime, he sat down with me.

He asked, "Xiao Lu, why haven't you come to my house lately?"

I explained, "Uncle Xiao, I'm often away on business trips, quite busy with work.

" Xiao Wen's father looked at me: "Really? Did you and Xiao Wen have a falling out?"

I smiled slightly and said, "Uncle Xiao, you misunderstand. Actually, your daughter and I are just ordinary friends.

How have a falling out with her?

" Upon hearing this, Xiao Wen's father sighed and said, "Sigh! Normally, we as parents shouldn't interfere in your young people's affairs.

There are some things I shouldn't say either. But, from childhood to adulthood, I've never seen my precious daughter so aggrieved." Sometimes

when she comes home from work, she won't even eat dinner with us, and will lock herself in the east wing and cry endlessly. It makes me, her father,

feel terrible, and sometimes even her mother cries with her. It seems she really likes you.

Hearing this, I felt very sad. That same pain I felt when I liked Ya Nan but couldn't accept her love

began to resurface.

I told Xiao Wen's father: "Your daughter doesn't fully know my past experiences. I've had many emotional ups and downs.

Don't be fooled by my current success in my career; if I were to get married and start a family, I might not be able to be a good husband like you."

Xiao Wen's father said: "That night after you left my house, my wife told me about you, saying that you seemed like a thoughtful young man..."

It's heavy; I feel like you have some unresolved issues. As someone who's been through it, I want to say this: no matter what you were like in the past,

let bygones be bygones. People always have to look forward, face reality, and face life. Especially someone as young and promising as you.

That day, before we parted, Xiao Wen's father said to me, "No matter how your relationship with my daughter develops in the future, I will always consider you

a friend. Find an opportunity to meet with my daughter, Wenwen, and talk things out. It might be

better for both of you."

I listened to Xiao Wen's father. Two days later, after attending the industry development seminar that Xiao Wen's father and his colleagues had attended, I called Xiao Wen

and asked her to go out for dinner that evening.

Having only not seen her for a month or so, I noticed that Xiao Wen had lost a lot of weight. Her already fair face looked even

paler . We had just sat down, and before I could even speak, I saw tears welling up in Xiao Wen's eyes. That night,

although we ordered several dishes, we barely ate anything. In a moment of desperation, I told Xiao Wen everything that had happened to me since I was seventeen,

including my relationships with women in Beijing and other places.

I did this hoping to utterly destroy her hope and force her to leave because of my depravity and promiscuity, preventing her from suffering any

real harm. But I was wrong. That night, Xiao Wen, who hadn't spoken a word,

suddenly burst into tears on my shoulder just before I got out of the car at her front door. Sobbing, she said, "Rousseau,

I just like you. I just love you. I don't care about your past, as long as you're truly good to me from now on."

Hearing Xiao Wen's words, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Ya Nan loved me and liked me because she, in her innocence, saw me as a pure-hearted

boy . Now, Xiao Wen knew everything about my past, yet she could still say she loved me and liked me. It was clear she was deeply in love with me,

hopelessly entangled.

Touched, I cupped Xiao Wen's face in my hands and kissed her forehead tenderly. Then I said to her, "Go home and rest early.

Think about our relationship for a few more days; don't rush into a decision. Also, give me some time

to cut ties with the past and move on from that past life, okay?"

"Okay."

Hearing my words, Xiao Wen finally smiled, though tears still clung to her face.

I got out of the car, opened the door for Xiao Wen, and walked her to her front door. After she unlocked the gate, I

kissed , said goodnight, and watched her slip through the gate before getting back in my car and leaving.

The next morning, as soon as I entered my office, I received a call from Xiao Wen's father. He said happily, "Xiao

Lu, thank you so much! This morning, my daughter was finally laughing and talking with us again. You've relieved our worries. Thank

you so much! When you have time, I'll invite you for drinks, just the two of us, no one else, let's have a good time."

I said, "Uncle Xiao, no need. I'll treat you one evening after I'm done with these busy days."

"Okay! It's a deal!" Hahahaha…

My future father-in-law's hearty laughter came through the phone.

16.

In a sense, Xiao Wen is my benefactor. It was her love that began to awaken me from my decadent lifestyle, allowing me to truly

break free past dissolute existence and start living a normal life again. She not only helped me quit

drinking and smoking, but also countless women who devoured my body and soul.

She essentially pulled me out of the mire. Although we have broken up today, and she is no longer my wife, my

gratitude towards her will never disappear from my heart. If my feelings for Ya Nan are unchanging love, then

for Xiao Wen, besides love, there is also lifelong respect.

Actually, ever since I fell ill and was hospitalized, I've started to feel weary of my dissolute life.

This . But what truly made me decide to say goodbye to this life that was ruining and destroying me was

the .

