Anecdotes of the Three Kingdoms

After Zhou Yu's decisive victory over Cao Cao at the Battle of Red Cliffs, Zhuge Liang seized the opportunity to take Jingzhou and Xiangyang. However, Zhuge Liang had long been observing this situation and devised a plan at Youjiang: first, he would have Zhou Yu fight Cao Ren, while he himself, taking advantage of the two tigers fighting for food, would capture Nan Commandery, Jingzhou, and Xiangyang in succession. Zhou Yu, enraged and with his arrow wound reopening, cried out and fell from his horse beneath the walls of Nan Commandery.
Lu Su went to Nan Commandery to persuade Zhuge Liang to return Jingzhou, but was tricked by Zhuge Liang and returned empty-handed. Taking advantage of the fact that Sun Quan and Cao Cao were preoccupied with other matters, Zhuge Liang planned to seize the four commanderies of Wuling, Changsha, Guiyang, and Lingling to accumulate wealth and provisions for future development.
Zhuge Liang personally led a large army and first captured Lingling. He then ordered Zhao Yun to lead 3,000 troops to break through Guiyang.
But let's leave that aside for now. The prefect of Lingling, Zhao Fan, could not match Zhao Yun's bravery and surrendered early on. Zhao Fan went to Zhao Yun's camp to discuss their friendship.
The two men were from the same hometown, born in the same year, and shared the same surname, so they got along very well and became sworn brothers. They drank for a long time before Zhao Fan took his leave, saying, "Brother, please calm down. I'm going to Lingling City to appease the people. Tomorrow, when the city opens, we'll drink together again." Zhao Yun was delighted, but only instructed him to "be careful." Zhao Fan bid farewell to Zilong and returned to the city.
Leaving aside Zilong, let's focus on Zhao Fan. Upon returning to the city, he first went to his residence to see his sister-in-law. It turned out that Zhao Fan's elder brother had died early, leaving behind his sister-in-law, Lady Fan. Zhao Fan was a kind and honest man, and thus, in serving his sister-in-law for three years, he had not done anything improper or immoral.
Zhao Fan arrived excitedly, running all the way. Before even entering the main room, he shouted, "Sister-in-law, what a joyous occasion!"
A beaded curtain fluttered in the inner chamber, and a plump middle-aged woman dressed in white mourning clothes emerged. She was indeed breathtakingly beautiful: her skin was like jade, her face like a flower, lightly made up, her waist slender, her figure delicate and frail; her eyes were bright and expressive, her lips red and teeth white, her breasts fragrant and tender, her hips round and firm. It was a pity that she had no suitor, wasting this beautiful and charming woman's life.
Madam Fan smiled and said softly, "My dear brother, what is there to be happy about?"
Zhao Fan laughed and said, "I've found you a good husband!"
Madam Fan laughed and scolded, "What nonsense are you talking about! Where have you found me a husband?"
Zhao Fan said, "Do you know Zhao Yun of Changshan, who served under Liu Bei?"
Madam Fan said, "Isn't that Zhao Zilong, who carried A Dou at Changban in Dangyang?"
Zhao Fan laughed and said, "That's him! I met him today, and we got along very well. We became sworn brothers." "My sister-in-law wants to find someone outstanding in talent and appearance, who also shares the same surname as my brother. Now, looking at Brother Zilong, his martial arts are unparalleled, his appearance is handsome, and he shares the same surname as my family. It's not a good situation for you to be a widow; why not marry Zhao Yun and make it a happy occasion?"
Lady Fan blushed with shame, feigning surprise, "What a thoughtless brother! How could you agree so readily?"
Zhao Fan laughed, "Not yet! I came to tell you first, and tomorrow I'll invite Zilong to meet me."
Lady Fan was truly shy and hurriedly returned to her room. Zhao Fan was overjoyed, drinking until midnight, waiting to propose marriage to his brother the next day.
