Cherish the girl who gave you her first time

I've had four girlfriends: three classmates and one online friend. When I was with her, three were virgins (except for the online friend): one was a high school classmate, one was a college classmate (Xiaojing, my first time and her first time), and one is my current girlfriend. This story happened during my college years, and the female protagonist is Xiaojing. Eight years ago, I entered university, completely liberated from the oppressive life of three years of high school. All the depression vanished the day I received my acceptance letter. After a two-month summer vacation of relaxation, I dragged my tired body to register for university. At the school gate, I saw her for the first time: a slender figure, fair skin, and a fairly pretty face that looked somewhat immature due to the lack of makeup. 'Little girl,' that was my first impression of her. Because taxis are prohibited from entering the campus, she stood helplessly at the gate, looking around, with two backpacks and a huge suitcase at her feet. "Damn, they don't even go to help a pretty girl. These self-proclaimed well-read bastards really don't know how to cherish women, they have no compassion." I fiercely despised the university's 'elites'. Since I'm from the local area and didn't have much luggage, I greeted her warmly and offered to help with my things. We naturally started getting to know each other. Her name was Xiaojing, and she was majoring in Measurement and Control Engineering in the School of Mechanical Engineering. She was from Wuxi, Jiangsu. I always thought there were few girls studying science and engineering, and that they were all rather plain-looking. The School of Mechanical Engineering was especially notorious for this (where do pretty girls study this major?!), so I was always troubled by my choice of Computer Science, and at the same time, I deeply sympathized with the male students in the School of Mechanical Engineering. (It seems there are exceptions; some are indeed beautiful and attractive). I was already panting halfway there. Those two large backpacks were incredibly heavy; I really couldn't understand what was inside them. How could a girl register like she was moving house? After finally getting her to her destination, I was about to take a stroll through the girls' dormitory when the gatekeeper stopped me outside: "Girls' dormitory, boys are not allowed." I pleaded, "Auntie, look at these three big bags, let me help her carry them up." The gatekeeper's stance was firm: "I'll carry them for her." Faced with the 'kind' gatekeeper, I was furious. Although reluctant, to maintain a respectable image in the eyes of the beautiful girl, I turned and left with a friendly smile. Back in the dormitory, I realized I'd forgotten to exchange phone numbers! 'Heaven is jealous of talent!' I glared fiercely at the blind heavens, 'What damn bad luck!' But I could only shake my head helplessly; going against fate usually doesn't end well. After two days of rest, military training began, and I experienced the brutality of military life for the first time. Standing in formation, I wearily looked at the girls opposite me, tanned like little black radishes. My heart was as pure as a baby's, without a trace of evil thought, not even the energy to entertain any wicked ideas. Every day after training, I felt that eating was a waste of time, washing up was superfluous, and the ladder to my bed seemed endlessly long. That period was unforgettable; the physical and mental exhaustion prevented me from having any erotic dreams for half a month! However, my morning erection proved I hadn't lost my fertility. Although the years were tough, they passed quickly, leaving dark marks on our faces. At the opening ceremony, rows of potato-like faces announced the end of the annual freshman military training and the official start of wonderful university life. I sat alone in the cafeteria, closing my eyes and fantasizing about the arrival of my university sexual bliss. Just as I was about to drool, a clear, sweet voice rang in my ear, "Hello." "A woman!?" I jolted awake, shaking my head vigorously, trying to banish those filthy thoughts from my mind, and my upright expression returned. I glanced at the girl smiling at me. Just like when we first met, except her face was slightly dark, she looked very healthy, and her shoulder-length hair was styled in a cute ponytail. "Do you remember me?" "Of course I remember, Xiaojing, right?" I replied amicably, swallowing back the words "I remember all the beautiful women" that were about to slip out. "Thank you for that day, otherwise I really wouldn't know how to get home." "Don't mention it, it's nothing, helping others is a pleasure." In fact, I never help old ladies cross the street, and I wouldn't hand over found money to the police. I've done so many helpful things that you can count them on one hand. Then, we walked around the campus together. Learning from the previous experience, this time we exchanged phone numbers... "Who was that girl?" As soon as we entered the dorm, Lao San couldn't wait to ask. "Which one?" "Damn! How many do you have? It's the one you led around the campus with." "Oh." So I told them how I met Xiaojing. "You're quick on your feet, aren't you? School just started and you've already got her?" "We're just friends," I said guiltily, feeling ashamed of my earlier ill