An accident with mother

Monday, September 19, 2005, 11:33 PM. Cloudy.
Another thing happened today. Oh my god, what should I do? How could this happen? No wonder Mom took three days off to rest at home a few days ago. No wonder she looked worse these past few days, didn't wash clothes much, and didn't even cook much. No wonder I saw her crying in her bedroom the night before last. I
continued to have insomnia last night, and my head hurt terribly this morning, so I called my workplace to ask for sick leave. That bastard Director Zhang said something sarcastic again, saying I've been taking so many days off lately. How could that bastard know my suffering? What an old bastard. I didn't get up until after 10 a.m. Mom had already gone to work. I took out the last piece of bread from the refrigerator and ate it. I casually threw the plastic bag into the trash can, and my eyes subconsciously glanced at the trash can. It was in that glance that I saw something. I recognized it because I had bought it for my ex-girlfriend—a box for abortion pills. My heart leaped into my throat. My trembling hand reached out and picked it up, wanting to confirm. Yes, it was the mifepristone tablet. The blister pack was empty; besides the instruction manual, there was a crumpled piece of paper and the hospital's diagnosis: two months pregnant. In extreme fear, my mind raced: Dad hadn't come home for four months. It couldn't be Dad's. Another man's? Impossible. I knew Mom's character. Two months... that day was in July... Oh God, it was... it was mine? I felt my lips trembling, and I collapsed weakly to the floor. I was terrified, not knowing what to do. Fate was cruelly mocking me. Just that one time, after drinking, and somehow it happened, and Mom was pregnant. I don't know how long I sat on the floor before numbly returning to my room. I lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, my mind sometimes empty, sometimes jumbled, unable to think of anything. Mom still hadn't returned at noon. I knew she was avoiding me, not wanting to face me. In the afternoon, I slowly emerged from my panic and began to ponder what to do. Two voices were constantly battling in my head: one was to continue pretending not to hear, acting as if I knew nothing, and escaping everything that had happened; the other was to be brave, face my mistakes, and take good care of my mother. When my mother returned in the afternoon, I secretly glanced at her. Her face still looked terrible. Although I hadn't experienced it myself, I knew that here, we call abortion a "small confinement," and it's very harmful to a woman's body. Generally, after an abortion, she needs to rest in bed for two weeks, avoid cold water and strenuous activity, and eat plenty of nutritious food. Seeing my mother's tired appearance and pale face, I felt so guilty and heartbroken. But it's already past 11 pm, and I still can't make up my mind. Am I being too cowardly? Do I have no opinions at all? What should I do? (To be continued)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 10:54 PM, Cloudy.
Compared to yesterday, my mind is much clearer, and my heart no longer feels like it's weighed down by a stone. Because today I finally took a step, finally bravely faced myself, faced my mother, and faced that thing that shouldn't have happened. I
still had insomnia last night, two questions kept running through my mind: continue to run away, or face it bravely. I didn't look at the clock, and didn't know what time it was, but I made up my mind, and then unconsciously fell asleep. This morning I didn't call work, and still didn't go to work. After my mother went to work, I turned on the computer and searched online for precautions and nutritional supplements after an abortion, starting to plan how to take good care of my mother.
I cleaned the house first. It seems my mother is really weak, because she used to be a very tidy person, but the house hadn't been cleaned much in the past two weeks. After cleaning the rooms, I went out to buy what I planned: a clay pot, eggs, free-range chicken, goji berries, red dates, brown sugar, a hot water bottle, etc. When I got home at noon, I quickly ate a packet of instant noodles and started making chicken soup according to the nutritional recipes I found online. I put a whole chicken, goji berries, red dates, star anise, Sichuan peppercorns, ginger, scallions, and cooking wine into a clay pot, brought it to a boil over high heat, then simmered it over low heat for a full four hours. The aroma was irresistible, and the bright red goji berries and dates floating on the glistening chicken broth warmed my heart. That afternoon, I was still uneasy. I didn't know if my mother could forgive me, or accept my care. What if she didn't? But it had already happened, so I had to grit my teeth and go for it.
My mother didn't get home until almost 7 pm. As usual, she went straight to her bedroom and locked herself in. I heated up some chicken soup, ladled out a bowl, and, trying to calm my anxiety, knocked on my mother's door. There was no response. I hesitated, unsure whether to go in or leave. After a moment's hesitation, I tried the lock; it wasn't locked. I gritted my teeth, opened the door, and went in. My mother, lying in bed, probably hadn't expected me to open the door and come in without a response. She glanced at me, then turned over and lay back down. I took a deep breath, carried the chicken soup to my mother's bedside, and said, "Mom, I know you're angry and sad, but you're not feeling well right now. You need to take care of yourself. I made you some chicken soup, would you like some?" Hearing this, my mother seemed startled. She sat up abruptly, staring at me in disbelief, her face flushed. She opened her mouth a few times and asked, "How did you know?" I told her the truth: I had seen the medicine box and diagnosis in the trash can. Hearing this, my mother turned and threw herself onto the bed, bursting into tears. She cried so hard, her whole body trembling. I couldn't hold back my tears either. I put the chicken soup on the bedside table and knelt down, saying, "Mom, I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I know I did something wrong, but I really didn't mean it. I don't know what happened. I don't ask for your forgiveness, I just beg you to take good care of yourself, okay? Please." Hearing my sobs, my mother suddenly jumped out of bed, sobbing uncontrollably, and threw herself at me, hitting me hard and pulling my hair. It really hurt, but I didn't move, letting my mother vent her anger. My mother cried as she hit me, saying, "How could this happen? What have we done? How could we face your father? Why did this happen?" My mother cried and hit me for almost 20 minutes before she stopped. She looked at my messy hair and the two nail marks on my face, paused for a moment, and then sobbed as she went back to bed, lying down with her back to me, her body still trembling with sobs. Half an hour later, Mom's sobbing stopped. She sat up, looked at me still kneeling on the floor, sighed, and said, "Xiaofan, get up. I know this isn't your fault, and it's also my fault for drinking so much. What's done is done, let it pass. I don't want to bring it up again. I'll feel better after I've vented. Go and rest." I stubbornly remained kneeling and said, "Mom, I'm sorry. You're weak right now and need to take good care of yourself. I don't ask for your forgiveness, I just want to take good care of you during this time, okay?" Mom blushed again when she heard me say she was weak. She stared at me for a while without saying anything, then got up, sat on the edge of the bed, picked up the bowl of chicken soup, slowly drank it, and said, "Go and rest." She then lay back down on the bed with her back to me, covered her head with the blanket, and went to sleep. I didn't know what to say next, so I picked up the bowl, stood up, and went outside.
Although Mom hasn't forgiven me, or even herself, she did release some of the pent-up pain when she hit me just now. And although she didn't explicitly agree to let me take care of her, she drank the chicken soup I made, so I think she tacitly agreed. After 77 days of being strangers, Mom finally spoke to me, which eased my heavy heart a little, though my scalp, face, and body still hurt. Taking good care of Mom and helping her recover as quickly as possible is more important than anything else.

Sunday, September 25, 2005, 8:31 PM, Sunny.
After these past few days of nourishing chicken, ribs, pig's feet, and millet porridge, Mom's complexion has improved. However, we still rarely talk. But unlike the first two days when I forced her to take leave from work and stay home, she no longer stays locked in her bedroom all day, only going out to the balcony a few times for fresh air, and occasionally glancing at me when she's facing me. These things have already made me so content. God bless me, I hope my mother gets better soon, and I hope we can both forget about that incident as soon as possible. I wish I could go back to the way things were before, even if it meant listening to my mother's nagging every day.
Something else happened today that left me feeling quite uneasy. On the morning of the 21st, I forced my mother not to go to work, then called her workplace to tell her she was sick and needed to rest at home for two weeks. Today, the school leadership came to visit. During the visit, Principal Liu asked my mother what was wrong. She hesitated for a moment and couldn't answer. I quickly said she had acute gastroenteritis, and the doctor said she was weak and needed more rest. Thankfully, they didn't ask any further questions, just made some polite remarks. What a close call! It's all my fault for not thinking of this beforehand; I still lack social experience. I must be more careful in the future. However, after I answered, I saw my mother glance at me; her eyes were less cold, almost approving. I guess I did a good deed.
I did laundry again today. After doing laundry twice in the past few days, I realized that washing clothes isn't just about throwing them in the washing machine; it's quite tiring. My wrists are red from scrubbing, and the detergent water stings. I really didn't know how to be considerate of my mother before; I need to change that.
September 28, 2005, Wednesday, 11:06 PM, Sunny.
Mom's complexion is getting better. She even got up to clean the room this morning, but she still doesn't talk to me much. At lunchtime, I didn't bring the food into her bedroom; I put it on the dining table instead. When I called her to eat, she said she wasn't hungry. She only went to the dining room to eat after I finished eating myself. It seems Mom still can't face me. I don't know when this will end. I'm so distressed…
October 1, 2005, Saturday, 11:11 PM, Cloudy.
Today is a holiday, but I didn't sleep in like usual. I got up very early to clean the room and make breakfast. When I went to get Mom's clothes to wash, she didn't stop me like she had before, but I still couldn't find her underwear. I think Mom is still very sensitive about this. Oh well, if I really had to wash them, I would feel really embarrassed too.
Mom didn't stay in the bedroom this morning; she watched TV in the living room all morning. When I poured her hot water, this time she took it with her hands and said thank you, unlike before when I would put it on the table before she took it. Dad called around noon, and I answered first. He said he was going to accompany a minister's family on a trip to Xinjiang and wouldn't be coming over for the holiday. He asked if everything was alright at home, and I didn't know how to answer, so I just vaguely said everything was fine. Then Dad put Mom on the phone, and my heart was in my throat. Thankfully, Mom didn't say anything, but I could tell her tone was a little unsteady. When Mom hung up and turned around, she saw my nervous expression, didn't say anything, just sighed and left. My palms were sweaty.
It seems Mom has decided to keep that a secret. Should I be happy or sad?

Wednesday, October 5, 2005, 9:23 PM
, Sunny. The weather was nice today. In the afternoon, I saw Mom change her clothes and go out. I asked her where she was going, and she said she was going out for some fresh air. I wanted to go with her, but she said she wanted to walk alone and that nothing would happen. But I still followed her out the door. She walked ahead, and I followed behind, keeping a distance of three or four meters. She didn't say anything more. I ran into an acquaintance on the street, and I saw my mother's long-lost smile, though I think it was fake. They exchanged a few simple pleasantries, and then my mother told me to walk together, saying that others might wonder what was going on. We walked in silence, and each time we crossed the street, I quickened my pace and waved to block the cars. My mother saw this, but didn't say anything. At the pharmacy, I saw that my mother had bought several bottles of blood-tonifying and qi-boosting medicine. Sigh, I was so careless; I only thought of giving her nutrition but didn't think to buy some tonics. How stupid! I must be more careful in the future, take better care of my mother, and make up for my mistake.

Friday, October 7, 2005, 9:50 PM, Sunny.
I went out with my mother again this afternoon. This time I didn't keep my distance from her, and she didn't say anything. I still blocked the cars for her when crossing the street and reminded her to be careful when going up the stairs. Passing by a farmers market, I saw my mother ask the price of fish at a stall. She used to love fish, and I figured she wanted some. I said, "Mom, you can't eat fish now." She paused, blushed, glanced at me, and walked away. (Everyone here knows you can't eat fish or shrimp after an abortion.) Later, she went to the park and sat on a small lawn on a small hill. I sat down next to her, about a meter away. She sat there for a long time, her chin in her hands, seemingly lost in thought. Then the wind picked up, and I reminded her it was windy and we should go home. But she ignored me and sat for another half hour. Suddenly, she said, "Let's go home." This was the first time in a long time that she had spoken to me. I was thrilled for a while. She seemed to sense my excitement; her gaze softened, but she didn't say anything.
We got home at 6 pm. I started making dinner: millet porridge, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, and my mother's favorite vegetables and tofu. I also heated up the braised pork ribs I had bought at noon, which I hadn't eaten with lunch. This time, when I called Mom to eat, she finally ate with me, and I was so happy. During the meal, Mom suddenly said not to pick at the scabies on my face, as it would leave scars. Hearing her words warmed my heart, and my eyes welled up with tears. Seeing my expression, Mom said, "Okay, let's eat. It's all in the past, don't think about it." Although Mom's expression was still expressionless, I was so touched and happy.
After dinner, Mom didn't go back to her bedroom immediately but sat in the living room watching TV. When I finished washing the dishes and tidying up the kitchen and dining room before returning to my bedroom, Mom called me back. I sat down opposite her, and she said, "Let's talk." I felt nervous again and sat there awkwardly. Mom said, "I've thought about it for a long time. It's not fair to say who was at fault; if anyone was, we were all at fault. There's no point in saying anything now, no point in dwelling on it. Since it's already happened, let it go. We're still family, after all, and we can't let that weigh on us forever. From now on, no one should mention it again, especially not to anyone else. Just treat it as a nightmare. Don't feel too guilty. Your holiday ends tomorrow, so go back to work. You've taken too much leave lately; don't cause any bad influence at work. I'm fine now, don't worry. But from now on, you're not allowed to drink alcohol anymore." Hearing Mom's words, I felt much more at ease and said, "Mom, thank you." "Please forgive me. I promise I won't tell anyone, and I won't drink anymore. I'll go to work properly. But let me take care of you. It hasn't even been a month, and you're still weak. I should at least take some responsibility for what I've done." I wanted to continue, but when Mom heard me say "take some responsibility," her face turned red, and she said fiercely, "What responsibility? Is it something you should take? Can you even afford to take it?" I immediately realized I had said the wrong thing and hurriedly explained, but my nervousness made me even more incoherent. I stammered, "No... I didn't mean that... I... I just wanted to... wanted to help you with some housework." Mom looked at my stammering and actually laughed, but then she went back to her usual self. I was surprised to see Mom smile. My tense mood instantly relaxed. I continued, "Now I realize how hard you've worked before. Dad wasn't home, and you did housework every day without me helping at all. I just want to share some of the burden with you in the future, so you don't have to work so hard anymore." Mom looked at me for a while and said, "I have no problem with you doing housework. You're old enough now, it's time for you to get some experience. Just don't think about it so much anymore. I've come to terms with it. Go now, go to sleep early, you have to go to work tomorrow." I nodded, got up, and went back to my bedroom. Mom went into the bathroom; judging from the sounds, she was probably taking a shower. Has
Mom really come to terms with it? Can we really go back to how things were before? Everything is still uncertain!

Saturday, October 8, 2005, 9:50 PM, Sunny.
Although it's Saturday, I still have to work because we had a 7-day National Day holiday, and we have to make up for it this Saturday and Sunday. Mom went to work this morning despite my advice. Although Mom's health has improved a lot, and her complexion is less pale and has more color, I'm still quite worried.
That disgusting Director Zhang called me in and gave me a dressing down as soon as I got to work. He said I was taking leave for no reason and that from now on, I had to submit the leave slip to him in person for approval. That old bastard has always disliked me and doesn't give my uncle and dad any face. It makes me so angry!
My buddy called this afternoon and asked me to go out for a get-together tonight, but I declined and went home early. I stewed the chicken I bought yesterday. Even though I'm at work now, I still want to make sure my mom has a bowl of chicken soup or bone broth every night. In my opinion, nothing is more important than helping my mom recover as quickly as possible. When my mom drank the soup tonight, she actually praised me, saying she didn't expect me to be able to cook, even though the taste wasn't very good. Hehe, I was quite happy to hear that.
I hope everything will get better.