The next day, Zhao Yun led his army to the walls of Guiyang City. Zhao Fan received him, and the two laughed heartily, entering the mansion for a joyous celebration.
Halfway through the night, Zhao Yun became slightly drunk. Zhao Fan then provoked him, asking, "How old are you, brother?"
Zhao Yun smiled and replied, "I've wasted my youth and am nearly forty."
Zhao Fan asked suspiciously, "Have you taken a wife, brother?"
Yun smiled and said, "I've been busy all year, focused solely on the Emperor's cause. How could I have any personal desires? I have no wife."
Fan was delighted and said, "In that case, I've found you a good match!"
Zilong, already drunk, laughed loudly, "What are you saying, brother? How can you trouble your brother with such matters? I will choose a woman to marry when the Emperor's cause is accomplished."
Zhao Fan also laughed loudly, "Brother, you're mistaken! As the saying goes, harmony in the family brings prosperity. Without a virtuous wife, how can one strive to serve the lord? Brother, you must not waste your youth. I see that you are unparalleled in martial arts and handsome in appearance. What woman wouldn't be moved? This matter rests entirely on my shoulders."
The reader may not know that although Zilong was a peerless hero, a true man returns to his roots and longs for a place to settle down. How could a husband remain unmarried for life? It was only because Zhao Yun was devoted to Liu Bei's cause that he had delayed marriage.
Today, however, Zhao Fan's words stirred his heart. Zilong thought, "As the saying goes, of the three unfilial acts, the greatest is to have no descendants. My parents died early, and I have no children. I fight so fiercely on the battlefield, and I am bound to perish. If I lose my life, Zhao Yun's death is insignificant, but what will become of my descendants? How can my Zhao family continue to serve our lord?" Zhao Fan, a shrewd man, seeing his brother's silent demeanor, knew there was a chance, and said, "Brother, listen to me. I have a distant female relative who has been widowed for three years and remains so. Imagine a woman alone, without support, how difficult it must be! If there is war, how can I protect my entire family alone? Why not marry my brother and become his wife? It would be good for both of us."
Zhao Yun frowned and said, "To remarry after widowhood is to lose one's virtue. I dare not do it.
" Laughing, he said, "Brother, you're so foolish! Is she destined to be a widow? Heaven may be unjust, how can you blame her? If you can find a suitable husband and marry her, she can be spared a lonely life! She has no children and her beauty hasn't faded, brother, you shouldn't refuse." Zhao Yun
said, "My dear brother, how can you teach me to do such an unjust thing?"
Zhao Fan said, "Brother, don't be delusional! You've been fighting on the battlefield for years, can you guarantee you'll never be injured? If you really lose your life, who will continue your lineage?" Yun sighed
, "It is precisely because I, Zhao Yun, have been stained with blood that I am unwilling to marry casually. Otherwise, would you, my relative, become my widow?"
Zhao Fan was speechless, and after a long while, he said, "Brother, you are kind-hearted, I won't force you any further." Then he and Zhao Yun drank wine to relieve their boredom.
While the two of them were talking, Lady Fan was already spying from the inner room. Seeing Zhao Zilong of Changshan, so strong and handsome, with such chivalrous spirit, how could the heart of this widowed woman, long grieving, not be moved? Lady Fan had never seen such a hero before, and was truly unsettled, pressing her hand to her chest, her breathing rapid. She felt a burning sensation in her chest, her face flushed.
A lonely woman's heart stirred, a smoldering passion igniting within her!
Zhao Fan, having already noticed his sister-in-law beside him, secretly gave her a wink, then took a packet of powder from his sleeve and sprinkled it into Zhao Yun's cup. Zilong, having drunk much, was already asleep at the table and didn't notice. Zhao Fan raised his cup in greeting: "Brother, drink again!"
Zilong didn't ask any questions and drank it all in one gulp. Seeing that Zilong had drunk the wine, Fan invited Lady Fan to join them at the table.
