My girlfriend used to be a prostitute.

She was pure and innocent-looking, lively and lovely. Who would have known that she had sold her soul and body for money…

A-Peng was a slightly bookish boy, just turned 25, and had been in Shenzhen for less than two years. But the relationship that happened to him had etched a sense of vicissitude onto his young face. “I can’t believe that the pure girl I liked was once a ‘prostitute’!” he said, feeling like he had been fooled.

A-Peng recounted: I work for a computer company, I studied computer science. Because I have a skill, I don’t have as much trouble finding a job as others, and my income is relatively stable, which is more than enough to cover my daily needs. Last December, I helped a fellow Hunanese move and met 19-year-old A-Xiu. I was very impressed with her at the time. Actually, the two counties where A-Xiu and I live are not far apart, and many customs and habits are similar, even our accents are similar. Meeting an old friend in a foreign land, after moving, my friend treated us to dinner. Ah Xiu's beauty and innocence captivated me. She had exceptionally large eyes and a very easygoing personality. We only needed to say what we wanted, and she would immediately respond, jumping up to get it. Before parting, I asked for her phone number, and she readily agreed.

We dated for over two months before she agreed to be with me. I still clearly remember March 20th of this year, the day she officially moved into my place. I felt incredibly lucky because I never imagined I could find such a beautiful girlfriend. I thought my family and friends would be envious. Ah Xiu was currently unemployed. She said she used to work as a clerk, but her boss was unpleasant, so she quit and wanted to rest for a while before finding a better job. I didn't care whether she had a job or not; my salary was enough to support both of us, as long as her demands weren't too high. But Ah Xiu later got tired of staying at home and said she wanted to stay with her sister in Guangzhou for a while to look for work. I agreed because I didn't want to restrict her too much and make her resentful.

One evening, I called her cell phone, but it was busy for half an hour. I had a bad feeling; I had a vague feeling that she was hiding something from me. Later, I called her sister's house. Her sister stammered and said that Ah Xiu was downstairs, talking on the phone. I suddenly realized how little I knew about Ah Xiu. She had only been gone for a few days, but she already felt like a stranger. I knew nothing about what she used to do. Because I cared about her so much, I couldn't sleep that night. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. Thinking about her usual words and actions, I suddenly felt uneasy. I got out of bed and, with a clever trick, pried open the small wardrobe she had brought with her. She always kept this wardrobe locked, not letting me see what was inside. I never expected that not looking would have been better. There was a diary hidden inside, which was a complete shock to me. I still can't believe that she had such a shameful past!

The diary meticulously recorded Ah Xiu's past life. It turned out she had worked as a prostitute in the Northeast for several months, first as a hostess in restaurants, then as a karaoke hostess… She also had several steady boyfriends, some old enough to be her father. Because the diary contained their phone numbers, I tried calling them, but everyone said they didn't know Ah Xiu and had never dated a girl like that. I remembered one person frequently calling her, claiming to be her brother-in-law. Later, I called the number, and the person on the other end said they didn't have a sister-in-law named Ah Xiu. So I realized Ah Xiu was a pseudonym, because she had previously mentioned preferring another name. The more I read, the more I felt the person in the diary was so different from the Ah Xiu I had lived with for over a month. How could someone hide so deeply? I wasn't like the woman in the diary; her behavior and thoughts disgusted me!

After reading the diary, I felt trembling all over, and even cried out loud. I desperately wanted to disappear without a trace, so she could never see me again, never find me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because in the latter part of her diary, she said she hated herself and never wanted to live like that again. She also said that if it weren't for the money, she wouldn't have fawned over those men she disliked… Based on this, I felt that Ah Xiu wasn't a hopeless girl. If I suddenly left, she might despair and go back to her old ways. Thinking about this, I found it hard to leave. However, whenever I closed my eyes, I would imagine Ah Xiu with those older men, and emotionally, I couldn't accept accepting a girl who had been played by many men.

I was conflicted. Later, I sent Ah Xiu a text message asking her to come back, saying I wanted to talk to her about our relationship. Ah Xiu immediately rushed back from Guangzhou. For the next two days, I acted as if nothing was wrong because I didn't want her to know I had secretly read her diary. Also, I hoped she was writing about someone else, not her own experiences. I just told her that I was very upset and uncertain about our future because I hadn't been promoted at work.

One day, I found a torn-up diary in the trash can. Perhaps Ah Xiu sensed that I had read it, so she destroyed it immediately. I held back from telling her until the very end, when I saw the names of those men from her diary still in her phone's call log, and I finally confronted her. Although Ah Xiu was somewhat prepared, she didn't expect me to leave her because of this. She knelt on the ground, crying and begging for my forgiveness, saying it happened last year. Because she needed money, she worked as a prostitute for five months. Later, she realized she was being too wronged and decided to leave the profession. That's when she met me.

I told Ah Xiu, "I can't control you. I can't make you cut off your contact with those men!" Ah Xiu said she wouldn't see those men again, and as long as we didn't break up, she was willing to do anything for me. These days, she's really become a different person. She cooks, does laundry, and accommodates me in everything, staying home waiting for me to come home. However, last week she suddenly went out one night. When she came back, I questioned her about where she had been, and she said that an older man from her past had sent someone to deliver phone credit to her. I was furious. I yelled at her, "Am I such a failure that I can't even afford your phone bill?" She said this was the last time, and that the relationship was nothing more than mutual exploitation, with no sexual contact. But I no longer believed her.

Apeng was deeply in love with Axiu; he still cared for her deeply, like a family member. But rationally, he was quite clear-headed, believing Axiu was a different kind of person from him, not the kind he wanted to marry. His wife shouldn't have such a past.

"But now I'm her only hope, and she's said she's repented and wants to start anew. Seeing her so meek and submissive, I think if I leave her, she'll be so pitiful..." This was the problem that tormented Apeng day and night. However, there's something I need to remind Apeng: if someone refuses to change, no one can change them; no one can be someone else's savior. Pity is never love.

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My girlfriend used to be a prostitute.

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