Mother and child, heaven and earth, mosquito net and rain

I am 19 years old and a freshman at a university in Beijing. On the surface, I am a very well-behaved child, favored by teachers and envied by classmates. However, I am not as good as they think. One example proves this: as a student who has just turned 19, I have a five-year history of sexual activity.
I remember it was right after the end of my first year of junior high school, during summer vacation. My father had been working away from home for two years and only came home on holidays. My grandparents had passed away when I was very young, so that summer it was just my mother and me at home. My mother worked in a clothing factory near our home. The boss exploited her severely, and she would work almost 12 hours a day before coming home, usually around 10 PM. In those years, the security in our area was not good, probably because there were many migrant workers from other places. There were many robberies and burglaries at night. My mother was afraid to go home alone, so she asked me to pick her up every day. Since my father was not home, she also asked me to sleep with her at night. That's how incest happened between us.
That was the first day I slept with her. Neither of us wanted this to happen. I never used to think about such things, even though I often fantasized about having sex with teachers, classmates, and celebrities. I never even considered it with my own mother. Because my mother's bedroom only had a fan, and we couldn't add another bed, and my parents' bed was large, we slept together. Because there were many mosquitoes, after coming home that day, I took a shower, went to bed, and hid under the mosquito net, lying down to watch TV. My mother came in later, closed the mosquito net, and because I was lying a little off the edge, she straddled me, trying to get inside. Inadvertently, I caught a glimpse of something dark. Although it was brief, because I was lying down and my mother was wearing those baggy shorts, I could clearly see her pubic hair. Instinctively, my penis became erect. Afraid of being discovered by my mother, I lay on my side. My mother was completely unaware that I had seen her private parts. A little while later, she also lay down.
"Xiao Ning, lie flat on your back, you're blocking my view of the TV," Mom said calmly.
I had no choice but to lie face down.
"What's wrong, Xiao Ning?" Mom asked with concern.
"Nothing, my stomach's a little upset."
"Where? Is it bad? Let Mom see."
Because I'd just been startled by Mom, my erection had softened, so I lay back. I randomly pointed and said, "Right here."
Mom rubbed my abdomen with her soft little hands. "Is it here?" Mom's sexy cleavage... Maybe you've been to prostitutes or bathhouses, but you may not have experienced the thrills online. This is a man's paradise! Beautiful girls are online 24/7. Start your seductive journey for just a few yuan. (Paste and paste, you know what I mean. "Refresh if the page doesn't open for a long time.") Just by cutting back on cigarettes, you can enjoy a different kind of visual stimulation. It's made me completely see her as a woman; my lower body is uncontrollably swollen. "Hmm." Mom has noticed this change, her face flushed. "Let's go to the hospital tomorrow." Seeing Mom's change, my brain is already throbbing. Mom has also come to see me as a man; otherwise, her face wouldn't be red. What should I do? I want to rush up and have sex with her right now. I crave it so much. People are always interested in the mysterious and yet-to-be-done. I want to know what sex feels like. But I still don't dare to do it. I can only think about it in my head because I'm a good boy, and morality governs me.
The TV is over, it's late at night, and I lie quietly, unable to sleep. My mind is filled with Mom's pubic hair, breasts, and flushed face. I fantasize about having sex with Mom without any regard for morality. More than an hour had passed without me realizing it. I turned around and saw my mother lying on her side with her back to me, not sure if she was asleep. I gently called, "Mom, Mom—" but there was no response. For some reason, I had an urge. I lay down next to her, my face pressed against her hair, inhaling her scent. My penis grew even larger, and my desire intensified. I took off my underwear, my penis already pressed against her lower abdomen, and then, holding it, gently thrust it against her buttocks. I don't know how I had the audacity to do such a thing, but I did it.
My body was separated from hers by only a piece of cloth, experiencing a sensation I had never felt before during masturbation. After a few thrusts, I realized my mother seemed to be pretending to be asleep because her breathing was becoming increasingly rapid. I was startled and froze, pressing against her buttocks. What if my mother found out? I hadn't considered this, and now I regretted it. I shouldn't have done it. Just as I was about to withdraw, Mom suddenly turned around, looked at me strangely, and then grabbed my penis. Before I could react, Mom had already taken off her underwear and straddled me, rubbing my penis back and forth against my waist.