Monday, October 17, 2005, 10:36 PM, Sunny.
Dad came back today, saying he was coming back to get a feasibility study for a project to submit to the State Planning Commission. He only had dinner at home before rushing to the provincial capital airport. Dad always seems particularly nervous when he comes back.
Dad's return really made me nervous for a while. Although Mom said she wouldn't mention that incident to anyone, I was still worried Dad would find out something. Fortunately, Dad came and went in a hurry, and I tried my best to remain calm. Apart from Mom seeming a little nervous at first, everything was fine; she was very calm, just like usual when Dad came home—cooking, asking questions, nagging, and expressing her dissatisfaction. Today, I finally saw the Mom I used to know, but she was only with Dad. Although we both say we don't want to think about that incident anymore, it really happened, and it's impossible to completely forget it so quickly. I think maybe I'll never truly forget it. Although Mom and I have started talking, and she helps me with housework, it's not as close as before. Sigh, when will we be able to go back to how we used to live?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005, 11:06 PM, Sunny .
I went out to eat with some buddies today. I didn't drink a drop of alcohol; I promised Mom I would keep my word. They kept urging me to drink, saying I wasn't a good brother, and asking why I suddenly changed my personality—how could I be a man if I didn't drink? These guys are really something else; they're all my best buddies since childhood, but I just can't drink. No matter what you say, it's always the same: "No." I not only promised my mom, but I also swore to myself that I would never touch a drop of alcohol again. It really annoyed them. When I got
home just now, my mom was watching TV in the living room. She watched me for a while, probably checking to see if I'd been drinking. To prove myself, I deliberately sat down on the sofa next to her and watched TV for a bit. Seeing that I hadn't been drinking, she didn't say anything, watched TV for
a while, and then went back to her room. Overall, my relationship with my mom has improved somewhat recently. After a month of recuperation, her health has almost fully recovered; at least her complexion isn't pale anymore. I'm finally much more at ease. But I still do housework every day when I get home. My mom doesn't avoid me like she used to; she even helps me with chores. But I always insist on doing the laundry; after all, it's only been a month, and it's best not to let her touch cold water. In the evenings, Mom doesn't always stay cooped up in the house anymore. Sometimes we watch TV together, and sometimes we go to the square in the neighborhood to dance or take a walk, just like before. I always go with her, and she's never objected. When she eats the food I cook, she praises my improved cooking skills. When she sees me doing laundry, she tells me to rest for a while before continuing, and she smiles more often now. So, when they called today to suggest a get-together, I didn't refuse. After all, they've invited me so many times, and I've always turned them down. If I don't go now, I really can't be a true friend.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005, 11:34 PM, Cloudy .
The weather suddenly turned cold today. I was freezing when I went out to buy breakfast this morning. Something funny happened when I told Mom to wear more clothes while we were eating. While eating breakfast, I thought about the cold weather and looked up at Mom, saying, "Mom, it's cold today, wear more clothes." Just as I opened my mouth to say it, Mom also said, "It's cold today, wear more clothes." We both spoke at the same time, saying the same thing, so we both laughed. I can't help but laugh all day thinking about this scene. Not because I find it funny, but because it's a genuine laugh from the bottom of my heart. Because while I was showing concern for my mother, she started showing concern for me again. I'm so happy!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005, 10:50 PM, Sunny.
This morning the sky was very overcast. It started snowing heavily around 10 AM, and the snow hadn't stopped by the afternoon. There was already plenty of snow on the ground. I remembered that my mother hadn't brought an umbrella when she went out this morning, so I went home early to get one and pick her up from school. On the way, I saw some nice gloves at a small shop on the street, so I picked out a pair for her. When I arrived at my mother's school, they had just let out, but my mother was still in a meeting. I waited for a long time outside her office, freezing cold. My mom came back from her meeting with her colleagues. Seeing me waiting for her at the door with a folded umbrella, and noticing my nose was red from the cold, she started nagging, saying, "Why did you run around in this cold?" Haha, I used to get annoyed by her nagging, but now, for some reason, I don't find it annoying at all. Her nagging is better than her ignoring me every day, like we're strangers—I've really had enough of that. Her colleague helped smooth things over, jokingly saying, "Look how considerate Xiaofan is! He came to bring you an umbrella and pick you up, and you weren't happy about it. If I had such a good son, I'd be content." We walked out of the school gate together, and I gave her the gloves I'd bought. She took them with a look of surprise. We walked silently together. I noticed my mom seemed lost in thought, and suddenly I said, "Xiaofan is really considerate now. Your dad has never picked me up." The snow was thick and slippery; my mom almost slipped a few times, but I actually fell flat on my face once. Near home, there was a slope. The narrow sidewalk was incredibly slippery because children had been skating on it, and everyone walking by was walking cautiously. I instinctively took my mother's arm. She hesitated slightly, but didn't say anything, letting me help her slowly down the slope. Once we were down the slope, she said, "It's okay, I can walk now." She stumbled slightly, and I tactfully let go of her arm. Sigh, if it were before, my mother would have loved for me to help her. She used to say, "Look at other children, they always go out with their parents, arm in arm. Who's like you, never wanting to go out with us?" But now, it seems that incident still has a lingering effect on her. Indeed, how could it not? But I'm already very content. My mother and I have basically returned to how things were before that incident. She no longer intentionally avoids me; she's started caring for me, nagging me, criticizing me, and even joking with me again.
The snow is heavy and beautiful!

Saturday, January 28, 2006, Lunar
New Year's Eve, 00:20. The New Year's bells had just rung, the party was over, and my dad and I set off firecrackers. Back in my room, I sorted out my thoughts and reflected on the year's events.
The first half of the year was uneventful, nothing particularly memorable. The second half was different; two things are unforgettable. First, I experienced heartbreak. Although it wasn't my first love, I genuinely liked her. She didn't even explain why when we broke up, but before I could even grieve, the second thing happened, minimizing the impact of the breakup. Second, my mother and I did something inappropriate while drunk, and that one time resulted in my mother getting pregnant. It seems unbelievable, yet it truly happened to me. For the past six months, I've lived in fear and guilt. Although my mother said she forgave me and that we should both forget it, I know in my heart that neither of us can truly forget. However, perhaps time really can heal all wounds. As time goes by, my relationship with my mother is slowly warming up from its freezing point. I feel that this experience has made me much more mature. I can now deeply understand my mother's hardships and struggles over the years, and I've begun to understand her loneliness and isolation. I understand how to be considerate of her, help her, and take care of her. I'm no longer a lazy bum who only knows how to eat, drink, and have fun with his friends all day, then spends all his time at home on the computer and watching TV. I've learned what responsibility and understanding are.
The new year has arrived. I'll continue to work hard, take good care of my mother, and work hard so that my mother and I can return to the way things were as soon as possible, minimizing the impact of that incident on both of us. Go for it!

Sunday, February 12, 2006 (Lantern Festival), 8:36 PM, Sunny
Today is the annual Lantern Festival, a time for family reunions, but my dad has upset my mom again. He left again on the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, saying he was going to visit some officials with the deputy county head in charge of projects, promising to come back and celebrate the Lantern Festival with us. But he called at noon saying he couldn't come back. My mom argued with him on the phone and has been unhappy ever since. To be honest, my mom wasn't like this before. For so many years, my dad has been constantly away from home, and as his position has risen, he's been even less home. My mom rarely lost her temper, at most just nagging. But since that incident, I feel like she's changed. She especially wants my dad home, and every time he breaks his promise, she gets very angry, argues with him, and even cries.
At dinner, I tried to talk to my mom casually, hoping to ease her mind, but she didn't seem to appreciate it, replying only half-heartedly before going to her bedroom to rest. Sigh! Seeing my mother's distressed expression made me feel down too. This Lantern Festival was quite unpleasant.

Friday, February 24, 2006, 9:05 PM, Sunny.
This morning, Mom praised my cooking skills while we were eating, so I was in a good mood all day. But when I got home in the evening, I saw Dad at home. Both Dad and Mom were sitting on the sofa. Dad had a furrowed brow, and Mom was crying. When she saw me, Mom got up and went back to her bedroom. My heart jumped into my throat. Could Dad know about that? What should I do? Would explaining that I didn't do it on purpose help? My heart pounded as I stood frozen at the door. Dad looked at me and said, "Xiao Fan, what's wrong? Why don't you come in?" Hearing Dad's question, I felt a weight lifted from my heart. It seemed Dad didn't know yet. Thank goodness. But why was Mom crying? Thinking to myself, I casually asked Dad, "Dad, when did you get back?" Dad said he landed in the provincial capital last night and just got back this morning. He then went into his bedroom. I sat in the living room, listening intently. A little while later, I heard Mom crying, saying that Dad didn't care about the family, only came home a few times a year, and when he did come back, he'd leave in less than a day. She said Dad didn't care about her and that they should just get a divorce. Then Dad closed the bedroom door, and I could vaguely hear Mom sobbing, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. I only heard Dad say that he would definitely come back next month for their wedding anniversary. After a while, Dad came out of his room and went to the kitchen to cook. After he finished cooking, he told me that he had to rush to the provincial capital that night and catch a flight back to Beijing early the next morning. He told me to be good at home, work hard, and not just play around. He also asked me a few questions about my work. Then he went into Mom's bedroom. Mom seemed to have stopped crying. I heard Dad say that he really had to leave, and the driver was waiting downstairs. Mom didn't pay attention to him, and she didn't come out to see him off when he left.
A while after Dad left, I went to Mom's bedroom to call her for dinner. When Mom saw me come in, she turned around, wiped away her tears, tidied her hair, and then came out to eat. During dinner, I tried to comfort my mother, saying that my father was indeed very busy with work. I heard from his workplace that three projects in the county were waiting for approval from the State Planning Commission, and I told her not to blame him. My mother glared at me but didn't say anything. She ate a little and went back to her bedroom. I didn't dare say anything more, so I washed the dishes and started writing in my diary. My father is really something. No matter how busy he is, he rarely comes home. He should at least stay for a couple of days. It makes my mother so sad. Sigh! (To be continued)

Wednesday, March 8, 2006
, 9:05 PM, Sunny. Today is International Women's Day. This afternoon, I, a grown man who hates shopping the most, made an exception and went shopping for the whole afternoon. It's quite unbelievable. Actually, my purpose in going shopping was very simple: I wanted to buy a gift for my mother because today is her day. After careful consideration and selection, I finally bought my mother a scarf because the wind and sand are quite strong here in the spring, and many women like to wear a silk scarf. The scarf had a simple design: white background with black dots. I figured Mom often wore professional clothes, so this pattern would look elegant rather than sophisticated.
When Mom came home that evening, I had already prepared dinner. During dinner, I gave her the scarf. Although she didn't say anything, I could tell she was very happy. She held it in her hands, looking at it and touching it repeatedly, saying, "My son has grown up so much! He's so much better than your father. He never gave me a gift in his whole life." I asked Mom to try it on. She thought for a moment, then skillfully tied a beautiful knot around her neck. It looked perfect, and Mom praised my good taste. I was overjoyed.
Mom's happiness is my greatest hope. Keep trying!
Friday, March 31, 2006, 11:17 PM, Cloudy. March
25th was my parents' wedding anniversary, but my father didn't keep his promise. My mother woke up feeling very down. My father called in the morning, and my mother seemed extremely angry, yelling loudly on the phone, even mentioning divorce. Finally, she shouted, "You'd better never come back!" and slammed the phone down.
At noon, I made lunch and went to my mother's bedroom to call her, but she didn't open the door. I heard laughter and crying coming from her room. My heart ached, and I couldn't help but blame my father for breaking his promise and not caring about my mother. Looking at the food, I lost my appetite and sat in the living room watching TV, waiting for my mother to feel better. After changing all the channels countless times, my mother finally opened the door. I quickly got up and tried to comfort her, telling her not to be angry, as my father was busy with work, and to eat something first. But my mother said she was fine and didn't need me to worry, changed her shoes, and went out. I quickly followed her out. Mom soon returned to the park where she had sat in silence before. It was the same grassy slope, the same posture, and she sat motionless, lost in thought. I sat beside her, about a meter away. After a long while, Mom asked me, "Xiaofan, if your dad and I divorce, who will you live with?" I was shocked by her question and didn't know how to answer. Seeing my silence, Mom said, "Hmph, I knew it. You and your dad are in cahoots. Go away, I don't need you here." I thought for a moment and said, "Mom, I don't want you and Dad to divorce, but no matter what, I'll always stand with you." Mom didn't say anything more, just stared at me for a while before turning away in silence. The weather here in March is still quite cold. After sitting for so long, my hands and feet started to feel cold. Seeing that Mom was only wearing a half-length overcoat, I urged her to go home, but she shook her head and refused. I had no choice but to say I'd go home to get her the coat and ask her to wait for me, so I hurried home. But when I returned with the coat, Mom was gone. I searched the entire park but couldn't find her. It was already dark, so I had no choice but to go home and wait. My mother didn't return until 9 o'clock. Her lips were already blue from the cold. I quickly made her a bowl of hot soup, but she didn't drink it. She went back to her bedroom, closed the door, and went to sleep.
The next morning, around 9 a.m., Mom still hadn't gotten up. I called her several times, but she didn't answer. I opened the door and called again, but she still didn't respond. I sensed something was wrong, so I went closer and saw that Mom was still asleep, but her face was very red. I touched her forehead; it was burning hot. I called again, and Mom finally opened her eyes with difficulty and whispered a response. I immediately called 120. At the hospital, the doctor said Mom had caught a cold, which had led to a lung infection. She received fever-reducing injections, IV fluids, and ice packs until her high fever finally subsided in the afternoon. Only then did my heart, which had been in my throat, slowly settle down. The day before yesterday and yesterday, I stayed by my mother's bedside without leaving her side, bringing her tea and water, wiping her hands and face with a hot towel in the morning, and washing her feet with water in the evening. At mealtimes, I always fed her spoonful by spoonful. At first, she was embarrassed because there were other patients in the ward, but she couldn't resist my insistence and let me take such good care of her. The other patients and their families all told my mother that she was truly blessed to have such a good son. At first, my mother would modestly give a few perfunctory replies, but later, when others said the same thing, she no longer refused but would smile at me, making me feel embarrassed. Today, my mother is much better. She even went for a walk in the hospital courtyard this morning. In the afternoon, she said she wasn't used to the smell of the hospital and the noise of people coming and going in the ward, and strongly requested to be discharged and go home to rest. I had no choice but to agree. In the evening, I prepared the food in the kitchen, and as I was about to put it on the table, I turned around and saw my mother leaning against the kitchen doorway, looking at me. I froze, holding the dishes in both hands. Our eyes met, and Mom also paused for a moment, her face slightly flushed. She didn't say anything, but came over and took the dishes from my hands, placing them on the table. During the meal, Mom said, "Xiaofan, thank you for taking care of me these past few days. I'm so touched. You've really grown up now, and I'm so happy. I'm fine now. You've been very tired these past few days, so don't worry about me. Eat and rest early after dinner. If you get sick from exhaustion, I'll really have no one to rely on." Hearing Mom's words warmed my heart. Mom actually considered me her support; how happy I felt! I said, "Mom, I'm not tired. The most important thing now is for you to get better. Don't worry, I'm so young, this little thing won't tire me out. Dad's not here, and he told me to take good care of you. Otherwise, he'll punish me when he gets back." I tried to ease the tension between my mother and me with these lighthearted words, but she didn't seem to appreciate it at all. When I mentioned Dad, her face darkened: "Don't take his side. After all these years, don't I know him? When has he ever thought about this family, you, or me, except for work? Let's eat." Seeing that my words had ruined the good atmosphere, I didn't say anything more.
Sigh, I felt guilty and worried about Mom because of that incident a while ago. Now that things are finally getting better, I have to worry about the relationship between my parents. It's really tough.
Thursday, April 20, 2006, 9:53 PM, Sunny.
Dad left this afternoon. He stayed home for three days this time. Over the past three days, I could see that Dad was trying his best to please Mom. When he came back from Beijing, he bought her a beautiful top and a set of designer cosmetics. He showered her with compliments and cooked her different dishes every day. I also tried to mediate from time to time, but Mom didn't seem to appreciate it. She wasn't as happy as she used to be when Dad came back. She just silently went about her business, and even her tone when talking to Dad was as indifferent as if she were just an ordinary friend. Dad noticed the change in Mom, but he was helpless. He just kept saying that he had spoken to the county government and was trying to get her back to work so she could stay home more. Today, Dad was leaving. Mom didn't show any reluctance, nor was she angry like before, and she didn't even nag like she used to. Dad seemed to know he was wrong. He just sighed and told me that I was no longer a child and should be obedient at home and help Mom more, before leaving.
I was a bit surprised by Mom's change when Dad came home this time. It didn't seem like she was angry because Dad didn't come home for our wedding anniversary, because even when they argued before, Dad would always make up quickly with a little teasing and coaxing. But this time, Mom didn't seem angry at all, nor did she seem happy. She was quite warm when talking to me, though. After Dad left in the afternoon, Mom even cooked dinner with me tonight, and just now she wanted me to go dancing with her. Sigh, what's going on? What should I do?

