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In real life, I gave up my true love, but made friends online.
My name is Xiaoteng, I was born into an intellectual family, and I'm almost 30 years old. I'm a quiet person, but because I always smile quietly, I've always had a harmonious relationship with my friends. Regardless of gender, people are always willing to confide in me. As someone who collects my friends' secrets, I always shed my own tears while listening to their stories. Over the years, I've become accustomed to listening, but I also need to confide in others, yet no one understands my experiences.
From a young age, I've been a very independent child, possessing a rationality beyond my years. Ten years ago, because of my rationality, I gave up my true love far away and married a man in the same city who loved me, leading a peaceful and uneventful life.
Thus, I have a seemingly happy and fulfilling family: a loving husband and a lovely daughter. But I am not happy. No one knows the struggle within me; no one knows the rebellious spirit in my bones; no one knows that I still have a restless heart, like a volcano, ready to erupt one day.
Perhaps from my teenage years, I've been a good girl while secretly hoping for that volcanic eruption.
Suddenly one day, I missed my beloved far away so much I was going crazy. So I dropped my job and rushed to his city to find him. I felt that if he wanted me, I'd be willing to be his mistress. But when I saw him, reason prevailed, and I returned to my husband and daughter.
A young woman's account: My first sexual affair.
My volcano, in the end, didn't erupt.
Later, I learned to chat online, but most of the time I just hung around, watching people joke and banter in chat rooms, rarely participating.
One day, extremely bored, I typed in a chat room: "Looking for chat partners: not too young, not too ambitious, and not too slow with typing." "Soon, several people started talking to me. I looked around for a while and then called on a person named 'Da Long' (pseudonym) because he cautiously asked, 'Am I okay? I'm not young, I don't have many ideas, but I type very slowly because I just learned to type.'
I typed out a line: 'Don't rush, take your time, I'll wait for you.' " "
Our chat started like this. Before I could ask, he confessed his situation in detail. I told him that no one online would believe the truth, but he said that even online, what he said was the truth...
That day, we chatted all afternoon. I could tell he was very happy, and we made an appointment to chat again the next day. Later, I asked him why he chatted with me. He said it was because I didn't mind that he typed slowly, which showed that I was understanding, and also because my name, 'Xiao Teng,' gave him a feeling of wanting to protect me. We chatted online and offline. Whenever he had free time, he would call or text me. He said he liked to hear my voice, which was sweet and soft.
As the deputy general manager of the company, Da Long had an air of authority between
his
brows, but he was always very gentle with me. He said he couldn't do anything with me because I was too weak, so weak that..." It made him unconsciously want to protect me.
During those days, he arranged for me to stay at a local five-star hotel. Although he had business to attend to, he would come to see me whenever he had free time, and when he was busy, he would send a driver to take me sightseeing.
To this day, I still cherish those short seven days, the most unforgettable seven days of my life. Unforgettable because on the last day, fueled by alcohol, I gave myself to him without reservation. He was so careful, as if I were a precious jade, afraid of breaking me…
We barely slept a wink that night. He said he wanted me to experience what a woman should experience, and he did. His energy was beyond his years; he was a 45-year-old man, 16 years older than me, yet I didn't feel the age difference at all.
After getting up, he opened the safe in the room, took out a box, and said it was for me. I opened it and was stunned; inside were cash, clothes, and other precious gifts.
He said, “I put this in the safe before you arrived. After traveling, you should buy some gifts to take back.” These things are for you and your family. I originally wanted to give you a laptop, but I was worried it would be too flashy if you took it home, so this money is for you to get a high-end computer. This is just a small token of my appreciation, please don't refuse. "
When we parted, I cried. Dalong patted my shoulder, wiped my tears, and tried to cheer me up. He said there were still New Year's Day, Spring Festival, and the May Day holiday, and I could come see him anytime I wanted. A young woman recounts: He disappeared after
my first sexual affair , and I became a fallen woman . Back in Shenyang, we continued to communicate via text messages and emails. The first time, I lied to my husband. I knew I wasn't a good woman, but I still wanted to maintain my family. Suddenly one day, Dalong disappeared from my life. I couldn't reach him by phone, and he didn't reply to my letters. I didn't understand why. For a while, I searched for him frantically, but I was disappointed time and time again. Even his driver had disappeared. During that time, my marriage also had some problems. To relieve my loneliness, I spent a lot of time online, chatting with people I felt I could connect with, and I also met some netizens. Since we were all in the same city, the more we chatted, the more we wanted to meet. If we met and felt good about it, we would take further action." Once something happens, it will happen again, and again… I guess that's just how it is. I'm no longer a faithful wife, so I don't care about having another man. But I'm conflicted. After all, I grew up in an intellectual family with strict upbringing and higher education. I shouldn't be playing such a despicable role. My husband knows I'm proud and arrogant, and very few men would catch my eye. Because of my relatively introverted personality and quiet appearance, I don't seem like the type to play around with life. That's how I've repeatedly taken advantage of my husband's trust, drifting between one man after another. This kind of life has continued until now. Many times, I've wanted to completely change my lifestyle, but it's like an addiction; I'm hopelessly addicted. Ah Yang, after thinking about it for a long time, I've decided to tell you about this experience. As I said before, although I'm used to listening, I'm also a human being, and I need to confide in someone. These things are like a mountain weighing me down; I'm on the verge of collapse. I can't imagine what others would think of me if they found out about these things. I'm just an ordinary woman, after all. I don't know what to do. Can you tell me? A-Yang's Notes: Bravely Saving Myself After receiving Xiao-Teng's email, A-Yang tried to contact her again, but she didn't reply. Therefore, A-Yang didn't have time to ask her many questions, such as: "What kind of happiness do you yearn for? Is it to support one man through life, or to wander among one man after another? If the latter is your choice, why are you unhappy in it?"

(This post was edited by Langlifeilong on 2017-09-17 12:11)

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