I cheated on my husband.

I'm 27 years old and have been married for two and a half years. My husband is my first man, and our married life was pretty good. Before we got married, we agreed to have children in a few years, and everything was quite peaceful. But last month (March), things changed! It completely disrupted my life and our lives! I'm so scared! I'm so afraid that I'll ruin this peaceful life, and maybe even destroy our two-and-a-half-year marriage! I really don't know what to do!!! The incident happened one night last month. My husband said he was going out for drinks with his colleagues. He rarely drinks, and he said he'd be back around 11 pm. But I waited until after 2 am and he still hadn't returned, so I called him. The phone rang until the voicemail screen went dead, but no one answered. I started to worry! I called again… and he answered. I asked him where he was, but he kept stammering… It was very quiet on his end, so it couldn't be a place where he was drinking! Suddenly, I heard a woman's voice ask him in a low voice, "Is that your wife?" I immediately asked him, "Where were you drinking? Was there only one woman with you?" He didn't know how to answer me, only saying, "I'll talk to you when I get back!" and then hung up... I was really angry, and tears streamed down my face. I don't know how long I cried, but I eventually fell asleep. He didn't come home all night. At 7 a.m., he called to wake me up, saying he drank too much last night, and then a group of friends went to a hotel. He drunkenly brought a prostitute out! He asked me to forgive him and would explain everything when he got back that night... etc. I didn't want to say anything anymore. I was angry again, and I had to go to work, so I just replied, "We'll talk about it later! I need to change for work," and hung up! I was really tired all day at the company that day, not from work, and I didn't sleep well last night, but mainly because I was still very angry! It was past 5 PM, almost time to get off work, when I suddenly had a whim to get drunk. I decided not to go home after get off work and went to a pub in Tianmu alone. It was probably still early, maybe 6 PM, so it wasn't crowded. I sat down in a corner and ordered a cocktail—I don't even know what it was, but it was sweet and a little spicy. I don't usually drink, but I have a pretty good tolerance; I can probably drink 3-4 bottles of beer. I finished that one in about ten minutes and then had another… While I was sitting there drinking, a tall, 180cm, 30-something-year-old foreigner slowly walked over and stood in front of me. He asked in fluent Chinese, "Miss! May I sit down?" I looked at him, wondering if it was the alcohol or… he was really quite handsome! My heart suddenly started racing. He saw me just staring at him without saying anything. "Excuse me, miss, I see you're alone. How about we chat and make friends?" I was almost breathless. "Sure, please have a seat!" He introduced himself as someone who had lived in Taiwan for almost ten years and worked as a manager for an American company in Taiwan. We chatted for a while, and I finished my third drink. I told him I was a little drunk and wanted to go home. He thoughtfully asked if I had eaten dinner since I was drinking so early. Then I realized I was actually a little hungry! He recommended the pub, saying the food was good and offered to treat me, so I ordered a steak. After dinner, I had already had my fifth cocktail… I was definitely about 80% drunk! Just as I was about to leave, he grabbed my hand and asked, "It's not even 10 o'clock yet, it's still early! Want to come to my place, sit down, listen to some music, and cheer yourself up?" "(I told him I had a fight with my husband, but I didn't want to say too much, so I just told him I had a fight with my husband!) Of course I knew what would happen if I went, but at that moment I really didn't know whether to say "okay" or "no!" I just stared blankly at him... He just smiled and said, "Common, take it easy!" His house was nearby, about a 3-minute walk. On the way, he kept talking about his things, but I didn't hear a word... my mind was completely blank! When we got to his house, I sat on his sofa. He turned on the stereo and played some soft jazz, poured me a glass of red wine, and then sat down next to me on my right. I felt really drunk. He suddenly hugged me and kissed me on the lips! I don't know if it was the alcohol or a desire for revenge, but I didn't know how to react at all. All I could feel was my heart pounding and my breathing rapid!" I don't know how long we kissed, or how I went from sitting on the sofa to lying on the carpet, seemingly naturally wearing only my underwear. He sat up and said, "Let's take a shower first!" I really wanted to say "no," that I didn't want to continue! But I only said, "I'll shower by myself, not with you!" Then he