Saturday, April 29, 2006
, 11:02 PM, Sunny. Today is Saturday. I helped my mom wash the clothes this morning. After lunch, my mom and I hung the clothes on the balcony to dry. My mom saw that my hair was covered in water droplets, so she took a towel and wiped it for me, saying with concern, "Xiao Fan has really grown into a big boy. With you around, Mom's life is so much easier." I felt so warm hearing my mom's words, but I still said, "That's right, I'm already twenty-one, and besides, Dad always tells me to take good care of you before he leaves." But my mom said, "He tells you to take care of me, so what is he doing? Let's not talk about him anymore. Take a break and come with me to go shopping." I felt awkward again and had to shut up.
Mom seemed to be in a great mood today, talking non-stop the whole way. We went from shop to shop, buying a lot of things – clothes, trinkets, daily necessities, cosmetics, and more – five huge bags full. My legs were stiff, my feet were aching, and my hands were aching from the bags. I said, "Mom, can we just go straight to what we want instead of going from shop to shop? My legs are killing me." Mom chuckled and said, "Silly girl, do you think women go shopping like you men, just to buy things? We go shopping to enjoy ourselves and relax. If you're tired, find a place to rest and wait for me. I'll come back for you in a bit." But how could I let Mom go alone? So I had to keep going with her. When Mom saw me catch up, she smiled and said, "That's more like it. You've passed the test. If you really just sat there waiting, I'd be just like your dad, not knowing how to be considerate. My son is much better than him. I'll buy you some clothes later, to give you a compliment." Oh my god, all that talk about resting and waiting was a trap! Sigh, Mom is so unpredictable. Later, Mom bought me a t-shirt and complimented me on how stylish I looked in bed. That evening, Mom and I didn't go home for dinner; we ate hot pot at a restaurant—Mom's favorite, of course, spicy fish hot pot. Watching her eat and talk, I felt so happy. That incident had affected her so much; she seemed to have returned to her old self. It seems my efforts over the past six months haven't been in vain. On the way home after dinner, I suggested taking a taxi since it's quite far, but Mom insisted on a walk, saying I'd made her gain weight and she needed to exercise to lose it. Seeing how enthusiastic she was, I reluctantly carried the bags and complied. Tired!
Very tired, but also happy. Everything is getting better, and getting better still.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 9:17 PM, Sunny.
After a week of hard work, I finally got that matter sorted out for my friend. Although it cost him some money, the matter was resolved smoothly. However, I now owe him a lot of favors at work. To thank me, my friend gave me two full sets of tickets to a scenic resort in a neighboring city, saying it included entrance fees, entertainment, accommodation, and meals, and that I should take my girlfriend there. He doesn't know that my girlfriend and I broke up a long time ago. Sigh, I don't know if I feel guilty or if it's only right? Hehe. In the evening, I told my mother about it and asked if she was interested in going to relax. She said she would think about it. After dinner, she said she heard that the scenic area was quite nice, and if no one was going with me, she could go with me. After discussing it, we decided to take a day off this Friday and go, and then take a bus back on Sunday afternoon.
"Old Gan" is quite generous. Although he's a friend of a friend and we don't see each other often, I really put my heart into this for him. These two sets of tickets don't count as bribery, right? Hehe.

