Boundless maternal love

"Mommy! Mommy!"

"Coming, coming! What's wrong, baby?"

The scene before me made me angry. I had told her everything, but my mother came running over with the sound of her footsteps in her pocket. She looked at me with worry, and then I pointed, and she looked at the floor in my direction.

"Didn't I say I'd tidied my room before I got back?"

Mom frowned, closed her eyes, and bent down to me.

"I'm...sorry, Mom was just too busy today, so..."

"Shut up! Hurry up and tidy it up now!"

I didn't care what reason Mom had and just yelled at her. Mom just let me vent, and then started tidying up the comics and magazines I had carelessly thrown on the floor. I tossed my schoolbag aside next to her, picked up a comic book from the bookshelf, and lay down on the bed with my legs crossed to read.

"Um...son, Mom said before that I tidy up myself sometimes..."

"Is it noisy? I told you to do it, so why are you complaining so much!"

She had ruined my mood for reading comics, so I put the comics on the bed, walked over to her, and held out my hand.

"Give it to me..."

"Huh?"

"Your allowance! Don't you even know that, old woman!"

My mother looked confused as I scolded her, then said she'd wait a moment before hurrying off again, returning a few minutes later.

"Is this enough?"

She shoved a large bill into my hand.

"If you're worried it's not enough, why don't you give me a few more? Are you a big-breasted, brainless freak?"

Beneath my mother's ordinary appearance lay a pair of large breasts, which was quite stimulating for me, a boy who had just entered junior high, making me occasionally excited by her figure. However, even with this personal attack from my mother, she didn't seem to care much, which only annoyed me.

"Go out and buy the snacks I want,"

I said, throwing the money she shoved on the ground.

"Oh, then write a list for Mom, and Mom will go..."

"Can't you think of something yourself?!"

"Um!! I'm...sorry, you're right, Mom, let me think about it some more, baby, you stay home and rest and wait for Mom."

I've always been very willful in front of my mother since I was little, and she has always been tolerant of me. My father passed away when I was very young, and I don't know if that's why my mother is so doting on me. I always thought I wouldn't be surprised if she scolded me, but she has always been so tolerant of me. As time went by and I grew up, I always got along with my mother like this, and we both gradually got used to this mother-son relationship. Until just now, my mother didn't scold me at all, and obediently carried out my requests like a servant.

"Hmph..."

I lay back on the bed, crossed my legs, picked up the comic book on the bed, and continued reading.

I don't know how much time passed before I woke up with a start. It seemed I had accidentally fallen asleep. It was already around 6 p.m., and I was hungry. Strange, Mom should have cooked dinner and called me to eat by now.

"Mom!"

There was no answer. The house was so quiet it was as if no one else was there.

I went to the living room and kitchen. The lights were off. It felt like time had frozen here after I sent Mom out to buy me things. In other words, Mom hadn't come back yet. I knew that, but I still shouted.

"Hey! You old hag! Where are you?! I'm hungry!"

Only silence answered me. I started to panic, not because Mom wasn't there, but because I was hungry.

"Damn it... at least grab something before you go out!"

I complained about my slow-witted mother, rummaging through the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water to moisten my parched mouth.

"So hungry..."

I slumped weakly onto the table, too lazy to move. A short while later, I heard the key turning in the front door. Guessing Mom was back, I rushed to the door. Mom was carrying two large shopping bags stuffed full of things. She looked tired, but a smile appeared on her face when she saw me.

"I'm sorry, baby, it took me a little longer than usual. Since I didn't know what you wanted, I just bought everything you liked."

"Huh?!"

I wondered if I had misheard. So she bought all the snacks I didn't know what to buy?

"Are you out of your mind?!"

That's not it...

"I'm sorry, Mom really didn't know..."

"Stop nagging!"

Why am I...

Mom's face looked a little sad, like she was about to reach her mental limit, as if she was about to collapse at any moment.

"I'm hungry, hurry up and cook!"

"Oh yes... Mom will go prepare it right away!"

She nervously picked up the two large bags of snacks again, which looked very heavy.

"Are you an idiot?! The stuff is left there!"

