Incestuous Flames

It's been two or three years since I first had incestuous thoughts. Because I was a left-behind child growing up, I lacked love, which indirectly led to a deep attachment to my mother. Then, for the past two or three years, I've been living with her again, and this mother-son relationship turned into incestuous thoughts.

Initially, these thoughts arose when I accidentally saw my mother's buttocks raised, which deeply attracted me and gave me a genuine urge to have sex with her from behind.

At first, I didn't know anything about incest, so I looked at forums online and met some self-proclaimed incest experts. They suggested using my mother's underwear to masturbate, saying it would attract her attention and arouse her sexual desire, claiming it was the most pleasurable way to masturbate. I believed them and did it. And indeed, masturbating with my mother's underwear was really pleasurable. At first, I used my mother's used underwear, smelling her bra, and then I would put her underwear on my penis and masturbate wildly, as if I were forcefully penetrating her vagina, and then ejaculate inside her.

I did this for several days in a row. I don't know if it was because the semen had dried and wasn't obvious, but my mom didn't seem to notice. Then that so-called incest expert suggested that I hang my new underwear in the bathroom after masturbating so my mom would know, and I did. This time, with such an obvious method, my mom definitely noticed, but she didn't say anything; she just silently washed the underwear. The first time there was no reaction, so I did it a second time, and a third time. After the third time, my mom probably couldn't resist anymore, because she stopped putting her washed underwear in the bathroom, and she talked to me privately.

I remember she said to me, "Son, how could you be so silly as to take your mom's underwear into the bathroom? It's normal for someone your age to be curious about the opposite sex. Mom doesn't blame you. You should find a girlfriend or wife." My mom said this gently. I felt incredulous; I thought my mom would scold me. I even asked her, "Aren't you angry or blaming me?" My mom said, "How could Mom blame you?" Later, I don't know if I was blinded by lust and misunderstood my mother's meaning, or if it was the encouragement from netizens, but I felt that my mother also had incestuous thoughts. So, after my father left home, I confessed my incestuous thoughts to my mother.

I told her about it on WeChat, using an excuse suggested by netizens, saying that I was having an erection and wanted my mother to help me masturbate, etc. (Looking back now, it feels so silly). My mother firmly rejected me, gave me a lot of reasons, and told me to calm down. After that, my mother became wary of me. She stopped wearing pajamas. After a while, I couldn't help but ask her, "Why are you treating me like this?" My mother asked, "Have you let go of those thoughts? A mother is someone to be respected." To make my mother less wary of me, I promised her that I wouldn't do it again (this was the first stage between my mother and me).

After that, I hid it well and didn't show any inappropriate behavior. My relationship with my mother gradually improved, although I couldn't ask her for hugs like before. But I could make some small gestures towards her. I would touch my mom's stomach, rub her face, and occasionally pat her buttocks (she still resisted after a while). This went on for a while until one time I forgot my phone in my mom's room, and she found my chat history with some incestuous online friends. That's when my mom found out I was secretly filming her showering, trying to drug her, having fantasies about her, and some thoughts about me and my online friends. That time, she talked to me very seriously again, starting with a bunch of道理 (moral principles), and then saying that incest would ruin my life, that nothing in this world can be kept secret forever, and that it would always be exposed one day. She asked if our mother-son relationship could last, and whether we should spend our whole lives in bed without any other life. From this, I knew my mom couldn't get over her conscience. Although I don't know if she craved these things, she couldn't get over it in her heart. However, this time was different from the last time. My mom's attitude wasn't very firm. In fact, when she mentioned that I wanted to drug her, she even laughed. "Do you want to poison your mother?" I laughed along with her.

This time, I was determined to eradicate incestuous thoughts, and under my mother's supervision, I deleted all incestuous online friends and articles. But in the end… after a while, I found that my incestuous thoughts had returned, even becoming stronger.

Fellow netizens, is there any way to help me?

[The End]

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