Sunday, May 21, 2006, 21:17, Light rain.
Things in the world really do change with circumstances. I thought that as my relationship with my mother improved, we could slowly get over that incident. But who knew that this trip would cause a qualitative change in my relationship with my mother. This change surprised me and also made me feel uneasy.
The day before yesterday, my mother and I went to that scenic resort as planned. I borrowed a car from a friend. Although I don't drive much and was a little nervous on the road, the scenery along the mountain road was truly breathtaking. My mother seemed especially happy, gesturing and talking about the scenery like a child, and constantly handing me water and wiping my sweat. My mood was greatly affected by my mother and the scenery, and I felt particularly relaxed and comfortable. The journey was smooth, and we arrived at the resort after more than three hours. The resort, nestled in the mountains, was very uniquely built, filled with strange rocks and bamboo forests. The accommodations were all wooden villas, clean and tidy, decorated warmly and elegantly. However, there was a problem: because it was a package deal, the resort only provided one room with two 1.5-meter beds. I felt this was inappropriate, remembering what had happened before, and wanted to ask the staff if they could help us get another room, even if it cost extra. But my mother didn't seem to care, saying that it was a waste to pay extra for something free, and insisted on not getting another room. I had no choice but to stay with my mother. After lunch, we went to the scenic area. The scenery was indeed beautiful: lush bamboo forests, majestic waterfalls, and crystal-clear babbling brooks. All of this excited Mom immensely, as if she had returned to her youth. She took off her shoes to catch fish in the stream, bought a homemade bamboo water gun from the locals, and we had a water fight. Mom, who is usually quite timid, wasn't afraid at all when she went rafting. She shouted excitedly as she rushed down from the top. The picturesque scenery and relaxed atmosphere made Mom and me completely forget all our worries, and we had a wonderful time. Of course, every time Mom took a shower and changed clothes at night, I would discreetly go out for a walk beforehand to avoid her misunderstanding or remembering that incident, so everything went well.
Yesterday afternoon, Mom and I climbed the highest mountain in the scenic area. The May weather was already a bit hot, and Mom's stamina was clearly failing as we approached the summit. I suggested that she go back, but Mom said, "How can we do that? We've climbed more than halfway; we can't give up halfway." We drank some water, rested for a while, and prepared to continue climbing. But after a few steps, I noticed Mom hadn't gotten up yet. Just as I was about to ask her, she spoke first: "Xiaofan, Mom's almost exhausted, I can't even stand up. Why don't you help me?" Her reproachful tone startled me. But Mom stared at me and reached out her hand. I had no choice but to go back and take her hand, helping her up. Seeing her up, I wanted to let go, but Mom didn't seem inclined to. She didn't look at me, holding my hand and continuing upwards. I had no choice but to continue pulling her up. There were few people on the mountain path, and the mountains were very quiet, with only a few birdsongs and the occasional rustling of the wind through the trees and bamboo. Mom and I didn't speak, holding hands and focusing on climbing towards the summit. When we reached the top, our palms were sweaty, whether from heat or fatigue. My mother's slender fingers and delicate skin made my heart pound. Sensing something was wrong, I quickly let go of her hand and sat down under a tree, drinking water incessantly. My mother watched me silently for a while, then found a rock to sit on, her eyes gazing blankly down the mountain. A cool breeze had picked up on the mountaintop, but remembering what had just happened, remembering the feeling of holding my mother's hand, I still felt sweat trickling down my forehead. My mother and I sat, one under the tree, the other on the rock, neither of us speaking. After a while, the dozen or so people who had been on the mountaintop gradually descended, leaving only my mother and me. My mother went to the viewing platform at the summit, leaned against the railing for a while, and then called me over. "Have you seen Titanic?" Mom asked. "Yes, why?" I replied. "You remember that classic pose the male and female leads struck at the bow of the ship, right? I've always wanted to stand at the bow and imitate it someday, but I've never had the chance to ride a ship. Does this look like the bow of a ship? There's a bamboo forest below, so beautiful! Will you help Mom fulfill this wish?" As she spoke, I felt Mom's face flush slightly as she glanced at me, then she stood by the railing and stretched out her arms. Hearing Mom's words, my heart started pounding again. I pondered Mom's words, wondering what she meant. Was she just asking me to help her fulfill her wish of imitating the movie? Just as I was nervously thinking, Mom turned her head and said, "What's wrong, Xiaofan? Don't you want to help me?" I quickly composed myself and said, "No." "Then come on, stand behind me and hold my waist." I remember being extremely nervous at that moment, my outstretched hands trembling slightly, but I finally held Mom's waist. That soft feeling almost made me impulsively act, but I didn't dare to think too much about it, and sweat kept pouring down my forehead. Mom stood there for a while and said, "Close your eyes and listen to the wind." I subconsciously did as Mom said and closed my eyes, but I could only feel the warmth of Mom's body coming from my hands. I couldn't hear any wind at all, which made my hands tremble even more. Just as I was trying my best to suppress my feelings, Mom said again, "How beautiful! If only we had a camera to capture this moment, we could preserve it forever. I wish it could stay like this forever." Mom's words struck me like a bolt of lightning. What did Mom mean? This was definitely not just a simple exclamation caused by the beautiful scenery. What was the meaning behind her words...? Just as I was pondering this in a panic, Mom turned her head and glanced at me, smiled and said, "What are you thinking about, silly boy? Okay, let's go down the mountain."
I quickly snapped out of my daze, forced a smile and said okay, letting go of Mom's waist. Mom smiled and didn't say anything, and started walking down the mountain. I quickly followed behind her. Along the way, Mom hummed a song and skipped along like a child, occasionally picking up a fallen bamboo leaf or wildflower. Finally, she even made a wreath out of roadside vines and wildflowers and wore it on her head, asking me if it looked good. I, however, was trailing behind, my mind racing with anxious thoughts. I kept thinking about Mom's hands, then her back, and her words kept echoing in my ears.
The saying "the weather is unpredictable" is so true. Just moments before, the sky was fine, but when we reached the mountainside, the wind picked up, and many clouds rolled in from the east. Mom said it was going to rain, so we quickened our pace and headed downhill. We hurried, but as soon as we reached the foot of the mountain, a torrential downpour began. Without thinking, I took off my t-shirt and used it to shield Mom and me from the rain, then grabbed her hand and ran towards the resort. We finally made it back to our room, both of us soaked to the bone. We'd run so fast that as soon as we closed the door, we were both leaning against the wall, panting heavily, too exhausted to even walk back inside. After a short rest, I noticed that my mother's hair, which had been styled in a bun, was now disheveled from the rain. Her white t-shirt clung tightly to her body, revealing the shape of her breasts, making her pale yellow bra stand out clearly. I, on the other hand, had taken off my t-shirt and was shirtless, with rain streaming down my back. My mother and I exchanged a glance. She seemed to notice my gaze, looked down at herself, blushed slightly, and turned her face away. I immediately looked away from my mother's chest and said, "Mom, hurry up and take a shower and change your clothes. I'll wait for you outside." As I turned to open the door, my hand barely touching the lock, when my mother hugged me tightly from behind. My body stiffened, my mind went blank, and I stood there dumbfounded. My mother held me tightly, her head pressed against my back, and I could feel her sobbing. After a while, I heard her cry, "Xiaofan, thank you for taking care of me this past year. I'm so touched, you know? I've never been cared for or cherished by a man like this before. You know your father, he only cares about his career and work, all he thinks about is how to get promoted. He never cares about our family. Do you know how much bitterness and loneliness I've endured all these years?" I didn't even have anyone to confide in. It's your long-term care and concern that has made me feel like a woman again. It's so wonderful to have someone who cares and cherishes me. Do you remember what happened last year? At first, I was in so much pain, I felt like I couldn't go on living. But now I'm grateful for that incident. If it weren't for that, you wouldn't be so considerate and caring. I'm a woman, I crave to be cared for, to be cherished. I also experience loneliness and solitude. Can you understand me? Mom isn't a bad woman, otherwise I would have wronged your father long ago. But now I really depend on you, I want you to love and care for me, I want you to love me. If I hated that incident before, now I don't resent it at all, I don't regret it at all. Do you understand what Mom is saying?
My mother spoke between sobs, her words a little incoherent, but every word tugged at my heartstrings. I understood her perfectly, of course. My heart pounded faster and faster. My body, chilled from the rain, began to feel the warmth emanating from my mother. I couldn't tell if the water on my back was from her tears or the rain, but I didn't know how to answer her. I could only let her hold me and sob against my back. After a while, seeing that I didn't answer or react, she slowly let go, went into the room, and lay down on the bed to continue crying. I stood there blankly for a while, then looked out the door. The rain was still pouring down. I ran to a small pavilion in the bamboo grove not far away, repeatedly thinking about my mother's words. My mother has worked incredibly hard. I've witnessed and deeply understand everything she's done over the years. She raised me almost entirely from childhood; my father rarely came home. She took care of everything, big and small, at home, doing all the chores herself. She seems gentle on the surface, but she's a strong-willed person. She's never talked about these things with anyone, but I remember many times when she took me to see other families of three strolling in the park, and when couples walked intimately together, a hint of loneliness would appear on her face. Yes, my mother is a woman, and women crave to be loved and cherished. She rarely received that from my father. The way she looked when I gave her gifts these past few times shows that she's also a woman, yearning for romance and to be pampered. Although I don't know what my parents' sex life is like, they're always separated. My mother is a normal woman; frankly, at her age, she should be in her prime. How can she possibly be satisfied? Perhaps it's true, as Mom said, that my care and attention made her feel like a happy woman. She began to cling to me, even developing a love that transcended that of a mother and son. But could I accept it? Would accepting it be unfair to Dad? What if she regretted it later, just because it was a momentary impulse? What if she regretted it and returned to those days of silence and pain? But what if I didn't accept it? Would I be betraying Mom's heart? Mom has already confessed her feelings to me; wouldn't not accepting it make her feel embarrassed? Would she have another breakdown?
My mind raced, thinking of this and that, of Mom's hardships, of Dad's admonitions, of the warm moments we shared walking, shopping, and joking around, of Mom's hands, of her back, and of that dark, silent period of life. My mind was a jumbled mess, and I couldn't make sense of it.
Before I knew it, it was dark, and the rain had stopped sometime earlier. I was still shirtless, and a gust of wind made me feel very cold. I didn't know if I should go back to my room, or how to tell my mother. Later, I couldn't stand the mountain night wind anymore, and some people had already started going for walks in the bamboo forest after dinner, so I had no choice but to bite the bullet and go back to my room. When I opened the door, the room was dark, and as soon as I closed the door, I could hear my mother crying. I turned on the light and went in. I saw my mother still lying on the bed, sobbing. Her body trembled with each sob, and her hair was disheveled, clinging to her shoulders and the pillow. The pillow was soaked, I couldn't tell if it was rainwater from her hair or her tears. Looking at her trembling body and listening to her mournful cries, I felt a pang of heartache. For some reason, my nose stung and I couldn't help but cry. Ignoring my inner turmoil, I went over to her, tears streaming down my face, and held her shoulders, saying, "Mom, don't cry. I understand everything you've said, and I understand your pain. It's just so sudden, my mind is a bit of a mess. Please don't cry, okay? It hurts me to see you so sad." My mother's sobs slowly turned into laughter. She sat up, turned around, and grabbed my hand, saying, "Xiaofan, do you think Mom is a bad woman? Listen to Mom, Mom isn't a bad woman. Although your father is rarely home, Mom has never done anything to betray him. But I really depend on you now. I just want your care and protection. What Mom is saying is true. Do you believe me?" I looked at my mother firmly and said, "Mom, of course I believe you. I know you're a good woman, and I love you very much. It's just that what happened has affected me a lot. I'm afraid you acted impulsively. If you regret it, I really don't know what to do..." Hearing that I also loved her, before I could finish speaking, my mother covered my mouth with her hand and nestled in my arms, saying, "Don't say anymore. Actually, I've been conflicted too. I've scolded myself for developing such an attachment to you, but your care and protection really touch me. I feel so happy and warm. You don't understand a woman's longing for care and love. You should know my personality. Although I'm a woman, once I've made up my mind, even if it's wrong, I won't regret it. Actually, I thought about it for a long time before I dared to tell you. I've made up my mind." "Since we've already had our first sexual experience, I don't care about anything else. Even if there's retribution, it's my fault, so let me bear it alone. I just want you to continue to care for me, understand me, cherish me, and love me, so I can be a real woman, a happy woman." She looked up at me and asked, "Okay?" Hearing my mother's confession, I was once again shocked. Her determination stirred my emotions. I felt like a man, inferior to my mother—it was truly pathetic. Looking at her tear-streaked face, I felt immense pity. Feeling the softness and warmth of her body, I felt myself getting hotter, my mouth dry. I hugged her tightly and said, "Mom, I'm sorry, I'm so pathetic, making you so sad. I love you very much, and I will care for you and cherish you. I will always love you as long as you're willing." Hearing my words, my mother hugged me tightly. Slowly, our body temperatures rose. I felt her breasts pressed tightly against my chest, and my hands involuntarily began to gently stroke her back. The room fell silent, and I could almost hear my mother's and my heartbeats. We hugged for a long time, and gradually my nervousness subsided, and my confused mind cleared up. Slowly, my mother's scent aroused my body, and my lower body began to swell. In a moment of passion, I grabbed my mother's face and kissed her lips deeply. And so began our new relationship. Before I knew it, my mother and I were both naked. All I could see was a snow-white, voluptuous body, which ignited my desire. My mind went blank, and I pounced on her, kissing and caressing her relentlessly until I entered her. After a series of rapid thrusts, I rolled off my mother, covered in sweat, and lay on the bed. The ceiling light made it impossible for me to see anything. My mother lay there, panting. Gradually, our breathing calmed, and my mind returned to normal. I asked my mother, "Mom, are you really not going to regret this?" My mother rolled over, rested her head on my chest, and hugged me, saying, "As long as you love and care for me, I won't regret it. Even if I'm struck by lightning, I'll have been happy." I was deeply moved by my mother's words and reached out to hug her tightly, savoring the warmth. We didn't speak again, and slowly, my mother and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw my mother still in my arms, awake, her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. I asked her what was wrong. Instead of answering me, she asked, "Xiaofan, don't you think I'm shameless, a mother doing this to her son?" I turned to face her and said, "Mom, I absolutely don't have such thoughts. I've always thought you were the kindest mother and the best woman in the world. I'm not a child anymore; I understand your loneliness and I know about normal physiological needs. Although others might think what we're doing is wrong, I know it's because you love me, and I love you too. You'll always be the best in my heart." My mother looked at me and listened to me finish. Tears welled up in her eyes again. I think she was moved by my words, so I teased her, saying, "Mom, why are you crying again? You're such a grown-up, yet you cry so much. You've been crying for so long today; your eyes look like peaches. It breaks my heart to see you like this. If you cry again, I'll cry too. Let's not sleep tonight and have a good cry-out!" My mother was genuinely amused by my words. Wiping away her tears, I smiled and said, "I won't cry anymore. I'll be so happy with you in the future. I'll never cry again." At that moment, I felt the bed beneath me was wet. I let go of my mother and sat up, seeing a large wet patch on the bed. I realized that my mother had gone back to her room, wearing soaking wet clothes, and had climbed onto the bed to cry. Plus, I was wearing soaking wet pants, so the bed had been soaked for a while. I hadn't noticed it earlier because of my nervousness and excitement. My mother also realized something was wrong, looked around, and said, "Oh dear, it's filthy!" "Mom quickly jumped off the bed. The movement made her breasts jiggle, and my gaze was involuntarily drawn to them. Mom sensed my gaze and realized she was still naked. Her face flushed, she grabbed a pillowcase from the other bed, covered her chest, said 'Don't come in,' and fled into the bathroom. Hearing the running water, I slowly calmed down and sat on the sofa, reflecting on what had happened between Mom and me that day. I felt a mix of surprise, emotion, and a little fear and pressure. I was surprised to have Mom again, and to have her for a long time to come; I was moved by how suddenly things had happened, how quickly things had changed, and by Mom's decisiveness and resolve; I felt fearful because I felt I had let Dad down; and I felt pressured about how to better care for Mom in the future." Mom, care for Mom, make Mom happy.
Mom came out in her pajamas after showering, and I showered too. Since one bed was wet, Mom and I squeezed onto another bed and cuddled together. We didn't make love; we just held each other, caressed each other, enjoying the deep love and warm atmosphere, sharing our innermost thoughts as we slowly drifted off to sleep.
This morning, when I woke up, Mom wasn't in the room. I was a little nervous, wondering if she really regretted it. I quickly got dressed and went to look for her. Finally, I saw her on an open-air balcony in the resort. Mom was holding onto the railing, facing the sunlight and looking into the distance. My heart pounded as I walked nervously to her side. Mom turned her head, saw me, and her face turned slightly red before she turned back to look ahead. I asked nervously, "Mom, what's wrong?" Mom noticed my voice was off and seemed to understand my thoughts. She smiled and said, "Nothing. I came out to watch the sunrise. Don't you think the sunrise is the most beautiful? Especially the sunlight after the rain. From the moment I made up my mind to push through the clouds, I was ready to welcome the new sun. I won't regret it." I understood the meaning behind my mother's words. She was just too shy to say it outright, but she clearly implied that she didn't regret it, and my anxious heart calmed down. Relaxing, I leaned on the railing and said, "Mom, I always thought you were a very gentle woman, but I didn't expect you to be such a firm and decisive one." My mother blushed and said, "Gentle or decisive, we're both women. Women all have a vulnerable side and crave support." "Mom, don't worry, I'll be your support from now on. I'll never let you suffer." My mother didn't say anything after hearing my words, but gave me a deep look, smiled, and said, "Let's go, Mom's hungry."
After breakfast, Mom lost the calm she had shown on the balcony that morning and transformed back into a lively and adorable little girl. We chased and played in the bamboo forest on the mountain. She made a flower wreath and asked me to put it on her. No longer feeling the tension and conflict of the previous day, I put the wreath on her and even kissed her on the cheek. Startled, Mom looked around nervously to see if anyone was there, then shyly warned me that I absolutely shouldn't do that in public. After lunch, we started our journey home. Along the way, Mom kept talking about the beautiful scenery she had seen these past few days, exclaiming that these were the most relaxed and happiest days she had had in recent years. Seeing Mom's happy face, some of my initial worries slowly disappeared. Recalling the intimate moments with Mom last night, I suddenly realized a problem, a very serious problem. I slammed on the brakes and pulled the car to the side of the road. Because Mom wasn't expecting it, her body lurched forward, almost hitting the windshield. Mom was startled and, seeing my nervous expression, quickly asked, "What's wrong, Xiaofan?"
I didn't know what to say for a moment. Mom was anxious, "Xiaofan, what's wrong? Say something! Don't scare Mom!" I mustered my courage and asked softly, "Mom, about what we did yesterday, could you be pregnant again?" Mom's face flushed red at my question. She turned to look ahead and said, "You only just remembered? What were you doing then?" I nervously replied, "I was too impulsive. I'm sorry, Mom, it's all my fault." Mom was amused by my nervousness and stammering words. She turned back and glared at me, saying, "Okay, don't be nervous. Everything'll be fine these next few days. Don't overthink it. Just drive carefully. You scared me to death." Hearing Mom say that, I felt relieved, smiled foolishly, and continued driving. It was past 9 pm when I got home. We were both exhausted. We each took a shower and ate something quickly. Mom went to her room. Without being invited, I didn't know whether I should go to her room to sleep, so I went back to my own room. I tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep, my mind replaying everything that happened yesterday. It felt like a dream. I don't know what the future holds for Mom and me; everything is uncertain. But it's so good to have Mom.
It's almost 2 am now. I've never written such a long diary entry before. (

