Beijing Stories (Repost) 8

Chapter Eight

February 16th, I received a call from my younger sister:

"Brother! Dad's dying! Come quick!" she sobbed.

"When? What happened?" I couldn't believe it; just two days ago he was scolding me for neglecting my duties
.

"He was fine last night, but Mom found out Dad was dying in the early hours of the morning!" My sister cried even harder
.

Two days later, my father passed away from a cerebral hemorrhage. I, his eldest son and only
son , hadn't even had a chance to cry for him before I was busy with his funeral arrangements. No matter what, Dad had been
a somewhat influential figure; the memorial service, the condolences, the sympathies… I was exhausted. My mother
was twenty years younger than my father, but she had aged considerably in just a few days. I had to stay home every day to
comfort her.

It was a weekend when Lan Yu called, asking if I was going back to the "temporary village." I really wanted to avoid the somber atmosphere
at home , so I told him I would come over that night.

I opened the door and saw Lan Yu sitting on the sofa reading a book. When he saw me come in, he put down his book
and looked at me with concern, asking,

"Is Mom feeling any better these days?" He used to call my mom "Auntie," but I told him that
in Beijing, friends call each other's mothers "our mom."

"She's alright!" I said listlessly.

"Let's go out and get something to eat," I said again.

"Forget it, I don't think you're in the mood. I'll buy some cooked food and we'll eat at home!"

I noticed many paper packages on the table, and even a case of Yanjing beer on the floor. He was
so thoughtful.

I picked up a bottle of beer and laughed, "We used to do this back in college."

"Still the same now," he said with a smile.

After a few drinks, I felt more comfortable than I had in days. I kept thinking about my dad
; his death was truly too sudden.

"Grandpa used to always have a stern face, and it felt comfortable without him at home. But now it feels so lonely.
" I said, as if to Lan Yu and also to myself:

"I've never liked him since I was little. He always scolded me and hit me, and he didn't discriminate, hitting me wherever he wanted
... As I grew older, he became much better; he even liked to talk to me, but I didn't like to talk to him..."
...I remember the year I got into Nanjing University on my own, he was so proud he drank too much, saying that among his
comrades , only his son got in on his own merit...I never felt he was good to me, but now
that I think about it, he helped me a lot during those years of starting my business..."

I took a sip of my drink, glanced at Lan Yu, who was listening intently; he was the best listener.
I continued, "Before he died, he suddenly opened his eyes; I think it was a final burst of energy before death. He looked at each of us
, and finally his gaze fell on me. He must have wanted to say something, but he couldn't. He probably really
liked me..." I got a little emotional and couldn't continue.

After a long while, I heard Lan Yu say in a low voice,

"I think he wasn't too sad when he passed away. Mom, you, and your two younger sisters were all by
his side. He should have been content..." He paused for a moment, "When my mother died,
no one was with her. She took a whole bottle of sleeping pills by herself..."

I looked up at him. This was the first time he had spoken about his mother's death. She committed suicide; no wonder he never
talked about it. His expression was a little strange, though sad, it carried a coldness:

"Although my parents lived in the Northwest, they weren't locals. My mother was from Hangzhou, and
my father was from the Northeast..." So he had the features of a Northern man, yet also
the delicate features of a Southerner, I thought, looking at him.

"They were all teachers at the university. My family was always well-off when I was little. My father loved
to play. He always took my mother and me out to play. He taught me to play the erhu, introduced me to stamp collecting, and even did math word problems with me
. By the time I graduated from elementary school, I had already completed the second year of junior high school, all taught by him. My mother
wasn't talkative; she was kind to everyone. I never heard them argue before. The only time was when my mother
said my father was a chauvinist and didn't help with housework at all, but then she smiled and told my father, 'I
don't care about you.'"

He smiled sweetly as he spoke. He took another big gulp of wine:

"After the reform and opening up, my father was one of the first intellectuals to jump into the business world. He seems to have developed
a fan and was hired by a township enterprise. Our family became the richest on campus. We were the first to have
a refrigerator and a color TV. Everyone in the college envied us..." I could already guess the ending of this story
; these kinds of things happen a lot now.

