[Adoption Diary of Letting the Wolf In (Fanfiction)] [Author: Helpless Angel]

Author: Helpless Angel
Word Count: 15078
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(Postscript 210, revised):
It took a long time to get back to China from the US. By the time the plane landed, it was already
dark outside. Stepping out of the plane, feeling the familiar temperature and humidity, everything was so familiar. Breathing in
the air of my hometown, I stretched and felt incredibly refreshed.
After several hours on the plane, the moment I smelled the air of home, all my fatigue vanished
. Looking at the time, it was almost midnight. Following my assistant's directions, I headed to the hotel I had booked in advance
. Leng Bing Shuang had assigned me all her most capable "hands-on" people;
I didn't need to worry about security, accommodations, or anything else.
Lying on the large bed in the hotel's deluxe suite, I was filled with mixed emotions. My biggest feeling was tension.
So much time had passed; what had become of everything? Perhaps Xu Xin was now completely under Si Jian's control!
Oh well, whatever, I was here to resolve this completely! Time to sleep!
I didn't wake up until after 10 a.m. the next morning. After getting dressed and washing up, I left my room. As soon as I
stepped out, a voice said, "Mr. Xu, you're awake! Please come with me for breakfast!" I said, "Okay!
" After breakfast, I checked the time and it was almost 11 a.m. Then I told the men in black to
prepare a car for me.
I drove a black car on familiar streets, with cars following me from both in front and behind,
very discreetly. Every time I changed lanes or turned, the cars behind would move in front to "clear the way." I
was sandwiched between them, but I didn't feel any discomfort or awkwardness. I have to say, the life of the upper class
is indeed very convenient and intoxicating, but I had no mood to enjoy it now. As
the car got closer to home, my heart grew more and more nervous. I was driving towards my neighborhood
. The streets and buildings around me were all so familiar, with little change.
Less than half an hour later, my car drove into my old neighborhood. It was already 11:30
, and the neighborhood was still deserted. Perhaps everyone was at work.
Autumn was approaching, and the flowers and plants in the central garden were already withered
, the leaves fallen, seemingly echoing my mood.
Looking up at the familiar apartment building, my feelings were complicated. This building held so many
memories—happy and beautiful, sad and painful—but now only sad and painful memories remained. I
took out my phone, opened the keypad, entered Kexin's number from my memories, and pressed the dial
button…
With a series of beeps, the call was answered. "Hello…" After three
rings, the call finally connected. Although the voice on the other end had changed considerably,
I could still recognize it as Kexin's. Her voice lacked its former melodiousness; instead, it carried
a sense of weariness and experience.
"Hello...who is this?"
I didn't speak, but Kexin on the other end couldn't help but ask again. This time, however, Kexin's voice was noticeably
trembling and nervous.
I calmed myself down and said in a cold tone, "This is Xu Jian. I'm
downstairs at your place right now. You have half an hour to come here and we'll talk!" Then, ignoring her reaction, I hung up the phone!
Half an hour later, a black Accord drove towards me. The license plate was so familiar, and through the front
window, I could see Sijian in the driver's seat. Sijian was driving while turning his head
to talk to Kexin in the passenger seat.
I watched the black Accord stop in front of me, my mind racing! As soon as the car stopped,
Kexin opened the door and rushed towards me, "Honey, I thought you were dead. Waaah!" Looking at Kexin's
frail appearance, and imagining the ups and downs she had experienced with Sijian during the three years I was gone,
I felt nauseous and pushed her away! Kexin looked up at me with her tear-streaked face, and I spoke.
As I pushed Kexin away, a look of pain flashed across her face. Perhaps things had already progressed to this
point, and I no longer felt the same resentment towards Kexin as before. Perhaps after despair comes a dead heart. Even now,
seeing Kexin and Sijian together, my heart felt indifferent, at most a little heartache. After all,
we'd been together for so many years. Pushing Kexin away was merely a physical instinct. Subconsciously, I didn't want any more contact with her
.
Seeing that I pushed her away, Kexin immediately lunged at me again. Not wanting any physical contact, I
grabbed both of her wrists and said calmly, "Let's calm down, okay? Now that I'm back,
we need to resolve things between us before I leave. I've booked a private room at the nearby XX Teahouse, room XX.
Let's talk there. Sijian, come along too."
Sensing my calmness, Kexin's face darkened further. She said, "Honey, we're already downstairs. Let's go home. We can
talk about it there." Hearing the word "home," my heart clenched, and I felt
a pang. It turned out I still couldn't forget Kexin. I could still feel heartache for her. But in an instant, my resolve hardened.
I already had my own child, and a refrigerator. I looked up at the familiar apartment building,
and seemed to mutter to myself, "Is this still my home?"
I released Kaixin's wrists, and perhaps hearing my words, Kexin didn't try to rush over anymore. She just
stood there blankly, her eyes vacant. She murmured, "Home, home, do I have no home anymore?"
Kexin stumbled and almost fell. Sijian, whose attention was on Kexin, immediately went over to support her.
I grabbed Kexin's arm. Perhaps Kexin was still lost in thought, until she noticed me staring at her arm. Kexin quickly pulled
away from Sijian's support.
"Husband, don't misunderstand. These past three years, Sijian and I haven't been like this. When you disappeared three years ago,
Sijian and I had already broken off that kind of relationship. Husband, you have to believe me," Kexin
said, her face streaked with tears, pointing to the apartment building. She pleaded with me almost desperately, "Husband, look, that's our home, it always
has been. Please, give me another chance. I'll take good care of this home from now on." As she spoke,
she reached for my arm again.