Updated January 20th)
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 8:05 PM, Sunny
Yesterday, I was very confused all day because my mother's behavior really baffled me. I thought that after we had been intimate, her attitude towards me should have changed. But this morning, after praising my cooking, she rushed off to work without any intimacy or lingering affection. In my imagination, after such physical intimacy, there should be a romantic connection between us, beyond that of mother and son. Even if it wasn't like the scenes in those erotic novels, it should still be very intimate. Although I now know that my mother won't regret having sex with me, why doesn't she feel like a lover? But I didn't dare to ask her directly, so this confusion troubled me all day. When I got home in the evening, my mother was already there, busy in the kitchen. I tried to help, but she shooed me out, saying, "Alright, what's a grown man doing in the kitchen all day? I was sick before, but I'm fine now. Don't worry about these things. Go out." I said, "Mom, I said I'd take good care of you and cherish you." Mom said again, "I know you mean well, that's enough. Taking care of me and cherishing me doesn't mean you have to cook for me every day. I need someone who cares about me and cherishes me to rely on, not just a cook. Listen to me and go out." She pushed me out of the kitchen, so I went back to the living room and turned on the TV. I could hear Mom humming a song while cooking; she seemed to be in a good mood. During dinner, Mom told me about her work: who had argued with a student's parent, and the parent had come to her demanding a resolution; who had used last year's lesson plans during a school inspection. Mom talked on and on, and I listened with great interest. As we were finishing our meal, Mom asked me, "Xiaofan, won't you get annoyed by all this?" I said, "No, not at all. How could I be annoyed? I've never heard you tell me these things before; it's quite interesting." Mom sighed and said, "Sigh, before, whenever I told your dad about these things, he'd say it was annoying, that these things had nothing to do with him. Actually, I didn't mean to nag; I just wanted to vent some of my work frustrations to my closest person." I said, "Mom, you can tell me anything you want to say from now on. I'm always willing to listen, and I love hearing whatever you say." "Really? Don't let it just be a passing fancy; you might end up like your dad." I said, "Mom, really, I love hearing anything you want to say. I swear." Mom smiled happily and said, "Xiaofan is so good." After dinner, I took the dishes from Mom and washed them. We watched TV together for a while, and then Mom went back to her room. I really wanted to follow her in, but seeing that Mom didn't say anything, I didn't dare to be presumptuous. I was conflicted, unsure whether I should go into my mother's room. I really wanted to be close to her again, but I hadn't received an invitation from her. Around 10 PM, I couldn't sit still any longer and finally mustered the courage to push open the door to my mother's bedroom. My mother was already asleep. I quietly walked to her bedside. She was turned to her side with her back to me. I gently called her name twice, but she didn't respond. I assumed she was asleep. Although I really wanted to snuggle into her blankets, I didn't dare. After thinking for a while, I reluctantly went back inside. I had only taken a couple of steps when I heard my mother say in a very soft voice, "I thought you weren't going to come in." I turned around in surprise. My mother was already sitting up, her head down, her hands fidgeting with each other, but I could still see that her face was very red. I said, "You didn't say anything, so I didn't dare to come." My mother looked up and glared at me, saying, "Idiot, do you expect me to ask you to come?" I immediately realized that my mother was actually just shy. I really was quite naive. I grinned foolishly, immediately went over, pounced on the bed, and hugged my mother. She struggled, pushing me away and saying, "Oh, don't rush! You were watching TV outside, why didn't you go wash up? Go take a shower!" Then I remembered that my mother was a very clean person. I smiled awkwardly, let go of her, and rushed into the bathroom to shower. When I returned to my mother's room wearing only my underwear, the main light was off, leaving only the small pink lamp by the bedside, making the room incredibly cozy. My mother had already buried her head under the covers. I lifted the covers and slipped inside. Her pajamas were gone; she was lying there with her eyes closed, wearing only a bra and underwear. I don't know if it was the light or shyness, but her face was flushed. I immediately embraced her smooth, warm body and kissed her face and lips. My mother's body stiffened for a moment before she hugged me tightly and kissed me. Soon, my hands roamed over her body, and I pulled off her bra and panties. Her breathing quickened, and she made soft moaning sounds. While kissing her breasts, I reached between her legs. It was already very wet, and this wetness further aroused my desire. My already erect penis swelled even more. I didn't caress her any further; I got up, took off my panties, climbed on top of her, and spread her legs to enter her. But my mother suddenly pushed me away forcefully, saying, "You're in such a hurry again. You forgot about that again, didn't you?" I then realized that we hadn't prepared any contraception. I was filled with regret. Why hadn't I thought to buy condoms? In my haste and regret, my desire vanished, and my penis quickly shrank back. Helplessly, I got off my mother and sat on the bed, filled with remorse. Mom sensed my reaction and change, and nudged me, saying, "You used to be so careless, but now you regret it, you idiot, look at that black bag in the bedside table." I turned to look at Mom, who was also looking at me. Her face seemed to flush even more as she looked at me, and she closed her eyes again. I quickly opened the bedside table drawer, and inside the black plastic bag were two boxes of condoms, Jissbon brand. Mom is quite generous with money; she's so thoughtful. It seems she was already prepared to be intimate with me. A surge of excitement welled up inside me. I opened the box, tore off a condom, and turned to pounce on Mom again. But the tension and regret from before had made my penis shriveled. No matter how much I kissed and touched Mom, even though she was panting heavily, my penis wouldn't get hard. The more I tried, the worse it got. Finally, I helplessly got off Mom, angrily pounding the bed. Mom sensed something was wrong with me. Seeing my anxious expression, she said, "You're just too impatient and careless. Don't worry, you must have been too nervous just now. It'll be fine in a bit." As she spoke, Mom leaned closer to me, pressing her body against mine, resting her head on my arm, and gently stroking my chest with one hand. This was the first time Mom had ever touched me so actively. My anxiety immediately vanished. I felt a ticklish, comfortable sensation wherever Mom's hand touched. I saw Mom's eyes were closed, her face flushed, but her hand never stopped. Slowly, it reached my inner thigh, and after exploring there, Mom lowered her head and buried her face in my armpit, grasping my penis. I felt the softness and warmth of Mom's hand, and in a flash, my penis hardened, seemingly even harder than before. Mom felt my erection, squeezed it tightly, and withdrew her hand. I knew Mom was still shy, but I didn't care anymore. Seizing the opportunity, I rolled over, tore open the condom wrapper, and climbed on top of her. I spread her legs, guided my penis to her genitals, and since she was already very wet, I easily slid in with a "whoosh." Mom's body tensed, her brow furrowed slightly, she snorted, opened her eyes, glared at me, and then closed them again. I continued to thrust in and out of her, and with each movement, Mom held me tightly, her legs spread wide. She didn't make any of the moans or groans you hear in movies and novels, no "faster," "harder," or "I can't take it anymore." She just made rhythmic "hiss... um... hiss... um" sounds with each thrust. While it wasn't as stimulating as in movies and novels, to me it was like heavenly music, making me even more excited. Soon, Mom's characteristic moans grew louder, her hands gripping the sheets tightly. I don't know how many times or how long my penis had entered and exited her body, but then her body stiffened, her hands gripping the sheets tightly, letting out a long hiss… her body went limp, and her hips stopped lifting. I knew Mom had climaxed. I quickened my movements, and finally, a stream of semen gushed out, shooting into Mom's body—or rather, into the condom. Only then did I realize I was covered in sweat. I got off Mom and lay on the bed, panting heavily. I saw Mom's eyes were slightly closed, her chest heaving, her face flushed, and beads of sweat on her forehead. Her languid, weak appearance was so endearing. I leaned over and wiped the sweat from her forehead, gently kissing her cheek. Mom opened her eyes, looked at me shyly, and nestled into my arms, hugging me tightly. Neither of us spoke, just held each other, smelling Mom's scent, listening to each other's heartbeats. The room was utterly quiet.
My heartbeat slowly returned to normal. I stroked my mother's back and asked, "Mom, are you comfortable?" My mother's face was still buried in my chest. She didn't answer, but pinched my back slightly without speaking. I asked playfully, "Mom, tell me, is it comfortable?" My mother pinched me again, still not speaking, but nodded twice with her head buried in my chest. I knew my mother was shy, so I didn't tease her anymore. I nibbled on her hair, gently stroking her smooth back, feeling the softness and smoothness of her body. My mother, like an
obedient child, nestled obediently in my arms, and my heart was filled with happiness. I thought about how, although I had been intimate with my mother three times, the first time was after drinking, and I didn't even know how it happened. The second time at the resort was also due to an unusually impulsive reaction, and I hadn't properly appreciated my mother's body. I released my arms from my mother's embrace, lifted the blanket, and let her lie flat. My mother didn't know what I was going to do, and closed her eyes, letting me do as I pleased. My gaze swept over my mother's body, and I realized that my mother was truly beautiful. Her skin was fair and smooth, without any obvious scars. Although she was 40 years old, her body was still very elastic. Her breasts weren't very large, and while they were slightly sagging, it didn't affect her cleavage. Her nipples weren't large, and her areolas were also small, about the size of a one-yuan coin, and a dark brownish-red in color. Her stomach wasn't very flat, and her pubic hair wasn't thick but was very black, not large in area but quite regular in length. Her legs didn't look bulky; they were very firm, with slender calves. Her toenails were painted with light pink nail polish, which I had never noticed before. She noticed me looking at her body, blushed, and said, "What are you looking at? Don't look at me like that." She tried to pull the blanket over herself, but I wasn't about to let such a good opportunity pass. I grabbed the blanket to stop her. My mother tried to pull it off a few times but couldn't, and then shyly covered her face with her hands. I wanted to part my mother's legs to get a better look at her genitals, but she squeezed them tightly together. I said, "Mom, you're so beautiful, please let me see you." I pleaded, and with a sudden movement, I spread her legs, finally exposing her genitals to me. She quickly lowered her hands from her face and used them to cover her genitals. I continued to pull her hands away, using my arms to brace her legs and prevent her from closing them again. She struggled a few times but failed, then covered her face again and remained still. Although her pubic hair wasn't thick, it extended to both sides of her vulva. Her labia weren't thick and were brownish-red, with some of the fluid that had just flowed out still on them. I gently parted her labia with my hands; inside, they were pink and tender. Her clitoris was very small; I wondered if it would enlarge when she was aroused. As my hand touched her labia and clitoris, Mom's buttocks began to tremble slightly, and a clear fluid started to secrete from them. I couldn't resist wanting to kiss her, but as soon as I lowered my head and my lips touched her genitals, Mom suddenly sat up and said, "Oh, what are you doing? It's so dirty! You're kissing me like that?" I looked up and smiled, saying, "How can it be dirty? Mom's body is the cleanest place." Mom glared at me and said, "Really, is that a place you can kiss?" It seemed Mom had never performed oral sex before. I said, "Mom, you're so beautiful. I just want to kiss you, I want to kiss every part of your body. Actually, everyone kisses here, that's called oral sex. Only the most beloved do that. Just let me kiss you." Saying that, I pushed her down and, without saying another word, lowered my head and kissed her. Mom was caught off guard, and when she tried to close her legs, my tongue was already licking her... I touched her labia, and Mom's body trembled violently. She hissed, and her legs gave way. I licked her labia for a while, then parted them with my tongue, licking the tender flesh inside. Mom's whole body began to tremble, twisting her hips, and making hissing sounds. Soon, Mom's small clitoris grew larger, and my tongue quickly found it. Mom's body twisted even more violently, one hand gripping the sheets and the other grabbing my hair. Her moans grew louder. I licked Mom's clitoris diligently, and a large amount of fluid gushed out. I started to extend my tongue further into Mom's vagina, stirring it around. My nose could just touch her clitoris. After a while, Mom's body went limp in a violent trembling and twisting. Satisfied, I got up and lay down on my side, stroking her breasts. Mom, catching her breath, slightly opened her eyes and glared at me, pinching my arm and saying, "You naughty boy, where did you learn this? It's killing me!" I laughed and said, "I learned it from movies. Everyone does it like this, they always do oral sex beforehand. Is it comfortable?" Mom blushed and said irritably, "Whether it's comfortable or not is none of your business." Then she buried her head in my chest again. Seeing Mom's shy look made me so happy, I thought it was especially beautiful. My already hard penis throbbed painfully. I leaned close to Mom's ear and said, "Mom, you're so beautiful, can I have more?" Mom didn't say anything, just shook her head in my chest. I pulled Mom's hand and placed it on my penis. Mom tried to pull away, but I held it down. She tried several times but couldn't, finally managing to hold it. I said, "Mom, I really want it, give it to me." Mom still didn't say anything, neither nodding nor shaking her head, just using her hand to stroke my penis. I couldn't resist any longer. I got up, grabbed a condom, quickly put it on, and rolled over onto her. Mom didn't struggle; she slightly parted her legs, allowing my penis to easily align with her genitals. This time, I wasn't impulsive; I slowly pushed my penis into Mom's vagina. Mom's vagina was already soaking wet. The moment my penis was fully inside, Mom's hands tightly gripped me, her legs spread wide, and she hissed. Unlike the previous times when I just thrust wildly, I let my penis slowly go in and out, allowing me to properly feel the depths of Mom's body. Mom still had her eyes closed, softly moaning through her nose, her hips still gently twisting and lifting, coordinating with my movements. I experienced the advantages of a mature woman, unlike my previous girlfriend, who, although very open and we were always excited, didn't know how to cooperate. After several hundred slow thrusts, I couldn't suppress my physical desires and started to speed up. My mother's moans also changed, turning into a unique hiss... um... Her hands no longer gripped the sheets, but instead held me tightly, clutching my back. Her hips twisted and lifted more dramatically. Ten minutes of intense thrusting made both my mother and I breathe heavily. Finally, we both reached orgasm while trembling. I lay panting on top of my mother, resting until I was comfortable before getting off her. I reached down to remove the condom still on my penis and tossed it off the bed. Suddenly, a question popped into my head, so I crawled over and whispered in her ear, "Mom, when did you buy that condom?" My mother blushed deeply, let out a soft moan, and snuggled into my arms. She pinched my flesh for a moment before saying, "I know you so well, you're so careless. I was too embarrassed to ask you to buy it, so I went to the pharmacy after work this afternoon." I kissed her hair, cupped her breast, and said, "You're so good to me, Mom. I know I'm careless, I'll definitely change." My mother then pulled away from my arms, looked up, and said, blushing, "Let me tell you, from now on, these things are your responsibility. Don't come looking for me if you forget." My mother and I hugged each other, caressing and talking. I learned that the reason my mother hadn't had an IUD was because she always had inflammation after having one before. She got a certificate from the hospital and submitted it to the family planning commission, which prevented her from getting another one. I also learned that my mother had never performed oral sex before. Finally, Mom fell asleep with her head on my arm. When I woke up this morning, Mom was still asleep, and my arm, which she had been using as a pillow for all night, was sore and tired. But seeing how beautifully she was sleeping, I couldn't bear to wake her, so I let her continue using it despite the soreness. When the wall clock in the living room struck seven, Mom woke up. She opened her eyes, saw me looking at her, blushed, and said, "What are you looking at?" I didn't answer her directly, but just stared at her and said, "Mom, you're so beautiful." Mom blushed even more. I quickly pulled my arm away when I saw Mom was awake; it was numb and sore. Mom saw me rubbing my arm with a frown and realized I'd been using it all night. She reached out and rubbed my arm too, saying, "Really, you must have been very sleepy. Why didn't you take it out sooner?" I said, "I saw you were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to disturb you. I'm fine, I'll be fine after moving around a bit." Mom stared at me for a long time, then snuggled into my arms, rubbing my arm, and said, "Xiao Fan, it's so good to have you. Mom made the right decision. I won't be scared at night anymore." I was overjoyed by Mom's praise and said, "Mom, don't worry, I'll let you use it every night from now on." Mom hugged me tightly again. We hugged in bed until almost 8 o'clock before getting up and rushing off to work.
Today, I've been immersed in warm memories with Mom. It felt so wonderful. Just thinking about Mom's beautiful body and unique moans makes my little brother hard. I won't hesitate any longer; after finishing my diary, I'll run to Mom's room. Keep going, take good care of your mom, love her, and make her happy!

