Erotic jokes, a laugh makes you ten years younger, author unknown.

1. Back in school, a group of us were watching porn at a classmate's house. We were so engrossed in the movie that his parents came home. We quickly got ready [the whole thing]. When they opened the door, they found us all sitting on the sofa, nodding and greeting each other, but not one of us stood up to say hello. Later, my classmate told me his parents commented that we were impolite for not getting up to greet the adults. We were all ashamed! We were all hard-pressed!

2. In 2008, I accompanied a friend to a military hospital in Xiangshan, Beijing, for an IV drip. Bored, I opened my laptop to see what I could do to pass the time (the laptop was borrowed). I found a movie and started watching—a Hong Kong comedy. While I was enjoying it, I suddenly heard a woman moaning (the main character was imitating her)! Suddenly, the noisy room fell silent. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed dozens of people in the room staring at me strangely. Having never blushed in 25 years, I was completely flustered. I shut down my computer, my face flushed, and walked out of the infusion room with my head down. Ugh!

3: Girls often put toilet paper on the toilet seat in public restrooms for hygiene. Once, I was so busy at work that I didn't even have time to go to the toilet. I hurriedly laid out the paper, [full text] and afterwards, hurriedly wiped my bottom, pulled up my pants, and left. Back in the office, I ran around doing a few things. When I got back to my seat, oh my god, the girl next to me said… "Why is there a piece of toilet paper on your butt?" I was stunned when I saw it, and quickly pulled it out... It was so long...

4: A long time ago, a classmate of mine was queuing for an X-ray. Suddenly, this guy exclaimed: "Everyone, come and see! This person has two wire-like things in his chest!" I looked and almost laughed myself to death. Everyone should know what those two wires are. Then, a girl came out of the X-ray room, and this guy still wouldn't let it go. He went up to her and asked: "Everyone saw two wires in your chest, are you okay?" The girl reacted after 3 seconds and slapped him across the face!

5: There was a womanizer who specialized in raping female students on a university campus.

Once, he kidnapped a freshman girl. The girl resisted fiercely and screamed. The womanizer was scared and ran away.

(I'm dying of laughter)

Another time, he kidnapped a sophomore girl. The girl pleaded in a low voice, "No... no... don't, don't..." The womanizer became bold and forced himself on her.

Once, he kidnapped a junior female student. The girl pleaded softly, "No...no...don't, don't..." The thief still forced himself on her. Just as he was about to penetrate her, the girl suddenly calmly said, "Wait a minute, put this on first." She casually pulled out a condom...

Another time, he kidnapped a senior female student. The girl didn't scream, but simply handed him a condom and said, "Put it on first, don't be too rough."...

Yet another time, he kidnapped a female graduate student. The graduate student remained silent, allowing the thief to rape her at will. [Full text] Afterwards, after tidying her clothes, she muttered to herself, "So this is what it's like with a man, nowhere near as stimulating as masturbation..." (The thief was stunned and couldn't recover for a long time.)

Once again, he kidnapped a female doctoral student. The doctoral student again remained silent, allowing the thief to rape her at will. [Full text] Afterwards, he tidied his clothes, handed over a key and a business card, saying, "This is my dormitory apartment key, address, and phone number. You can come find me anytime..." (The thief fainted on the spot.)

Finally, one time, he kidnapped a "female postdoctoral fellow," who handed him a box of condoms and said, "Change one each time. Here are twelve, is that enough?"... (The thief developed erectile dysfunction due to mental disorder, and the campus became relatively peaceful.)

6: Men are naturally fond of drinking, experiencing all the flavors in a cup; drink more while you're young, for life is rarely relived. Virgins are like Moutai, every man wants a sip; passionate young women are like red wine, one sip makes you want another; devoted women are like wine, sweet to the heart; beautiful lovers are like broken wine, refreshing and delightful; one's own wife is like baijiu, even if it's hard to drink, you still have to have a sip; knowing a prostitute is fake wine, you still want a sip even if you have to pay.

7: A taxi driver was picking up passengers in the city. He picked up a prostitute and took her to her destination in the suburbs. After arriving, the prostitute forgot her money and negotiated with the driver. After the negotiation, the prostitute agreed to have sex with the driver. The driver thought it would be a waste not to do it, so he agreed. However, the driver was afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, so he used his feet to have sex with the prostitute for a while. After it was over, they were even and went their separate ways. A few days later, the taxi driver found that strange blisters had appeared on his feet. He went to the hospital for a checkup. After the examination, the doctor said that his feet had syphilis. The taxi driver said, "How is that possible?" The doctor said, "What's impossible? Just now, a prostitute had athlete's foot from her vagina."

8: A man named A was walking on the road at night when he suddenly heard crying coming from the shadows by the roadside.

He rushed over and saw that it was a woman with disheveled clothes crying.

Mr. A: "Miss? What's wrong?"

Miss replied: "I was just assaulted by a pervert!"

Mr. A: "Are you...are you alright?"

Miss replied: "He...he suddenly grabbed my breast from behind...and then let me go..."

Mr. A: "If you're alright, why are you crying?"

Miss replied: "Because...because that pervert actually said

, 'What bad luck, to end up hugging a man...'"

As she spoke, she cried even louder...

9: One day, an old nun took a bowl of her urine and asked a young nun to take it down the mountain to the doctor for testing... As the young nun walked, she accidentally knocked over the bowl of urine. Afraid of being scolded, she started crying. A passing woman saw this and told the young nun not to cry. The young nun said she had accidentally knocked over the old nun's urine and was afraid of being scolded. The woman said it was alright, and told the young nun to take her urine to the doctor. A week later, the old nun received the test results. The test results said she was pregnant. The old nun exclaimed, "Good heavens! These days, even radishes can't be trusted!"

10: A beautiful older woman and a playboy were chatting, but their views couldn't be aligned. The playboy patiently asked, "Let me ask you another question. If you enter a room with two beds, one with a woman and the other with a man, which bed would you choose?"

The woman answered without hesitation, "The woman's bed, of course!"

The playboy said smugly, "See, I told you our views would align!"

11: A playboy went to a barbershop. The woman doing his manicure was very beautiful, and he invited her to dinner and a movie that evening.

The woman said seriously, "I'm already married." The

playboy suggested, "Just tell your husband you'll be home a little later!"

The woman said, "You should ask him yourself; he's shaving you right now."

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