I took a step back, resolutely turned, and walked to my car. I opened the driver's side door, got in, and
said to Kexin, "It's come to this point. Is it just a misunderstanding? I don't care about your relationship.
Now I'm just dealing with our own issues. I'm going to the teahouse first.
I'll wait for you in ten minutes. If you come, we can talk about how to handle it. If you don't, I'll resolve it through legal means. Don't worry, you won't get less than what's due." Then I rolled
up the car window. Kexin ran to my car, pounding on the window and shouting, "I don't want anything, I just
want you back. I'll do anything. I really can't live without you..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kexin crying and pounding on the window, her face streaked with tears. I still felt a pang of pity. But I wouldn't
forgive Kexin again, afraid of experiencing the heartbreak of betrayal once more.
I couldn't hear what Kexin said after that, and I didn't want to listen. I drove towards the teahouse.
Upon arriving at the teahouse's private room, I ordered a glass of water for myself and two identical cups of tea for the person opposite me. Less than five
hours later, Kexin and Sijian walked in together. Suddenly, I had a strange feeling; they seemed like a married couple,
while I felt like an outsider. Although I had decided to completely sever ties with Kexin, I couldn't help feeling a sense of loss
, thinking, "She was my wife, just someone from the past."
I said to them in a calm tone, "Sit down. Since I'm back today, and you're both willing to come,
let's settle things." After Kexin entered, she clasped her hands tightly together, as if her nails were digging into her flesh
. She stared intently at my face, and even after sitting down, her eyes remained fixed on me, as if
I would disappear in the blink of an eye. Sijian, on the other hand, kept his head down the entire time, not daring to look at me once. He
sat there with his head down, staring at the floor.
I cut to the chase, saying, "I don't want to pursue the matter between you two anymore. I also have my own
reasons; perhaps I didn't do well enough."
Hearing this, Kexin hurriedly stood up. "No, honey, it's all my fault. I betrayed you.
Please forgive me!" She even tried to kneel down at the table, but I snapped, "Are you trying
to play the victim? Can we calm down? I've already said we both made mistakes, we both had shortcomings.
I have no right to make you kneel before me."
Hearing this, Kexin seemed to realize her actions were wrong. She slowly sat back down,
placing her hands on the table, holding her teacup as if trying to warm it up.
Seeing Kexin's helpless state, as if awaiting judgment, I felt a pang of pain mixed with a
strange sense of pleasure and relief. At least Kexin was still heartbroken and helpless because of me.
I forced myself not to overthink, keeping my eyes straight ahead, avoiding both Kexin and Sijian.
I calmly said, "I hope we can be honest with each other today. Don't try to deceive yourselves or hide things from me. Can you
do that?" I glanced at both Kexin and Sijian, then continued looking ahead. Kexin nodded and quickly
said, "Yes, husband, I'll never hide anything from you again."
Sijian hesitated for a moment, then nodded without saying anything. I continued, "Let's talk about you first, Kexin.
We're getting a divorce." As soon as I finished speaking, Kexin trembled violently, as if she were having an orgasm. This reminded me of
the times I'd shared with Sijian and Kexin, making my resolve to leave her even stronger.
Kexin, who had just calmed down, started crying again, tears welling in her eyes. She sobbed, "Husband, I don't want to! I don't want
a divorce! I don't want to leave you! I was wrong, I was really wrong! I'll do anything as long as you don't leave me,
please!"
Seeing Kexin on the verge of collapse, I felt a pang of pity, but I remembered how she
had begged me in the same way when she betrayed me the first time, which led me to forgive her, only to be betrayed even more painfully in return. I was already
somewhat disgusted with Kexin like this.
I calmly interrupted her, saying, "I can never treat you the way I used to. Even if we don't
divorce and stay together temporarily, do you think we can pretend nothing happened? Just thinking about
what you and Sijian did makes it impossible for me to act like nothing happened. I'm not a robot; I can't control my own wild thoughts
."
Kexin immediately retorted, "No, we can go back to how we were before. I really love you.
I'll never see Sijian again, and I'll never dare to do it again."
Seeing Kexin crying with her head down, I waited until she calmed down a bit before continuing, "When I forgave you the first time,
did you really think I didn't care? When Sijian moved back home, I started to become suspicious and worried about you again.
And you... You probably didn't even realize it yourself, you just said you didn't dare, but that doesn't mean you didn't want to. You know my body
, I don't want to live this kind of fear anymore."
This time Kexin didn't cry or make a fuss, she just kept muttering "No, no" to herself until it
was inaudible. Maybe Kexin herself no longer believed in herself. But Kexin stubbornly raised her head,
staring at me as she said, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm not myself anymore, but all I know now is that I
love you, I love you so much, and I don't want to lose you."
I continued, "Is there any need to talk about feelings now? This isn't about feelings anymore. I admit
I still have feelings for you, even deep ones, but that doesn't mean I can forgive you. Since we've come to this, I
'll be frank. You saw it yourself; my body instinctively resists you, even just touching you.
Can we still live like this? Are we still husband and wife?"
Hearing my words, Kexin's face paled considerably, and she lost all strength, slumping into the chair.
Sijian tried to help her, but his outstretched hand stopped and immediately withdrew.
Kexin raised her head and started using her usual self-pitying tactics, hoping I would pity her. She said, "Do you know
how I've survived these past three years? I've been like a walking corpse every day. If I hadn't known you were still alive, that you would
definitely be hidden away by Leng Bing Shuang, I wouldn't have been able to go on living. Husband, without you, I really can't live."
