That was my first time

She attended tutoring classes during the day and would stroll around the playground in the evenings, chatting with me as she did so. I asked her how school was, and she replied that the entire dormitory building was hers at night. I asked if she was scared, and if so, to talk to me or call me. She said, feeling wronged, that she wasn't even there. I teased her, a hint of jealousy in my voice, "You have so many friends near the school," to which she replied that she would be even scarier if they came. I then probed further, asking what if I were to visit, and she said, "Welcome, welcome." It was just a few jokes, and I didn't take it seriously. So, I continued the conversation, asking where I would stay if I went, since I couldn't get into the boys' dormitory. She suggested I try staying in the girls' dormitory. I nearly popped my eyes out. I told myself it was just a joke, and we started planning how to sneak into the girls' dormitory. I suggested climbing through the window, but she noticed the window had security bars; I suggested going through the main gate, but she said the auntie was on duty there. I suggested waiting until the auntie was asleep and then sneaking in, and she said we could try. Finally, I laughed it off and forgot about it, moving on to other topics. The next evening, I remember very clearly, I was watching TV, watching "The Legend of Lu Xiaofeng," when suddenly a message popped up on QQ: "I want to play basketball with you." Seeing this message, I couldn't help but recall our conversation from the previous day. My mind stopped functioning rationally; I wanted to go find her immediately, even if it meant spending the whole night at an internet cafe. I had already made up my mind.I had the idea of spending the night at an internet cafe, but I still teased her, saying I was going to sleep on the streets. She then said I could stay in her dorm. She would check on the auntie on duty at the gate at night; the auntie would secretly lock the door at 11 pm, hide the key in the crack of the small door, and then sneak away from her post. This gave me a chance to get in. Finally, she ordered me to appear immediately. Unexpectedly, yesterday's jokes were about to come true today; my heart was pounding. I quickly made up an excuse and took the bus to school. That hour on the way was almost the most exciting yet most agonizing time of my life. Some say the best time of life is the journey to a date, and that's probably true. When I arrived at school, she was waiting for me at the bus stop early. She even bought me a scallion pancake, and we walked together like a couple. Afterwards, we played basketball on the court and walked laps around the track until 10:30. The time I'd been eagerly anticipating was finally approaching. She went back to her dorm at 10:30 because if she didn't, her aunt would call looking for her. I waited outside for her to leave. Around 11:10, I was almost asleep when she started waving her arms and legs at the window, making shouting motions. My sleepiness vanished instantly. Soon, her aunt came out of the dorm, quietly locked the door, and secretly slipped the key under the door. After confirming her aunt was far away, I slipped to the door, easily retrieved the key, opened the door, and beckoned me over. My legs were even trembling. Making sure no one was around, I quickly slipped inside along the wall. Following her directions, we entered her dormitory. It was an eight-person room with a rather peculiar smell. Only the two lower bunks had belongings on them; I suppose one of them was made up for me. She said, "Don't get any improper thoughts about me," and then casually crossed her arms. To me, this felt like flirting. Although my heart was pounding, I remained rational. Reaching this point already felt like a great honor. I thanked her for her trust. Because it was late, and there was no further interaction, she turned off the lights and went to sleep. I lay down on the bed across the aisle from hers. After turning off the light, I took off my pants and shirt, changing into my sports jersey and shorts. In the moonlight, I could vaguely see that she was covered with a blanket despite the heat, but I didn't hear her undress. A smile lingered on my lips. I don't know how much time passed, but I was wide awake and, believing she wasn't asleep either, I asked her if she was asleep. She smiled and said in a coquettish voice that she couldn't sleep. She asked me what I was thinking about, and without thinking, I blurted out that I wanted to molest you. She said, "You wouldn't dare." I dared, you wouldn't. I dared, you wouldn't. Her stubbornness stirred my disdain. I suddenly got up, ran to her bed, lay down beside her, and whispered in her ear, "See if I dare." At that moment, I was still rational. I knew we weren't yet a couple, and she had many things that upset me, so I just wanted to scare her and show her my gentlemanly side. Unexpectedly, she leaned in, whispered in my ear, and said