I thought of her again.

Seeing so many posts here these days has made me think about so many things, and it's left me feeling a bit strange. Maybe
it's because we've had similar experiences.

This incident has been a scar in my heart for a very long time, one I never wanted to mention. It will be the thing I regret most in my life.

I met her during a low point in my life. At that time, my emotions were also at their lowest. I felt gloomy every day and couldn't muster any energy
to do anything . That's when she appeared, and that's how some things that shouldn't have happened occurred.

My meeting with her was quite romantic, like something out of a movie. It happened on April 1st, many years ago. Everyone knows
what —April Fools' Day. I still clearly remember that it was the evening of March 31st when we got off work and read the newspaper to find out the next day was April
Fools' Day. At that time, one of my workers was getting along very well with his sister-in-law. "Back then, it was popular to have 'texting friends'"—
the kind of thing . We often teased him, saying their relationship must be something special because they could exchange hundreds of messages a day. (At that time, my
relationship with my wife wasn't good; we argued every day, so I didn't want to go home and lived on the construction site.) I remember a long time ago, I don't know which magazine she read an
article called "Seeking Love on April Fools' Day," and I encouraged him to send her a text message to try it out. Looking back, he was thoughtful. But this text message
caused trouble ; she had a falling out with my colleague. In the end, I had no choice but to explain, and that's how the problem was solved. I also got her number, and we started chatting.

We started by chatting about trivial things, then moved on to our past and present. We discovered we shared so many similar experiences and misfortunes.
Perhaps it was because we were kindred spirits that we became confidants. Her relationship with her husband was also strained. He worked in Guangdong, rarely returning home and never asking
about his family. We were from the countryside; for a woman, farming at home was incredibly hard, yet she received no affection. And he had another woman outside the marriage, and
I heard they had a daughter together. Whether it was extreme resentment or something else, our relationship warmed up quickly, and she gradually developed
a dependence on me. But at the time, we remained relatively rational, agreeing to remain just online friends and never meet in person.

This went on for a month or two. We'd exchange a thousand or two thousand text messages each month, but rarely called each other. I'm not good at talking, and although
she called me often, I only replied to texts, never answering. Actually, I had a vague feeling about something at that point, but I just didn't want to admit it. We
were both careful not to let our partners know, especially her; she never texted me after work. I knew she was in love, and that
I wasn't just a distant husband, as she claimed. I reminded her more than once that we couldn't continue like this, and she always just laughed and said, "What difference does it make if we don't see each other
?" But things always change too quickly, beyond our control. Her husband came back, and perhaps because of me, she did
n't . The volcano finally erupted; they had a huge fight, and she ran away from home. My heart followed her, and I was constantly worried,
since she hadn't left much of the country. After wandering around, she returned to Nanjing because I was there, and her brother-in-law was also there, close to home.

I had no choice but to help her. I picked her up and arranged everything for her. I even took her to my home. At that time, we were very open and honest because our
relationship was purely platonic. After she started working and lived at the factory, we still saw each other often. We both tried our best to restrain ourselves and maintain our friendship. We
never . Around this time, many of my friends found out about her and started teasing her. Some even said I was spineless and not a real man.

She worked a two-day weekend, while I didn't have any holidays. Many times, to spend more time together, we lived on the construction site. Although the conditions were simple, we were happy. Honestly,
at that time, I wanted to be with her but was also afraid. Every night we were together, it was so difficult for a normal man to restrain himself.
She saw my physical instincts, and I could tell from her eyes that she was willing. Once, she even said she was willing to be the woman behind me, willing to
give me warmth in the dark corners. Honestly, I was really touched, but I didn't want to wrong her, and I was afraid that having sex would change our relationship.
This went on for a long time, until almost the New Year. She missed home, or more precisely, she missed her child. She went back home once, and coincidentally, her husband also came back. I advised her
to talk to him properly, because the child wasn't young anymore, and if they divorced, it would ultimately hurt the child. She agreed. But two days later, she called me wanting to see me. Because
we , I didn't want her husband to misunderstand her, since we were innocent.

That day we went out to eat and drank some wine. She cried, and her crying broke my heart. I didn't go home that night; we stayed at the construction site together. She cried in my arms
for half the night, only to find out that they had another big fight because she had seen messages from her husband's mistress and had even called him, making her answer. Smelling
her fragrance and seeing her tears, she was so pitiful. I kissed her, and she responded naturally. My blood was boiling. I tried to push
her away, but she held me tighter and cried even harder, asking if I looked down on her or despised her. I said no, it's because I can't give you
anything . First, I have a family and can't promise you anything. (From the beginning of our conversation, I knew she desperately wanted a real home.) Second, I don't have money
; I'm just a wage earner and can't provide you with a good life. Not being able to support you as a mistress would be an insult to you (she had mentioned during our conversation that she hated
mistresses). …Finally, she asked me if I liked her, and I nodded. In the end, whether it was the urge to seduce or something else, things that shouldn't have happened, happened. Maybe it was because
we'd been suppressing our feelings for too long, or something else entirely, but that night we were incredibly passionate. She's the second woman in my life so far, and she says I'm also the second man in her life,
and the last. I believe her.

The next morning, I woke up to find she was already up and had bought breakfast. She sat beside me, looking at me with shyness in her eyes. When she saw I was awake, she lowered her head,
not daring to look at me, and so did I. From then on, she was even more attentive to me. She never spent my money and was very frugal herself, truly a master of managing a household. In the days that followed
, we often couldn't help ourselves and had sex many times, but we both still felt a sense of guilt. However, she said she didn't regret it.

Later, my relationship with my wife gradually improved, and she knew this. However, she started contacting me less and less. I understood her feelings. She had said she
didn't want to be a homewrecker, and she didn't want to ruin my family. I know she loves me, and I know she's conflicted and in pain. This is
what I've always regretted. She's kind, and I let her down. My heart aches so much!

Years have passed, and she no longer contacts me. All that remains in my heart is a lingering pain. She doesn't know about me;
if she did, it would only bring her more pain. I plan to keep it from her forever, to bear all the pain alone. Perhaps this guilt will stay with me for life. I hope every
man, when unable to give her what she wants, will not easily do what she wants… Later, I heard she went to work in another city. I wonder how her family is doing now. Life is hard working away from home.
Are you alright? Tonight, I thought of you again. You know, I know you'll never see this because you don't use the internet, but I hope you're doing
well. I hope it's true what people say, that good people live peaceful lives! I've sealed you in my heart, in this untouched corner, forever belonging to
you…

【over】

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