I continued, "Really, I can't go back to being with you. I've told you before, right? Actually, because
of my health, I can barely accept your physical infidelity, but your heart..." Kexin
interrupted me directly, "Really? That's good. I just let my physical desires control me. I can't control
my body, but my heart hasn't changed. I haven't changed my heart. We can still be together." Hearing Kexin's words,
I decided to be completely honest with her, to lay everything bare. I pointed at Sijian, paused, and asked,
"Do you like him? Do you love him? In a romantic way? I hope you won't lie to me, and even more so, don't
lie to yourself." Kexin seemed stunned by my question, her face showing a conflicted expression. Hearing my
question, Sijian stared intently at Kexin, his eyes filled with expectation and a hint of nervousness.
Kexin took a deep breath, as if making a decision, and said, "No, I don't like him,
I don't love him. It's just maternal love, familial affection. I don't have any romantic feelings for Sijian." After saying this, Kexin
turned to look at Sijian. Although she appeared calm and composed, I could still see
the guilt and reluctance in her eyes.
Sijian silently lowered his head, his fists clenched tightly, tears streaming from the corners of his eyes. Kexin glanced at Sijian, then quickly
turned away, unable to bear looking any longer. Seeing all this, I felt a pang of sorrow and sighed silently
. "Even now, are you still thinking of deceiving me and hiding things from me? Even if I forgive you now and we
get back together, will you still deceive me like you do now, like hiding your dates with Sijian from me before, or even
…?" I didn't finish my sentence; the more I spoke, the more my heart ached. Kexin's body began to tremble uncontrollably.
She suddenly stood up, her face flushed with anger, and cried out to me, "I didn't lie to you! I really know I was wrong
! I really didn't lie to you! If you forgive me, I won't do it again!" Sensing that Kexin was somewhat incoherent
, I quietly watched her until she calmed down. I lowered my head slightly, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then
opened them again, determined to make Kexin give up. I said resolutely, "You might think I
don't know much about your relationship with Sijian. Well, let me tell you how much I actually know. Want to hear it?" I looked up at
Kexin, a flicker of panic crossing my face, but I quickly regained my composure. Kexin nodded and
gave a soft "Mmm.
" "Do you remember three years ago, the day I confronted you? When you were on a date with Sijian,
I told you to get to your school within 50 minutes. Where were you then? What were you doing? Why did it take me
two whole hours (I think it was about two hours) for you to arrive?" I stopped talking, looking at Kexin,
waiting for her answer. Kexin panicked completely, quickly sitting down to hide her unease.
Kexin lowered her head, hesitated for a moment, then raised her face, a forced smile on her face, and stammered,
"I...I...I was...with Sijian...but honey, please...please don't misunderstand.
Sijian and I were just...shopping at the XX mall...we were afraid of being seen by acquaintances, so we went...a bit far,
and we were late when we got to the school. Honey, I was wrong, I'll never do it again. From now on, if you want to see me, I
'll be there immediately." Hearing Kexin's answer, I felt nothing anymore.
There was absolutely no possibility between Kexin and me. Now, all that was between us was lies and deception. What was there to forgive?
I didn't expose Kexin. What difference would it make? "You know, I waited for you for two whole hours
, but I saw you and Sijian coming together. You know, I was watching you two from not far away. You looked
quite well-matched, haha." At this point, I glanced at Kexin. She was just looking down, her shoulders
trembling, tears dripping onto the table, her hands tightly clasped together. She looked extremely pitiful, making one want to cherish her. I stopped
speaking, unable to bear it. Sijian was also looking down, lost in thought, probably very flustered as well. After
about half a minute, I broke the silence, looking at Kexin's downcast head, and asked, "Do you want me to continue?"
Kexin didn't look up or speak. It seemed she still held onto a sliver of hope, thinking I didn't know much, at most only that
they had a physical relationship. Seeing that Kexin didn't speak, I continued, "You know what? If you
could have gotten back within fifty minutes, there might still be a chance to salvage the situation. But, Kexin, you've disappointed me so much.
Even if you had been late, if you had shown even a little guilt or apologized, I could have felt a little better. But you… you didn't."
My voice was already trembling at this point.
I stopped speaking and calmed my trembling body. Hearing this, Kexin looked up blankly
at the wall in front of her, as if recalling the events of that day. The private room remained quiet. After
about ten seconds, tears streamed down Kexin's face, her sobs sounding like she was about to suffocate.
She clearly remembered what had happened that day—how she had been making love with her lover one moment
, and then, facing her husband who had waited for her for two hours, instead of reassuring him or begging for forgiveness
, she was filled with anger.
Seeing that I didn't continue, Kexin gradually calmed down, lowering her head and sobbing softly, only
whispering, "No, waah...waah, I wasn't like that, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, waah...I was
wrong...waah..." I didn't say anything, just calmly looked at Kexin's lowered head. Kexin sensed my
gaze, glanced up at me, and immediately lowered her head again in a panic, unable to look at me. Sijian also kept his head down,
silent.
Seeing the silence, I felt a pang of unease and continued, "Don't you have anything to say?" Kexin
looked at me with resentment, her face showing her distress. She stammered, "No...it's like that, I...I
was wrong. I wasn't angry then, maybe I...I was in a hurry. Honey...you must have misjudged
."
I looked calmly at Kexin and said, "Even now, is there any need for you to hide it from me? Actually, the truth is..."
"It's already come to this, I so wish you could have been honest with me sooner, that you could have told me everything, instead of
this 'I thought of it beforehand, but it was him,'" I pointed at Sijian, "You probably don't even realize
it yourself. Take today, for example, I only asked you to come see me, but you brought Sijian instead. Doesn't that mean you instinctively
rely on him?"
