【The Secret of the Heart Lock】

Preface
Deep within my heart lies a private safe that no one else can ever open, containing a
thick notebook that meticulously records many untold secrets between my mother and me. Although
the notebook's contents are constantly being updated, the first page remains etched in my memory. Part
One
The story takes place in the 1990s.
It was the summer of 1990, and the quadrennial
FIFA World Cup was being held in Rome, Italy. The World Cup's allure to men was no less than that of sports cars and beautiful women. Statistics show that during the tournament,
crime rates worldwide plummeted, demonstrating the immense influence of the World Cup. While I wasn't a die-hard
football fan, I wouldn't miss such a quadrennial global event.
I can't remember the exact date, but the match that day was the most intense since the tournament began. The two
teams were England and Cameron. England is a world-class, long-established European powerhouse, while their opponent, Cameroon, is
a dark horse from Africa in excellent form. Who will emerge victorious in this match? It seems only the bravest among them can prevail.
Such an intense game, of course, I wanted to watch it first. So, before the match even started, I was already sitting in
front of the TV, my attention more focused than a primary school student in class. With the referee's whistle, I excitedly shouted
, "Okay, the show's finally starting!"
Taking advantage of the brief lull when the score was 0-0, I quickly opened the refrigerator, grabbed a can of chilled beer
, returned to the sofa in front of the TV, opened the cap, and took a few sips. Then, the game erupted into a thrilling
battle of attack and defense.
"Good! Excellent, haha, past him! Yes! Past number 8, kick it, kick it! Ugh, you're so stupid, so damn
stupid! Such a good chance, and you just let it slip away, what a pity!"
"Yingjun, what's wrong with you? Do you have to shout like that while watching TV?" My
mother, who had just finished showering, came out of the bathroom and sat down next to me. While drying her hair with a towel
, she said reproachfully, "Look at how excited you are. You're almost thirty, and you're still so immature
. How will you be a father in the future?"
"Mom, please stop calling me Yingjun. I've changed my name, it sounds awful."
My original name was Situ Yingjun, and my mother had always called me "Little Yingjun" or "Handsome Son." I
didn't really care about the name; it was just a nickname. My wife, however, didn't see it that way. Before we got married, it was fine,
but after we married, she insisted I change my name. She thought "Handsome" was too awkward and gave off an arrogant vibe
. She also couldn't stand my mother calling me "Little Handsome" or "Handsome Son" all the time, saying it gave her
goosebumps.
I thought she was being unreasonable, and we argued about it more than once, but my wife remained stubborn. I
was at my wit's end. We're together every day; we can't argue 365 days a year. Finally, I gave in. I went to the
household registration department of the Public Security Bureau and changed "Situ Yingjun" to "Situ Jun." My wife wasn't entirely satisfied, but she reluctantly
accepted it. However, my mother was furious when she found out, believing my daughter-in-law had no right to change her decision. Sigh… it's true
what they say, pleasing one woman pleases the other; being caught between two women, finding a balance is never easy.
Every time I mention changing my name, my mother gets furious, and today was no exception. She looked displeased and
said,
"I've had this name for decades. You never said anything before, but now that you've married, you say it's awful. What kind of
logic is that? Does having a wife mean you can abandon your mother? I don't care what your wife wants you to change it to, but I
gave you the name 'Handsome,' and I'll keep calling you that unless I die."
I didn't reply, but I disagreed. My wife's capriciousness is certainly wrong, but my mother, as an elder,
shouldn't be so stubborn. It's just a name; what's the big deal? No wonder people say "a woman's heart
is like a needle at the bottom of the sea"—women are always annoying, whether it's my mother or my wife, they're all the same!
I tried to focus on the game, forcing myself not to think about unhappy things, but emotions,
once affected, are hard to control.
Although I was frustrated by my inability to concentrate, my mother's complaints didn't stop. However, she clearly noticed
my dissatisfaction, so her tone softened. She said, "Mom knows you're unhappy. You probably think I'm
petty, but changing a name is such a big deal, and you didn't even discuss it with me. Can you blame me for being angry?"
"It's already changed, what else can I do? Can I change it back?" I didn't know how to answer my mother,
so I used this excuse to appease her dissatisfaction.
"Of course you can't change it back. Do you think this is like a child playing in the mud? Changing it as you please, not taking it if you don't like it."
My mother put down the bath towel, took a can of beer from the refrigerator, unscrewed it, and handed it to me. I threw away
the empty can, took a sip, and sighed, "Changing the name was Xiaohui's idea. If Mom isn't satisfied, then it's
your choice. Handsome it is." My mother suddenly chuckled, "My son is already handsome,
even with a changed name he'll still be handsome!"
The tense atmosphere was broken by my mother's witty remark. I laughed and said, "Mom is a great beauty.
If her son isn't handsome, wouldn't that be a joke?" My mother's eyes lit up with joy. I seized the opportunity and said
, "When it's just the two of us, Mom can call you whatever you want. But if Xiaohui is around, could you
change your address to avoid misunderstandings?"
My mother's smile suddenly stiffened. "What's the point of being so secretive? It's better not to call you that."
I said urgently, "I know this is unfair to Mom, but it's the only way!"
My mother looked at me silently for a long time before saying, "Mom knows you have difficulties. If you don't want to call me that, then don't. From now on, I
'll call you Xiaojun. That way, your wife won't have an excuse to argue, and I'll feel better."
"If you don't want to call me Xiaojun, you can call me Junjun too."
My mother's understanding was touching. For some reason, I unconsciously started to make a witty remark. Perhaps this
is an instinct that sons like to act cute with their mothers when they're happy. My mother laughed heartily.
