[Repost]: A letter from a girl to her boyfriend after a miscarriage

I hope you are well!

I've been getting angry with you a lot lately, and I feel terrible about it. Please forgive me! I'm

under a lot of psychological pressure, and I often feel lost, as if I'm walking towards a dead end, with no sudden sense of clarity. I always feel that you can't understand my feelings and are so carefree,
which makes me quite annoyed. But after calming down and thinking about it, I realize that you are a man, and given my sensitive and introverted personality, it's normal that you don't notice my subtle emotional changes. I shouldn't have taken it out

on you when my emotions flared up; I'm sorry. These past few days have been incredibly difficult. Perhaps this kind of thing happens often around you, and abortions are commonplace for women. But this time, I'm truly heartbroken. This is no different from hearing about an abortion from a friend; it's just as insignificant to you.

I have no right to demand that you share my sadness or endure the same prolonged pain, because you were just an observer throughout the entire process, never participating personally. From beginning to end, you were merely a spectator; even if you were sad, you were only saddened by my story. But once you're out of the story, once the curtain falls, you return to normal life. Everything that just happened is merely a regrettable story, and you emotionally played the role of a heartbroken protagonist. However, you can leave the stage, but I can't. Others act, I act out life. So even if I ask you to, you can't possibly understand. That's why I'm writing this letter to you, to tell you how I've been these past few days.

This is my life. I condemn myself every day, even suspecting that God is punishing me. For half a month, I've been bleeding non-stop, as if He's making me wash away my sins with blood. These past few days, I've had frequent nightmares, and every time I wake up, my pillowcase is soaked. Every time I see my own blood, I'm terrified. Sometimes I think that if this bleeding continues, I might just die. Every time I go to the hospital, sitting on the cold bench outside, the girls around me, older and younger than me, all have boyfriends. Seeing them carefully protecting the girls often gives me a tingling feeling in my chest, spreading outwards, making me restless.

The last time I went to the hospital, after a series of tests, I only had 50 yuan left. A dose of traditional Chinese medicine cost over 70 yuan, and the doctor instructed me to take at least three doses. Because my condition was quite bad—I had overworked myself, come into contact with cold water, and had a bunch of gynecological inflammations—I couldn't afford that much medicine. I had already borrowed 300 yuan from a friend (and couldn't tell my family). I didn't know how I would manage next month, thinking that delaying it might not be a big problem. But unexpectedly, the bleeding suddenly increased again today, and I was completely at a loss. I didn't know who to turn to next, and now I didn't even have money to buy sanitary napkins. I felt like crying, but also suddenly felt a sense of relief. It would be better to just die like this, to leave cleanly. Looking back on these days, I feel somewhat wronged. Miscarriage isn't really a big deal; most of my live-in girlfriends have gone through it. But throughout this process, their boyfriends were always there for them, providing financial support, taking care of their daily lives, and sharing their burdens. I told you that Hui's boyfriend only showed up afterward, but for the next month he washed Hui's clothes, cooked for her, and made her nourishing soup every day. But I didn't even have money for food, and I washed my own sheets and blankets the day after my miscarriage (there was blood everywhere).

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[Repost]: A letter from a girl to her boyfriend after a miscarriage

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