Kexin just looked at me like that, and I looked into her eyes too, my lips trembling as if I wanted to say something, "I...I
..." This time Kexin didn't choose to deny it. She knew that if she lied to me again, she would really be treating me like
a fool. Kexin turned her face to Sijian again, looking at him, seemingly hoping that Sijian could say something on her behalf.
However, Sijian had been silent since entering the private room, and didn't look up at Kexin. I clearly saw
disappointment in Kexin's eyes, disappointment at Sijian's silence.
"That day, do you remember when we parted ways in your little courtyard house? Yes, that was
your home, Kexin. You went to such lengths, and you still say you only have feelings for me, only love me? Do you
think I can believe that? Home, it has a completely different meaning now." Kexin just kept muttering to herself, "No
, no," she didn't even know what to say to refute me. "In your home, you
left the keys to our home, the property certificate, the car, and the savings inside. Actually, I
discovered your so-called home many days ago." As I said this, Kexin suddenly screamed,
startling both Sijian and me. "Ah, husband, no, that's not my home. I only have one home, mine and yours.
No, I was wrong, really wrong." Kexin started crying again, as if she had cried herself dry. (I've
dragged myself into this, I'm so dizzy.)
"Aren't you two wondering how I got in? I don't want to hide it anymore. When I found out about
that courtyard house, I secretly got a key made," I paused, looking at Kexin,
who was also looking at me. I looked into Kexin's eyes and said, word by word, "I also installed surveillance cameras there. Actually…
" Before I could finish, Kexin's body went limp and she fell off the chair to the ground. Sijian and I caught
her almost simultaneously. Sijian and I each supported one of her arms and helped her sit down. Realizing what had happened, Kexin quickly broke free from Sijian
's hand and then tightly hugged my arm with both hands, not letting me pull away. She cried and said, "Husband, don't
go, don't go, don't leave me."
Seeing Kexin starting to act unreasonably again, I felt a headache coming on. I continued, "Kexin, can we be
a little more rational? Do you think this is good for me? It only makes things more difficult for me. I've said everything I should and shouldn't have said today
. I hope you can calm down and think it over. If you continue like this, then I'll have no choice but to resort to the law. I'm
definitely going to divorce you. I can't stand you like that anymore, you know? Even if you don't make the same
mistake again, the barrier in my heart won't disappear. I'm sorry." I don't know why I said sorry.
Maybe it was because Kexin's helplessness made me reluctant to hurt her. When I apologized, tears welled up in Kexin's eyes again. However,
after hearing my words, she calmed down considerably, let go of my hand, and stood there stunned for a long time. I don't know
what she was trying to understand, but she said softly, "Husband, I hope I can still call you that before we divorce. You haven't wronged me;
it's all my fault. You've been good enough. You've forgiven me once, but I hurt
you again. I didn't know how to cherish you, and I lost you again. I'm the one who should apologize. Yes, I should
be punished for my mistakes. I won't bother you anymore. I know what to do." After saying this, Kexin stopped talking and
slumped into her chair, lost in thought. Hearing Kexin's words, my heart clenched. I couldn't help but fantasize: if Sijian hadn't been there, if none
of this had happened, Kexin would still be my wife. How wonderful that would be.
I sighed, shook my head, and banished these unrealistic thoughts. I said to Kexin, "
Okay, I'll have the divorce papers ready tomorrow, and I'll send someone to pick you up for the Civil Affairs Bureau." Hearing this, Kexin's face
darkened, but this time she didn't cry or make a scene. Instead, she looked at me quietly and nodded, saying, "Okay,
no need to pick me up. Just tell me when you're ready, and I'll go myself. I don't want to cause you any more trouble."
Kexin's situation was almost resolved; only the divorce was left, which would take place tomorrow. I turned to look
at Sijian, momentarily speechless. After a moment of silence, I asked Sijian, "Sijian, do
you still hate me now?" Without hesitation, Sijian looked up and stared intently at me. He was
no longer the fearful man he had been at the beginning, and he gritted his teeth, saying, "Hate, more than ever before." Sijian
's words were filled with intense hatred, which puzzled me. What made him hate me even more?
I knew what he was going to say next: "Because of you, my mother and my childhood were so miserable. Even her death
was so tragic. Now you want to take my Kexin away. What's so good about you that they treat you so well?
You're just a coward, haha, you can't even protect your own lover. My mother is like that, and Kexin is the same
, coward." Hearing Sijian's words, I couldn't help but stand up and slap Sijian's face with my right hand, but I didn't
hit him. It's come to this, what difference would it make if I hit him? He's still my son, after all. There was no
anger, only sorrow. I muttered to myself, "Yes, am I really a coward? I
can't even beat you up in anger. One by one, my loved ones have left me. A perfectly good family is gone just like that." This made my
heart ache inexplicably. Kexin also covered her face and cried bitterly. She looked up at me several times, wanting to say something, but in the end, she didn't say anything
. She probably felt that saying something would only cause more pain for the three of them.
Although Sijian's words hurt me, I had to calm down and deal with him properly. I gathered
my thoughts and said to Sijian, "I can't control you now, especially since you hate me so much. I hate
you too; you're the one who made me lose my wife and my home. But you are still my son, and I can't really do
anything to you, nor can I treat you like a son anymore. You're 18 now, an adult.
From now on, you are you, and I am I. We are no longer father and son. I will give you some money—not too much, not
too little. Don't refuse; only after you take this money will we be even."