“My father is different from you businessmen. He doesn’t play games; when he does, he takes it seriously.
I saw that woman before my mother died. She was actually very beautiful, but to me, she was incredibly ugly…
I was twelve years old and didn’t understand what was happening in my family until my mother had a stroke. The doctors said she
was only forty and already like this, too young. I went to see her at the hospital every day after school; my father rarely went.”
Lan Yu was clearly drunk; otherwise, he wouldn’t have said so much. I didn’t try to stop him; this
was a rare opportunity.

“She was actually fine; she was discharged, but she still died. She left a very long letter,
written to me and also to my father: she hated money. She said money could make people cold, selfish, and
heartless. She said that what was most precious to her was affection; she would rather be a broken jade than a whole tile.” As I listened, my heart
trembled.

“She told me to study hard, to get into a good university, and to leave the environment of the ‘University of Technology.’ She
wanted me to be independent, to be a man of integrity.” Lan Yu stopped abruptly
, his slightly reddened eyes glaring at me. I thought I saw resentment.

“That’s impossible now.” He lowered his head, one hand holding his wine glass, the other fiddling with
a bottle cap. He continued,

“My mother never imagined that less than a year after her death, my father’s ‘career’ would
plummet . He lost all his savings. But he and that woman were already married and had a daughter.
He went back to being a university teacher, and everyone laughed at him: he drove his wife to her death and became poor again
. I feel like they’re laughing at me too…”

“That woman was nice to me at first, but then she got really mean. In my senior year of high school, the school
required us to pay for printing mock exams every day, and she argued with my father about it, saying she didn’t have the money. Later, I got into Huazhong University of Science and Technology,
and she couldn’t tolerate me anymore. She told me that her family was struggling financially, and that her and my father’s salaries were barely enough to eat
. My father doesn’t care about anything else, he’s obsessed with Go, and he’s already an amateur sixth dan.” Lan Yu smiled
helplessly and poured himself another glass of wine.

“Drink less!” I advised.

He ignored me completely and continued, “I borrowed 100 yuan from an uncle in Hangzhou and came to
Beijing, and that’s how I met Liu Zheng, and then you.” He looked at me again and smiled meaningfully.

“Damn it, why am I so unlucky?” he suddenly cursed angrily. I didn’t know if he was
referring to his parents or to meeting me.

“Don’t drink anymore, you’ll get drunk.” I said, taking his glass away.

“It’s okay, I’m not drunk.” He stood up and leaned against the wall to go to the bathroom.

When he came back, he lay on the sofa, looking at me with a flirtatious grin, and asked,

"Want to play a game?"

I shook my head: "Not in the mood." I really wasn't.

"No one's been this nice to me since my mother died," he murmured to himself.
I think he must be referring to me!

...

Strong sunlight streamed through the curtains, making the bedroom bright. It was already eleven in the morning, and we
were both awake.

"My head hurts so much, I really drank too much last night," he said.

"No, you've been quite sober the whole time."

"I bought that wine for you, but I got drunk," he said with an embarrassed smile.

I didn't respond. I studied him from the side, looking at his thick, dark eyebrows, bright eyes
, and long eyelashes.

He noticed my gaze, turned to look at me, and asked,

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just looking at you," I said.

"Are you crazy!" he said, blushing slightly, smiling like a typical Beijing boy.

"I'm crazy, I'm really crazy!" I muttered to myself.

He looked at me, then leaned in and gently kissed my lips. Our kiss was delicate and tender, and he kept
glancing at me as he kissed me. He pulled away from my lips and began to give me oral sex. I closed my eyes, feeling
the dreamlike dizziness...

"Handong," he called softly.

I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me with a puzzled expression; my unusual demeanor must have been bothering him
.

"Keep going!" I encouraged him, then closed my eyes again.

He continued to give me oral sex. After a while, I asked him to move closer so I could give him
oral sex too... He ejaculated after only a few strokes.

I still didn't ejaculate. He looked guilty and wanted to continue giving me oral sex, but I stopped him. He
lay down, his body pressed against mine, hinting at anal sex.

I hugged him from behind, saying I didn't want to ejaculate, I just wanted to hold him like this.

He didn't say anything. We stayed like that for a long time...

I really didn't want to have sex. I'm thinking about what he said last night. He became increasingly confused and talked a lot
, saying he was afraid of the teachers and classmates around him, afraid they would find out what he was doing. He said he only felt relaxed when he
was with . He said he was beyond help...

He shouldn't blame me. If I dragged him down in the first place, then this time, he dragged me
down too. I accept it!

Then I thought of my deceased father and my grieving mother...

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