Han'er

In the early morning, Da Niu was carrying water to wash the cement ground of the small courtyard. Sweat
dripped , and with each splash, beads of sweat danced in the air.
This was a self-built house on the outskirts of H city, a small courtyard behind three brick rooms. Da Niu
and his mother, Liu Cuicui, lived there. The courtyard hadn't been tended to for some time, and Da Niu, worried his mother would be restless and want to clean it,
got up early this morning to do it himself.
Liu Cuicui had a fever a few days ago, reaching over 39 degrees Celsius. Da Niu urged her to go to the hospital, but Liu Cuicui couldn't bear the expense and
received an IV drip at a nearby clinic. However, her condition didn't improve, and for the past few days she had been feeling drowsy, wanting only to rest in
bed , thus neglecting many household chores.
Just as Da Niu was about to pour the water a second time, he saw Liu Cuicui standing at the door, saying in a deep voice, "
Mom, sleep a little longer."
Liu Cuicui felt a warmth in her heart. Da Niu was just like that—honest and simple, never
saying a word, only knowing how to work quietly. Even a simple expression of concern came across like this.
Just like his father. Looking at Da Niu, Liu Cuicui was lost in memories. Da Niu's father was
a bricklayer at an old construction company, also speaking in a deep voice, but he was honest and hardworking.
When , she fell in love with this simple and honest young man at first sight, and they married a few months later.
Back then, many people wondered why such a young and beautiful woman like Liu Cuicui would marry Da Niu
's honest and simple-minded father. Liu Cuicui knew in her heart that she loved his simplicity.
She believed in marrying someone who would be devoted to her wholeheartedly. Some young men had secretly approached her before her marriage, but
she had rejected them all.
After getting married, Da Niu's father indeed wouldn't let her do any heavy work. Whenever he was home, he would always happily take the lead and do things before
her , leaving her with only cooking and laundry to do every day.
Da Niu's father was as strong as Da Niu is now. Liu Cuicui blushed, recalling
the period after their marriage when Da Niu's father was like a bull, always wanting to be on top of her every night. His movements were
as powerful as ramming a sledgehammer, but even the most powerful man would eventually pant like a bull on top of her.
A little over a year later, Da Niu was born, a boy. Da Niu's father and she were both very happy; they had an heir
.
Da Niu's father worked even harder, not only working from dawn till dusk on the construction team, but also taking odd jobs on his days off
to earn some extra money to help support the family. Thinking of this, Liu Cuicui's eyes welled up with tears. It had been almost thirty
years . Back then, many young men would turn their heads to look at her on the street. In the blink of an eye, she was already fifty-one years old,
practically an old woman.
Liu Cuicui stood there blankly for a while. Da Niu had already finished splashing water a second time.
"Mom, I've made some porridge on the stove. It'll be ready soon. I'm going to the construction site now."
Liu Cuicui had already seen the porridge cooking on the stove when she got up. This child was good at doing things but not at talking.
He had become a bricklayer like his father, earning a few yuan a day, but he didn't interact much with his fellow workers.
Like his father, he would rush home after
work. "How can you work on an empty stomach? Here's five yuan for breakfast." Liu
Cuicui didn't care about the five yuan at all. Although she herself couldn't bear to spend money on the hospital when she had a fever
, she was never stingy when it came to spending money on Da Niu.
Da Niu took the five yuan and pushed his bicycle out of the yard.
After lying in bed for a while, Liu Cuicui went to the main room, ladled out a bowl of porridge, and
ate it . This was breakfast the mother and son ate every day. Only occasionally would Da Niu go out and buy a few steamed buns
, prompting her to scold him for wasting money. But even while scolding him, she felt sorry for the child, knowing
he was being filial.
When Da Niu was four years old, fate was cruel. Da Niu's father had an accident at the construction site, falling from a sixth-floor plank
and dying before reaching the hospital. When his coworkers brought the news to Liu Cuicui, she fainted
on the spot , only regaining consciousness after a long time of frantic efforts, including pinching his philtrum and slapping him.