intentions. "Friends can develop into something more. It's only been a few days, take it slow," the fourth brother said with an air of experience. "Quiet, quiet," the eldest brother said seriously, then turned to me with a lewd grin that sent chills down my spine. There was a hint of mystery in his smile, but the rest was lewd and disgusting: "Did you kiss her just now?" I choked on my drink, spitting out half my mouthful of water: "Damn, I haven't even held her hand yet! How can you be so lewd? This is an insult to my character!" "You'd better hurry, or you'll miss your chance," the third brother said with a hint of schadenfreude. "That's not your turn, give up." The eldest brother was worried for me: "Those guys in the mechanical engineering department are ruthless, such a pretty girl was left out... hehe..." "Well, I have to check it out first, see if there's anyone better." At that time, I was still quite ambitious, but I was getting a little impatient. "You should go for it first, then we'll talk about it when someone suitable comes along. We should have a wide selection process and focus on developing them." The third brother chimed in from the side. "Am I that kind of person? You're too much of a beast, you're not even human." I said that, but I was a little tempted. A few nights later, the brothers in the dormitory went out for dinner together. We drank a bit too much, and in our dizziness, we started talking about me and Xiaojing (no wonder, when men drink, besides bragging, it's all about women). I had indeed heard that someone was pursuing Xiaojing these days, which Xiaojing had subtly hinted at to me. Encouraged by a group of bad friends and emboldened by the "alcohol emboldens the coward" principle, I mustered up the courage to send Xiaojing a text message I would never have sent sober: "Xiaojing, I like you. I dream about you every night. Will you be my girlfriend?" (The next day, after sobering up, I looked at this poorly written "love letter" and couldn't help but doubt Xiaojing's taste. How could she be won over by such a mediocre skill?) Time ticked by, and half an hour later, just when I was about to despair, Xiaojing replied with a text: "Where are you now?" "In the dorm, talking to my buddies about us." I lied to myself, not daring to say I was out drinking and bragging, while also comforting myself that "the second half is the truth," I wasn't lying. "I've never been in a relationship before, you're not lying to me, are you?" This time, Xiaojing replied quickly. "I'm not a bad person, why are you saying this to me? This is my first time too, I just like you. If you don't agree, just tell me, there's no need to doubt my character." I pretended to be indignant, but inwardly I admired Xiaojing's keenness. I could only lie through my teeth (actually, I didn't believe Xiaojing hadn't dated before either. Later I found out that Xiaojing was telling the truth to me, while I only told the truth in one of my three text messages. My character is really not good). "Come pick me up from the dorm at 6:30 tomorrow morning, let's have breakfast together." "Okay, see you there." I pinched my cheek, it hurt a little, it wasn't a dream. "Were you really in the dorm yesterday?" Xiaojing asked me at breakfast the next day. "Yes, why do you ask?" I was a little unsure, but still added, "We were chatting, talking about us." "Oh, nothing, so... when did you like me?" Xiaojing's face turned a little red, and I could only strain my ears to hear the last part. 'We're not doing anything wrong, why are you whispering?' "Sneaking around like this, it's like adultery," I thought to myself. "I liked you the day I saw you, but I was too shy to say it," I said, feigning shyness. "Heh, so you were bold enough to say it yesterday?" (Small://444964)"It was under everyone's guidance and encouragement from my roommates that I felt so bad keeping it all inside. Even if I got rejected, we could still be friends." As for how they encouraged me, I dared not say; I might get slapped if I did. "Is this really your first girlfriend?" "Why are you doubting me again? I really am." "Hehe, doesn't seem like it." Girls are naturally more sensitive about this, I could only think that. Under my prompting and questioning, Xiao Jing finally told me why she suspected I wasn't in the dorm—it turned out she received my text message and went to my dorm building alone, wanting to talk to me face-to-face. Finding the lights off, she asked me that, which is why it took her so long to reply to my first text. Hearing this, I was touched and held her hand tightly for the first time. "Huh? So when did you start liking me?" Seeing that Xiao Jing was no longer suspicious, I relaxed. "Why are you asking this?" Xiao Jing countered. "...You asked me first! I'm just returning the favor." "I was still trying to reason with her. 