"Jun Jun? Haha! Son, stop teasing your mother. Are you still a child? If I call you Jun Jun,
who knows what your wife will think? I'll just call you Xiao Jun. Let your wife
enjoy the nickname Jun Jun all to herself."
After some joking, the minor incident between my son and me finally subsided with laughter.
Hearing this, some people might think my mother is demanding and difficult to get along with. Actually, this is a misunderstanding. Everyone
who has met her knows that my mother is a generous and refined woman. With a higher education
, she has excellent cultural literacy and has never argued with anyone in decades. At work, everyone affectionately calls
her "Big Sister."
My mother was already in her early fifties at the time. From her graduation assignment to her retirement, she
worked at the Central Ballet Troupe, a famous performing artist who received a special national allowance for many years. Although my mother had been famous for decades,
she had no airs whatsoever, which is why she was so popular.
Because of a thigh injury sustained during early training, my mother retired from performing at a young age to become an artistic director.
She stepped down from her position as deputy head and artistic director, but despite her retirement, she remained concerned about the troupe's
development and was soon rehired as its artistic advisor.
My mother loved her work, but she loved me, her only son, even more. Fate seemed to have been particularly kind to us;
despite the extravagance of the Great Leap Forward and the turmoil of the Cultural Revolution, we were fortunately never separated.
My childhood was uneventful, yet fulfilling. I can't remember what my father looked like.
My mother divorced him when I was very young. As for the reason, my mother always kept it a secret.
I didn't ask, nor did I intend to. Decades had passed, and since I was old enough to understand, I had never seen this
man called my father again. Strangely, my mother never mentioned him to me either, as if he didn't
exist.
I don't know why my mother hates my father so much, and I don't care anyway. For decades, I've only
had my mother and me. If one day, this father who has been missing for decades suddenly reappeared before me, I
really wouldn't know whether to feel pain or joy.
Logically, a father and son reuniting should be a cause for celebration, but this man who has never
fulfilled his responsibilities as a father is not a good thing for either my mother or me. Decades of relying on each other have created
an aversion within me, an aversion to any external emotions.
Perhaps my mother also has this aversion, which is why she isn't very satisfied with my marriage. My current
wife, Qin Xiaohui, is someone I met at a friend's gathering. Although I could tell my mother didn't like Xiaohui,
I still married her.
After the marriage, I suggested that my mother move in with us. But each time, she politely declined, citing
the unpredictable duration of her troupe's tours and the inconvenience of living with us. These are flimsy excuses.
Would living with us really affect her tours? Of course, I don't believe it.
My mother never came to our house on her own initiative. Although she didn't say why, I could tell she wasn't
satisfied with Xiaohui, and even resented her. I was very troubled, wondering what my wife had done to offend my mother. Although
the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law improved somewhat later, my mother's attitude remained lukewarm overall.
Every time I went home to visit, I noticed that my mother had aged considerably. Although decades of exercise had
kept her in good shape, the signs of hardship on her face could never be erased. But no matter what,
my mother had a noble air about her; she was a perfect woman who blended classical and modern elements!
Some say that women who are involved in dance have angelic faces and devilish figures.
I don't remember much about whether my mother was as beautiful as an angel when she was young, but if you say that my mother is a kind and beautiful saint now,
I would absolutely agree. As for her figure, I think "devilish" is quite apt.
Although she is over fifty, my mother's figure is not much different from that of mature women in their early thirties.
Maintaining such a perfect figure is certainly related to her attention to her daily routine and balanced diet, but
the effects of her two hours of daily dance training cannot be denied.
By any standard, my mother's charm is undeniable! Although the passage of time cannot
stop her hair from turning gray, modern hair dyeing technology has made up for the regrets of age.
People often say, "A woman past her prime still retains her charm!" This saying is not an exaggeration when it comes to my mother. If
one day you happen to meet her on the street, you will not believe that this full-figured and charming woman is already
over fifty.
Whenever my mother and I are alone, she sometimes jokingly calls me "little brother," and I have no reason to refute it,
because every time we go shopping, we are mistaken for siblings. There's nothing I can do; my mother looks
so young, and her son is so mature.
I don't know how others see my mother, but my wife, Xiaohui, greatly admires her mother-in-law. When we first got
married, my mother always praised me highly, both in public and in
private. However, my mother didn't seem to appreciate it. Even on her best occasion, she would only offer a faint smile, as if my praise couldn't change her preconceived notions.
I didn't understand why my mother was like this. As a wife, Xiaohui was basically competent. She was
beautiful and had a generous personality; frankly, such a wife wasn't easy to find. Of course, Xiaohui had her
flaws, namely a bit of a childish temper. But why couldn't my mother be
more understanding of a young woman who had just become a wife? After all, she was only in her early twenties, lacking life experience.
Xiaohui cried to me more than once about my mother's indifference. I knew she was wronged, but what could I say
? My mother and my wife were both my dearest relatives; I should help either of them, but helping either would be wrong.
Xiaohui didn't understand my predicament, thinking I was biased towards my mother. From then on, Xiaohui stopped going home alone. For
her, anywhere in the world was warmer than her husband's family. Strangely, her mother never paid any attention, which made
Xiaohui even less willing to see her mother-in-law. Even during family reunion dinners on holidays, she would only eat a couple of bites before clamoring to
go back home. Her mother would always watch coldly, only saying when I was about to leave, "Come home more often when you have time."
My mother is getting old and is afraid of being lonely. "
At these times, I always saw a deep, unspoken disappointment in my mother's melancholy eyes. I didn't answer; in
truth, I felt terrible. All I could do was increase the number of times I went home.
At first, Xiaohui was very sensitive to my visits to my mother, fearing her mother-in-law would stir up trouble. So, though unwilling, she
would accompany me every time, even staying by my side constantly. However, after a few times, Xiaohui stopped going with me.