Lady Fan lowered her head in shame and slowly took her seat, first toasting Zhao Yun. Yun asked curiously, "Who is this lady?"
Lady Fan replied, "This humble servant is Brother Zhao Fan and his wife."
Yun was about to rise and bow to avoid her when he felt an unbearable heat coursing through his body, and he only wanted to undress to receive her. Zilong assumed it was due to excessive drinking and the effects of the alcohol. Unexpectedly, even his "long spear" (a euphemism for erection) couldn't help but rise high! Yun realized he had been tricked and cursed Zhao Fan, "You beast! I said I wouldn't, why did you set this up to harm me?"
Zhao Fan apologized with a smile, "Brother, please don't be angry, it's not like that, you won't marry my widowed sister-in-law!"
Yun was furious, and kicked Zhao Fan, leaving him bruised and swollen. Zhao Fan hurriedly scrambled away, shouting, "Brother, don't be angry, just marry your sister-in-law!"
Zilong's anger surged, his blood boiled, and his "long spear" (another euphemism for erection) stood erect like a pillar reaching the sky! Lady Fan, seeing this, was first startled, her face flushed, and her heart pounded wildly. She no longer cared about her dignity, only wanting to be a perfect match with Zhao Yun!
Zhao Yun, under the influence of Zhao Fan's aphrodisiac, was overcome with lust. He tried to suppress his desires several times, but the drug was too potent, and he could no longer resist. Seeing Lady Fan dressed in white, plump and elegant, so charming and lovely, Zilong (Zhao Yun) seized the beautiful woman and began kissing her passionately. Lady Fan was terrified, half-resisting; Yun shouted, "You slut! Why don't you submit obediently? I, Zhao Yun, have already been betrayed by you; if you dare to do anything more, I will not spare your life!" With that, he drew his sword and ripped Lady Fan's clothes clean. Lady Fan was terrified and did nothing to him.
Zhao Yun, unable to resist any longer, removed his armor and weapons, and began teasing Fan Shi's body with his spear. The woman possessed snow-white skin, high, firm breasts, plump hips, and a delicate, beautiful figure. Zhao Yun had seen many women, but none as alluring and seductive as this. Fueled by the aphrodisiac, he couldn't help but reach out and wildly grope Fan Shi! Fan Shi responded with pleasure, letting out
soft moans; Zhao Yun embraced her beautiful body, kneading and nibbling. Soon, Fan Shi's lower body was gushing with lustful fluids, and she went limp. Zhao Yun raised his spear, anticipating the woman's attack, and with a single, swift thrust, struck her squarely! Fan Shi felt a blockage in her opening, her body stiffened, and she stopped moving. Seeing the woman's alluring beauty, Zhao Yun was overjoyed and laughed, "Although I, Zhao Yun, have never had any sexual experience, I'm no less skilled than my three brothers!"
Full of confidence, he unleashed his unparalleled spear technique, eliciting incessant moans and cries of lust from Lady Zhan.
Zhao Yun, worthy of his reputation as a fierce general of Changshan, had even incorporated this deadly spear technique into his acupuncture; moreover, his spear technique was inherently ruthless, killing his enemies within three moves. Now, facing Lady Fan, he naturally displayed this skill to its fullest extent.
Reader, why did Lady Zhan lose her husband? It turns out that Lady Zhan possessed exceptional sexual skills from a young age, handling them with ease.
Her elder brother, Zhao Fan, was a weak scholar; how could he withstand this woman's nightly lewd pleasures? Thus, he died young. Zhao Zilong fought Fan Shi for less than three rounds, and was greatly surprised: "This woman is so powerful! I underestimated her. Very well, let me show you my strength!"
Zilong was indeed a peerless warrior; Fan Shi could not withstand him and was ultimately defeated. She cried out in pain, climaxing eight or nine times, but Zhao Zilong still did not stop. Fan Shi pleaded, "General, please stop! My humble abode is dry!"
