I became his holiday lover.

One day in early September 2007, while browsing a chat room, a male netizen with the username "How to Relieve Worries" initiated a conversation. After a few exchanges, we both felt a connection and started a video chat. He introduced himself as a senior supervisor looking for a cheerful, lively, and articulate "holiday lover."

Curious, I immediately asked him what a "holiday lover" meant. He replied, "The National Day holiday is approaching, and I want to travel to relax. Being alone is too lonely, so I'd like someone to accompany me. I'll cover all travel expenses, including your shopping. Once the holiday is over, we'll return to our normal lives and leave each other alone. We get along quite well; are you interested?"

After considering it for a few minutes and learning he was single, I sent a smiley face to indicate my agreement. I had always fantasized about meeting a beautiful romance online, someone who would change my destiny.

"How to Relieve Worries" was a catch—single, not unattractive, and with modern ideas. Perhaps after a romantic holiday, he would fall in love with me and become my boyfriend?

A friend asked, "Aren't you afraid of being scammed?" I had considered this, but he paid for my plane ticket and a suitcase worth over 1000 yuan—surely a scammer wouldn't be that generous! So, during the National Day holiday in 2008, we went to Xinjiang for over a week, like a couple deeply in love. At 38, he exuded the charm of a mature man, something I'd never found in my previous boyfriends.

Back in Xuzhou, neither of us kept our "no interference" agreement; we'd text each other whenever we had free time.

"How to Relieve Worries" was actually named Li Ying (pseudonym), a senior manager at a company. When we met online, he had recently divorced. As for me, after graduating from university, I hadn't found a stable job and was renting a place near the school for 180 yuan a month—the living conditions were, as you can imagine, very basic.

One time, I told Li Ying that I felt someone was spying on me outside my window at night. A week later, he picked me up and took me to an apartment in the eastern suburbs. He handed me the keys and said, "From now on, you'll live here."

I was overjoyed, thinking it was Li Ying's apartment, but he glanced at me and said, "This is an apartment I rent out. It just happened to be available, so you can live here. It'll be convenient if you want to take the postgraduate entrance exam or look for a job!"

I was speechless!

After that, Li Ying came to see me twice a week, occasionally taking me to upscale places and outings on holidays. Knowing I didn't have much income, he deposited 2,000 yuan into my bank account every month. Sometimes, I would mention wanting to buy certain brands of clothes and cosmetics, and he would ask me how much I needed and then give me the exact amount.

When I was being affectionate, I would call him "husband." At this point, he would say seriously, "Don't call me that, we're just lovers, we need each other!"

Afraid of angering him, I always said, "Okay, lovers it is!" Actually, what I was thinking was, "You only have me by your side, one day you'll be my husband!"

I firmly believed he would marry me.

Li Ying's life was very structured. Every time he came to my place, it was always dinner, watching DVDs… Actually, when lying in bed, I really wanted to talk to him more, to share my feelings, but every time he went straight to the point. He never even kissed me. I started to get tired of this lifestyle, but I didn't say anything because I was afraid he would get angry.

Once, I suddenly really wanted to kiss him. I said to him, "I want to kiss you, is that okay?" He turned around, laughed, and said, "I'm not used to other people's kisses, don't take me too seriously." I didn't say anything, and didn't sleep all night.

The next morning, at the crack of dawn, I sat by the bed looking at his sleeping face and decided to tell him that for over a year, I had been hopelessly in love with him. He woke up, opened his eyes, saw me, and jumped out of bed in shock, saying, "What are you doing? You scared me to death!"

All the courage I had mustered vanished in that instant. I stammered for a long time, and just as he was about to leave, I called to him, walked to his side, and kissed his lips. He responded.

After a while, he stopped. "What's wrong?" "I've loved you for a long time. Do you love me?" He seemed troubled, didn't answer, and turned to leave.

That night, he came back, bringing a stack of materials. He said, "You can't just drift along like this. You should enroll in a tutoring class, study seriously, and prepare for the postgraduate entrance exam. If you don't want to take it, I'll try to find you a job!"

After much thought, I decided to take the exam. Firstly, there weren't many good job opportunities, and secondly, I believed Li Ying still had feelings for me. The reason I never expressed them was because his ex-wife came from a wealthy family and had a high income, while I was supported by him, which made him lose face. If I passed the postgraduate entrance exam, he would acknowledge me and look at me with new respect.

I studied very hard, and Li Ying was very supportive, visiting me less and less frequently.

But I still failed the exam.

To comfort me, Li Ying took me on a trip to Hong Kong. In Victoria Harbour, half-sulking and half-whining, I said, "I don't want to take the exam anymore, let's just get married!"

He pretended not to hear me. I was furious and shouted at the sea, "I want to get married!" attracting the attention of tourists. Back at the hotel, Li Ying said solemnly, "I don't want to spoil your mood, but I must remind you again, I will not marry you!"

"Why?"

"We are just lovers, we need each other, that's all!"

Li Ying said resolutely.

"Don't you believe I love you? Do you think I only love your money? Li Ying, listen to me, from this minute on, I won't take a single penny from you. Even if we get married, I'll have a prenuptial agreement. I don't want anything from you."

He thought for a moment and asked me to give him some time to consider.

After returning to Xuzhou, I asked a friend to find me a job and never touched the 2000 yuan that Li Ying transferred to my account every month. I waited patiently, but what I received was news of his marriage.

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I became his holiday lover.

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