"Huh? Oh, I'm so sorry... Mom, really..."

She pulled her hands out of the bags, and I could see very clearly that there were rather deep red marks on her wrists, and her hands were still trembling. How long had she been carrying these two bags outside?

After she went into the kitchen and started making metallic clanging noises, I slowly carried the two large bags of snacks by myself.

"So heavy... ugh... ugh..."

It took me an extra trip to separate the contents of the bags before I could carry the whole thing to the room. I even tried lifting the full bags with one hand.

"Ouch... damn it..."

The thought of my mother carrying this weight aimlessly on the road because of my stubbornness made me inexplicably irritated.

We ate dinner in silence. Because I always had a sour face, my mother probably wanted to ask how it tasted several times, but seeing me eating with relish, she swallowed the words that were already on the tip of her tongue. I secretly glanced at her still red wrists, and a conflicted feeling welled up inside me.

"Hands..."

"Hmm?"

"Hands! Hands!"

Mom put down her chopsticks and looked at her hands. Seeing her wrists, she realized what I was asking. Then...

"It's okay, baby, it'll go away in a while. Are you hungry? Eat up."

I knew that without you saying it!

Strangely, I thought these words to myself instead of yelling them at her as usual. And she even had a slight smile on her face. Her previously tired face seemed to have become much more energetic, as if it had been nourished. Of course, at that time, I didn't know why.

Perhaps because of this incident, although I was still willful, I toned it down a bit afterward. Of course, Mom still got scolded by me. One day, I saw my mother crying. I thought it was because she couldn't stand my temper anymore. It wasn't until I heard her mention my father that I realized she was missing him. Although I felt the same way, seeing my mother shed tears for my father made me feel impatient, and my usually restrained temper became even more volatile.

At that moment, I didn't realize that I was actually jealous of my father, who could make my mother cry.

I maintained this lifestyle until the second year of junior high school. Perhaps I was tired, because I stopped throwing tantrums at my mother all the time, but my willfulness was still there, and my mother still smiled and indulged me.

In the third year of junior high school, I noticed that although the marks on my mother's wrists had faded, they were still there. Perhaps it was the guilt that made me feel ashamed, but I started to be gentler to my mother from time to time. Many times, before I could even ask her to do something, I would stop myself and simply handle it myself. However, my mother was probably used to doing everything for me in the past, and she would often come to ask me if there was anything she could help with.

"Huh? No... Please stop asking, it's annoying!"

"Oh, I see... I'm sorry, Mom, really..."

Mom looked a little forlorn. Even though I wasn't burdening her like before, it felt like I was mistreating her.

One day, something ordinary happened that changed me: Mom suddenly fell ill. I asked for leave from school to take care of her, but Mom insisted that I go to school, saying she could take care of herself. Finally, I couldn't stand her stubbornness and accidentally blurted it out.

"You idiot! I said I'd take care of you, and I meant it!"

I don't know what I was thinking when I yelled at her like that. I only know that I secretly cried where she couldn't see me. My mother's sudden illness made me realize how important she is to me and how hard she works. But I treated her like that before, and she not only didn't blame me, but she's been tolerating me until now. How can I have such a stupid mother who never talks back or fights back, even though I haven't actually used violence against her...

"37.1..., it's gone down a bit. Are you hungry?"

"No, are you tired? Go and rest."

"Come on, you're obviously starving! What do you want to eat? I'll get it for you."

Her feigned bravado to avoid troubling me was also annoying. She should rely on me more at times like this...

After cooking porridge for my mother, I fed her spoonful by spoonful. Only then did she look better and rest. I stayed by her side until she started snoring. During this time, apart from necessary actions, I basically stayed by her side.

I never imagined I'd care so much about my mother. Perhaps I was worried she might suddenly leave like my father. Looking at her peacefully sleeping face, I felt a pang of heartache. Looking at her face, a warmth rose in my chest. For some reason, I had an impulse. While my mother was fast asleep, I kissed her cheek, hoping she would wake up soon so I could talk to her and apologize.

"Mom..."

I murmured softly, but only her steady snoring answered me.