She realized that although her mother-in-law's attitude towards her remained lukewarm, I loved her as always, so
what was there for her to worry about?
With my wife's tacit approval, I gradually increased the number of times I visited my mother. However, I never stayed overnight,
because I worried that Xiaohui wouldn't be used to sleeping alone; she's timid and afraid of the dark. Although my mother was also afraid of the dark,
she was used to living alone for decades and knew how to handle unexpected situations calmly. So,
every time my mother tried to persuade me to stay, I would refuse. I could see the sadness in her eyes, but how could I leave my wife
alone to share the joy of family with my mother?"
…
My eyes were on the television, but my mind was wandering. I thought of my wife again—how was Xiaohui doing?
My mother had dried her hair. She stood up, went to the towel rack, hung it up, then opened the refrigerator,
grabbed a bottle of orange juice, and sat down beside me to watch TV together.
My mother had no interest in the football match; she just wanted to sit next to me and share my
excitement and joy. In her words, that was enough for her. And
that's exactly what she did. Every time I came home, she wanted me to watch with her for a while. She doesn't care whether the TV program is
one she likes or not, as long as the two of them sit quietly together. At these moments, my mother gets
excited and a little thrilled. She often says that only in this moment am I truly her son, and only then
is the distance between us so close…
Each time, I just smile and don't answer, but my heart is filled with anxiety. My mother's intense gaze makes me uneasy
. I've been through it all; I know that look well—a look containing romantic desire, a look a son shouldn't
see in his mother's eyes. Following my mother's gaze… As the heat intensified, my unease grew stronger. I had a clear premonition that
my normal relationship with my mother would be difficult to maintain.
I felt fear, not because I disliked her—quite the opposite, I loved her dearly. I was simply
worried that one day, I might inadvertently do something I shouldn't have. After the impulse subsided, how would we face each other's
future relationship? Could we still be a natural mother and son?
Worry tormented me constantly, but I couldn't avoid it. I couldn't reduce
the number of times I visited my mother because of my doubts. My mother was innocent; I couldn't build my so-called rationality on her suffering.
Knowing the outcome wouldn't be good, I had no choice but to continue. This wasn't to prove how great I was;
my actions only showed that in the face of family affection, so-called rationality and reason were insignificant.
Faced with my mother's increasingly intense love, I could only find excuses for myself. I thought, my mother has worked hard for most of her life; it's only
natural for her to rely on her son in her old age. After all, she's in her fifties; it's normal for her speech to be a little incoherent
. There was no other meaning behind it; I was overthinking it.
"Xiaojun, are you watching TV or thinking about something?" My mother asked with concern when she saw me lost
in thought. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing! Aren't I watching TV?"
"If you weren't thinking about something, would you be so absent-minded? Who would believe you if you said you were watching TV?"
My mother was clearly dissatisfied with my answer. Afraid that she would suspect and misunderstand, I lied and said, "I suddenly remembered that
there's a basin of clothes soaking in the water that hasn't been washed yet. They'll probably smell bad if left for too long." My mother's tense face relaxed, and she asked with a smile
, "How long are you soaking them?" I replied, "About three or four days." "
Lazybones, you're still like this even after you're married."
My mother's eyes were full of tenderness, the special love a loving mother has for her son. "Silly boy, why don't you bring them back
and let Mom wash them for you?"
"Wouldn't that be too much trouble for you?" "
Xiaojun, do you hate your mother? Otherwise, why would you say such hurtful things?"
My mother's strong reaction surprised me. Looking at my mother with slightly red eyes, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. A perfectly
ordinary question could provoke such a reaction from my mother. Was she making a mountain out of a molehill? To avoid further
embarrassment, I laughed and said, "Mom, what are you saying? It's just washing clothes. Since you're so interested, I
might as well wash all your clothes from now on."
"Okay, as long as you're willing to do it for me, I'll take care of it, even if it's more than I want."
My mother knew I wasn't being sincere, but she was still very happy. Seeing my mother's relaxed expression, I was genuinely happy
, but on the surface, I said seriously, "Then it's a deal. Mom, don't go back on your word later."
"Sigh, forget it. Even if I were willing, I'm afraid your wife wouldn't agree."
My mother seemed to remember something, and her mood suddenly turned somber. My heart skipped a beat, and I didn't know how to answer for a moment
. My mother realized she had let something slip and quickly changed her tune, saying, "Xiaojun, are you really not going home tonight?"
Although my eyes were fixed on the sports event on TV, my mind was elsewhere. Although my mother didn't say anything, I could still sense the subtle change in her voice; the trembling from the heart 　　couldn't be concealed
by feigned calm . 　　 "I'm not going back. Tonight's game is so exciting, it would be a shame to miss it. Besides, this kind of event only happens once every four years 　　, how can we easily miss it?" 　　 "Not going back even after the game?" 　　 My mother asked again, incredulous. This time her voice trembled even more. Although she tried her best to control her 　　excitement, it still unconsciously showed. 　　 Faced with my mother's genuine emotions, I felt like I was sitting on pins and needles 　　. If it weren't for wanting to watch the game, I would have left immediately. But I couldn't leave, because the game had just started. To avoid disappointing my mother, I pretended to be relaxed and said, 　　"The game will finish close to midnight, the streetlights will be off, and it'll still be dark. Going back now? Mom, you're not joking, are you? 　　What if I accidentally break my nose? How will I ever face anyone again?"

My mother breathed a sigh of relief. She lightly punched me and scolded, "You never talk seriously. By the way,
what are your plans for the next few days?"