Hearing my words, Kexin was taken aback and looked at me for a while, but she didn't say anything. Seeing my
calm attitude, I felt no anger, perhaps only deep disappointment. Sijian was silent for a moment before saying,
"Okay, from now on, we're no longer father and son. Actually, I never truly considered you my father; I only
felt hatred towards you. I'll take your money; it's what I deserve. Don't worry, even if I become a beggar outside, I won't
take a single penny from you. You don't need to worry about me clinging to you."
Sijian's words didn't evoke any particular feeling in me; I felt neither joy nor sorrow. I replied, "Okay, I hope you keep your word
. From now on, we're even." I made a call to my bodyguard and told him, "He'll be coming downstairs soon;
give him the prepared things," and hung up. Actually, I had already planned how to deal with Sijian and had the bodyguard
prepare some money. Since Kexin brought Sijian along today, I didn't need to go looking for him alone again. Then
, she said to Sijian, "Alright, you can go now. Someone will be looking for you at the door. Take care of yourself from now on."
Sijian stood up, looking at the silent Kexin with her head down. "Kexin, let's go together. This coward doesn't deserve
your treatment. I'll treat you better from now on." At this point, Sijian had no more reservations; she dared to say anything
, being so direct with Kexin.
When Sijian finished telling Kexin to come with him, I felt a surge of tension. Although my attitude towards Kexin today had been resolute
and cold, I knew that completely forgetting her was difficult, practically impossible. Only
time could heal the wounds of the past.
Fortunately, Kexin kept her head down, shook it, and said softly, "Go. I asked you to come
see Xu Jian today because I wanted to end things with you completely in front of him, hoping to get his forgiveness and another chance
." Kexin paused, took a deep breath, and as if making a decision, looked up and
continued,
"Yes, I want your forgiveness, yet I've kept deceiving you, becoming someone I don't even recognize
. Haha, I can't even forgive myself, so how can I ask you to forgive me? Besides, you've already forgiven me
once, but I've trampled on your trust. How did I become like this?" As she spoke, Kexin started to cry softly again
, covering her mouth and nose with her hand to stop herself from crying. I thought to myself, Kexin doesn't want to use this pitiful act to
gain my sympathy anymore.
Kexin calmed down and continued, "Honey, you said I've changed my mind, that I've fallen for him, even fallen in love with him. I
really don't know, maybe it's true. I'm afraid to admit it, afraid of that version of myself, I hate that version of myself."
Kexin paused for a moment and said, "Although it's ridiculous, I still have to say it, honey, my love for you has never changed. Do you
believe me?" Kexin stared straight at me, her eyes full of expectation and panic. I didn't speak, just
turned my head to the side, neither admitting nor denying. Upon hearing my answer, Kexin sobbed a few more times, then
laughed self-deprecatingly. "Yes, I fell in love with another man, built a home with him outside, and
when my husband needed me, when he was waiting for me, I actually felt dissatisfied, and even did such shameful
things on the phone. Honey, you thought I was deliberately insulting you, mocking you then, right? I'm really stupid. I still expect you to believe me now
, haha, how can you trust a woman like me?"
Kexin finished speaking and buried her face in her arms on the table, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. I could tell she was trying to hold back
her tears and keep them quiet. Hearing Kexin's words, Sijian glanced at her and quickly left the private room.
The room was quiet, except for the soft sobs of Kexin.
After a minute of silence, I stood up and said to Kexin, "Okay, stop crying. Go home. I'll let you know when I've finished my business tomorrow.
" I glanced at my watch; it was almost 2:30. I hadn't realized we'd been talking here for
over two hours. Although I hadn't eaten lunch, I didn't feel hungry at all.
Looking at Kexin, who was still sobbing softly on the table, I couldn't bear to let her go home alone. I said to her,
"I'm worried about letting you go home alone like this. I'll send a bodyguard to take you home later. Don't refuse."
My tone was harsh. For some reason, hearing my words made Kexin cry even harder, sobbing, "Husband,
you...you're so good...so good, even now...you still...care about me. I...I hate myself so much, I'm
so stupid."
I walked towards the door, my steps heavy, deliberately slowing down, not knowing what I was hoping for.
Was I hoping Kexin would call me back?
Lost in thought, I reached the door, and just as I was about to open it, Kexin's voice came from behind, "Husband, after
tomorrow I won't be able to call you like this anymore. After tomorrow I'll really have lost you completely. Please have pity on me,
in our home, at least for now, let me cook dinner for you one last time, eat with me. Let's part
amicably, okay? Husband." Kexin's tone was so humble, it was like being buried in the dirt.
This sight of Kexin made my mind wander. I really didn't want to have much interaction with her, afraid that she
would discover the coldness I had painstakingly maintained, and that I would hesitate again. If only I had
been more assertive when I realized Kexin and Sijian hadn't done anything terribly wrong, and had confronted them directly, sending Sijian away, things
wouldn't have turned out this way. Sigh.
I came back this time just to put an end to the past, so I could live peacefully with Leng Bing Shuang in the future; otherwise,
there would always be a knot in my heart. I turned to look at Kexin's pitiful, pleading gaze, sighed inwardly, and said,
"Okay, I'll have the bodyguard take you home first. I have something to do; I'll come back at five o'clock."
Without further hesitation, I opened the door and left the private room. When I reached the teahouse entrance, I took a deep
breath, then told the bodyguard to take Kexin home, got into the car, and
drove around the city I hadn't seen for three years.