Zilong laughed, "Very well! Let's see if you dare to do that again!"
Fan Shi almost wept, "General, please let me go! I dare not be rude again!"
Zhao Yun laughed, "Very well, I will take you as my concubine, that will not disgrace you, will it?"
Fan Shi dared not disobey. Zhao Fan was overjoyed, first apologizing to Zhao Yun, and then choosing a day to marry him. Thus, Zilong married Fan Shi, but fearing gossip, he only said she was a distant cousin. Therefore, there was a rumor that Zilong never married. This matter was not officially confirmed until Liu Bei entered Sichuan and became the ruler.
Now, Guan Yu, after capturing Jingzhou, heard that his second brother Yide and fourth brother Dilong had each taken two commanderies. Guan Yu, a competitive man, couldn't sit still. He quickly led five hundred soldiers to see Xuande. Kongming laughed and said, "Changsha can only be taken by Guan Yu. I've heard that the old general Huang Zhong, though nearly sixty, possesses extraordinary martial arts skills and is no ordinary man. Guan Yu must not be careless."
Guan Yu laughed and said, "Strategist, don't worry, I will bring Huang Zhong's head to see you, brother and strategist!" He then led his army away. Xuande, fearing for Guan Yu's safety, personally led troops with Kongming to provide support.
Without further ado, Guan Yu and Huang Zhong fought for three days without a victor. Han Xuan, believing Huang Zhong to be a traitor, ordered his execution. Fortunately, Wei Yan killed Han Xuan and rescued Huang Zhong. Guan Yu thus gained control of Changsha. Huang Zhong, a man of iron will, refused to surrender and refused to leave his residence.
At this time, Xuande had not yet arrived in Changsha. Yunchang thought to himself, "Since Huang Zhong refuses to see me, why don't I go and invite him myself? This man's martial arts are superb; if I can persuade him to surrender and help my brother, wouldn't that be wonderful?" So he went to Huang Zhong's residence. After knocking on the door, he entered to see Huang Zhong. Huang Zhong was resting in the backyard at this time. Knowing that Yunchang had arrived,
he did not greet him but pretended to be asleep. Yunchang waited for a long time, but Huang Zhong did not get up. Knowing that Huang Zhong was of a strong character, he could not bear to force him and was about to leave. At this moment, a plump
, fair-skinned noblewoman of about fifty years old, dressed in bright clothes, came out of the house. The woman greeted Yunchang with a deep bow and said, "General, I am Huang Zhong's wife." Yunchang saw that although this Lady Huang was a fifty-year-old woman, she was very well-nourished, with fair and tender skin, a plump figure, and undiminished beauty and charm. Yunchang was most fond of older women, and seeing Lady Huang so charming, his heart stirred, and his lust slowly began to rise!
Lady Huang led Yun Chang into the backyard house, and looking at Huang Zhong, sighed, "My old man has always had this strange temper, General, please don't be offended, I will explain it to him slowly."
Yun Chang bowed and said, "Thank you, Madam! With General Huang's help, my brother will be even more powerful!"
He then secretly lifted his robe, deliberately revealing his large penis to Lady Huang.
Lady Huang, because Huang Zhong was old and had not been intimate for a long time, was very pleased to see Yun Chang in his prime, handsome and talented. Suddenly, she saw Yun Chang slightly lift his robe and was startled to see his enormous penis! She thought, "What a thick one! My old man Huang, though brave, when did he have such a huge member? This Yun Chang is still young, surely ten times more vigorous than old man Huang?" Thinking this, Lady Huang became somewhat disoriented.
Since Yun Chang's affairs with Lady Mi and Lady Gan, he had often been intimate with mature women, and she knew he was depressed and unsatisfied in bed. Huang Zhong, being a fierce and unyielding man, was naturally clueless about romance and certainly knew nothing of matters of the bedroom. This Lady Huang was ten years younger than Huang Zhong, and so beautiful and voluptuous; she must be a mature woman with a keen sense of desire!