"Nothing much. Xiaohui went back to her parents' house, and I'm all alone. It's inconvenient, so I
thought I'd come back to keep you company, Mom. I haven't been back since I got married, and I miss it terribly. Now that
I have this opportunity, I'm not going anywhere. I'll just stay here. Mom, you can't kick me out. As long as Xiaohui isn't back, I'll stay
here, hehe..."
"Xiaojun, tell Mom, what exactly happened between you and Xiaohui?"
"What happened? Nothing! Xiaohui and I are fine, nothing's wrong."
My mother's shrewdness surprised me. I didn't understand where she saw through my lie, but I didn't have time to think about it. The only
thing I could do was to deny it vehemently.
My mother looked at me without saying a word, her eyes seeming to see right through me. I felt extremely awkward and
said, slightly annoyed, "Mom, please don't look at me like that, it's like I'm lying."
My mother sighed.
"Xiaojun, don't think I'm senile. I've watched you grow up since you were little.
Do you think I can't tell which of your words are true and which are false? Usually, every time you come back, you act like you're being scalded by boiling water, not wanting to stay even a little longer
. Today you called to say you were coming back for dinner and that you'd stay overnight. Although you said it was to watch the World Cup, your
tone revealed a kind of restlessness and anxiety. I may be old, but I'm not so confused.
How could I not see these unusual behaviors?"
My cheeks burned. I was speechless for a moment, not knowing how to answer. I could only drink beer to cover up my
embarrassment. My mother just looked at me without stopping me. She continued,
"What's the big deal between you two young people? The old saying goes, 'A quarrel at the head of the bed is resolved at the foot of the bed.' Everything
can be resolved. You should have known when you married Xiaohui that she's very childish. As
her husband, you could have just been more accommodating. Why make her run back to her parents' house feeling so wronged? If outsiders knew
, they would think we're at odds and can't get along. That wouldn't be good."
My mother seemed to be in a particularly good mood tonight, and surprisingly, she spoke up for Xiaohui. I didn't reply,
but I thought to myself, "You two don't get along anyway, so what does it matter if outsiders know?"
"It's already very late, Xiaojun, you shouldn't go back. Tomorrow morning, you must go to your mother-in-law's
and bring Xiaohui back. What kind of image is it to have your wife living at her parents' house all the time? Aren't you ashamed? I'm ashamed
."
At first, I thought my mother had changed her ways and was starting to care about Xiaohui. Hearing this, I finally understood that my mother
was simply afraid of gossip and losing face; ultimately, it was all for her own sake.
Disappointed, I said dismissively, "I'm not going. She's not missing any limbs; she can come back on her own.
Besides, if she doesn't want to come back, it's pointless for me to go. Saying I don't accommodate her? Are you kidding me? How
have I not accommodated her? All these years, I've treated her like a precious jewel; she's never suffered even a little bit. Not to mention the distant past,
just recently, since I found out she was pregnant, when have I ever let her do any work? I do all the housework myself—
fetching water, sweeping, buying groceries, cooking, washing clothes, making beds—what haven't I done? And what has she done? To
put it bluntly, even… even…"
I suddenly stopped, because some things were really inconvenient to say. My mother listened intently
, then suddenly stopped, so she anxiously pressed, "Even what? Xiaojun, don't keep me in suspense."
I sighed, thinking that since I'd already gone all in, I couldn't worry about such things anymore. I said, "There
are some things I shouldn't have done, like washing women's underwear. Besides, it's not hard work; Xiaohui
could easily do it. But to let her rest better, I did it against my will. If others knew
I washed my wife's underwear and bras, how could I face them? I did something so shameful, and she's still satisfied
. I really don't know what to say."
Because I was so emotional, I spoke without restraint. Vulgar
slang that I would never normally mention in front of my mother slipped out naturally.
My mother didn't seem to care about any of this. She just listened attentively, and after I finished complaining, she said,
"Xiaohui may have many shortcomings, but she's not entirely useless. I've noticed you always talk about your
strengths, as if they're all correct. That's not good. Don't you have any flaws at all? The facts are right in front of us
: Xiaohui went back to her parents' home. If you didn't do anything wrong, why would she be so angry? So
, Mom thinks that while you're criticizing Xiaohui, Xiaojun, you should also reflect on your own shortcomings. That's
the right attitude to seriously deal with problems."
I snorted. “I didn’t do anything wrong at all. It’s all just her being unreasonable,”
my mother said with a gentle smile. “Xiaojun, you usually spoil your wife too much, but today you’ve changed your ways. This isn’t
like you. Tell me honestly, is there any disharmony in your relationship with Xiaohui?”
This sensitive topic coming from my mother’s mouth sent a chill down my spine. I gasped,
thinking, “Why would Mom say such a thing? Does she know something?” I stared at my mother in astonishment.
“Did Xiaohui say something to her?”
My mother smiled faintly, speaking naturally. “Xiaojun, don’t look at me like that. Your wife
hasn’t said anything to me. She never talks to me much, you know that…”
At this point, my mother sighed, her expression darkening, a mixture of helplessness and
unspoken resentment in her dejection.
Hearing my mother’s words, I felt no relief; instead, a profound sense of loss washed over me. Actually,
I so desperately wanted my mother to tell me that Xiaohui had spoken to her, even if it was about me, I would be happy. Because
at least I could see their strained mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship beginning to thaw.
Looking at my mother's tightly pursed lips, I didn't know what to say. My mother is a devoted and loving mother, her only flaw
being her stubbornness; she's terribly cold towards people and things she dislikes. She always seems to harbor a deep hatred for Xiaohui, her daughter-in-law,
finding fault with everything she does… But what's the point?