Liu Cuicui felt that fate was too cruel; how could such a good person just disappear like that? That morning, Da Niu's father
had said he would buy half a pound of meat that evening. After Da Niu's father's funeral, her family soon urged her to remarry . They said how could
such a young woman raise a child alone? The family couldn't survive without a man to support them. Besides, widows attract gossip; if she didn't remarry, people would talk, but if she did, no one would say anything. Liu Cuicui understood the reasoning, but she didn't want to betray Da Niu's father. She hardened her heart and refused outright. Her family, furious, told her that no one would help her when times got tough, as none of them were well-off. They left without even eating, and rarely visited her again. Liu Cuicui single-handedly supported the family. She did any work that paid for it. She occasionally added meat and vegetables to Da Niu's , but for several years, she herself hardly ate meat except during holidays. Before long, the once fair-skinned woman who rarely did heavy work became a robust woman, her youthful beauty completely gone. Gradually, she couldn't bear it anymore. Sometimes she thought about getting married; having a man would make her less hard-working. But seeing Da Niu grow up day by day, looking more and more like his father, she gave up the idea. Da Niu's father only had this one child, and she would take good care of him, at least to give Da Niu's father some . As the saying goes, poor children mature early. Da Niu didn't get along with his friends and his grades weren't good, but he was very sensible. He helped her with chores when he was only in elementary school. After finishing junior high, he didn't get into high school and dropped out, insisting on going out to work and earn money. Liu Cuicui felt sorry for him because he was young and weak, and she insisted on letting him work as a bricklayer for two years . After Da Niu started working and earning an income, the family's financial situation became much easier. Liu Cuicui thought she had finally made it through , but before she knew it, Da Niu was already in his twenties, the age to settle down. The boy was clumsy with words and didn't know how to find a girlfriend. Seeing other young men his age either bringing girls home to get married or having their families arrange marriages, Liu Cuicui started to panic again. She became even more frugal than before, saving every penny. Although Da Niu always advised her not to be so stingy, she refused to spend a single extra penny, determined to save for Da Niu's wedding. "This is my fate," Liu Cuicui sighed. She mentally calculated that over the years, she had saved from various sources, and now her three savings accounts held at least 70,000 yuan.

"These days, the bride price is at least 50,000 yuan. The old house is practically useless after Da Niu's wedding; it's just a single
room where they cook and eat. She lives in the east room, and Da Niu lives in the west. Girls these days wouldn't even consider this dilapidated
place.
She didn't even dare think about buying an apartment; she'd have to build a new one, which would cost a fortune. And then there'd be renovations
to —another expense. She felt like she couldn't make sense of it all.
She didn't remember asking for anything when she married Da Niu's father. What's wrong with the world these days? Are they marrying off daughters or
selling them?"
Despite her confusion, she had to keep thinking. Could she ask Da Niu's uncles for a loan?
After all, they were his descendants; they couldn't just watch Da Niu's father
's offspring remain bachelors, ending his lineage. She could try that.
Although she rarely contacted her family anymore, she couldn't bear to lose face for Da Niu's marriage.
She went to her eldest brother, second sister, and fourth brother to see if they could lend a hand. Although her family had said they couldn't help her anymore,
they were still family after all, and they couldn't bear to see their precious son unable to get married. Besides,
she had never asked them for help in all these years, no matter how difficult things were. Surely they couldn't
refuse . Liu Cuicui felt confident
that they would help , even though she didn't know how much money she could get from her family.
She couldn't come up with a solution no matter how much she calculated. Not wanting to put all her eggs in one basket, Liu Cuicui started thinking
about other things. Should she go to a matchmaker? Although it wasn't common practice anymore,
there were young men and women with limited means who couldn't find partners. She thought she might find
someone suitable. She wasn't picky about looks or circumstances; as long as he was willing to be with Da Niu, that was enough.
Liu Cuicui became increasingly confused. How could a good man like Da Niu be unwanted?
What were girls thinking these days? When she was a young woman, someone like Da Niu's father, even if he didn't have a doorstep thronged with matchmakers, surely wouldn't have
been unwanted.
Many neighbors around their house had built two- or three-story houses, too many for their own family to live in, so
they rented them out to young women who came to the city to work. She had deliberately tried to connect with these girls,
chatting and sometimes even bringing Da Niu along, hoping to find someone interested in him.
These girls, fresh from the countryside, chatted warmly with her, calling Da Niu "Brother Da Niu"
affectionately. But after only a few months, she sensed a change in them. She could clearly hear
the impatience in their voices, and she couldn't keep up with their conversations. They stopped calling him "Brother Da Niu," and Da Niu
sat beside her like a fool.
For her son's marriage, Liu Cuicui could tolerate the young girls not taking her seriously, but
seeing Da Niu sitting silently beside her, only able to smile sheepishly, she couldn't bear it. It was as if her son was
being mistreated. She could only say a few words haphazardly before pulling Da Niu away. After this happened many times, she
stopped thinking about it.
The scalding hot porridge made Liu Cuicui sweat, and she felt her head wasn't so dizzy anymore. After
clearing the table, she felt this matter couldn't wait any longer. She would go to see Da Niu's uncles today
, and she also needed to visit her own family and the matchmaker's family in the next few days.
Liu Cuicui locked the courtyard gate and walked towards the road.
Da Niu rode his bicycle to the construction site. He hadn't bought breakfast on the way; the five yuan was still in his pocket.
He was reluctant to spend it. Sometimes, seeing his mother struggling so much, he would go out and buy a few steamed buns.