very slowly, "You—don't—dare." Ha! Even after all this, she still dared to play with fire. I immediately got up, threw off the blanket, and crawled under it. We lay together, separated by our clothes, and I could feel my rationality fading. She didn't move, just chuckled. I was trembling with excitement, but my mind was indecisive. She… She trusted me so much, how could I...? But she didn't treat me like a man, and I couldn't swallow this insult. So I decided to tease her again. I openly reached my hand to her side and slowly touched her stomach. Through the gap between her shirt and pants, I felt the real texture of her abdomen. At this moment, she still didn't stop me, and I didn't continue to violate her. I touched her stomach for a long, long time. I chose to touch her stomach to satisfy my own desires while making myself appear very gentlemanly, hoping she would think I was just aroused by her, not a heinous villain. But at this point, the more she showed trust in me, the more I wanted to gradually push her boundaries. When she lowered her guard and placed her hand on my stomach, I inadvertently tightened her waistband. The belt was really tight; when I pulled it up a second time, she instinctively grabbed my hand, making it impossible for me to struggle. I had finally crossed her line. We were now huddled together in an odd position; she lay flat on her back, her left hand on my stomach, while I lay on my right side, her right hand tightly holding my left, resting on her underwear. This was probably the first time I had ever touched her hand. After lying there for a while, my right arm, which was pressed against my body, went numb. So I tried to pull my left hand out to roll over. After she realized I wasn't going to do anything further, she let go of my hand, and I rolled over onto my back, sprawled out. I slowly recalled the sensation from just now. I groped around and found her hand, placing it on my stomach. She even moved her hand up and down. On a whim, I used the words she had used to tease me, saying, "I bet you wouldn't dare," wanting to see if she would put her hand inside my underwear. Unexpectedly, she rolled over and climbed on top of me. I was hit hard by her sudden weight, and my penis was painfully pulled by my suddenly tightened underwear. I couldn't help but groan and quickly explained that she was going to ruin my penis. She then bent over, and I took the opportunity to pull off my shorts, leaving me only in my underwear. She slowly sat down again, this time in a higher position, so that her penis wouldn't touch him at all. Then she braced herself on the bed with both hands, looking at me from above. I couldn't see her face, only feel her large breasts. Suddenly, I wanted to feel the texture of her breasts, but I was too shy to touch them, so I gave her a hug. She understood what I meant, pulled her arms away, and lay completely on top of me. Her breasts pressed against my chest, feeling a bit like balloons, full and soft. Her face was buried in my neck, and we could clearly hear each other's breath. At that moment, reason had vanished from my mind. I couldn't tell if she was playing hard to get or testing me, and I no longer had the energy to think about such things. I tried to unhook her bra through her clothes, but I was clumsy and failed. So I turned my attention downwards. I tentatively slipped my hand under her back to the edge of her panties. She muttered "no" softly, but didn't move. I continued to reach further in, and when I reached her buttocks, she said "no" again. I continued deeper, brushing past her anus, and stretched out my arm, but didn't touch anything. I wanted to continue touching downwards, so I suddenly jerked my arm down, making room to move it further. I continued to delve deeper, and suddenly felt a wet little indentation...She immediately cried out, then pulled my hand away and placed it on her buttocks. I said aggrievedly that I hadn't even touched it, but she said she had. How could my hand on her buttocks stay still? I tentatively pulled down her outer pants little by little. She still cried out no, but didn't stop me. After pulling her outer pants down to her knees, I secretly touched her genitals through her underwear. When I touched them, I felt that her underwear was already sticky. She still instinctively stopped me with her hand, so I simply guided her hand to my swollen penis. She seemed reluctant to grasp the base of my penis. It was the first time someone had touched my penis, and I was so excited that I felt like my glans was about to burst. With the arrow on the bowstring, I arched my buttocks and rubbed my penis against her vulva, feeling her flesh through her underwear. Her cries of no became faster and faster, but I became more and more unable to control myself. When she started to grip my penis tightly, I made a gap from the edge of her underwear, quickly grabbed her hand, and slipped my penis through the gap into her underwear. The exquisite feeling was indescribable. Two