Undeniably, Xiaohui has her shortcomings and faults, but as a family member,
why can't her mother, as an elder, be more understanding? I remember when she first got married, Xiaohui respected her mother very much and would always try to make
her mother-in-law happy. But what about her mother? She always seemed indifferent. This attitude is unbearable, not only for Xiaohui, but even
for me.
Why does her mother act this way? She not only hurts Xiaohui's feelings but also puts herself in an adversarial
position. What good does that do? If her mother truly cared for me, even if she didn't care about Xiaohui as her daughter-in-law,
she should at least think about her son. Now I'm caught in the middle, being tossed around by both of them. This kind of life
is driving me crazy. Sometimes I really wanted to shout, "Mom! Since you resent Xiaohui so much,
why didn't you object when I asked for your opinion before getting married? Are you helping me or
hurting me?"
My mother seemed to see through my thoughts, but she didn't explain much. She just continued the previous topic, saying,
"Mom has been through this, and I can see through many things. Your eyes are bloodshot; it's obvious you're
not getting enough sleep. Although you didn't say why, I know. You are my son, whom I carried for ten months and
raised single-handedly. I know your personality perfectly well. You are a man who loves deeply. Such men have
a strong sense of family and always put their wives and children first. They rarely quarrel with their spouses. Now you actually hate mentioning your
wife. If there wasn't a conflict between you two, why would you be like this? You know, this is abnormal."
I didn't say anything, but I had to admire my mother's keen observation.
"Xiaojun, tell Mom, is the disharmony between you and Xiaohui because of something in that area?"
My mother suddenly looked at me mysteriously. I felt like I was being pricked by thorns, and instinctively denied it outright: "Mom,
what are you talking about? What do you mean there's a problem in that area? I don't understand."
Though I vehemently denied it, I was inwardly shocked. It seemed there really was nothing I could hide from my mother
. But what could I say? Although I was a married man, and would become a father in a few months, just because there were
topics I couldn't discuss didn't mean I could say whatever I wanted. Married life is, after all, a private matter, especially since
the person in front of me was my own mother. As her son, I couldn't just openly discuss sex with her without any restraint.
Today's China, after more than a decade of reform and opening up, has made great progress in various fields. But
China is, after all, an ancient civilization with a five-thousand-year history (uninterrupted), and some concepts are not easily
changed and are even deeply ingrained. Just like the issue of "sex," it is not only sensitive but also an
ethically taboo subject that cannot be casually touched upon.
For some reason, I suddenly felt a sense of unfamiliarity with the woman before me. My once dignified, elegant
, and refined mother seemed to have vanished from my memory, replaced by a
middle-aged woman with vulgar speech. "Is this the mother I was so proud of?" I frowned, looking at the strange-looking
woman before me.
"You little rascal, still pretending in front of your mother? Don't you even know anything about married life?
How did Xiaohui get pregnant? You're not going to tell me this child has nothing to do with you, are you?"
"Mom, do you know what nonsense you're spouting?"
My mother's almost shameless words infuriated me. I retorted without hesitation, "Do you really want your
son to be cuckolded?"
My mother looked at me in astonishment, not expecting such a strong reaction. A little flustered, she apologized repeatedly
, "Mom saw you were troubled, so I said something crude to lighten the mood. I didn't expect it to make you even more
upset. Xiaojun, don't be angry, Mom didn't mean it. How could Mom want her son to be cuckolded?
It's so shameful to wear that on your head like a pimp."
Hearing my mother's words, I laughed heartily, and my dissatisfaction vanished. I said, "Mom
, don't mind me. I just got emotional and said those harsh words. I didn't mean to say anything to you."
My mother breathed a sigh of relief. "Xiaojun, what's bothering you? Why don't you tell Mom? We're
family, why be so formal?" I shook my head and said, "That's true, but some things are still hard to talk about."
"What's hard to talk about? Is there anything harder to talk about than love between men and women? I'm a woman and I'm not afraid,
why are you, a grown man, so shy?" My mother looked at me dismissively.
Hearing my mother's words, for some reason, my previously uneasy heart calmed down. Although my mother's unusual
behavior made me a little uncomfortable, I couldn't deny that today's mother felt warmer than ever before.
Perhaps my mother was right; we're family, we should say what we mean, there's nothing to be ashamed of. However, topics about men and women
are always sensitive. Although my mother isn't an outsider, she's still a woman, and besides Xiaohui, I've never
discussed sex so directly with any other woman. So, although I no longer resisted, I still felt
a little embarrassed due to ingrained beliefs.
I downed half a can of beer in one go, and with the help of the alcohol, I became bolder. I said, "Mom
, you're right. There's really nothing to hide from family." My mother smiled and said, "That's right! So, Xiaojun, if you're having
any problems, feel free to tell me. As the saying goes, two heads are better than one. Maybe telling me can help you
out."
I didn't reply, but just took a few big gulps of beer. My mother saw this and advised, "You can't drink too fast;
it's bad for your health." I wiped the foam from my mouth with my sleeve and said, "Mom, don't worry, I'm fine
. I've been really unhappy these past few days. If this continues, I... I'll go crazy." After saying that, I picked up
my beer and drank some more.
My mother snatched my beer away, saying excitedly, "Xiaojun, stop drinking! Seeing you like this makes me
so sad. Why don't you tell me when you're unhappy? Xiaohui doesn't care about you, but I do. You're
the apple of my eye. If anything happens to you, how will I live the rest of my life?"
Seeing the tears welling in my mother's eyes, my heart clenched. I whispered, "Mom, do you really want to know
what happened between Xiaohui and me?" My mother wiped away her tears and nodded, saying, "Yes, and I want every single word
."
“Alright then!” I sighed. “Mom, you know I’m a normal man…”
My mother interrupted me, “Silly child, who said you’re not normal?”
