[Classical] A letter from Ximen Qing to Shi Nai'an

Dear Sir Shi:
After reading your venomous work, *Water Margin*, online, I commissioned my brothers in both the legitimate and underworld circles, as well as a private detective agency, to search for the author's origins. After much hardship, I finally found you. It's not that we were inefficient, but rather that your fame is far too insignificant. For a mere poor village teacher to dare to spout such nonsense demonstrates just how necessary it is to further strengthen the management of public opinion and the publishing industry. You think you can take advantage of me?
In *Water Margin*, you devoted three chapters, totaling tens of thousands of words, to writing about me, calling me a ruthless and heartless rogue. My lawyer is already preparing to file a defamation lawsuit against you. I, Ximen Qing, have connections with the imperial court and bandits alike; I govern heaven and earth, and even the air in between. How could I possibly be reduced to a rogue like Niu Er? Outrageous!

Your writing about my marriage to Lianmei is a complete mess. You throw around tales like "Wang Po's greedy flattery" and "Mandarin ducks playing in the water," but seriously, what does it matter how many beautiful women a successful man has behind him? You dare to sell that for money? If you're desperate for money, come to me. I might even give you tens of thousands of yuan, much better than your meager earnings of a few dozen yuan per thousand words. It would save you from portraying my tragic love story with Lianmei as adultery. Can you honestly say that the sacrifices we made for love were less than those of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, Jiao Zhongqing and Liu Lanzhi, or Romeo and Juliet? Your thinking is far too rigid and conservative. Furthermore, you repeatedly mention our intimate moments in the book; I have already instructed my lawyer to file a second lawsuit against you for violating my privacy rights.

Furthermore, you, confined to your rural study, rely solely on hearsay, leading to farcical situations like trying to fight a tiger with your bare hands. In my case, this manifests as a lack of on-site investigation, rambling and arbitrary pronouncements, resulting in a book riddled with glaring errors. For instance, when Yun Ge summoned Wu Dalang to catch me in the act upstairs at Granny Wang's house, I clearly kicked Wu Dalang with my left foot, yet you wrote it as my right. Even more intolerable is that Wu Dalang was clearly weak, yet you portrayed me as extremely vicious. I, Ximen Qing, have kicked countless old, weak, and disabled people throughout my life, but none have acted with such ferocity as Wu Dalang! Also, Jinlian and I clearly used potassium cyanide to kill Wu Dalang, yet you insist on writing arsenic. The forty taels of silver I gave He Jiu were written as twenty taels—did you take a kickback for the other twenty? Regarding these inaccuracies, I have already instructed my lawyer to file a third lawsuit against you. Just you wait and see.

Furthermore, I have organized a writing team led by Lanling Xiaoxiaosheng to expedite the writing of "The Good Man Ximen Qing" and purchase an ISBN for publication as quickly as possible. I will also fund a renowned director to adapt it into a film, television series, or radio drama to mitigate the impact of your rotten book. I will also organize three hundred critics to buy six hundred newspaper pages to thoroughly discredit and denigrate you. After that, I will go to the relevant authorities, accuse you of inciting treason, arrest and prosecute you, exile the editor responsible for the book to Ethiopia, and smash the publishing house that published your book to pieces. Let's see who is so foolish as to dare oppose me, Ximen Qing.

Of course, all of this will take time. Until then, you'd better not speak or act rashly, don't jump around like a cornered dog, and especially don't go looking for Wu Song. Otherwise, the civil lawsuit will turn into a criminal lawsuit, and you won't be able to blame me! Respectfully yours,

Ximen Qing

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[Classical] A letter from Ximen Qing to Shi Nai'an

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