The beginning of a psychopath

I'm 23 years old this year, and I like the topic of "green moms" (a term referring to women who are cuckolded or unfaithful), specifically the "green" aspect (referring to the cuckolded nature of the relationship) and not the "promiscuous" kind. Many people might not understand this. Among those I've met who share this interest, some have mothers who are domineering and strict, others have mothers who are promiscuous and have affairs, and others have other reasons… It's safe to say that everyone's reasons for liking this are different, and it's hard to understand unless you've experienced it yourself. My interest stems entirely from an accident that happened 7 or 8 years ago.

I remember it was a summer after I graduated from junior high school. My mother was about 38 or 39 years old, my father was away on a business trip, and my mother and I attended a company dinner. During the meal, my mother went to the restroom and bumped into a woman. This bump led to a nightmare for both of us. The woman was the wife of one of the so-called "gang leaders" in our area. My mother accidentally bumped into her in the restroom, and the woman started swearing. My mother argued with her for a few moments, but they were eventually separated. However, this vicious woman probably felt wronged and humiliated, so she went after my mother… My husband's men abducted my mother and me on our way home after dinner. They took us to a secluded courtyard, where four or five men, some in their twenties and others in their forties, surrounded us and started punching and kicking us. At first, we resisted, and my mother kept saying they were lawless. Later, my mother, afraid that I would be hurt, begged them to let us go. But these heartless scumbags not only didn't stop, but they also gang-raped my mother in front of me. I was small and thin and didn't even have time to resist before I was knocked to the ground and witnessed the whole thing... After satisfying their lust, they dumped us on the roadside. Luckily, it was late at night and there weren't many people around. I helped my disheveled mother back home. I wanted to call the police, but my mother cried and begged me not to tell anyone, especially not my father. She said it was for the sake of our family, and if I called the police, she wouldn't be able to live. Although I didn't understand why at the time, I didn't call the police. More than a week later, my father returned from a business trip, and I didn't say anything. Everything was as if nothing had happened, and my father naturally knew nothing.

Although this incident didn't have any impact on my family, it left an indelible mark on my heart. Before that, I had only learned a little about physiology in sex education class, and I had never seen a woman's naked body, let alone witnessed sexual intercourse. But that night, fate played a cruel joke on me, as if to give me a "make-up lesson."

I not only witnessed a real woman's breasts for breastfeeding and her vagina for giving birth, but I also saw real sexual intercourse. I just never imagined it would happen in this situation, especially since the woman was my own mother, and by so many men… Many people might think I'm a beast, having thoughts of my mother being violated. Yes, I admit I think I'm perverted. At the beginning of that night, I was just terrified, afraid they would hurt me and my mother. Although I was in pain from being beaten, the moment they pulled off my mother's dress, ripped off her bra and panties, and pinned her naked to the ground with her legs spread, the instant her external genitalia were fully exposed, my fear and pain were overshadowed by a strange excitement, and even my penis gradually became erect. When they started violating my mother, I completely forgot about my mental state and the pain. The men's lewd laughter, their obscene curses, and my mother's pleading cries made me forget that it was my own mother being raped. In my eyes, it was just a female animal mating with several male animals. Especially when my mother was forced to kneel on the ground, her buttocks raised, being penetrated from behind in what was supposedly a doggy-style position, it reminded me of the female and male dogs I'd seen on the street. I realized then that relationships between men and women could also be like that.

After that incident, my mind became twisted. I would fantasize about my mother being violated again, this time in front of me. I would also masturbate while recalling the scene or fantasizing about new scenarios, though I would feel a deep sense of guilt afterward. But the guilt would fade, and I would find myself unable to stop thinking

about it. I think this is a psychological disorder, and I want to overcome it, but sometimes the body always wins over the mind. I've thought about this for a long time before deciding to speak out about it here. I'm only saying this now to ask if everyone thinks I'm very perverted? What are some good ways to stop this perversion? Or is this a normal reaction? But it is indeed extremely immoral and unethical, and I'm very distressed.

[The End]

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The beginning of a psychopath

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