Her eyes were full of tenderness, and my heart warmed, but I didn’t respond. I continued, “
It’s perfectly normal for a normal man to have normal physiological needs.” As I said this, I shifted my body slightly and secretly glanced
at my mother. I saw her facing me, one hand leaning against the sofa, the other holding a glass of orange juice, listening intently to
me. My anxious heart finally calmed down, and I let out a long sigh, continuing: “
Since Xiaohui became pregnant, her personality has changed drastically. She’s prone to outbursts
of anger. I thought it was just pregnancy symptoms, and that’s why she was so irritable. So, although I found her unreasonable, I didn’t argue with her. I thought that
would satisfy her, but that wasn’t the case at all. My tolerance only made her more demanding. That’s all, but
there’s one thing I just can’t stand, and that’s that she won’t let me touch her.” "
My mother gasped upon hearing this. I looked at her, puzzled. She smiled slightly and said apologetically,
'Mom just had a sudden thought. It's alright, Xiaojun, you can continue. By the way, you said earlier that Xiaohui would
n't let you touch her since she got pregnant. How could she be so domineering? What did you do then?'
I hesitated for a moment before saying,
'Xiaohui wouldn't let me be intimate with her since she got pregnant. Several times I couldn't bear it anymore and begged her to make an exception
, but she scolded me instead. She seems determined. She even said I didn't want a baby. I was stunned.
When did I say I didn't want a baby? Not wanting my own flesh and blood? Isn't that a joke?'
Xiaohui had her own reasons. She said, 'The doctor advised that I should reduce sexual activity after getting pregnant to avoid affecting
the fetus's development.' I told her, 'Reducing doesn't mean completely abstaining. As far as I know, pregnant women are prohibited from having sex
in the early stages of pregnancy and the period leading up to delivery. It seems there's no need for it at other times.'" Besides,
we're already three months along, the embryo should be fully formed, and occasional intercourse shouldn't have a significant impact on its development.
Xiaohui simply wouldn't listen to my explanation and stubbornly insisted on her own opinion. She said: "Precisely because the fetus
is beginning to form, we shouldn't do anything dirty. Now is the time for prenatal education, and she doesn't want her future child
to be as lecherous as her father." I was both amused and exasperated, telling her that we shouldn't view normal marital relations with prejudice,
and that medical journals have proven that occasional sexual activity is beneficial to the physical and mental health of pregnant women. But Xiaohui remained unmoved;
she insisted on waiting until after the baby was born before we could have marital relations. I had barely uttered a complaint about how long it would take, when
Xiaohui burst into tears and screams, saying she despised her and the baby, and calling me a beast, an animal, vulgar, shameless, a complete
slut… Sigh, she used every word imaginable to hurl at me. "
My mother couldn't help but laugh when she heard this. I sighed and said awkwardly, 'Mom, you probably find it funny too.
Only a fool like me would put up with this kind of woman's humiliation. Sigh, I'm such a failure.' My mother stopped laughing and
gently comforted me, 'Xiaojun, don't say that. You're a smart boy, not stupid at all. You're
only putting up with this because you love your wife. I'm not laughing at you, I just think your wife's words are a bit childish and ridiculous,
so... Okay, let's not talk about this anymore. What happened after that? Is Xiaohui still so unreasonable?'
I smiled bitterly, 'It's more than just unreasonable, it's downright inhuman. It's probably because I usually indulge
her too much, so she developed a domineering personality where she has the final say. Actually, I didn't say anything. I just said '
unreasonable,' and she felt like she had suffered a huge injustice. Not only did she make a huge scene, but she also wouldn't let me into the room that night,
saying I smelled like an animal. Is that something a human being would say?' "
I was furious, but to avoid affecting the fetus, I swallowed my anger and slept on
the sofa in the living room for a week. I thought the storm was over, but Xiaohui, manipulated by those gossipy relatives, actually said she
wanted to go back to her parents' home, saying she wouldn't come back until the baby was born—wasn't that ridiculous?
I couldn't take it anymore and cursed at her. Unexpectedly, she picked up her luggage and left
. It turned out she had packed her bags beforehand; she seemed to have come prepared. I didn't stop her; I couldn't swallow my anger. Like Mom said
, couples fight in bed and make up in bed; what conflicts can't be resolved? She called me heartless, a beast,
and shameless. What a joke! How am I heartless? Did I go out and seduce women? Calling me a beast is even more
absurd. According to her logic, men and women shouldn't get married because marriage inevitably leads to beastly actions. How
could she utter such absurd words? She's a university graduate, after all. With this kind of quality, I really don't understand
how she graduated. Doesn't she ever consider that if it weren't for the beastly behavior of her parents back then,
how could she, this Joan of Arc, exist? "
My mother listened quietly to my outpouring. This time she didn't laugh, only nodding occasionally in agreement. After I
finished speaking, I casually picked up another can of beer, opened the cap, and downed it in one gulp. My mother stopped me,
saying, 'Alcohol only makes sorrow worse. Xiaojun, if you're in a bad mood, don't drink so much. It's not good for your health.'
I pushed my mother's hand away and said, 'Mom, don't worry about me. I've been very upset these days. If I don't drink to vent,
I'll die of depression.' My mother didn't stop me anymore. She just looked at me with affection, then let out a soft
sigh:
'If you think drinking can relieve your troubles, then drink, just don't drink too fast.'" "Mom is
useless. Seeing you suffer without being able to help, my heart aches so much. Mom is really old and useless."
"Mom, don't say that. How can you blame Xiaohui and me?"
Hearing my mother's words, I felt very uncomfortable. Her self-blame surprised and saddened me. The wine I was about to drink
couldn't be swallowed.