He knew his mother was saving money to get him a wife. He wasn't stupid, just dull and quiet. Seeing his mother only
drink two bowls of porridge every morning made him feel like a coward. Other people's children could earn money to support their mothers,
while he, at his age, was still causing his mother worry.
He wished he could save every penny. At twenty-eight, who wouldn't want a wife to keep their feet warm? Ever
since he first ejaculated in his sleep at seventeen, Da Niu had known how to look at women—their breasts,
their buttocks. Even though he couldn't see anything through their clothes, just the sight of those round, fleshy mounds
swaying in front of him made his throat dry.
Sometimes Da Niu would go to bookstores on the street to browse. He wouldn't look at the thick books, only
at magazines with covers featuring fat buttocks and breasts, mostly about cases or mistresses. Da Niu didn't like reading
the words; he only looked for those with lots of pictures and would haggle with the owner to buy them for a few dollars.
After returning home, he would hide in his room alone at night to read, then rub
his ejaculated before he could finally fall asleep peacefully.
The magazines were of very poor quality; they were practically falling apart after less than six months of use, so he would buy a new one
. Over the years, he lost count of how many of these magazines he had worn out.
Most of the construction workers came from nearby rural areas and would go back home every month or two. When they returned,
they were all smiling, and Da Niu knew they had gone back to have sex with their wives. Although he didn't know what sex felt like, he could
tell from their expressions that it must have been very enjoyable.
Some of the workers were from other provinces and only went back home once or twice a year, but they would visit a small hair salon
every . Because he hadn't seen them when he went home each night, the next day some of the workers would tease him about where the person who went the previous night had
been. At first, the workers who went to the hair salon were a little shy and blushed, but after a few times, they got used to it.
Sometimes they would even tell everyone how slutty the prostitutes were the night before, how comfortable their breasts felt to touch, and how their vaginas were constantly wet.
Da Niu listened and imagined, but he couldn't quite picture the feeling.
That night, back home, Da Niu flipped through a magazine and masturbated again. After ejaculating, he burst into tears and tore
the magazine to shreds.
While masturbating, he couldn't imagine what breasts looked like, or what a vagina looked like. He hadn't
had close contact with many women, only with his mother.
They'd lived together for so many years in such a small place; even bathing was inconvenient. Sometimes he
'd accidentally see his mother bathing, especially when he was little—he'd seen her large breasts and pubic hair many times.
He could only imagine what breasts and pubic hair looked
like After ejaculating, he felt like a beast. His mother had worked so hard for him, and he was just
masturbating while thinking about her.
"You're a son of a bitch!" Da Niu wanted to smash his head against the wall and die.
After that, he didn't buy magazines for a while, and life went on as usual. He always
worked , and when he was tired, he could go home and sleep. His coworkers also had a better impression of him, but he still didn't
talk to them much. Everyone was familiar with his personality, and no one blamed him.
However, after a while, he realized that this didn't solve anything. No matter how tired he was from work, he couldn't fall
asleep . So he bought magazines again and continued to masturbate. But no matter how hard he tried,
he didn't dare to think about his mother anymore.
When he arrived at the construction site, Da Niu worked hard. After eating lunch at the canteen, he was about to go back to work when Lao Lin, the foreman ,
pulled him aside: "Da Niu, someone is coming to inspect safety this afternoon. We
don't have enough work clothes and safety helmets, so you don't need to come to work. You'll still get paid."
Lao Lin was the foreman of Da Niu's group. He saw that Da Niu worked hard and had a good impression of him, so he
took care of him.
Da Niu, hearing he'd get paid, didn't say anything, which prompted Lao Lin to curse him: "You little bastard, it's like
I owe you something, you didn't even say thank you."
Da Niu just smiled sheepishly: "Thanks, Foreman Lin."
Da Niu packed his things and prepared to go home. Lao Lin, presumably having already greeted his close coworkers, waved
to Da Niu from afar: "Da Niu, come here."
Da Niu, carrying his things, went to Lao Lin and the others. One of the coworkers punched Da Niu:
"Why are you going home so early this afternoon? Go find something 'meat'."
Da Niu, having spent a lot of time with his coworkers, knew what this meant—going to a hair salon. He scratched his head somewhat
embarrassedly : "I'm not going."
"Why not? You finally have a day off this afternoon, what's wrong with going?"
Da Niu couldn't think of any other reason, so he just said he didn't have that much money with him.
Da Niu didn't have that much money on him; he gave all his money to his mother. He usually only had a few dozen
yuan , and his mother saved any hundred-yuan bills. There was also a metal box on his mother's bedside table
containing no more than five hundred yuan for household expenses.
"How much does it cost to watch a video? It's only three yuan. If you didn't bring any, I'll pay for it," Old Lin said, patting Da Niu
on the shoulder.