led me into the bathroom, and after showering, I wrapped myself in a towel and came out. Sitting back on the sofa, he said, "Take a break! I'll be done showering soon!" I drank a few more sips of red wine, thinking, "Whatever, it's all over anyway..." and tried not to think about anything. Actually, I don't know if it was the alcohol or the person, but I was still drunk and couldn't think about anything. I just closed my eyes and listened to music to relax. It felt really fast. He came out with a towel wrapped around his lower body, sat back down next to me, and started kissing me again, from my lips to my neck, chest... He kissed my entire body. His tongue was really powerful. When he kissed my genitals, I truly experienced what an orgasm was like; I felt like I lost control of my bladder! The intense feeling was suffocating, I was delirious, and my whole body felt out of control! I felt like I was dying and coming back to life! He held me and kissed me gently, but I could only gasp for breath, my mind blank… He continued to kiss my face gently… and asked, “Can I give him a taste?” I looked at him and smiled as an answer. He pulled off the towel around his waist, and I saw that his penis was erect. I was really scared… I was genuinely afraid! I said, “Yours is too big, I’m afraid I can’t handle it!” It’s bigger than my husband’s, at least 3 to 4 times bigger! That’s something you only see in porn! I really wanted to put my clothes back on and leave immediately… it was terrifying! He held me and said, “Don’t worry! I’ll be very gentle with you.” He continued his kissing assault… and I softened again. When he was about to penetrate me, I was really conflicted, both afraid and eager! He slowly thrust in and out, a wonderful pain, an unprecedented fullness. Each thrust reached my cervix. During his rapid thrusts, all I could do was writhe and scream. We'd been married for two and a half years, and the longest I'd ever made love with my husband was only about ten minutes! He changed positions countless times. It turns out a woman can really have multiple orgasms. After more than an hour of thrusting, I had two more orgasms. When he finished, I tried to sit up, but my whole body was weak, my legs were still trembling, and the carpet looked like several glasses of water had been spilled. Worst of all, even the coffee table was covered in my cum…! After drinking two more glasses of red wine and chatting for a while, he gave me his phone number, saying I could contact him anytime. He then took me to a taxi home. It was almost 1 a.m. when I got home. My husband saw I was heavily intoxicated, but I just said, "I'm drunk, I don't want to talk to you!" I took a shower and went straight to bed. It was exhausting because I was so sleepy, but I could still feel his penis thrusting inside me… Maybe I was just reliving the perfect sex we had just had… I told myself it couldn't happen again… A week later, my husband and I were back together, but when we were intimate, I always felt like I didn't experience any pleasure. I felt like my husband was useless! It turns out it was all just child's play all along! Every day I relive the feeling of that orgasm… Last Monday, I finally couldn't take it anymore. I called him, saying I just wanted to say hello and apologize for making such a mess of his house the other day (of course, it was just an excuse). He asked if I was free that evening to have dinner with him (that was obviously my real purpose). I immediately agreed. After dinner, around 9 pm, he said, "Want to come to my place?" I said, "I'm sorry... I made such a mess of your house last time!" He thought for a moment and said, "How about we find a quiet place to rest?" Of course, I had no objection. We went into a motel. I even told him that it was my safe period that day, so we didn't need a condom. I could feel the hot, forceful thrust against my cervix when he ejaculated... it felt like every thrust was directly penetrating my uterus! We did it for over two hours, and he brought me to the brink of ecstasy multiple times.Now I know what "ecstasy" feels like! I know I can't make this mistake again, I have to end this relationship, but... I've already become averse to intimacy with my husband! He simply can't give me what I want! Our two-plus years of marriage have been nothing more than child's play. Before, I was easily satisfied, but now... I've tasted what real sex is, something my husband can never satisfy! I don't know what to do! I don't want to become a harlot, and I don't want my marriage to break down! But I can't forget the satisfaction of orgasm! Now I use reason to suppress the urge to see him every day! I'm going crazy!!! I absolutely can't tell anyone I know about this... it's so hard.

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I cheated on my husband.

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