"I Want to Sleep with You" - ◆Sibling Relationship (10)

"go out."
Si Chun wasn't angry, partly because the alcohol had made her a little slow to react, but she wasn't drunk enough to be that drunk.
Si Shuo slowly released his grip and straightened his messy, open clothes. He hadn't planned to win Si Chun back on his first day back; he had just missed her warmth so much that he had rushed out without thinking.
Si Shuo was concerned about something else. He didn't leave immediately, but stood quietly behind his sister. "Is that celebrity named Gu Shi your boyfriend?"
As soon as he said it, Si Shuo admired his own composure; he thought that if he had uttered those two words, he would have been filled with resentment and gritted his teeth.
Si Chun had already lay down on the bed. "Whether he's your boyfriend or not is none of your business. While I can still talk to you properly, this is the last time. Get out."
Something flashed quickly in Si Shuo's eyes, but this time he didn't say anything. He just squatted down and straightened his sister's messy, crooked high heels as he turned to leave.
Si Chun tilted his head and glanced at it, then turned his face away.
Si Shuo returned to his room, where his sexual desire and longing were temporarily relieved. He thought the unbearable anxiety in his body would lessen, but Si Chun's words, "It has nothing to do with you," continued to linger in his mind, refusing to leave him no matter what.
Those areas that were throbbing with pain now feel like they've been ripped open, and the pain is even worse.
He knew better than anyone what was wrong with him.
Back when he first went abroad, he struggled to adjust to life without Si Chun by his side, and some of the little habits he had developed because of her remained unchanged. Because of Si Chun, he experienced his first stirrings of love, and all his emotions were connected to her. Like a kite held tightly in someone's hand for a long time, suddenly released by its owner, the kite gained its long-awaited freedom, but it was aimless, not knowing where to drift.
Even though he has his own ideals and beliefs, what is autonomous and what is involuntary are two different things.
It has always been the other way around: it wasn't that she couldn't live without him, but that he couldn't live without her.
………
Si Shuo soon came to know this man online amidst the overwhelming marketing and advertisements about Gu Shi.
Two months ago, he gained some fame on a variety show and participated in a talent show. He quickly rose from an unknown nobody to a third or fourth-tier celebrity. Baidu Baike says he is a single idol with no scandals.
Not a boyfriend, just a bed partner. Based on his understanding of Si Chun, Si Shuo quickly came to this conclusion about Gu Shi—if he were really a boyfriend, someone like Si Chun, who would practically hang the man on her lap, wouldn't ignore a dozen or so of his calls.
Yes, that night in Si Chun's room, he saw her phone that she had casually tossed on the bed. The screen clearly showed that Gu Shi didn't seem to be as favored as he had imagined, at least not as much as he had been back then.
But even if she's just a bed partner, she's still a formidable rival.
At this moment, Gu Shi was unaware that his resume was being scrutinized by his sugar daddy's brother and former lover. He had finally managed to get Si Chun to have a meal with him and was racking his brains to create common topics with him.
Thinking of the news he had heard from his boss not long ago, he cut the steak for Si Chun and put it over, then mentioned the person who was still a stranger to him for the first time: "Xiao Chun, I heard that your brother came back from abroad?"
Si Chun took a bite of broccoli and nodded with an "Mmm". She knew that Gu Shi got a lot of information about her from Xue You and Qin Peng. It was strange, though, that Xue You didn't treat Gu Shi the way he treated Si Shuo back then. She didn't know if it was because he was older and more mature, or because he was Qin Peng's man.
"Well, since he's your brother, shouldn't I go and pay him a visit?" Gu Shi said, his words carrying a hint of probing and sweetness.
In truth, he knew in his heart that he and Si Chun were not lovers at all. She was keeping him as a mistress, giving him everything he wanted—money, fame, and social status—but this also meant that they were not equal, and she could abandon him at any time during the ambiguous period of their relationship.
“There’s no need. He’s not my biological son. He was adopted by my parents when I was a child. It’s hard to say whether he’ll even have the surname Si in the future.” Si Chun didn’t know why Gu Shi would bring up Si Shuo out of the blue, but it made her feel slightly uncomfortable, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on why.
When she was younger, she didn't like people treating Si Shuo as her biological brother. Because if they were siblings, they couldn't be together, couldn't kiss or make love, so she often subtly reminded those around her that they weren't blood-related and that he was just an adopted son.