I wasn't paying attention to the time, just driving along. Suddenly, I wanted to visit my old workplace, so I drove
over, not going in but just looking at it from a distance. Then, without realizing it, I drove to
the school where Kexin used to work. I wondered if she was still working there. I didn't get out of the car, just sat there staring blankly
. Then my mind started wandering, I didn't even know what I was thinking. I shook my head, sat there for a
while longer, then drove off, continuing to drive aimlessly. I glanced at the time on the car screen, and unexpectedly...
It was almost five o'clock. I thought to myself, "I might as well go. Having one last meal with Kexin will give us a
better ending." Then I drove towards my old home.
Before I knew it, I'd driven quite a distance. When I got to my apartment building, I got out and
checked my watch: 5:42. I was calm; I didn't rush back because I was going to be late. Maybe
it was because I was a little afraid to go back to this place.
Arriving at my old home, I composed myself and knocked. The door opened in less than three seconds,
revealing a worried Kexin. I knew she'd been waiting.
"You're here," Kexin said, her face a mixture of happiness and nervousness as she opened the door. After I entered,
she said gratefully, "Thank you for coming home."
Hearing her emphasize the word "home," I knew she still wanted to win me back. I didn't
show any particular emotion on my face. I glanced at the living room sofa, and an image flashed through my mind: Kexin
sitting between Sijian's legs, her underwear hanging at her feet, while Sijian lay back, chatting and laughing with Kexin, looking completely satisfied. Kexin even
wanted to call me. This scene was so vivid in my mind; I thought, "Where did you place me then? How
could you be so cruel to me?" And all I could do was hide. Why didn't I rush out and confront them? Was I cowardly, afraid
of losing Kexin?
Kexin closed the door as soon as I entered and quickly brought the prepared dishes to the table. I stood
a few meters away from the sofa, stunned. Then, those unsavory images of Kexin and Sijian flashed through my mind
—their affair behind my back, and their conversations. I vividly remembered Sijian's demand that Kexin
not mention me when they were alone, and not call me "husband," which Kexin actually agreed to.
The expressions they exchanged, and Kexin's occasional giggles—only lovers would do that. Did Kexin
still have feelings for me back then ? If she did, would she be so intimate with another man? Now
she keeps saying she loves me and doesn't want me to leave her. Is it all a lie? Or does Kexin just not want our
years-long relationship to end like this? Perhaps even Kexin herself can't tell if her feelings for me are love
or just familial dependence and reluctance.
Thinking back to the intimate scenes I saw on the courtyard house's security camera, they rarely talked about me
. Yes, that was their own private world. The occasional mentions of me, and the few times I called to observe,
all I saw was Kexin's fear of being discovered; I rarely saw any guilt about betraying me. She only tried her best
to please Sijian.
Thinking about this, my whole body went weak, my heart turned cold, and I felt so pathetic that I still
harbored illusions about Kexin. She only loves me. Yes, even if Kexin still has feelings for me, I don't think it's more than for Sijian
. Otherwise, why would Kexin act this way? Suddenly, I didn't want to stay here anymore. After the divorce tomorrow, I'll
go back to America to find my lover and child. I can also bring Leng Bing Shuang and the child (I forgot the child's name, can someone
remind me?) to live in this city.
(PS: This chapter is written based on my intuition. It's about Xu Jian monitoring Ke Xin and the other person, so there might be a big discrepancy. Ke Xin
didn't seem to love Si Jian as much as she appeared. However, I think that since Ke Xin was hiding and deceiving Xu Jian about building a love nest with the dog outside,
it already says a lot. It's mainly for the purpose of torturing Ke Xin later. Please don't criticize me for saying it's completely different from the original work, thank you.)
While I was in a daze, Ke Xin had already prepared the food. As she walked towards me
, she reached out her hands towards my arms, saying happily, "Honey, the food is ready, come and eat. It's been a long time
since you've had my cooking, you must eat a lot today." Hearing
the words "honey" and "wife" from Ke Xin, I immediately took a step back, dodging Ke Xin's hands that were reaching for my arms.
This time, I didn't just physically want to avoid contact with Kexin; I mentally resisted being with her. My chest
felt heavy.
Seeing me back away, Kexin's outstretched hands froze, her face showing utter disappointment. She
pulled her hands back and wiped them on her apron, but quickly forced a smile and said, "You can eat now, come
and sit down." She then turned and sat down at the table, looking at me.
Remembering everything that had happened before, I had no appetite at all; I even felt nauseous. Kexin's groans and
words were agitating me. I wanted to run out the door. I didn't want to face Kexin anymore.
In the end, I didn't leave. Thinking about it, it was pointless to dwell on things now
; I'd just stay with her for a while. I composed myself, made sure I looked normal, and stopped overthinking.
I walked to the dining table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. However, instead of getting the food, I calmly
said to Kexin, "Hurry up and eat. You haven't had lunch yet, so eat more." Kexin hummed in agreement, picked up her bowl and chopsticks,
and prepared to eat. But seeing that I didn't move, she said in confusion, "Honey, you should eat too. I made all your
favorite dishes today." As she spoke, she put a piece of food into my bowl. I remained still, calmly looking at Kexin,
and smiled, "You eat. I'm not hungry and don't have much of an appetite, so I won't eat. I'll leave after you finish eating . I'm
a little tired today, so go and rest early."
Before I could finish speaking, Kexin's tears started flowing again, and her hands holding the bowl trembled slightly.
She said to me in a slightly loud voice, "Husband, do you hate me that much now…?" My hand instinctively slammed on the table
, startling Kexin into silence. I said to Kexin through gritted teeth, "Really, don't call
me that anymore. Just call me by my name. Since you promised him you wouldn't call me 'husband,' then…" "It would have been so much better if you had called me again."