I was extremely excited. It was the first time in my life I had seen a woman's genitals, although I couldn't see them clearly, but I had seen them nonetheless. The intercourse I had been longing for was about to happen; what a wonderful feeling! Gradually, I noticed that after Mom rubbed, it seemed like her genitals produced a sticky liquid, making my lower abdomen feel strangely uncomfortable. Suddenly, she stopped, grasped my penis, pulled back the foreskin to expose the glans, and then she half-squatted, rubbing the glans back and forth between her wet labia. I felt a tingling sensation in my glans, and my whole body felt like it was being electrocuted. I ejaculated, and my whole body felt incredibly relaxed. I had ejaculated before I even penetrated her, and a wave of regret washed over me. I had missed a chance to experience intercourse; I was so useless. I really wanted to cry. Mom sighed and went into the bathroom. I knew she was blaming me too. I regretted masturbating so often, which caused me to ejaculate prematurely at the crucial moment. Mom came out of the bathroom and saw how dejected I was. She said, "Don't overthink it. It's normal for the first time." Then we went to sleep.
I woke up very early that day, around 5 a.m., but it was summer, and it was already getting light. I looked at Mom, who was still asleep, lying on her side with her back to me. I had already missed such a good opportunity yesterday. Would Mom let me do it again tonight? Thinking that I might never have another chance, I didn't care about anything else. I gently pulled down Mom's panties. They were quite loose, and it was easy to expose her buttocks. From behind, I could see her pubic hair, labia majora and minora, and pink anus. My penis was already erect, but I didn't know where to insert it. I just tried to insert it into the crevice, but Mom was probably squeezing it tightly. I couldn't get it in, so I just bumped around outside. At this moment, Mom woke up again. She quickly pulled her underwear back on, turned around, and angrily said, "Stop messing around! We're mother and son, you can't do this again."
Was yesterday's messing around? I thought. It must be because I behaved so badly last night that she didn't want to do it again. "Mom, please, give me another chance," I pleaded.
"No, I have to go to work today. You just woke me up. We'll talk about it later," Mom's tone softened slightly.
I was desperate. I grabbed Mom and cried, begging, "Mom, one more time. Please, quickly!" I kept kissing Mom's face, my penis ramming wildly against her lower abdomen.
Perhaps it was her doting on her son, but Mom actually agreed. If yesterday she was just sexually aroused, today it was definitely a mother's love. She gently said, "Baby, don't rush, take your time." Yes, I hadn't taken off her underwear yet. So I pulled it off and started thrusting my penis against her genitals. Still no luck, almost five minutes had passed. I panicked and started crying. Why was it so hard to insert? My mom couldn't bear to watch anymore and said, "Lift your buttocks up first." I did as she said, and then my mom held my penis and guided it into her vagina. "Push down." I pushed down, and my glans was clamped. It was warm inside, and my penis was gripped very tightly. With another push, it seemed to loosen up a lot, and my entire penis went in. The feeling was amazing!
Having learned from my previous experience, I was much more careful, slowly getting a feel for it so I could stop in time if I felt the urge to ejaculate. I lay between my mother's legs, slowly making piston-like movements, about seventy or eighty thrusts, when I felt myself about to ejaculate. So I stopped for a while, waiting for the urge to ejaculate to subside before resuming. Gradually, I felt my mother's vagina becoming looser and slipperier with each thrust, and I felt less and less urge to ejaculate. I started to increase the speed and force of my thrusts, and my mother began to respond by raising her buttocks and moaning, "Mmm, ah." After about twenty minutes, I felt the urge to ejaculate again, so I slowed down. "No, baby, faster, harder, I can't take it anymore," my mother pleaded. I also wanted to ejaculate immediately, so I increased the speed and force of my thrusts, and we both howled at the same time: "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah—"
A surge of electricity rushed through me, and my semen gushed out, shooting into my mother's vagina. My whole body felt relaxed, as if I had collapsed. A little while later, I noticed my mother's whole body was trembling, and her vagina was contracting. I figured she must have reached orgasm too. I lay on top of her, panting heavily like I'd just run a kilometer. My mother, with her eyes closed, was also panting heavily.
"Baby, Mommy's completely exhausted. How am I supposed to go to work today?" she joked. "Get off me."
I rolled off her, proudly saying, "I'm alright
, aren't I?" My mother laughed, "Alright? You're still a useless bastard who ejaculated before even penetrating."
"Really?" I pretended to climb on top of her and try again.
"No, no, Mommy begs for mercy, okay?" she pleaded, "I'm completely exhausted. I'll die if I do it again."
And that's how my first sexual experience ended, and I was fairly satisfied.
In the years that followed, we made love frequently, with more and more variations: in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, fields, forests, rivers, even on the street late at night. It felt increasingly exciting, but as I grew older, my guilt grew stronger. But we still can't let go of our feelings. Now I'm studying far away from home, and thanks to my father's hard work, our family's situation is getting better and better, and my mother no longer needs to work so hard. So now she comes to my school two or three times a month, staying for a few days each time, and we naturally can't help but spend some time together. But we still miss those days very much.

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