Da Niu had never watched videos before. He was a loner in school when he was young, and when he grew up and worked on the construction site, he would go home
to help his mother after work. He often heard his coworkers talk about watching videos—it was cheap and you could see women naked. Sometimes he
wanted to watch, but when he got to the video arcade, he didn't dare go in, so he would just go home and look through magazines.
Da Niu smiled憨厚ly: "Then I have enough money."
The group wandered through a maze of streets and entered a small video arcade.
Da Niu was stunned as soon as he entered. On the television screen in the arcade was a white body,
with large, white breasts. The woman was young and was vigorously rubbing her breasts.
"It's a Japanese movie today, Japanese women are so slutty." A coworker expertly pulled Da Niu towards
the front row . "Sit in the front, you can see clearly."
Da Niu followed his coworker, confused, his mind filled with images of those white, fleshy bodies.
The coworker pulled Da Niu to sit down. Seeing Da Niu's Adam's apple bob, he said, "You've never seen porn before
, have you? Open your eyes today. American women are even slutier. Hong Kong Category III films are boring, but Japanese women are
slutty too. Soon, some guy will be fucking her."
Da Niu stared at the screen, completely ignoring his coworker's question, watching the woman utter incomprehensible
words, rubbing her breasts and vagina.
This was a vagina. Da Niu looked at the crevice parted by the woman, the inside all red. He felt as if his whole body was on
fire and began to feel restless.
Looking at the dark hair above the crevice, Da Niu recognized it. He had seen his mother's pubic hair when he was a child, but
he had never known that his mother's genitals looked like this. His penis hardened.
Time ticked by, and Da Niu anxiously awaited his coworker's prediction that a man would come in and have sex
with the woman. It seemed like an eternity before a man finally appeared on the screen. The woman, naked, spoke to the man for a while in a
language he couldn't understand.
Then the man began to suckle the woman's breasts, and she started moaning. The sounds reached Da Niu
's ears, making him even more aroused, as if he were working under the scorching sun in June.
Next, the man began to penetrate the woman's vagina with his fingers and kiss her. The woman's moans grew louder
, and Da Niu waited anxiously for the man to begin having sex with her.
The man raised his head, and Da Niu thought he was about to start, but instead, the woman began to touch
the man's penis through his underwear, then pulled it out and rubbed it with her hand. Later, the woman even put the penis in
her mouth , sometimes swallowing it, sometimes spitting it out. Da Niu looked at the penis; it seemed so small and soft. When the woman spat it
out, it would droop. His own penis, when erect, was as hard as iron, impossible to push down.
A coworker laughed beside him, "Japanese women are so slow at sex, they lick and lick for ages before actually getting it done.
Unlike American women, they get it in minutes."
Da Niu glanced at his coworker, who noticed in the dim light of the video arcade that Da Niu's eyes
were red and bloodshot. The coworker quickly turned back to the screen.
Da Niu grew increasingly anxious; his penis was painfully hard. The man finally thrust his penis into
the woman's vagina. Da Niu stared intently at the screen the moment the man entered her. It was the first time he
had ever seen a man and woman having sex, and seeing a penis going into such a small vagina made his head spin
.
The man started moving, and the screen showed men's penises
going in and out of women's vaginas.
The woman kept moaning, and although he still couldn't understand her, Da Niu thought he heard her saying, "Good fucking,
good fucking." The screen
kept showing images of men's testicles swaying inside their penises. Da Niu
stared feeling dizzy and thirsty, swallowing hard.
He felt his penis was hard and pressed against his stomach, a little painful. He wanted to reach down and rub it,
but with his coworkers sitting next to him, he became increasingly restless, afraid to look at the screen, lest he
be unable to resist masturbating.i=74> Finally, Da Niu felt that watching others have sex in the video arcade was torture, so he wanted to find a place to masturbate.

He stood up, but worried about being laughed at for having his penis pressed against his pants, so he used his hand to press it down from his pocket as he stood up.
A coworker asked, "Going to the toilet? Wait for me."
"I'm going back now," Da Niu's voice was a little hoarse.
"Three yuan to watch until tonight, there's an American movie coming up later, that woman's really horny, it'll be really
fun to fuck her."
"I'm not watching anymore, I'm going back now."
Da Niu didn't say goodbye to anyone else, just left with his penis still pressed against his pants, got on his bicycle and
rode home quickly.
When he arrived at his door, Liu Cuicui was sitting in the main room with a somewhat troubled look on her face. Seeing Da Niu, she put on
a slight smile: "Why are you back so early today?"
Da Niu replied, "Safety inspection at the construction site, can't work."
He parked his bike in the backyard, put his hands in his pockets, went into the main room, glanced at his mother, and went into
the west room without a word, slamming the door shut.
Liu Cuicui's face returned to its sorrowful expression as she silently pondered her thoughts. Every now and then, she looked up at Da Niu's
house and wondered, "What's wrong with this child today?"

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