Kexin's face was a little blank and pale. She didn't immediately understand what I meant. She put down her chopsticks and
looked at me with a puzzled expression, saying, "Old~". I stood up directly and looked at Kexin coldly, saying,
"I've already said, don't call me that. I don't want to say it a third time."
Kexin also hurriedly stood up. "Okay...okay...okay, I won't call you that anymore. What's wrong with you? What do you mean by calling me '
Old~'? I promised him I wouldn't call you 'Old~'. Did I do something wrong again? Tell me, and I'll change."
I knew I had acted impulsively. Saying some things wouldn't be good for anyone. I shook my head, sat down again, and said...
"It's nothing, sit down, eat quickly, I'm leaving after you finish." I know my
expression, my words, and my tone are all cold and frightening. But I don't want to think about Kexin
's feelings anymore. Yes, did she consider my feelings when she did those things? Did she think about whether I would be sad,
upset, or in pain? I think she didn't.
Since she didn't, why should I care about her? It's better to cut ties completely.
Kexin choked up, and I knew that given our current state, we couldn't finish the meal.
I stood up to leave, remained silent for a while, and calmed myself down. I wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say
. I sighed and said, "I'm leaving, you get some rest." Just as I was about to turn and walk towards the door,
Kexin looked up and softly called, "Wait."
Kexin put down her chopsticks and stood up, looking at me blankly. I turned my head away, avoiding Kexin's
eyes. Kexin said softly, her voice trembling with tears, "So you knew all along. I was even hoping you'd pity me, forgive me.
How ridiculous. Hearing what you said today, I realized how many
shameful things I've done, how many things I've hurt you. I won't explain anymore, and I can't explain anyway. The important thing is, you won't believe
me, you won't forgive me. I don't deserve your trust or forgiveness.
Now I know how much you hate me, how disgusted you are with me. But even so, after you came back, you still wanted to see
me, still wanted to talk to me." She paused, then continued, "...and even considered my feelings. I wish I
could kill myself. How could I be so cruel, so hurt to you?" "I hate myself so much," Kexin said,
raising her right hand and slapping her pale face twice. Two overlapping handprints appeared. It happened so fast
I couldn't stop her.
Seeing Kexin raise her hand again, about to continue hitting herself, I stepped forward, grabbed her right wrist,
and used my strength to stop her from hitting herself further. Holding Kexin's wrist with my right hand, I looked
at her slightly swollen cheek with a pang of heartache.
I said helplessly, "Kexin, you don't need to do this. I told you all this not to see you
hurt yourself. Calm down, okay?" "I let go of Kexin's hand," I said, and she stopped hitting herself. I continued
, "It's better that you've told me. Don't hold onto the idea that I can come back. What you did in the past has crossed
the line I can't accept. I can't get over it. And..."
I paused, looking at Kexin as I continued, "And... I'm pregnant with a child, with Leng Bing Shuang."
At the mention of the child, Kexin's body went limp and she collapsed to the ground. I was prepared and quickly
went to support her, helping her to a chair. Kexin looked up at me, her eyes filled with disbelief and questioning. She weakly
asked, "Really...really?"
I let go of Kexin and sat down, nodding. "Yes, I didn't know at first. Leng Bing Shuang
kept it from me. Three years ago, I was in a car accident and was in a coma for three years. I only recently woke up and
found out I was pregnant."
Upon hearing this, Kexin collapsed onto the dining table and cried uncontrollably for a long time, her sobs sounding like she was about to suffocate
. It breaks my heart. Yes, it would have been better to tell Kexin sooner, but I never expected her to be so heartbroken. Because
I had a child with another woman, Kexin knows that reconciliation with me is impossible. That's why she's so sad. Actually,
I thought that in these three years, Kexin would be with Sijian and would have forgotten me long ago. But
seeing how Kexin treated me today, I know that she still loves me deeply, it's not fake, I can feel it. I feel relieved, heartbroken, and
helpless.
Seeing that I didn't speak, Kexin slowly stopped crying, raised her head and sat there blankly. After
a while, Kexin said, "I'm sorry, I'm such a failure as a wife. Not only could I not help my husband,
but I almost killed him, I made him suffer so much. Waaah... Waaah, thank goodness you're okay, otherwise
I would never forgive myself. I'm sorry, I destroyed a perfectly good family with my own hands." Kexin
started crying again as she spoke. Kexin wiped her eyes with her hand, "Waaah...waaah, I really understand now. How could someone like me
be worthy of you? I won't bother you anymore, I'll let go. Yes, I'm far inferior to Leng Bing Shuang.
She loves you so much, and she's so good to you. I wish you both well, waaaah."
Kexin's words really made my heart tremble. Humans are so pathetic. Kexin begged me to forgive her
and be with her, and I desperately pushed her away, disgusted by her. But when she was really leaving, I felt reluctant.
Couldn't I be heartless? What was there to be reluctant about for someone who hurt me like that?
That was the thought that flashed through my mind in an instant. I could never truly forgive her, no matter how reluctant I was. Besides, I still
had Leng Bing Shuang and Xiao Ji. They were more important to me; they were the ones I loved, the
ones I should cherish and protect.
Having figured this out, I glanced at the bowl Kexin had only taken a bite of. I softened my expression and tried
to speak gently to Kexin, "It's good that you think that way. Eat something, I'll watch you eat, and I'll go back after you finish."