(A friend texted me saying that the article lacked coherence, the writing wasn't elegant, and the scenes weren't exciting enough. As I've mentioned before, my article isn't literary creation; it's just my diary entries typed up and posted online. Because of the large volume of entries and the fact that some content involves privacy, it's impossible to publish every single entry, nor do I deliberately polish the writing. I'm just copying the original diary entries verbatim, so it's inevitable that the language and coherence aren't as smooth and elegant as other articles. I hope you understand, and thank you for your opinions and support. Please continue to text if you have any questions.)
Monday, July 10, 2006, 8:11 PM, Sunny.
These past few days, my close contact with my mother has strengthened our bond, and she's become increasingly happy. As many people have said, thanks to my careful nurturing, her complexion has improved. She told me that several of her colleagues have remarked on her rosy complexion and improved spirits. The atmosphere at home was exceptionally good. Although there weren't the frequent hugs and kisses we'd share after coming home, I tidied the room, cooked, and did laundry with my mom every day. Even though she always said I didn't need to do these chores, I felt warm and romantic doing them with her. Every night, I'd write in my diary early and then go to my mom's room to share a bed with her, making love to her. Now I'm very familiar with my mom's body, and I know her sensitive areas inside and out. Although she's still shy, she's never refused when I ask her to. In fact, I think she looks forward to it every night because she always showers early and goes to bed, just too shy to ask. She's also used to me giving her oral sex. I also want her to give me oral sex, but I know she's never done it before, so I don't want to ask her directly. I'll take it slow. Now, although we make love every night, at least once, sometimes twice, I'm becoming increasingly obsessed with her body. Besides thinking about taking good care of her and showing her concern, all I think about is how to make love with her.
One day last month, at work, I was reminded of my intimate moments with my mother. It suddenly occurred to me that, apart from the first two times, we'd always used condoms. While it was comfortable, sometimes I felt a little something was missing, and it wasn't as pleasurable as going unprotected. Last night, after we made love, I hugged her and told her my thoughts, asking if she could take the pill. She thought for a moment and agreed, blushing, saying, "It's fine without a condom, you go buy the pill, I won't interfere." The next day I bought the pill, but it only works on the fifth day of menstruation. My mother's period started on the 2nd last month, so it was too late; she had to wait until next time. This time, her period started on July 3rd, and on the 7th, it was exactly five days. My mother obediently took the pill, but unfortunately, her period hadn't completely stopped by then, so I had to endure it. This afternoon when I got home, Mom was cooking in the kitchen. When I saw her wearing a black athletic skirt, I felt a surge of joy. I knew that Mom only wore dark pants during her period, and only wore light-colored pants or skirts after her period was over. Since she was wearing a skirt, it meant her period was over. Thinking about it, my little brother already got hard. Mom smiled when she saw me and said, "Xiao Fan, are you hungry? This dish will be ready soon." I didn't say anything, walked behind her, put my arms around her waist, and kissed the back of her head and ear, saying, "Mom, is Auntie's gone?" Mom was startled, then understood what I meant. Her face flushed, and she slapped my hand that was around her waist, saying, "You little pervert, how did you know?" I gently massaged her breast with one hand and said, "Because you're wearing a skirt." Mom turned her head and glared at me, "Always trying to be clever. Use that energy on your work." I chuckled and continued kissing her ear. I gently caressed her breasts, then moved my legs forward so my erect penis pressed against her buttocks. My mother sensed my movement and struggled, saying, "Xiaofan, what are you doing? Don't mess around."
I didn't stop, continuing my actions, and whispered in her ear, "Mom, I want you." My mother blushed even more, twisting her body, continuing to stir-fry the vegetables with one hand while trying to pull my hand away from her breast with the other, saying, "It's so shameful in broad daylight, stop it, it's making my ears itch." But I didn't stop; instead, I intensified my actions, lifting her skirt to touch her buttocks. My mother's breasts and buttocks were her sensitive areas. One hand gently brushed against her through her panties, while the other arm tightly encircled her waist to keep her still. My hand reached up and kneaded her breasts. My mother could only endure the tickling, twisting her hips to try and avoid my hand: "Xiao Fan, please don't do this, okay? Can't I give it to you tonight?" The friction of her hips against my penis excited me even more. I firmly said, "No, Mom, I can't hold back anymore. I've been so pent up these past few days. I want to love you right now." As I spoke, I took her earlobe into my mouth and licked it with my tongue. With one hand, I gently kneaded her breasts, while the other slipped inside her panties to touch her buttocks. My mother struggled for a while but couldn't break free. I felt her panties were a little damp. She finally turned off the stove and said, "What's wrong with you? Let me go. Even so, we have to go to the bedroom." Seeing that she agreed, I didn't let her go. For so long, we'd always been in bed together, always in the missionary position. I'd long wanted to try something different with her. How could I let such a good opportunity pass me by? I didn't speak, but intensified my movements, relentlessly invading her sensitive areas. My mother's writhing gradually weakened, her body limp against me, her head resting on my shoulder, her eyes closed. I knew I had aroused her. I slipped my hand inside her t-shirt, pushing her bra up to touch her breasts and nipples. She began to moan softly. My other hand reached her genitals; her panties were already quite wet. I slowly pulled them down to her knees, then stepped on them. She cooperated by lifting one leg, removing her panties completely. I placed her on the stove for support, pushed her t-shirt up, and began kissing her back, then down her hips and thighs, until her body trembled. My hand touched my mother's genitals, which were already soaking wet. I quickly pulled down my pants and pointed my throbbing, hard penis at her. My mother sensed what I was about to do and tried to turn around, saying, "Xiaofan, what are you doing? This isn't okay. Let's go to the bedroom." I held her waist firmly to stop her from moving and said, "Mom, have you forgotten the scenes in the movie we watched last time? And the ones we saw online? Changing the location and position occasionally can increase the fun and intimacy. Let's try it out." Before my mother could speak, my penis entered her body. The sudden entry made her hiss loudly, her head jerking back as she mumbled, "I knew you had ulterior motives in letting me watch those movies and browse those websites. You're just torturing me. Oh dear, why didn't you use a condom... hiss... um..." With my stillness, my mother couldn't finish her sentence and instead began to moan. She stopped twisting her body, her hands gripping the stove, letting me enter and exit her body at will. As I thrust back and forth, I stroked my mother's snow-white buttocks, saying, "Mom, you forgot you've already taken your medicine, so I don't need to wear it anymore." Slowly, my mother's buttocks began to move slightly back and forth in rhythm with me, and her moans grew louder. Later, my mother's arms seemed to get tired, so she simply leaned her entire upper body over the stove, spreading her legs wider. This position excited me greatly, especially looking at my mother's snow-white buttocks, which made my little brother incredibly hard. I thrust in and out of my mother's body with all my might, and my mother's moans seemed different from before, "Hiss...hiss...um...hiss...hiss...hiss...um..." I don't know how long I thrust, but finally a stream of semen gushed out, this time truly shooting into my mother's body. When my little brother slowly softened, I withdrew from my mother's lower body. Although my mother usually leaked a lot of fluid every time, today I found that there was an unusually large amount, flowing down her thighs to the back of her knees. As soon as I released my mother's waist, she suddenly slumped weakly against the cabinet and collapsed to the ground.
I quickly helped her up, half-carrying, half-lifting her to the sofa in the living room. It took her a while to recover. She slightly opened her eyes and saw that we were both only wearing tops, our lower bodies completely naked. Her face flushed red with embarrassment. She struggled to sit up from my arms, then saw the liquid on her legs, her face turning even redder. She pinched my leg hard: "You! How did you become so naughty? Look at how you've made me so weak! I'm so embarrassed!" I hugged her and smiled, saying, "Good Mom, it's not that I've become naughty, it's just that I'm too infatuated with you. I can't help myself when I see you. Wasn't that special?" Mom rolled her eyes at me and said, "All you do is say 'good'." "Listen, you're just trying to coax me." I asked her again if it was anything special, and Mom nodded shyly. I asked what was different from usual, but Mom countered with, "What do you think?" I said, "It felt more exciting and stimulating than usual. What about you?" Mom, still blushing and looking down, said, "I can't really explain it, I just felt especially excited, like it went in a little deeper than usual, so the feeling was stronger." I said, "Exactly, it seems we need to learn more in the future." Mom pinched me again, "If you want to learn, learn it yourself. You're just making things difficult for people." Looking at Mom's shy expression, I knew that next time Mom wouldn't refuse me. My hand climbed up to Mom's breast and gently rubbed it, but Mom pulled my hand away, got out of my arms, and said, "Okay, haven't you had enough fun yet?" After saying that, she covered her genitals and went into the bathroom. I lay on the sofa, recalling the exciting scene just now, feeling extremely happy. It seems that Mom isn't completely old-fashioned; as long as you have patience, Mom can accept some new things. When Mom came out of the bathroom in her pajamas, I was still lying naked on the sofa. Mom saw me, covered her mouth, and laughed, saying, "You're such a grown man, and you still don't know shame! Look at you, you're so ugly! Go wash up and put on some clothes." Then she went back to the kitchen to cook.
Mom's words made me see my naked lower body; my penis had lost its earlier vigor and lay shriveled in my pubic hair, which still had traces of Mom's bodily fluids. It was indeed indecent, so I quickly got up and took a shower.
Just now at dinner, thinking about what happened that afternoon, I said to Mom with a sigh, "It's better not to use a condom, then we can have the most intimate contact." Mom blushed and kicked me hard, saying, "You, you're getting more and more vulgar with your words. You're always thinking of messing with me." I laughed awkwardly, afraid Mom would really get angry, and didn't dare say anything more.
Right now, Mom is watching TV outside. I need to think carefully about how to get Mom to be more open and proactive in front of me. Hehe, although it won't be easy, I will try my best. Okay, I'll stop here for today. I'm going out to watch TV with Mom, and we'll have some more time together later. I'm so excited just thinking about it!

(I've been away on a business trip for half a month, and I'm finally back. I'm sorry I haven't updated. Thank you for your support, friends. I'm sorry to have worried you. Your messages are my motivation. I'll type up my diary as quickly as possible and share it with you all.)
Thursday, July 13, 2006, 8:10 PM, Sunny.
Since the day before yesterday, when Mom and I tried entering from behind in the kitchen, based on her reaction, I feel that although Mom is a reserved and shy woman, she is also an intelligent and modern woman. Therefore, although she is somewhat conservative and shy, she is not incapable of accepting new things. It's just that Mom and Dad's sex life has been too monotonous before. She has never experienced or even heard of any new sexual methods. As long as I patiently guide her, Mom will definitely be willing to try more variety. So these past few nights, I've been dragging her online to browse the sex sections of various websites, specifically looking for articles that teach women to accept different sexual positions and try new things. I also download porn from these websites, burn it onto DVDs, and watch it in the bedroom. At first, my mom was always shy and said she wouldn't watch, but I wouldn't let go of her, so she had no choice but to "study" with me. In my mom's words, these articles must have been written by men, specifically to seduce women. But I could tell that my mom was gradually getting into it too. When we watched porn together at night, although she would say it was disgusting and awful, her eyes weren't on the TV screen, and every time we watched for a while, I could feel that her genitals were very wet. Although I've never asked for it, I've always longed for my mom to give me oral sex. Last night after dinner, I found an article titled "Use Your Mouth to Keep a Man," which claimed that oral sex could make men more infatuated. As soon as my mom saw the content, she pinched and twisted me, refusing to watch it. Later that night, I downloaded a movie with a long oral sex scene, but my mom still refused to watch it, pinching me and saying, "You brat, don't think I don't know what you're thinking. Tell me, don't even think about it. I'm not that disgusting." It really bothered me. Under her insistence, I had no choice but to find another movie.
My mom, blushing, lay in my arms watching the porn with me. Although she kept saying, "These women have no shame. With so many people filming them, how can they do such things?" her eyes never left the screen. After watching for three or four minutes, my hands, roaming over her body, felt that her panties were already soaked. To be honest, my mother's vagina always produces a lot of fluid, and it's very sensitive. Even the slightest teasing will make her wet. After making love, her vagina is always soaking wet, sometimes even staining the sheets. While touching her genitals through her underwear, I said, "Mom, you didn't drink any water just now, did you?" My mother was startled and said, "No? Why?" I said seriously, "Hmm, if you didn't drink water, you couldn't have spilled any. Why are your underwear so wet?" My mother realized I was teasing her, and her face flushed red. She grabbed my ear and said, "You...you naughty boy, you dare laugh at me! It's all your fault for making me watch these messy, embarrassing movies. Now you're so...um..." Looking at her flushed face and her expression of both anger and amusement, I found it particularly beautiful. Before she could finish speaking, I broke free from her grip on my ear, silenced her with a kiss, and slipped my hand inside her underwear. My mother's vagina was already soaking wet. Mom struggled at first, but I held her tightly, pressing my body against hers, kissing her while exploring her sensitive areas. Soon, her body softened, and she embraced me, kissing me passionately. We kissed greedily for nearly ten minutes. Mom pushed me away forcefully, letting out a long sigh, and said, "Ugh, you almost suffocated me!" I smiled and said, "It's because Mom is so beautiful, I just wanted to kiss you." Mom rolled her eyes at me, "You're so glib, always trying to be nice." I held Mom close, gently kneading her breasts, "Mom, I mean it. I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. The moment I see you, I can't help but want to hug you and kiss you." Hearing my words, Mom raised her head from my arms, looked at me affectionately, and said nothing. Her hand gently stroked my chest, and she whispered, "Xiaofan, do you think Mom's wetness is too much?" "No, Mom, why do you say that?" Mom paused for a moment before whispering again, "Your dad used to complain about how wet I was, and I was afraid you'd complain too." I cupped her face and said, "Mom, that's because Dad doesn't understand. I like it when you're wet. More means you're sensitive, it means you're excited, and that makes me feel accomplished. You forgot how hard I work every time I kiss you down there? I just want to drink more, it's so sweet." Mom burst out laughing and slapped me, saying, "Don't talk like that! It's so dirty! I wouldn't let you kiss me if I didn't give in to you." I sat up and said, "It's not dirty at all. You're the person I love most. Every part of your body is the cleanest. I want to kiss you, I like to kiss you, I want to kiss you right now." Before Mom could react, I climbed down, spread her legs, and kissed her genitals. Mom gasped in surprise and tried to close her legs, but my arms were already firmly planted on her thighs. "Xiaofan, don't... hiss... hiss... um... hiss... um..." Mom wanted to say something but couldn't finish before my tongue was already licking her clitoris. The pleasure made her moan before she could finish her sentence. Mom grabbed my hair, and her waist and buttocks began to twist. It seems Mom is really sensitive, and oral sex seems to be particularly stimulating for her. Soon, streams of clear fluid slowly flowed from her body. After the oral sex, I took advantage of the moment and inserted my penis into her body. Amidst Mom's unique moans, we both reached orgasm at the same time. After a short rest, I considerately got her some tissues to clean herself. After resting for a while longer, Mom went to shower. Actually, I really wanted to take a bath with Mom, but she hasn't agreed to it despite my repeated requests. Sigh, I still have many hurdles to overcome. Keep trying!
After finishing this part, I still need to bring her to learn "sex education." Hehe, I don't believe that with enough effort, even an iron rod can be ground into a needle. Let her go.