The next day, Mom felt much better and looked much healthier. She started doing housework as usual. I stood beside her, unsure what to say. Several times I wanted to pull her aside and tell her what I was thinking, but in the end, I didn't have the courage to speak up.

How pathetic...

After school, I went straight to my room and found Mom asleep next to my bed. My clothes were piled up all over the bed, and she was holding another piece in her hand. Next to her were neatly folded and stacked clothes. It seemed she was too tired halfway through and accidentally fell asleep.

I tiptoed to put my schoolbag away, and without disturbing her, I grabbed the clothes and folded them myself. Sure enough, they weren't as neat as Mom's. I realized that without her, I really couldn't do anything right.

"Hmm...oh...sweetie, you're back...ah! Sorry! Mom accidentally fell asleep. I'll get these ready for you right away. Look at me, so clumsy!"

"No need..."

"Hmm?"

My mom is really clumsy...so clumsy I'm speechless, but...

"Mom, you go and rest first, I'll do it here. Also, I'm hungry..."

"....., um, then Mom will rest for a bit and then cook you dinner. What do you want to eat?"

"Whatever! Can't you think for yourself?"

I accidentally yelled at her like I always do.

"Okay, I know... Well, Mom's going out now..."

I watched my mother's back as she walked out of my room, let out a sigh, sat on the edge of the bed and lay back down. The clothes my mother had folded next to me almost fell over because of me. I quickly steadied them and sighed. Holding the clothes my mother had half-folded in my hand, I covered my face and inhaled. I knew it was the scent of fabric softener, but I couldn't help but mix it with my mother's body scent, as if I was seeking comfort from her. The thought of her fingers stroking my clothes made me feel a little happy.

My feelings were so complicated. I've never been nice to my mom, yet I feel incredibly cared for her. I even feel bad for her because

I always scold her. I turned over, not bothering to straighten my clothes, and just fell asleep. My mom woke me up for dinner. Because I had just woken up, I was a little impatient. I yelled at her and kicked her out. Then, I felt ashamed of my impulsiveness. Half an hour later, I nervously went to eat dinner. My mom, perhaps because she had been waiting for me for a long time, looked tired, but her face brightened when she saw me. The food was cold. I knew it was my fault, but I couldn't help but linger.

"It's getting cold, how can we eat this..."

"Ah... then Mom, can you reheat it?"

Realizing my mistake, I immediately stopped her.

"No need... it's delicious anyway..."

This was the truth. My mom's cooking for me is always delicious, but I've never told her that before. This was the first time I expressed my feelings. My mom was a little stunned after hearing this, then smiled slightly and didn't say anything more. We ate dinner together in silence.

After entering high school, my attitude towards my mother changed completely. The fierce demeanor I used to have seemed fake. I don't know why I did that. My mother also looked older, already 40 years old. But I don't know if it's because I've gotten used to it, but my mother doesn't seem as old as I imagined. Instead, she has a kind of pure and beautiful appearance that shines through her.

"I'm going to school..."

"Wait, here's your lunchbox."

"Oh..."

It seems that completely eradicating my old bad habits all at once is a bit difficult. Although I didn't speak harshly to my mother like before, I also didn't open up to her and communicate with her openly. I just felt embarrassed. My mother seemed to have become much more cheerful because of my change. Suddenly, I felt that I had been killing my mother's smile.

"Come back soon, okay? If you can't come back soon, you can call."

"Okay..."

"Then I'm leaving."

"Okay, be careful on the road."

After I turned to leave and took a step, I don't know why, but an impulse pulled me back, as if I wanted to carry out the filial piety I hadn't been able to show my mother for many years in one go.

I turned to face my mother, took a step towards her, placed my hands on her shoulders, and planted a light, but undeniably warm, kiss on her face, a kiss that seemed to her only to be filled with confusion.

It was the first time I had ever expressed my love for her, and because it was so incredibly embarrassing, I immediately turned and sped away, leaving my mother standing there, bewildered.

"Be careful on the road..."

I thought I heard her voice in the rushing air, but I didn't have time to confirm it, nor was it necessary. What troubled me now was how to face my mother when I got home...

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Boundless maternal love

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