She didn't expect that after so much time, she would still subconsciously say such things.
This made Si Chun feel subtly irritated, so much so that she didn't see Gu Shi's momentary daze and subsequent helplessness.
That afternoon, Si Chun went home. It was still early, so she opened the door through the French windows to the balcony. The semi-circular, protruding balcony offered a clear view of the backyard.
Si Shuo was followed by the Si family's gardener, who seemed to be pruning the large patch of white camellias that were in full bloom, and occasionally bending down to water them. Si Chun looked down at him, his expression slightly lazy, but the subtle impatience he had shown towards Gu Shi earlier was gone.
She had the camellia planted on a whim when she was a teenager, but the novelty wore off quickly, and she stopped taking care of it. Instead, Si Shuo was the one who tended to it the most.
The white hibiscus and white pearl flowers, which slowly bloomed starting in September, were once Si Chun's favorite flowers; the person standing downstairs was also once Si Chun's favorite person.
The longing on her face slowly faded, and just before Si Shuo seemed about to turn away, she took a step back and left the balcony.
At dinner time, Si Chun saw Si Shuo sitting quietly at the table on the stairs. He was wearing a loose sweater, which made him look very gentle and harmless. His short, dark hair hung obediently on his forehead, unlike the mature and steady man he had been on when he first came back.
Seeing her come down, Si Shuo stood up, a gentle smile on his face: "Xiao Chun."
Si Chun nodded and sat down across the table. Si Shuo glanced at her for a second, then moved a chair and sat down next to her.
"Mom and Dad aren't coming home for dinner tonight, it'll just be the two of us. I ordered two kinds of soup from the kitchen; you drank too much the other day, so you need to..."
"Oh, I see. Serve the food." Si Chun interrupted him, not because she was impatient, but simply because she wanted to finish eating quickly and leave.
Si Shuo turned and gestured to the waiting servants, and the food was gradually placed on the table. In the large dining room, the only sound was the light clinking of bowls and chopsticks; otherwise, the atmosphere was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Halfway through the meal, Si Shuo served Si Chun a bowl of fish soup, then started making small talk, "...Today I was tidying up some old things in the house and found all the birthday gifts you gave me. I remember once for your birthday, I gave you a book of poems, but you said you couldn't understand it and insisted I give you something else..." He paused, the smile in his eyes fading, replaced by a trace of melancholy and sadness, "What I mean is, we...didn't we have good times before? How did things end up like this..."
As he spoke, his voice grew softer and softer.
Si Chun put down his chopsticks, took a sip of soup, and said, "You were the one who wanted to leave back then, and you were the one who said you didn't want to be an appendage. I was just granting your wish. Now that you're back, I neither hate you nor blame you. What more do you want?"
Si Shuo lowered his eyes. "Yes, I was too presumptuous. So now you don't like me, you hate me, and I accept that. But Xiao Chun, even from an older brother's perspective, I don't want you to invest too much emotion in Gu Shi. A man who only takes from you and uses you, even if he loves you, that love is selfish."
"I just hope you can always be happy, whether you love me or he."
Si Chun paused in her tracks as she turned to leave. She glanced back at Si Shuo before heading upstairs.
She suddenly remembered the poetry collection that Si Shuo had given her years ago. She couldn't understand it at the time, but she cherished it and put it in the cabinet. However, so much time had passed that she couldn't remember exactly where she had put it.
She went inside and closed the door, then searched through all the cabinets, finally finding the poetry collection wrapped in a dust bag on the top shelf of the bookcase.
As she stood on the stool and took out the book, her hand slipped, and the half-open thread-bound book fell apart, with a piece of paper fluttering out.
Si Chun picked it up and looked at it. The handwriting was elegant and powerful—it was Si Shuo's handwriting. She hadn't even looked at it back then, and after many years, the words on that piece of paper had faded a bit.
There were only two lines of poetry on the paper.
If I love you—I will not be like the trumpet creeper climbing the oak tree, flaunting myself by clinging to your tall branches; I must be a kapok tree beside you, standing with you as a tree.

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"I Want to Sleep with You" - ◆Sibling Relationship (10)

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