(Friends who like my story, please send me a message with your thoughts and opinions. Thank you, your encouragement is my motivation.)
Monday, July 17, 2006, 8:01 PM, Sunny.
How to describe my current mood? One word: "Awesome," two words: "Happy," three words: "So beautiful." Why? Because today's events show that my mother is willing to make sacrifices for me, and she's willing to do anything to make me happy.
In the afternoon, after finishing my work, I saw my roommate, Lao Wang, still engrossed in writing. I opened the Qianlong.com sex forum, wanting to find two articles about sex from a female perspective so my mother could read them that evening. As I read, I couldn't help but recall the passionate scenes with my mother, her beautiful body, and her blissful expression beneath me, making my little brother throb painfully. I really wanted to make love to my mother right then and there, but we both had to go to work. Sigh! Finally, I couldn't suppress my desire any longer, so I decided to try calling her and asking her to come home and be intimate with me. Although I thought the chances of my mother agreeing were slim, I had to try. Trying meant there was a one percent chance, while not trying meant no hope at all. Having made up my mind, I decided to call my mom. I took my phone to the rooftop of the office building, made sure no one was around, and was about to dial when I realized I didn't know if she was alone or okay. So I decided to send a text message first. Actually, since we started dating, I call or text her twice a day to check on her, which has earned me praise from her for being so sweet and understanding. I skillfully typed: "Mom, what are you doing? Are you busy?" Send. My mom quickly replied: "I'm in the office, not busy. What about you? What are you doing?" From the speed and content of her reply, I knew she probably didn't have much work to do and was alone in the office. I felt a surge of joy. I replied: "I'm thinking of you. I wish I could fly to your side right now." *Beep beep*, Mom replied: "Your words are getting sweeter and sweeter, you always know how to say nice things to coax people." I replied: "It's not that my words are sweet, it's that my heart is sweet, I really miss you. Do you miss me?" Mom replied: "Yes, my darling son, of course I miss you." Seeing Mom's reply, I felt a warm glow inside: "Mom, do you still have work to do this afternoon?" Mom replied: "No, what's wrong?" Seeing that Mom replied that she was busy and had nothing to do, I immediately dialed her number.
Me: "Hey Mom, are you alone in the office?"
Mom: "Yes, what's up? Is something wrong?"
Me: "Nothing, I just miss you, I really miss you."
Mom: "Good boy, I know you're sweet-talking, okay?"
Me: "Mom, it's not that I'm sweet-talking, I really miss you, and my little brother misses you too, it's hard now."
Mom lowered her voice and said: "You brat, what nonsense are you talking about? Aren't you afraid someone will hear?"
I heard Mom get up and close the door and said: "It's okay, I'm on the roof of the office building, no one's around, don't worry, I'm very careful."
Mom: "You, why aren't you working properly and instead of thinking about these things?"
Me: "I can't help it, your image is always on my mind, I can't get rid of it, why don't you come and help me get rid of it?"
Mom chuckled and whispered: "You're just being glib, I'm ignoring you, get back to work."
Me: "Mom, listen to me, Mom, I really miss you, I want you right now."
Mom: "You brat..." "Don't talk nonsense. We're all at work during the day. What are you thinking about?"
I said, "Mom, I'm not talking nonsense. I really want you. My little brother is so hard it hurts. You don't have anything to do this afternoon, so let's go home."
Mom said, "No way. How can you do that in the middle of the day instead of working? It's so embarrassing. Don't think about that all the time. Working is the important thing."
I said coquettishly, "I don't care. I want you right now. I'll go home and wait for you."
Mom said, "No, then you go home. I'm not going home. You can take care of it yourself, haha."
I said, "Good mom, can you bear to let me stay like this? It would be bad if others saw us. I don't care anymore. I'll go home and wait for you. You have to come back."
I hung up the phone before my mom could reply. Although I didn't know if my mom would come home, I went back to the office and told Lao Wang that I had to go out to run some errands and wouldn't be coming back. Then I hurriedly went home.
I got home at 3:02 pm. I quickly went to the bathroom to wash up, and of course, I made sure to wash my little brother thoroughly. After washing up, I sat anxiously in the living room, wearing only my underwear, praying to God, Buddha, and Lao Tzu that Mom would come back. I looked out the window again and again to see if she was home, but each time I was disappointed. At 3:50, I looked out the window again, and finally, I saw Mom! Today, she was wearing a black shirt and a long white skirt, looking so elegant and graceful. Looking at her alluring figure, and thinking that she hadn't gone to work and was coming home to make love to me, my little brother got hard again. Seeing Mom walk into the hallway, a thought struck me, and I took off my only underwear, going to the door naked. Soon I heard familiar footsteps. When Mom opened the door, she looked up and saw me standing naked in front of her, my little brother erect, blushing furiously. She hit me with her bag: "You brat, look at you! In broad daylight, you have no shame! All you think about is those things, making me feel embarrassed with you, you..." Before she could finish, I grabbed her and silenced her with a kiss. I pushed her against the wall, one hand covering her breast, the other lifting her skirt and caressing her buttocks, kissing her as I said, "Good Mom, don't scold me. I love you so much, I can't help but think about you all the time. I thought you really wouldn't come back, do you miss me too?" Hearing my words, Mom pinched me hard and said intermittently, "Pah, I... I don't miss you at all. I'm afraid you'll embarrass yourself outside, like a pervert like you." My hands continued their actions, and I said, "I am a pervert, I only want to be perverted with you, because you're my little lamb. Look how hard my little brother is, good Mom, let me love you properly just this once." As I was saying this, I pulled her hand and placed it on my penis. Surprisingly, Mom didn't pull away; instead, she pinched it hard and said, "You're so naughty! Okay, even if you want to, let me wash up first. You're all sweaty." Seeing that Mom agreed, I kissed her and said, "I knew Mom cared about me." Mom rolled her eyes at me: "Come on, don't try to fool me with sweet words." At this moment, my hand had already touched between Mom's legs. Ah, her panties were already a little wet. I grinned mischievously and said, "Mom, you said you didn't miss me, why are your panties wet?" Hearing this, Mom's face turned as red as an apple. She said, "You're still talking! It's all your fault! You got the benefit and you're still acting innocent. If you laugh at me again, I won't talk to you anymore." She pushed me away, changed her shoes, and went into the bathroom. Hearing the rushing water inside, my heart followed her in. I knocked on the door and said, "Mom, do you want me to scrub you?" Mom said from inside, "You brat, what trick are you playing now? Stay put, or I won't give it to you." "Sigh, my plan to take a bath with Mom has failed again.
Mom was in there for ten minutes, but it felt like an eternity to me. The sound of water stopped, and Mom finally came out. Because she went straight to the bathroom without taking a change of clothes, she came out wearing only a bath towel, with a towel in one hand, drying her hair. Looking at Mom's bare shoulders, deep cleavage, and snow-white legs, my brain went blank again. I rushed over from the sofa, hugged her, and kissed her. Mom was startled, but I held her tightly, and she couldn't break free. Soon, the bath towel slipped off her body. Mom endured my onslaught of hands and mouth, struggling and saying, 'No...not here...to...to the bedroom...' I knew Mom wasn't used to making love in the living room during the day, so I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. Once in the bedroom, we fell onto the bed together, and I kissed Mom's body frantically, my hands exploring every sensitive area."
I held my mother, who had just recovered from her climax, and stroked her breasts, saying, "Mom, you're so good to me. Thank you for coming home today." Mom rolled her eyes at me and said, "Let me tell you, this kind of thing is a one-time thing. From now on, focus on your work and don't think about this all the time." I knew that although Mom said that, once it happened once, it would definitely happen again, haha. Besides, Mom seemed particularly excited and enjoying herself just now. So I nodded and said, "Okay, I'll focus on my work, don't worry, Mom."
We hugged each other, caressed each other, and joked around until after 6 pm before getting up to cook dinner. Mom is doing laundry now, so of course I have to write in my diary. Haha, tonight, I still have to, because Mom is so charming. I'll go help her with the laundry now to appease her, so I'll have an excuse tonight. I'm off.

(Dad's back, and I'm in a bad mood, so I'm not in the mood to type. I'll continue after he leaves. Feeling depressed!~)

Thank you for your concern and support, and I'm very sorry for not updating during the Spring Festival. I was really depressed, please forgive me! To answer a reader's question about whether I tried to reunite with my mother during the Spring Festival, my answer is no. As my mother said, "We've already done things that are unfair to your father. When he's home, regardless of the opportunity, we shouldn't do them. It's the least we can do to show him respect!" My father left the day before yesterday, and yesterday I naturally had a brief reunion with my mother, so I didn't have time to type or update. Also, I have some bad news: the county-level liaison office in Beijing is going to be dissolved. My father left to handle this, which will take about two months. He might be back in two months. I don't know how long my sweet life with my mother can last. I'm feeling depressed. I hope that what my father said—that our prefecture-level city's liaison office might be retained—will come true. Let's all pray together!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 7:56 PM, Sunny.
Yesterday was very unpleasant. My mother and I had a cold war, the first unpleasant incident since we got back together. Thinking about it today, it's my fault; I was too impatient. My mother has always been a conservative and reserved woman. It's already quite good that she's open-minded enough to accept me and embrace some new things; I can't be too greedy.
Yesterday, I went to a meeting at the Municipal Bureau. I ate lunch there and, having nowhere to go, wandered around the streets alone. A sign outside a lingerie store next to a department store caught my eye: New arrivals of sexy sleepwear sets, 20% off for the first day. I didn't pay much attention to the 20% discount, but the words "sexy sleepwear" really struck me. I thought about how my mother's underwear and pajamas have always been very conservative. She has two lace sets, but even her panties are high-waisted and form-fitting, and all her bras are cotton—she doesn't even have any camisoles. Why don't I go in and buy her something a little sexier to add some spice to our relationship? With that thought, I pushed open the door and entered the store. The owner was very welcoming and immediately came up to ask what I wanted to buy. I said I was looking at pajamas, and she smiled and said, "Are you looking for a girlfriend? We have some brand new stock that just arrived; they're very pretty." She then led me to a display stand. Wow, they're all so sexy! White, pink, black, red—it's dazzling! I can't decide which one to buy. The shopkeeper, noticing my hesitation, said, "You're so handsome, your girlfriend must be gorgeous and have a great figure. If she has fair skin, choose this black nightgown. It really shows off a woman's figure." I looked at the nightgown she was holding; it was incredibly sexy—a black silk slip dress, quite sheer, with a very low neckline that probably revealed her entire chest, even a bit of her breasts. The hem was short enough to barely cover my mom's bottom. Seeing I was interested, she pulled out a pair of panties, saying, "Look, we're including a pair to make a complete set. Your girlfriend will look stunning in it." I looked at it—it was a thong! Except for a small piece of transparent fabric in the front, the rest was just a few thin straps. If my mom wore this… I immediately started fantasizing. The thought of my mother wearing such a sexy nightgown and underwear filled me with excitement, and without a word, I paid and took the goods. I couldn't concentrate on the meeting that afternoon; my mind was filled with the image of my mother in the nightgown. After the meeting ended around 4 PM, I immediately took a car home. It was already 6 PM when I got home, and my mother was already cooking. Excitedly, I pulled her out of the kitchen, saying it was a gift for her. When I took out the nightgown and asked her to try it on, she firmly objected, saying it wasn't clothing and that only prostitutes wore such things. She asked what I took her for and even threatened to throw it away. Thinking about how I'd gone to such lengths to buy her a gift at a lingerie store, only to be met with such a cold shoulder, I got a little angry. I argued with her loudly for a few moments, threw the nightgown on the sofa, and went inside. My mother pouted and went back into the kitchen. I didn't eat when my mom called me for dinner last night. I locked myself in my room and sulked. I didn't go to her room either. When she called me for dinner, I didn't go, and she ignored me.
This morning, I was still very upset about it. This afternoon, after calming down and thinking about it, I realized it was my fault. My mom is always conservative and tactful, so it's understandable that she couldn't accept such a revealing and sexy dress right away. How could I have gotten angry at her and made her upset? I went home early this afternoon and cooked some of her favorite dishes. When my mom came home, she still ignored me. I used all my charm—persistence and a bit of cajoling—and after half an hour of apologizing and coaxing, I finally made her laugh. My mom pinched my ear and said, "If you ever yell at me like that again, I'll never talk to you again." After thanking her profusely, we finally made up. Sigh, I can't be impatient. I need to explore my mom's body slowly, and I need to develop her heart slowly. I believe I will succeed. One day, I will make my mom wear that nightgown for me to admire.
My relationship with Mom has finally cleared up. I felt a little strange not sharing a bed with her last night; I'll make up for it tonight. Time for a shower!

Thursday, August 3, 2006, 11:52 PM, Sunny
I've been in a bad mood all day, for a simple reason: Dad came home. This is the first time Dad has come home since Mom and I became truly close. Dad called Mom before he got home; I was at work at the time. Mom immediately called me to tell me, reminding me to be careful when Dad came home, not to let anything slip about us, not to make any intimate or ambiguous gestures towards her, and not to be too nervous or scared, but to act as usual. It's impossible not to be nervous at all; after all, what Mom and I did made me feel guilty towards Dad. On the way home, I was indeed a bit flustered, feeling both nervous and disappointed. Coincidentally, I ran into Dad when I got to my building. I tried my best to compose myself and greeted him warmly. Dad was unusually happy to see me, and seeing his happy and concerned expression, I felt truly guilty. Dad is busy with work outside, and I, as his son, was at home with his wife, my mother, who was cuckolding him. But I didn't dare show it on my face, forcing a smile as I went upstairs to go home. When I entered the house, Mom was cooking in the kitchen. Seeing Dad and me return together, she paused slightly, then quickly recovered. She didn't show any particular excitement or joy at Dad's return, just like last time when he stood me up. She simply asked, "When did you arrive?" Dad said in the afternoon, and Mom grunted in response before going back to the kitchen. Dad asked me, "Xiaofan, is your mom still angry about last time?" I didn't know how to answer, so I said, "Maybe. Anyway, you stood me up last time and it really upset her." After saying that, I didn't dare linger and went straight to my room. Although I was in my room, my mind was still outside, listening intently to whatever was happening. Soon I heard Dad walk into the kitchen and say to Mom, "Xiaohui, are you still angry with me? I've already apologized, and besides, so much time has passed, please don't be angry anymore, okay?" Mom said, "I'm not angry. Didn't you say it's been so long? I'm not that petty." "Then why don't you seem happy to see me after all this time?" "Isn't this how you always are? I'm used to it. Besides, you called this morning saying you were coming back, and I was in a hurry to cook for you. Okay, go wash up, we'll eat in a bit." Dad didn't say anything more and went into the bedroom. Soon I heard Dad's voice, a voice that made my heart almost jump out of my chest. Dad called me from the bedroom, "Xiaofan, why are your clothes here?" My mind went blank. Because I'd been sleeping in the same bed with Mom these past few days, after washing my clothes, including my underwear, Mom would always just put them in her bedroom closet. Before, my clothes were always dried and then Mom would bring them to my room. I didn't know how to answer my dad for a moment. Just as my mind was in a mess, my mom quickly came out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, saying, "What's wrong? Oh, Xiaofan's clothes? I just brought them back this afternoon, and I hadn't even had a chance to take them to him before I went to cook. Xiaofan, come on, take your clothes." Hearing my mom say this, my pounding heart calmed down, and I quickly went to get my clothes. But my dad said, "Xiaofan, you're so old, and you still can't fold your own clothes? You're so inconsiderate." I quickly replied, "I know, I'll fold them myself from now on." Then I hurriedly went back to my room. My mom followed me back to the kitchen, and my dad took a nightgown and went to the bathroom to take a shower.
As I sat on the bed calming down, I suddenly remembered that my mom hadn't finished using the condoms she bought, and the birth control pills I bought a few days ago for this month were still in the drawer of her bedside table. My heart tightened again, and I quickly went to the kitchen and quietly asked my mother, "Mom, did you put away the condoms and pills?" My mother rolled her eyes at me and said, "You're usually so capable, but you get scared like this when something really happens." "Oh, never mind that, did you put those things away?" My mother smiled at my nervous look and said, "If you only remembered now, it would be too late. I would have put them away long ago, but I forgot your clothes. Be careful these few days, don't be too nervous, or your dad will notice." Hearing my mother say that, I felt relieved, gave a silly smile, agreed to my mother's words, and went back to my room.
Because of my mother's example and my own adjustment, my mood had calmed down by dinner time. Everything was as usual. I ate while answering my father's questions and reporting on my work. My mother showed no signs of anything unusual. She served my father food and rice, just like before. After dinner, I volunteered to wash the dishes. My mother didn't watch TV and chat with my father as she usually did when he came home. Instead, she went downstairs to dance and exercise. My father watched TV for a while and went back to his bedroom to rest early.
Just now, I kept secretly eavesdropping at Mom's bedroom door to see if Dad and Mom were having sex. To be honest, although I know Dad is Mom's legal husband and he certainly has the right to have sex with her, I desperately hope Mom doesn't. After eavesdropping several times, I remembered that Mom started her period yesterday. Haha, Dad probably had intimate contact with Mom when he came back this time. Now that I'm at ease, I'm writing this in my diary. Haha. I'm relieved.
Monday, August 6, 2006, 7:23 PM, Sunny.
Dad left at noon today. I've behaved very well these past few days, not showing anything. I admire Mom even more; she's neither humble nor arrogant in front of Dad, and you can't see any problems at all. When Dad left, he gave Mom a set of cosmetics, saying he'd be very busy in Beijing this time and definitely wouldn't be able to come back for Mom's birthday in a few days. He mentioned buying her a gift. Mom took it and said, "It's okay, work is important. You're an adult now, it doesn't matter whether you celebrate your birthday or not." Dad also told me to learn to be independent, not to let Mom do everything, to take more responsibility, and to listen to Mom. I readily agreed. Mom didn't come with me to see Dad downstairs; she just told him to take care of himself at the door.
The tension and stress of the past few days were finally over. If Mom hadn't still been menstruating, I would have wanted to be intimate with her after Dad left. Just now, Mom and I cooked, ate, and went for a walk together. When we came back, I couldn't wait to be intimate with her on the sofa—just kisses and caresses, of course. Perhaps Mom had also been feeling stressed these past few days, so her response was very enthusiastic; she quickly started moaning. It's a pity we couldn't go any further.
Wednesday, August 22, 2006, 8:33 PM, Cloudy
. I've been in a particularly bad mood these past two days because I went on a business trip to xxx (the provincial capital) yesterday, and it will last for eight days. It has disrupted all my plans.
The 25th is Mom's birthday, and I had already planned how to celebrate with her, but a training notice from the provincial bureau completely ruined my plans. How could I not be angry and depressed? Those damned bastards at the provincial bureau, why did they have to schedule this training now of all times? You know, this was my mother's first birthday since we fell in love. Because of these bureaucrats, I've lost the chance to experience romance with her. I curse them!
What should I do? My mother's birthday definitely deserves a celebration, but I'm here, and she's at home. What should I do? This is so frustrating!