My mother's eyes were full of melancholy as she softly said,
"Mom knows you're suffering, Xiaojun. Actually, how could I not be suffering? Although Xiaohui is immature, at least
you're by her side. But what about me? Since you got married and moved out, this house has been empty except for me. I feel
so lonely. Sometimes I really want to move in with you for a few days. I've told myself: go see Xiaojun
, even just for a day, but in the end, I can't bring myself to do it."
"Mom, what are you thinking? I've tried to persuade you again and again, but you always refuse. Why bother? "
"What about that kind of estrangement? Besides, Xiaohui's mother often stays at our house. Mom, you should let me, her son, show
some filial piety."
I seized the opportunity to persuade my mother.
My mother shook her head and said, "Mom knows Xiaojun is filial. You're a good boy, but you don't understand. The most complicated
and difficult knot in the world is the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. The conflict between the two can never be reconciled. If things go wrong,
you'll be caught in the middle, tormented by both sides. Wouldn't that just add to your troubles? Besides, we don't see eye to eye, and Mom and your
wife have nothing to talk about."
My mother's firm refusal disappointed me greatly. I was about to try my best to persuade her again when my mother stopped me, saying,
"Xiaojun, don't say anymore. Mom understands your good intentions, but I can't really say why I'm refusing.
Anyway, don't try to persuade Mom anymore. Now that you're back, stay home for a few more days. As for your
wife saying she'll come back after giving birth, that's just something she said in anger, don't take it seriously. Mom is a woman, don't you understand women's thoughts?"
There are no problems that cannot be solved between husband and wife.
Seeing the tears glistening in my mother's eyes, I felt an indescribable guilt. Over the years, had I only cared for my wife
and neglected my mother? Thinking about it carefully, I realized I owed her so much.
My mother then stood up, went into the kitchen, took a dozen beers and several packets of Tianfu peanuts from the refrigerator, and
sat down beside me, saying, "We haven't seen each other for a long time. This is a rare opportunity, Xiaojun, so please stay
a few more days. This time, we mother and son must chat for three days and three nights before we're done. Okay, let's not talk about this anymore. Today
is a happy day. Come on, Xiaojun, Mom will drink with you to your heart's content."
"When did Mom start liking to drink? And buying so much, you're almost becoming an alcoholic!" "
Looking at the dozen or so cans of beer on the coffee table, I was speechless with astonishment.
My mother handed me a can first, then picked up another one, opened it, took a sip, and said, 'Xiao Jun
, you're really joking. You know I never drink. I only bought this because I got your call at noon, and I heard from
others that the World Cup is going on these days. I thought you'd be watching all night, so I specially bought
this food from the supermarket. I don't know if it'll be enough; if not, I'll go buy more.'
I exclaimed, 'So much beer isn't enough? I'm afraid even two more people wouldn't be able to finish it. Mom,
you're too greedy!'
My mother smiled and said, 'That puts my mind at ease. I was really worried that there wouldn't be enough to spoil the fun.'" I
didn't answer. My mind was preoccupied, and I didn't know what to say, so I just kept drinking in silence.
Seeing this, my mother put down her beer, tore open a food bag, took out a large peanut, cracked open the shell, and
put the plump kernel into my mouth, saying, "Xiao Jun, don't just drink in silence. Have some peanuts to go with your drinks. How about it,
is it good?" I chewed on the crispy peanut and nodded, "Not bad, it's alright."
"Since it's good, then eat more!"
My mother was pleased to see me nod in agreement and picked up another peanut, cracking it open with both hands.
"Mom, you eat some too. You don't need to do it; I can do it myself."
My mother's enthusiasm was overwhelming. Although we were mother and son, excessive intimacy could make one feel uneasy. After all,
men and women are different, and there are some things even husbands and wives might not do, let alone mother and son.
My mother noticed my embarrassment. So she put the shelled peanut in her mouth, chewing and laughing, "Look
how nervous you are." "What's wrong? Are you afraid your wife will be unhappy if she finds out?
She complains that I, her mother, even pick a few peanuts for her son ? What does that mean? Your wife is too domineering. What is she afraid of? Does she think I, her mother-in-law,
will steal her husband?"
I smiled faintly and didn't speak. It wasn't that I couldn't understand my mother's implied meaning, but what could I say?
Not only did I not think of refuting her, but I also had a kind of expectation, hoping to get further hints from her.
This inexplicable feeling hidden deep in my heart had tormented me for many years. Though I tried not to think about it, it kept appearing. Every
time, I would curse myself for being shameless, but I couldn't suppress the excitement inside.
My mother obviously didn't know about my changing thoughts. At first, she would occasionally advise me to eat more peanuts and drink less beer,
but when things got heated, even she couldn't control herself and started drinking heavily.
...
(
Part Two) The most exciting and thrilling qualifying match of the World Cup Round of 16 came to a close amidst cheers, and the
once bustling streets fell silent.
My mother and I were already quite tipsy. Although I drink, I rarely do, but tonight,
with my mother by my side, I drank excessively. However, my alcohol tolerance is limited; after two cans of beer, my face was flushed and
my body felt hot. Looking at my mother, who never drinks, she was even more intoxicated.
As the saying goes, alcohol can cloud judgment. Indeed, under the influence of alcohol, my mother and I couldn't suppress our excitement, and our words
became unrestrained without our realizing it. I slurred, "Mom, I'm all grown up now, haven't you thought about
making plans for your future?"
My mother squinted, her face flushed with alcohol, and said, "Isn't having you as my son enough? I don't
have any plans, unless you disown me as your mother..." She stared intently at me as she said this. "What's wrong, son?
You're not going to abandon me as your mother, are you?"
I shook my slightly delirious head, dissatisfied. "Mom, what are you talking about? Do you think I'm that kind of person
?"