The next day at work, I had someone change the numbers on my pager, cell phone, and home phone. Although few women knew my office

phone number , I still told my colleagues that if any woman called looking for me,

they should say I wasn't available except for Xiao Wen and Feng Lan. I began to completely cut ties with those women who wanted to sleep with me every few days

.

I stopped smoking cigars after being discharged from the hospital, and I also completely quit drinking. When I was in Beijing or traveling for interviews, if I was pressured at a dinner party

, I would show the hosts my gastritis test results from when I was in the hospital as a shield to refuse alcohol.

Normally, after work, I

rarely . At home, I read English and French, flipped through new books, and organized materials. Sometimes, I would buy some groceries and cook a few dishes according to

the Chinese cookbook.

I began to have more and more confidence in this new life. My changes also made Xiao Wen smile all day long.

Especially Xiao Wen's parents, who were overjoyed. Every time I went to their house, they treated me like their own son. They were so good to me

that I couldn't bear it.

However, just like a drug addict, if he suddenly and completely withdrew from the drug, he would definitely find it difficult to adapt.

Although drugs, after quitting drinking, my physical condition has been getting better and better. After a month or so without touching a woman's body, I still

felt an indescribable, unbearable urge all over my body. Especially at night, the urge to have sex often woken me

up . Several times, in the middle of the night, I felt like my penis was about to explode. I couldn't bear it anymore and even picked up the phone to dial

the number of a woman from my past. But at the last moment before the call connected, I overcame myself and hung up. I told myself

that I couldn't go back to the old ways, I couldn't go back to my old life. Another time, I tried to cool myself down by repeatedly dousing myself with cold water, but it

was already past 3 a.m. I had no choice but to drive recklessly on the Beijing-Tianjin highway to release my pent-up desire.

During those days, the observant Xiao Wen noticed my emotional instability. Although she was still a virgin, she was a medical student and understood

the reason for my irritability. One day, we were having dinner out, and on the way home, as I was driving her, she suddenly touched me tenderly.

Her face flushed, she said to me, "Rousseau, let's go to your place, let's be together tonight. I know you've been suffering so much because of me lately. Anyway, I'll be yours

sooner or later .

" I smiled bitterly, took Xiao Wen's hand that was stroking my face, kissed it, and said, "It's okay, don't overthink it.

I won't touch you before our official engagement; I want to take responsibility for you."

Xiao Wen looked at me with teary eyes and said, "How much longer do we have to wait? I'm really afraid you can't handle it; after all, you've been through it before."

I told Xiao Wen, "Give me another six months, let me find out where Ya Nan and her child are, then we'll get engaged." "

What if there's still no news?"

Xiao Wen asked me. "

Then we'll get engaged too,

" I answered her with deep sorrow.

Actually, the concept of a man raping a woman isn't just about violence. A man taking advantage of a woman's momentary emotional vulnerability and pity

to possess her body should also be considered a form

of rape. Although Feng Lan had great feelings for me back then, which could be called love, my actions that night she lost her virginity to me should still be considered a form of rape. Because I didn't love her and had no intention of marrying her, it was just a momentary physical

impulse.

Now, although Xiao Wen and I are basically in a relationship, I really don't have

much . Besides, Xiao Wen's parents treat me like their own son; how could I bear to betray their

love? So, I'm still forcing myself not to touch Xiao Wen.

It might be hard for some to believe, but a man like me, who's been around women for over a month,

has only kissed her hand, her face, and her forehead. I haven't even hugged her or kissed her lips once. How is that possible?

But I have. I may be a playboy, a womanizer, but I'm not a villain.

Another month has passed. My feelings for Xiao Wen have deepened. Sometimes when I travel for work, even for only three or four days,

I feel myself starting to miss her. I often return to my hotel at night, lean against the bed, and chat with her on the phone for a while before finally

falling asleep peacefully. As soon as I got off the plane back in Beijing, as long as it wasn't too late, I would definitely go to her house to see her. Xiao Wen's

mother knew I liked noodles, especially Beijing-style fried noodles, so every time I went, she would personally prepare a huge bowl for me, making sure I was stuffed

until I was burping before letting me put down my chopsticks.

But no matter what, Xiao Wen quickly became my woman.

One day, as soon as I got to work in the morning, the head of the department called me over. He told me there was an interview assignment in the old revolutionary base area of northern Shaanxi, and

he was considering letting me go, giving me three days off so I could go back to my hometown to see my parents.

I really admired my boss for that; he was so considerate. So, when working for him, I never complained about the hardship or fatigue. In the years I've worked under him,

I've never let him down. I

was hospitalized during the Spring Festival, so it's been over a year since I went back to my hometown in northern Shaanxi to visit my parents. Two years ago, I brought my parents

to stay in Beijing for a few days. But having seen so many mountains...

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