Goodbye, cousin.

Kids are clever too. Even though we each had our own new beds, every night we'd sneak into one bed whenever we had the chance. Strangely, my aunt and uncle never noticed. This went on until the second year of junior high. By then, some kids were dating. My older cousin was more mature than me. I don't remember how it started, but I wasn't prepared at all. One day, while we were sleeping together, she started hugging me and playfully touching me, saying she wanted to touch my penis. Since it was summer and I was wearing less clothing, I didn't have time to resist before her hand was inside my underwear. For the first time, my penis felt strange. My cousin crawled over and watched it grow bigger; she was probably surprised too. I started touching it myself. I'd never touched it before and didn't know it would feel so good. My cousin joined in, and as it grew bigger, I suddenly felt dizzy, and my penis ejaculated… We were terrified. The first time I ejaculated, it wasn't like the semen we have now. It was very thin, like water, but the color was white. I was terrified, and my cousin didn't know what was wrong with her either, she just kept comforting me. My little brother, who had been quite big just moments before, suddenly became uncontrollable with all his might. I thought we had blown him up, and I felt nauseous. The two not-so-little kids were at a loss. For the next few days, my cousin held me as I fell asleep, and gradually my fear subsided. I won't go into the details of how I found out what happened. All I know is that the next year and a half were the best time of my life with my cousin. After finding out what happened, my cousin and I gradually embarked on a crazy exploration. First, we masturbated, she helped me, I helped her. Back then, it wasn't an exaggeration to say we did it three or four times a day. Whenever we had time, we'd lie in bed, lock the door, and caress each other's bodies. Slowly, we learned to kiss, French kiss, wet kiss, and oral sex. I remember the first time we gave each other oral sex, we felt like we were flying to the clouds. Then, without anyone teaching us, we naturally had our first time having sex. We were both 100% virgins, only 145 years old, but it wasn't difficult to find or penetrate; everything was very natural. My penis entered my cousin's body. I still remember that moment when it entered. My cousin probably did her homework and knew it would hurt; she clenched her teeth, her cheeks flushed, and it felt so beautiful... Our first sexual experience was incredibly pleasurable; I don't know why, there was no pain or difficulty whatsoever. For the next year or so, we had sex like crazy, almost every day. Thanks to national contraception campaigns, we knew we wouldn't get pregnant before or after our periods, and we knew to ejaculate outside the vagina. We had sex at least 300 to 400 times, but no one got pregnant. Those were wonderful times, and I still cherish those memories... I don't want to say more. What happened afterward was painful. My parents took me home in my third year of junior high. My cousin and I cried our eyes out, but we still had to separate. We thought that since we lived close by, we could see each other often, but in reality, we only saw each other a few times a year... At first, we frantically searched for places to do it whenever we met—toilets, underground parking garages, even stairwells. We did it, or tried to do it. Back then, it felt like our souls were one; biting each other's tongues and nipples during ejaculation was an indescribable bliss. Then one night, we were caught in the stairwell by someone we didn't know. We ran away quickly, but it had a huge psychological impact on us; we never dared to do it again. Later, we went to different high schools in different cities. Especially after we matured, knowing there was no future for us, we rarely saw each other anymore. It was painful, but we were powerless to change it. The last time I saw my cousin was during my junior year winter break in college. She was already working and preparing to get married. After dinner, the adults started playing mahjong, and I went to my cousin's room to chat. The atmosphere wasn't awkward; it was actually quite warm. Then, somehow, we started crying in each other's arms, but we knew to suppress our sobs. Then, we made love—for the last time. I bit his breast and ejaculated inside him, leaving deep marks. He also scratched two long marks on my back. I never saw my cousin again after that. Her husband's family lived in another city, and she could only come home once a year at most. The last time I made love to her was just a month before her wedding; she got pregnant immediately afterward. There are so many stories on TV about women getting married while pregnant, and I think the chances are too small—it's all a lie. But thinking about it carefully, I sometimes wonder if the child could be mine. The timing makes perfect sense. The past seems exciting to everyone, but since I haven't talked about it for so long, I've forgotten some of it, and it doesn't seem so unbelievable or unusual anymore. At least to me, it all seemed to develop naturally. I wonder how many other forum members have had similar experiences. I'll stop here for now. Even now, when I have free time, I still think about how likely it is that my cousin's child is mine. [The End]

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Goodbye, cousin.

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