Seemingly touched by my words, Kexin gradually stopped crying, though tear tracks remained on her face. She didn't look up
at me, but obediently nodded and picked up her chopsticks. She glanced at the chopsticks on my plate, paused for a moment, and
moved her lips as if to say something. However, she didn't speak and silently began to eat. I guessed that Kexin probably
wanted me to eat something too. Thankfully, Kexin didn't make me eat. In this old home, so many things were vivid
in my mind; I really didn't want to stay any longer. Let alone have any appetite. When I agreed to come here with Kexin at noon, I thought that after
so much time, returning here wouldn't be a problem. But after arriving, I realized that from the moment I walked in, I felt aversion
to this place. Even disgust.
Time passed slowly, and the table was quiet, save for the occasional sound of Kexin chewing. I sat there,
my mind wandering, thinking of Leng Bingshuang, the child, Kexin, XX (Sijian's mother, I don't know her name
), and Sijian. A jumble of thoughts—happiness, heartache, helplessness—filled my mind. This
oppressive silence was unbearable; it was agonizing. Time seemed to drag on endlessly. I wished it would pass quickly. But
Kexin seemed to be eating very slowly on purpose. After about 15 minutes, Kexin put down her chopsticks, but she didn't…
She seemed too full to eat any more, so I stopped trying to prolong the time.
Kexin looked up, her face showing reluctance. I was about to suggest we go back when Kexin spoke first
, but without looking at me, she said guiltily, "Honey, could you stay a little longer with me
? You don't need to talk to me, just being there is enough. I know it's too much, but the thought of being alone in this house again after you leave
scares me." Hearing Kexin ask me to stay made my head spin. She
said she wanted to have dinner with me this afternoon, and I agreed. Now that we've eaten, she wants me to stay. Will she even make
me sleep here in the end?
I didn't say anything, stood up and walked to the living room, just standing there. I stared at the bedroom that Kexin and I used to share for
a while. That's when I noticed Kexin also came into the living room, standing a few meters away from me, looking at me with her hands clasped in front of her,
a little nervous.
I didn't look at Kexin; my gaze shifted back to the living room, scanning the room before settling on the sofa. Thinking back, I remembered how Sijian
used to lie on this very sofa, with Kexin sitting naked between his legs. They were inseparable. Their expressions
… that's all I know from what I saw. What about the things I didn't see or know? I turned to look at that former
bedroom, then quickly scanned the entire "home"—the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room—remembering all the
shameful things Kexin and Sijian had done. Finally, my eyes were fixed on Sijian's old room. My face paled, and I took a slight
step back.
(PS: I think the three-year coma of Xu Jian is a bit far-fetched. The time span is too long;
too much can happen in three years. It feels like the author just wrote it casually without much thought. I want to change it to three months,
which is different from the original. Also, why didn't Xu Jian dislike the house before? My explanation is that Xu Jian hadn't
completely given up on Ke Xin. Xu Jian asked Ke Xin to get to school within 50 minutes, and Ke Xin took two hours. This was
a multiple-choice question from Xu Jian, and Ke Xin chose Si Jian. Therefore, Xu Jian confronted her in despair. This explanation is perfect.)
I glanced at Ke Xin out of the corner of my eye. Ke Xin noticed me staring at Si Jian's old room and then scanning the whole house.
Perhaps realizing what I was looking at, her body trembled slightly. I turned around and coldly said to Ke Xin,
"You still want me to stay with you?" Ke Xin lowered her head in a panic and didn't speak, only nodding.
I chuckled self-deprecatingly, my tone still cold. "Then let me ask you, where else can I find a place to sit
? Where can I even sit?" As soon as I finished speaking, I wondered if I was starting to have a mental breakdown. One moment I felt
a pang of pity for Kexin, the next I felt disgusted by my coldness. I shook my head to calm myself, deciding to get rid of Kexin's entanglement and leave before
thinking about anything else. I didn't want to stay any longer.
Kexin clasped her hands tightly in front of her, cautiously raising her head to look at me. Seeing my cold stare, she
turned her head away in fright, stunned for a moment, then asked me tentatively, stammering, "You... what's wrong?
I didn't... understand what you said."
I continued to stare at Kexin, snapping, "Are you stupid or am I stupid? You don't understand, do you? Let me explain clearly. I'm
saying this place, this whole place is where you and that person did that. Do you understand? Do you want me to
explain it more clearly?" I pointed to each room and corner of the house as I spoke. My body was trembling. I
had lost all my previous composure; all I felt was anger.
Kexin collapsed to the ground, tears streaming down her face and dripping onto the floor. She cried out, "Don't say anymore
, please, don't say anymore. It's not like that, I didn't." Seeing Kexin's miserable state,
I felt no pity, no sympathy, but rather a sense of pleasure, as if this was Kexin's own retribution. She brought it upon herself.
I coldly looked at Kexin slumped on the floor, saying nothing more. I didn't help her up. I didn't want to
touch her. Kexin didn't get up either. She just stared ahead, feeling my cold gaze, her already pale
face turning even whiter. She didn't dare look at me, but still managed to explain, "I didn't, I didn't… Yes, I admit it,
I did that… that kind of thing with him in this room,"
Kexin said, pointing to Sijian's old room, her fingers trembling. Then, pointing to her and my old bedroom,
I said, "Really, we've never been in our bedroom. You have to believe me, I'm not lying to you anymore. I know
it's useless to say this now, since I've already betrayed you, but I still hope that I can be a little bit cleaner in your heart."
Kexin looked at me, her eyes filled with hope, unease, and guilt.
I looked at Kexin too, without saying whether I believed her or not, and continued to ask, "What about other places?" My gaze swept
around the room.

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