Saturday, August 25, 2006, 10:53 PM,
Cloudy. Just hung up the phone. I wonder if my mother is still crying? Sigh, it's all because of this damn training. Otherwise, my mother and I would be enjoying cake by candlelight right now, whispering sweet nothings to each other.
After two days of thought and busy preparations, I've finally revised my plans for celebrating my mother's birthday. Yesterday, I went shopping and bought her a necklace, a platinum pendant with diamonds, a hollowed-out heart with a rose inside, each petal adorned with a diamond. The necklace alone cost me 7648 yuan, more than half a year's salary! But I'm happy with the money because it's for the woman I love most. After buying the flowers, I sent them by express mail to a florist I had contacted beforehand. The owner, though not a close friend, was a platonic resident. I didn't tell him what was inside, but asked him to prepare 99 roses. I explained that my colleague's girlfriend was having a birthday party and couldn't make it back home. Knowing we knew each other, I asked him to send someone to deliver them tonight at 7 pm, promising to pay him back later. Since we're friends, and I often patronize his business when my company buys flowers or gifts, he readily agreed, even remarking that my colleague was quite devoted, not forgetting his girlfriend's birthday while traveling.
At 7:15, he called me and said the deliveryman had arrived, but the girl wasn't home; her sister had accepted it for her. Haha, Mom's so cunning! After thanking him, I quickly called my mom, but her phone was off. Since we all use cell phones, the home phone hadn't been paid for a long time, so it was no longer working. I was frantic, like a cat on a hot tin roof. I didn't know why her phone was off—was it out of battery, or had something happened? I kept calling her cell phone over and over. Finally, at 8:30, the call went through, and I said, "Mom, happy birthday!" I thought I'd hear a surprised and happy voice, but instead of surprise, she started crying. I anxiously asked, "Mom, what's wrong? What happened?"
She just kept crying, which made me panic. I even wanted to rush back to see what was wrong. After my persistent questioning, Mom finally stopped crying a little and said, "Xiaofan, Mom's okay. Mom's just happy. You're so good to me. I didn't expect you to be so thoughtful even though you're so far away. Mom's so touched. Thank you, Xiaofan, Mom's so happy." Hearing Mom say this, I felt relieved: "Mom, why are you crying if you're happy? You scared me to death! Don't cry. Today is your birthday, you should be smiling. I don't need your thanks, it's all what I should do, because I love you. Did you see the necklace? Do you like it?" Mom said, "Yes, I saw it, I like it, of course I like it. It must be very expensive, right? You just love to spend money recklessly, Mom knows." "Your heart is enough, why buy something so expensive? Really." I smiled and said, "It's not expensive, as long as you like it. Have you tried it on yet?" Mom said, "Not yet." I said, "Then try it on, see if it looks pretty?" Mom said sweetly, "No, I'm keeping this for you to wear when you come back." Hearing Mom's coquettish voice, my heart melted, and I happily said, "Okay, I'll put it on you myself when I get back." On the phone, I poured out my longing and deep love to Mom. Time flew by; it felt like only a short while, but Mom and I had already been talking for two hours. When I hung up the phone, my mom said, "Xiaofan, how many more days until you come back? Your birthday is on the 29th, can you come back?" (Note: My mom and I share the same birthday, only 4 days apart.) I said, "The training ends on the 29th, but I don't know if there will be training on the afternoon of the 29th. If there isn't, I can come back that night." My mom hesitated for a moment and said, "Xiaofan, try to come back. Mom wants to give you a gift." I smiled and said, "What gift?" My mom said, "I won't tell you now, you'll know later, but I'm sure you'll like it." I said, "Okay, I'll definitely come back. I'll like whatever gift you give me." We lingered on the phone for another 10 minutes before hanging up.
Although I couldn't celebrate my mom's birthday in person, this way had its advantages. It allowed me to convey how deep my love for my mom is, and it also allowed her to experience a different kind of romance.
Thank you for your support and concern. I'm truly sorry for the lack of updates lately. I was holding onto the front door when I got on the bus, and the driver didn't notice and closed the door, squeezing four fingers on my right hand. They're swollen and painful, making it impossible to type. The bandages were just removed two days ago, and this diary entry is quite long, so typing with one hand is slow. Please forgive me.
Thursday, August 30, 2006, 7:23 PM, Light Rain.
What is happiness? What is sweetness? What is joy? Hehe, I've found the answers to all of these: Mom.
Yesterday was my birthday. After cursing those bureaucrats in the provincial government a thousand times over, they actually showed mercy. There was no training scheduled for yesterday afternoon; they just held a brief summary meeting. As soon as the meeting ended, I rushed to the station to catch a bus home, eager to be with my mother. All the way there, my mind raced, wondering what gift my mother would give me? Clothes? Shoes? A computer? It started raining halfway there, quite heavily, and even on the highway, I didn't dare drive fast. I finally arrived back in the county around 6 pm, and the rain had stopped. I quickly hailed a taxi and rushed home. When I got to the fourth floor, my mother had already heard my footsteps and opened the door. As soon as the door closed, I hugged my mother tightly. After a deep kiss, she pushed me away and said, "Okay, let's eat first, okay? You must be hungry after such a long drive." We went to the dining room and saw the table already laden with food, and a cake with lit candles in the center. Mom turned to me, smiled, and said, "Xiaofan, happy birthday! Come on, make a wish and blow out the candles." I smiled, hugged Mom, kissed her forehead, and said, "Mom, thank you!" Then I silently made a wish: that Mom would always be young and beautiful, and that Mom and I could love each other forever. Mom and I blew out the candles together. We sat facing each other, eating our meal and sharing our longing for each other these past few days. After dinner, Mom and I washed the dishes together. We sat on the sofa, embracing each other. I asked Mom, "Mom, what gift are you going to give me?" Mom smiled and said, "Wait a minute." She got up from my arms and went into the bedroom. A moment later, Mom came out with a beige t-shirt. I saw it was a Playboy shirt, and at Mom's request, I tried it on—it fit perfectly. Mom asked, "Do you like it?" I said, "Of course I like it. I like anything Mom gives me. Oh, Mom, I gave you a necklace. Now I'm going to put it on you myself." Mom got up and took the necklace from the bedroom. I took the necklace and slowly put it around Mom's neck. Mom's fair skin highlighted the sparkling diamonds, making her look exceptionally elegant and beautiful. Mom touched the pendant and said emotionally, "Xiao Fan, thank you. You've touched me so much. I understand your love for me, and you've made me understand my feelings for you. You've brought me back to the long-lost romance and warmth. I haven't lived this life in vain." After saying that, she stood on tiptoe, hugged my neck, and kissed me. I hugged Mom tightly and kissed her back. Soon, my little brother couldn't hold back and got hard. My hands started to roam over my mother's body, and her body quickly went limp, snuggling tightly into my arms. Just as my hand was about to lift the hem of her skirt, my mother suddenly pushed me away, panting and blushing, saying, "Xiaofan, don't rush. Mom has another gift for you. You need to prepare it. Go wash up first, and Mom will let you have your way tonight, okay?" I asked curiously, "Mom, what gift is it? It's not good to give it to me now." My mother said, "Oh dear, I'm not ready yet. Go wash up, and I'll give it to you when I'm ready." Saying that, she pushed me into the bathroom. I had no choice but to agree. Thinking about spending the night with my mother and making up for the wasted time of the past few days, I carefully washed every part of my body. After coming out of the bathroom, I chased after my mother for the gift, but my mother said, "What's the rush? I said I'd give it to you, and I definitely will. You're done washing up, but I haven't. I was sweating so much while cooking, and I feel terrible. Let me take a shower first, and then I'll give it to you. You rest for a while." After saying that, she pushed me into my room, closed the door, and went out to take a shower. (Note: Because my clothes were in my mom's closet that time, my dad saw them when he came home, so just in case, my mom and I switched to sleep in my room.) I had to suppress my curiosity and lie on the bed waiting. About fifteen minutes later, my mom finally pushed the door open and came in. When I saw her, I was stunned. My mom's hair, which she usually wore in a bun, was now loose over her shoulders, and she was wearing the black slip dress that I had bought for her before, but which she no longer wore. The black fabric made her skin look even whiter. Because it was a slip dress, the neckline was very low, and my mom wasn't wearing a bra underneath, so most of her breasts were exposed, revealing a deep cleavage. Through the thin fabric, you could even see her nipples faintly. The short skirt only covered her buttocks, making her snow-white thighs particularly dazzling. My mom was wearing a matching black thong, and you could vaguely see her pubic hair. My mother looked even cuter. Her face was flushed, and she seemed a little uncomfortable. Her eyes would glance at me for a moment and then immediately look away, only to glance at me again later. After a while, seeing me staring at her blankly, she shyly whispered, "Is it pretty?" I nodded repeatedly and said, "Pretty, pretty, so pretty! Mom, you're so beautiful, so sexy!" As I spoke, I lunged at her, but Mom dodged me and pushed me to sit on the bed, saying, "Xiao Fan, Mom has thought a lot these past few days. Mom finally understands your love for me and my feelings for you. In Mom's heart, you are already Mom's man, my support, you know? Before, Mom would feel shy, thinking that women should be reserved. From now on, Mom will give you my heart and body without reservation. As long as you like it, Mom will give you anything, I'm willing to do anything, okay?" I was about to open my mouth to speak when Mom covered my mouth with her hand and continued, "You don't need to say anything. Mom understands your feelings for me. Mom is going to give you a special gift today, something you've always wanted. Don't move, let me do it." After saying that, Mom pushed me to lie on the bed, and then she leaned down and began to kiss me, kissing my mouth, face, nose, eyes, and ears. Slowly, slowly, she kissed her way down my neck and chest. When she kissed my nipples, a feeling I had never experienced before excited me—a ticklish sensation, not just where her lips and tongue touched, but a ticklish feeling that spread throughout my entire body. After lingering on my nipples for a while, she continued kissing downwards, her tongue sliding over my abdomen and down. By this time, my penis was already bulging high out of my underwear. As Mom kissed the edge of my underwear on my lower abdomen while gently stroking the bulge, she looked up and said in an almost trembling voice, "Xiao Fan, Mom will give you a gift now, something you've always wanted, okay?" After saying that, she pulled down my underwear, the only thing left on my body. I cooperated by lifting my buttocks, and my underwear was easily removed by Mom. Mom paused for a moment, then gently grasped my already hard penis and gently stroked it. Soon, I felt my glans being surrounded by a warm, moist space. Mom took my penis into her mouth. Just as Mom said, this moment was something I had longed for, something I had wanted for a long time. At that moment, I felt like I was floating in the sky; I was completely intoxicated. But I was quickly jolted awake by a sharp pain. It was Mom's first time giving oral sex, after all, and her teeth inevitably caught on my penis. Although it hurt a little, I didn't stop her; instead, I enjoyed it. Because Mom had finally taken a step she had never been willing to take before. However, as Mom's mouth continued to move up and down on my penis, her teeth caused me more and more pain. Soon, Mom seemed to realize this, and she said shyly, "Xiao Fan, is it because Mom isn't doing it right? Did I hurt you?" I stroked her hair and said, "No, Mom, it feels good, really." Mom didn't say anything more and continued giving me oral sex, but instead of using her mouth to move my penis up and down, she used her tongue to lick my penis and glans repeatedly, and occasionally licked my testicles. This feeling made my penis even more excited and harder. Soon I noticed my mother's movements slowed, and she would occasionally rub her cheeks. I knew her mouth must be tired. I sat up, gently lifted her head, and kissed her lips deeply. My hands pulled down the straps of her nightgown and quickly climbed up to her full breasts, gently kneading them. While kissing my mother and caressing her breasts, I slowly laid her flat on the bed. By now, my mother was panting softly, her eyes closed, enjoying my caresses and kisses, letting me do as I pleased. I took the opportunity to use my tongue to curl around her nipples and begin kissing and licking them, while my other hand slipped inside her small thong, feeling her surging wetness. Soon, I was no longer satisfied with lingering on her nipples, and I moved down, kissing her genitals through her silk panties. I used my hand to push the clean belt aside, and my tongue quickly found my mother's clitoris, gently sweeping back and forth. My mother's soft moans immediately turned into unique groans: "Hiss...hiss...um...hiss...um.""Hiss...hiss...um..." Her hips began to rise and fall irregularly, twisting back and forth. Streams of liquid gushed from her body. After a while, her legs suddenly clamped tightly around my head, and she let out a long "hiss..." as she forcefully lifted her hips upwards. A large gush of liquid spurted from her vagina. After a slight tremor, her raised hips slumped down, and her legs, which had been tightly clamping me, relaxed. I knew my mother had climaxed. I gently pulled down her panties, parted her legs, and thrust my already throbbing penis into her body. My mother hissed again, her brows furrowed slightly, and she opened her eyes, saying to me, "Xiao Fan, be gentle." She closed her eyes again, gripped the pillow tightly with both hands, and spread her legs wider, letting me ride her. That night, my mother's body blossomed completely before me. We made love repeatedly, then hugged and talked before making love again. My semen filled her lower body three times. If my mother hadn't said she was too tired and had to go to work the next day, we would have continued a fourth, or even a fifth time. When I woke up this morning, there were patches on the sheets, I couldn't tell if it was my mother's fluid or my semen. When I pointed to the stains on the sheets, she blushed and said coquettishly, "You're being smug, it's all your fault." Looking at my mother's red face and hearing her coquettish tone for the first time, my heart melted. My mother was actually being affectionate with me. How wonderful! I rushed out of bed this morning and kissed my mother goodbye for the first time before leaving for work. When I came home from get off work just now, my mother came out of the kitchen and hugged me. Life is getting better and better.
I never imagined that a seemingly accidental birthday celebration would turn out to be such a wonderful surprise, causing my mother to completely let go of her inhibitions and open her heart, giving me her whole being. Perhaps it was fate, haha, I'm so happy. My heart has been bathed in sweetness all day. I have to stop writing now, my hands are getting sore. I need to find a video about oral sex so my mother can learn from it tonight; we agreed on this last night. Haha, lost in thought…

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