Why do I always feel that my wife and father-in-law are having an incestuous relationship?

29-year-old A-Xia is a successful young professional manager at a foreign company. He has a fiancée with whom he has already registered their marriage, but as the wedding date approaches, he becomes increasingly anxious, even suffering from insomnia night after night. Later, he came to my psychological clinic through a friend's introduction.
As soon as he entered the clinic, he asked me, "Doctor, did you play any sexual games when you were a child?" I smiled and replied, "Yes." Then I told him some amusing stories from my childhood. After listening to my account of childhood sexual games, A-Xia chuckled twice, but it was clear that his laughter was forced. A-Xia said, "Doctor, I have a terrible, dirty thought in my mind!"
"Su-Su and I have known each other for six years. Not long ago, we got our marriage certificate and agreed to get married in three months. To everyone else, it all seems like a natural progression. But no one knows the fear and panic in my heart. Doctor, you may find this absurd, but I feel that Su-Su's relationship with her father is abnormal, perhaps even incestuous," A-Xia said hesitantly. I was startled and asked, "What's unusual about their relationship? What makes you think that?"
Xia frowned and said, "Susu and her father are very close. When they go out, Susu always holds onto her father's arm with one hand and mine with the other. And sometimes her father strokes her face, even kisses her cheek, or tickles her with his beard. Once, I saw her father washing Susu's hair… Do you think the love between a father and daughter can be that good?"
After listening to Xia's account, I didn't sense anything what Xia called an "incestuous" relationship between Susu and her father. I told Xia, "It's nothing. From a psychological perspective, boys generally have a better relationship with their mothers, while girls are the opposite. Besides, many girls have a bit of an Oedipus complex, and it's not unusual for them to be close to their fathers. Are you overthinking it?"
Xia replied somewhat anxiously, "I also hope I'm overthinking it, but Susu's father isn't her biological father. Tell me, how can a girl be so close to her stepfather? And, whether in storybooks or TV shows and movies, there are often cases of incest between daughters and stepfathers..."
Xia repeatedly tried to convince me that there was something wrong between him and his daughter, but I sensed more of his stubbornness and paranoia from his narration

.
As our conversation deepened, he began to trust me and mustered the courage to tell me his sexual secrets.
It turned out that Xia had developed a habit of masturbation since puberty. Masturbation is not uncommon during adolescence, and recent medical research has shown that moderate masturbation is not harmful to the body. But when A-Xia masturbates, inexplicable scenes of incestuous relationships—father and daughter, mother and son, cousins—would inexplicably appear in his mind. He often only reaches peak pleasure when accompanied by these absurd thoughts.
Sometimes, just seeing his grown-up daughter walking arm-in-arm with her father or his son clinging to his mother would send him jolts into incestuous images, which he couldn't suppress no matter what he did.
"You know how terrified I was when I became aware of these thoughts and behaviors? I felt like my bones and cells were dirty. I desperately wanted to get rid of these thoughts and behaviors, but I tried so many methods and couldn't." A-Xia, immersed in painful memories, then said, "Look—" He rolled up his sleeve, revealing shocking scars etched like brands on his skin. "It's terrible, isn't it? This is all to punish myself."
Xia's so-called punishment was that whenever incestuous thoughts or the urge to masturbate arose in his mind, he would injure himself with a burning cigarette butt or a sharp knife, using pain to replace the sinful thoughts. However, this self-destructive punishment did not successfully curb his incestuous thoughts and masturbation urges.
A-Xia said, "Later, after I fell in love with Su-Su, whenever I saw her and her father being intimate, I would feel jealous and resentful, and images of them having sex would flash through my mind. When I was alone, I would hide in the bathroom and masturbate, and then the unhappiness in my heart would ease a lot. Sometimes when I was intimate with Su-Su, as long as I thought of her father, I would become rough and physically torture her. Although Su-Su was in pain and confused, she didn't know what I was thinking."
Why did A-Xia have incestuous sexual thoughts during puberty, and why did he have to masturbate with these thoughts? Did he experience something before puberty?
Sexual games: unforgettable pain
After A-Xia once again talked about the abnormal relationship between his fiancée and his father, I asked him, "I remember when you first came to the clinic, you asked me about the sexual games you played in your childhood. Now, I want to ask you, what sexual games did you play in your childhood?"
Without a second thought, Xia said, "Who didn't play sex games as a child? When we were little, the game we often played was 'playing house.' A boy and a girl would pretend to be the bride and groom, cook and do laundry together, and even kiss and sleep together." Xia continued, "Of course, the cooking and laundry were just pretending with props. But the kissing was real, like adults, mouth to mouth. As for sleeping, it was just the two of us lying flat on the ground or hugging each other face to face."
"In our community, there were more boys than girls, so many boys couldn't become grooms. We usually won by 'dueling,' like wrestling. Whoever won could choose a girl to be their bride. When I was little, I was small and weak, and I often couldn't beat my playmates and couldn't be the groom. I would always hide in a corner and watch them play. Once, they laughed at me for being useless, saying I had no bride and that I would only be a monk when I grew up. I was so frustrated that I almost cried. At that moment, my sister ran over, and I suddenly thought of a good idea. Yes, I'll let my sister be my bride!"
Xia said, "After that, my sister became my regular 'bride.' We 'cooked,' 'dressed,' and kissed. One night, I accidentally discovered my parents being intimate. The next day, my sister and I imitated it in front of the other children. I took off my sister's clothes, lay on top of her, and clumsily twisted my body..."
Xia and her sister continued playing "house" until adolescence. At this point, he vaguely understood the difference between boys and girls, and what reproductive organs and sexual intercourse were. A-Xia said painfully, "It was around this time that I started to feel guilty. I would often involuntarily think about the sex games I had played, and I felt like I had violated my sister's chastity..."
"That's probably when you started masturbating, right?" I said with a smile. A-Xia nodded shyly and said, "Yes, when I was depressed and irritable, I would masturbate to relieve this guilt. Unexpectedly, gradually, scenes of incest with relatives kept appearing in my mind, and it was only with these fantasies that I could reach a pleasurable climax..."
Psychological Decoding:
If we arrange A-Xia's story in chronological order, it should be like this: childhood sex games - "making love" with his sister - feeling guilty - venting through masturbation - involuntarily having incestuous scenes in his mind - suspecting that everyone around him (including his girlfriend) was committing incest - feeling more guilty - unable to control masturbation and incestuous thoughts - becoming more anxious... It's not hard to see that childhood sex games led to A-Xia's current psychological problems.
In fact, childhood sexual games have an impact on everyone, primarily influencing boys' and girls' growth and maturation, and providing them with their earliest sexual knowledge. A-Xia also gained sexual knowledge through these games, but only a partial understanding. Furthermore, he equated the games with real life, believing that playing "house" with his sister constituted incest.
A-Xia should understand that sexual games are not the same as sexual intercourse. And masturbation is not something dirty; it's simply a legitimate way to relieve stress and enhance sexual function. Only by truly recognizing this can one escape the shadow of childhood sexual games.

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