soft things sandwiched my penis, the sticky fluid filling every nerve. I reached the peak of pleasure, and as I trembled slightly, her moans were drowned out by her purrs. I knew I hadn't yet possessed her, but I was already incredibly satisfied. From beginning to end, my penis seemed to be excitedly holding back its gushing semen. After only a minute or two of friction, I couldn't hold back any longer, and my ejaculation came, leaving streams of fluid in her panties. Everyone else's first time was so long; mine was truly embarrassing... short, no bleeding. When I recovered from my orgasm, I found her sobbing. In an instant, my mind went blank. I had imagined countless scenarios after our lovemaking, but I never expected this ending for my first time. In an instant, the grievances she had caused me, my jealousy of her socialite status, and my betrayal of my goddess all surged into my heart. I couldn't guess why she was crying. Was it anger that I had taken advantage of her trust in me? Still so alluring, yet I held onto a last shred of despair and restraint? The world spun, a poignant indescribable feeling, unsure if I was regretting it. I didn't know whether to apologize or try again next time. Suddenly, I remembered, my millions of offspring were nestled in her underwear. Worried about wandering into inappropriate places, I saw her still crying, speechless. I could only help her pull down her underwear and wipe her clean with my own underwear. I touched that longed-for tender spot, but could only be careful, devoid of any lust. My mind raced through the boys around her, racking my brains to rank me against them. Was I her favorite? Had she done this with other boys? Had she done anything inappropriate while walking with others on the playground? The more I thought, the more insecure I became. I knew my own appearance was average, and I lacked sweet talk; in our relationship, I was mostly in a passive position. But I was certain that at that moment, I hoped she loved me. I touched her tear-streaked cheeks and kissed her deeply, wiping away the tears that had been inflicted on her by my presence. I felt I should make a promise, but I just couldn't bring myself to say "I love you." Finally, she turned her back to me, slowly stopping her crying. I held her from behind and drifted off to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was shocked to find her wearing my baggy shorts, with faded stains on them... I had to sneak out of the dorm before the cleaning lady arrived. I waited for her to come out at 6:30 so we could have breakfast together, but her attitude towards me was completely different. She accepted all my attentions, but remained as quiet as a puppet, not saying a word. The next day, after she got off work, I messaged her saying I was waiting for her, but she said she didn't want to see me. I returned home dejectedly. Perhaps our friendship had come to an end, but on the third day, she initiated a chat with me again, talking about the same things as always, as if that night had never happened, and we both tacitly avoided saying a word about it. The next time I saw her was at the start of my second year of high school. She was still very close to many boys, even fawning over other classmates in front of me. Her attitude towards me was like two separate people; one period she would be unusually kind to me, the next she would be indifferent, cycling inexplicably between these two states. My friend said I was a jerk, that such a good girl must like me, that she was just waiting for me to confess, to make a promise. He didn't understand, and neither did she; I had my own reasons and principles. Time slowly passed, and I never took things further with her. After a serious incident during my senior year that deeply hurt her, we gradually became like strangers. After the college entrance exam, we lived in different cities and never crossed paths again. When she was around, I didn't realize how unique she was, but when I lost her attention, the regret and loss in my heart were hard to hide. Of course, thinking about it now, the regret also includes not seeing her genitals, not taking things further, not making her my woman. So many years have passed; she must have already given herself to other boys. Whenever I think of this, I feel uneasy. During my university years, I watched the anime *Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day*. In my heart, she was the prototype for Menma. Menma was incredibly kind to every boy, and every boy liked her. But I'm selfish by nature; I crave to be loved, and more specifically, to have a unique, exclusive affection. In the final episode, in her letter to Jinta, Menma says, "I love Jinta the most, the kind of love where I want to be Jinta's bride." I cried. Wasn't I also waiting, waiting for someone to say, "The one I truly love is you"? [The End]

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That was my first time

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