My mother laughed heartily, seemingly very happy. She said, "Hearing you say that puts my mind at ease. No matter
what happens in the future, I'm determined to stay with you. Even if you hate me, I'll shamelessly stick by.
" I hiccuped and asked, "Mom, haven't you thought about finding a companion to live with?"
My mother looked at me in surprise. "What did you say? You want me to find another man?"
"Isn't that good?" I looked at my mother with a puzzled expression.
"Good? Son, don't tease me. Even if you don't mind having another father, I still can't bring myself to do it
."
My mother's expression suddenly became strange, as if she couldn't meet my gaze. I sighed and said, "
No one will say anything about what I do. As long as I'm happy, why care what others think?" My mother couldn't figure out what I was thinking.
She stared at me for a while, and seeing that I wasn't joking, she sighed and said, "I'm already an old woman,
who would want me at this age? Going to find a man at this point, aren't you trying to embarrass your mother?"
"With a figure as good as mine, who wouldn't want me? If no one else wants me, I will! Seriously, a beautiful woman like you
, even if someone wanted me, I wouldn't give you up."
Fueled by the rising alcohol, I spoke even more recklessly. My mother was also a little drunk at this point. She put down
her beer, suddenly wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me hard, saying seductively, "Son, do you really want
your mother?" Unable to hold my liquor, I was overwhelmed by my mother's sweet kiss. I stammered, "Well...
of course, how could this be fake?"
My mother said with a coquettish smile, "You little rascal, always trying to please your mother with your smooth talk."
"I... how am I being cheeky? I... I'm telling the truth."
"Is that so? Okay, then you can go to bed with your mother now."
"What, go... go to bed?"
"Yes, didn't you say you wanted your mother?"
"Go... go to your mother? Mother, are you... serious?"
"What, you think your mother is joking? You don't dare? It seems you're just a smooth talker, you've
disappointed your mother too much..."
My mother's bluntness made me break out in a cold sweat, the beer I had just drunk turning into sweat and being expelled from my body. I cursed myself
inwardly. A married man, in principle, should know how to act with discretion. However, with three cups of beer in my mouth, I spoke
without thinking. Xiaohui said I lacked maturity, and although I didn't agree with her half-hearted criticism, objectively
speaking, what she said wasn't without merit. Although my mother is a woman, she is different from other women.
Using the same teasing tactics I usually use on my female colleagues on my mother was bound to cause trouble.
"Mom, don't be like that. It's not a matter of daring or not, but of being able to. I'm your son. How can a son
sleep in the same bed as his mother?"
"What's wrong with being a son? Can't a son sleep in the same bed as his mother? Who made this rule?!"
My mother's voice trembled. Although she tried her best to control herself, I could still feel her inner tension from her distorted tone
. My mother's unusual behavior surprised me. In my memory, my mother was a composed person. No matter
what kind of changes she encountered, she would handle them calmly, clearly, and rationally. Such a loss of composure was absolutely unimaginable under normal circumstances
.
I began to regret my slip of the tongue. I didn't know how to get out of this predicament.
Undeniably, subconsciously, I had a strong desire to be close to my mother. But this desire was merely
a continuation of my longing for maternal love. My feelings for my mother, whether rational or emotional, have remained
confined to the realm of thought; I haven't yet had the courage to put them into action. Today, when my mother lifted her veil of mystery,
stepped out from her near-perfect aura, and revealed her true self to me, I, accustomed to seeking fulfillment through fantasy, lacked
the courage to even try.
"Mom, you're a smart woman, why do you ask when you already know the answer?" Faced with my mother's persistence, I felt somewhat
insecure.
My mother seemed to have anticipated this, so although disappointed, she still maintained an elegant smile. She
looked at me quietly, and after a long while, sighed softly and said,
"Mom isn't asking when she already knows the answer; Mom just doesn't understand. When I said I'd sleep with you, Xiaojun, you must have thought I was
joking, right? No, you're wrong, Mom was serious. Just now, Mom did have a fleeting impulse, hoping to
hold you like we did when you were little, as you fell asleep."
My mother hadn't drunk as much beer as I had; after digestion, the blush on her face gradually faded. Seeing my silence
, she smiled awkwardly: "Son, do you think your mother is ridiculous? If you want to laugh, then laugh. I'm already
in my forties, and to talk nonsense after drinking is indeed quite ridiculous."
Looking at my mother's dejected expression, I couldn't laugh at all; instead, I felt a pang of heartache.
"Mom, don't say that. You're not ridiculous, and you weren't talking nonsense after drinking. On the contrary, I should thank you..."
My mother looked at me with a puzzled expression. "What are you thanking me for?"
I smiled and said, "Thank you for speaking the truth after drinking, Mom."
"You naughty son, you're being cheeky with your mother again."
My mother smiled, and from her calm expression, you couldn't tell that the embarrassment had just occurred.
I didn't say anything more, just tilted my head back and took a sip of beer. This was the only way I could hide my inner tension.
I was scrutinizing every word my mother had said and every look in her eyes. If this was a hint, then it
was too direct and blatant. I knew that if I had just had a little courage then, my mother and I wouldn't
be in this awkward predicament now.
"Sigh..."
I sighed softly. Such a golden opportunity had been wasted; it would be a lie to say I wasn't disappointed. Actually
, while visiting my mother was a major reason I wanted to go home today,
behind this high-sounding excuse, didn't I also harbor a sly, unspeakable thought?
A life of abstinence is unbearable for a normal man. Tormented by lust, I thought of my mother
. Although I dared not and never intended to seek solace from her in the face of my wife's neglect, she was, after all, the only truly close person I had in this world. 　　 It
was only natural for a disillusioned son to seek his mother's protection.

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【The Secret of the Heart Lock】

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