'Eat quickly, it'll get cold, and you have class soon.'" "..." And just like that, I was 'tricked' into Xiaojing's arms without even realizing it. Thus began my three-and-a-half-year-long relationship with Xiaojing. As the saying goes, misfortunes never come singly, and this was certainly true. Just as I was immersed in happiness, tragedy struck. Due to excessive indulgence, I failed two courses in my first semester of freshman year, while Xiaojing received a scholarship. The blow to my self-esteem was immense. Looking at my transcript, I felt a little shaky. "I answered quite a few questions, how did I get such low marks? The teacher is really incompetent." "How can I ever hold my head up in front of Xiaojing again?" For the sake of my manly dignity, I cut back on my indulgent time for the next semester and started studying with Xiaojing (I haven't failed a course since then, and I'm very grateful to Xiaojing). Although there was less laughter and joy, my relationship with Xiaojing progressed rapidly. Except for that final hurdle, we did everything I could think of. Xiaojing was very good to me, giving me small surprises every now and then, and even taking my smelly basketball jersey to wash, which often touched me. The peaceful days ended in the first semester of my junior year. That day, it was a friend's birthday, and I took Xiaojing to celebrate with him. There were many people, and it was very lively. I introduced Xiaojing to my best friends for the first time, and I could see the nervousness on Xiaojing's face and the surprise on my friends' faces. "Xiaojing, it's a pity you're with him, why don't you reconsider?" "Yeah, what a waste of your talent!" "Listening to my brothers' teasing, especially their praise, she seemed very happy. During dinner, Xiaojing sat quietly next to me, listening to my brothers and me ramble on, occasionally tugging at me to signal me to drink less. The party ended close to midnight, and since the dorm was locked, we had to stay at a nearby hotel (although I could have asked them to open the door, I didn't want to bother the doorman). Despite Xiaojing's weak objections, I pulled her, her face flushed, into the room. As soon as we entered, I hugged her and started kissing her, something we'd done before, and Xiaojing didn't resist too much. Then, at my insistence, we took a shower together. Although it wasn't the first time I'd seen Xiaojing's body, seeing her 1.65-meter height and only 45-kilogram weight still made my heart ache. Xiaojing seemed to realize the situation was irreversible, and before leaving the bathroom, she asked me very seriously, 'Will you stay with me in the future?' 'Yes, you'll always be my wife.' This irresponsible statement, which I said casually at the time, became the biggest lie of my life." That night, Xiaojing and I barely slept. It was our first time, and we were both a bit clumsy. Although I'd watched a lot of porn and considered myself experienced, I only realized the gap between reality and fantasy when it came to actually doing it. Xiaojing kept crying out in pain, which made me sweat profusely. After trying every method I could remember, it took more than two hours to finally conquer Xiaojing's stubborn hymen. By then, Xiaojing was in so much pain that tears streamed down her face. I gently lay on top of Xiaojing and carefully picked up the handkerchief stained with her menstrual blood (for this, Xiaojing...). Jing kept saying I was a pervert, but I never got an answer as to what exactly I was perverted about. In the end, she still managed to get rid of that precious handkerchief (she's probably been silenced). To appease her, I used every trick in the book, and only then could I slowly hear her breathing, tinged with pleasure. I was completely exhausted, and she had already taken me twice. I cursed porn for being so harmful, and I solemnly tell everyone: women are not just about being penetrated a couple of times and moaning like in those movies! I seriously underestimated Jing's abilities. Overestimating myself severely damaged my chauvinistic pride. To prove my strength, I had sex with Xiaojing four times, but reality told me that virgins are much stronger than virgin men. I hurt her body, and she hurt my dignity. Although Xiaojing told me afterwards that it felt good, I could only force a smile. The first time, I only lasted less than five minutes, and the second time I barely lasted ten minutes. Such a result was more embarrassing than failing a course (I only found out later online that my score was already...). (That was pretty good). The next morning, having said goodbye to our virginity, we left the hotel, carrying a bittersweet sense of shared fate and the bliss of our impending union. Thankfully, I didn't have class that day. I felt groggy all day, severely exhausted and with aching back and knees, but I couldn't fall asleep. Xiaojing wasn't asleep either; her eyes kept calling me even with her eyes closed. Couple SIM cards are such a rip-off! Why are calls between SIM cards free? This seriously violates China Mobile's consistently unethical practices. After that, my relationship with Xiaojing underwent a subtle change. Xiaojing became more demanding of me, not only regarding my studies but also my personal hygiene and the time we spent together. We would occasionally go to that hotel and ask for the same room. Unlike other classmates, we didn't rent a place together. We were quite in sync on this point. Girls are shy and afraid their classmates would find out about our relationship, but what was I afraid of? I still don't understand. Anyway, an occasional passionate encounter was much more exciting than being together every day. Xiaojing also started dressing the way I liked, but she never wore heavy makeup; she knew I didn't. Her waist became so thin it was almost as thick as my thigh, and she kept saying she wanted to lose weight. Later, I was afraid she would develop anorexia, so I forced her to eat, and this improved somewhat. I could also feel that her dependence on me was growing stronger. As graduation approached, Xiaojing and I kept avoiding that sensitive issue: we lived in different cities, thousands of miles apart, and how to be together was indeed a difficult question for us. But problems always come, and no matter how much we avoided them, they had to be solved eventually. One evening in the second semester of our senior year, Xiaojing and I returned to the hotel room where we had our first meeting. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, which made me feel a little sad. Then, for the entire night, we made love almost frantically. An ominous premonition made me desperately vent, afraid to think about it. This time, Xiaojing screamed and shouted wildly, losing her usual quietness and reserve, until we were both exhausted. Xiaojing buried her face in my chest, silent for a long time before breaking the silence: "I'm going back soon. My family has found me a job." "Really? That's great." I really didn't know whether to congratulate her or comfort her. "Would you like to go to Wuxi? If you go, I'll ask my dad to arrange a job for you." "I will never be a kept man," I gave myself a plausible reason. But deep down, I knew my parents would never allow me to leave them, and could I really leave them? I tried to stay calm: "Can you stay? Let's take the postgraduate entrance exam together." "And after we finish graduate school?" "..." I knew I couldn't persuade her to stay, just as she couldn't persuade me to leave. That day was the last time we went to that familiar room. After that, Xiaojing never called me again, never sent me a text message, deliberately avoiding me, and we never even met. I never imagined I had hurt her so deeply. Soon, graduation day arrived, and classmates embarked on their journeys home. I watched her leave from the flowerbed not far from Xiaojing's dormitory, seeing her looking around with hopeful eyes. Several times I wanted to rush over and stop her, but I knew it was impossible. I didn't even have the courage to go and say goodbye. Watching her receding figure, I realized how important and reluctant I was to have everything I had. From now on, I might never see my Xiaojing again. I walked heavily back to the dormitory, and my roommate, unusually serious, said: "Xiaojing is gone?" I nodded. "Did you give it to her?" "No," I replied, my heart aching. "The letter she gave you." Seeing my questioning look, the older brother added, "She gave it to me the day before yesterday, telling me to give it to you after she left." I opened the letter; it contained only two sentences—"I gave you everything I could, but you only gave me an unfulfilled promise. Did you ever really like me?" The weather outside didn't drizzle like in the dramas; the blazing sun scorched my fragile heart, while my mood was clouded with gloom. If I hadn't taken her virginity, perhaps I would feel a little better now. Postscript: Four years have passed, and Xiaojing has never contacted me again. She deleted all contact information related to me: phone number and QQ. After working for two years, I returned to my alma mater to pursue a master's degree.The familiar yet unfamiliar campus filled me with mixed emotions. My former love was gone, but I could still vaguely see her figure, leaning on each other, on the paths we used to walk together. A year ago, I met my current girlfriend, my junior, a newly enrolled master's student in software engineering. She's four years younger than me, with a fair complexion somewhat resembling Xiao Jing, even their figures are similar—skinny to the point of being heartbreaking. Walking with her felt strangely familiar, even though it was a past I didn't want to recall. I knew Xiao Jing had left an indelible mark on my heart. The only difference was that her home was less than ten kilometers from mine. So many years have passed, and I thought I had forgotten the pain. But a few days ago, a message from an unknown number on QQ, adding me as a friend, shattered the sealed memories, even though I was invisible. I wanted to close it, but the verification message made me unable to believe my eyes: "I'm getting married tomorrow, Jing." I frantically added her as a friend, desperately trying to talk to her, but there was no response. It was just a temporary number she had created just to send this one message. But to my relief, she still kept my only means of contact. That night, my heart was breaking; I could almost feel Xiaojing's despair four years ago when she left, and the pain she felt leaving that letter. And all I left her was pain. To console my conscience, which hasn't died yet, I decided to write this article, and also to express my longing and apology to Xiaojing, even though she may never see it. I wanted to write something lighthearted, but the part about our breakup left me feeling quite down; I hope you'll forgive me. Finally, I want to give you all a piece of advice: if a virgin loves you deeply, and you still care about her, especially if she's willing to give herself to you, don't break her virginity unless you're certain you can be with her. A moment of pleasure might leave you and her with indelible regret and remorse. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.

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Cherish the girl who gave you her first time

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