Guan Yu was overjoyed, thinking, "If this old woman is reasonable, Huang Zhong will surely be my brother's! Well, at least I can have a romantic encounter too; wouldn't that be perfect?" So he provoked her, saying, "General Huang is exceptionally brave, and I admire him greatly! I wonder if you and he are still as loving as ever?" Lady Huang was greatly embarrassed, her face turning red to her ears. After a long while, she said, "General Guan, what are you saying? How can you speak of matters of the bedroom so casually?" Her heart, however, was pounding like a rabbit.
Seeing Lady Huang's affected and seductive manner, Guan Yu was even more pleased. He mustered his courage and laughed, "Madam, there's no need to be ashamed. I only fear that General Huang is old and no longer in his prime, so I ask: Do you still wish to engage in sexual relations?"
Lady Huang was mortified. Without waiting for her answer, Guan Yu boldly pulled Lady Huang into his arms. Lady Huang was startled and about to cry out, but Guan Yu quickly covered her mouth, whispering, "Madam, there's no need to panic. I only wish to enjoy myself with you for a moment today; I have no intention of harming you! If you would persuade General Huang to surrender to my brother, I will serve you with pleasure every day from now on!"
Guan Yu didn't wait for Lady Huang's reply; he pressed her down, embraced her plump waist, and kissed her face repeatedly. Lady Huang was pinned down by Guan Yu, unable to move. She felt a thick, massive rod pressing against her long-dormant orifice, causing an
unbearable itch. She tried to struggle, but her orifice burned with desire, and she gushed forth a gush of fluid. Lady Huang, like dry tinder, was burning with desire, and she couldn't resist Guan Yu's advances. He stripped her of her silk robes, revealing her plump, fragrant skin, a sweet scent filling the air. Guan Yu, seeing this old woman's alluring beauty at her age, was delighted. He embraced her ample breasts, kissing and biting them incessantly. He himself stripped off his clothes, gripping his large sword high, ready for battle!
Lady Huang struggled fiercely, but only became more aroused and frenzied. Her long-unused breasts and vulva were being played with by Yun Chang to the point of ecstasy, overflowing with lustful fluids that soaked her elegant and luxurious body. She dared not cry out too loudly, lest Huang Zhong notice, so she grabbed a piece of clothing and stuffed it into her mouth. Her entire plump body writhed even more like a snake, appearing increasingly lewd.
Seeing the old woman's lust, Yun Chang was overjoyed and raised his precious sword to strike Lady Huang! He thrust forcefully and violently, striking over a hundred times. Lady Huang was already like a lump of mud, only able to moan softly. Yun Chang dared not linger, quickly ejaculating and finishing.
He then dressed the lady, tidied her hair, thanked her, and secretly left.
Meanwhile, Lady Huang, still lustful after being with Yun Chang, immediately went to the backyard to find Huang Zhong. Huang Zhong was still fast asleep in the pavilion, his chest and breasts exposed, completely naked. The reader may not know, but Huang Zhong had been accustomed to sleeping naked since childhood, a habit he couldn't break even in his old age.
Seeing her husband's enormous penis, comparable to Guan Yu's, Lady Huang couldn't resist her lustful desires. She stripped off all her clothes and reached out her delicate hand to grasp and rub her husband's large penis. In his dream, Huang Zhong felt a beautiful woman throwing herself into his arms, an intense itch that filled him with joy. He quickly bent down to meet her. Lady Huang, at that moment, straddled Huang Zhong's penis, writhing up and down, enjoying herself immensely.
Huang Zhong's penis, as hard as iron, was swollen and ready to ejaculate.
The lady was overjoyed. She dismounted, grabbed her husband's large sword, and began sucking and squeezing it wildly in her mouth! In his dream, Huang Zhong felt as if the beauty's vagina was a clamp, tightly gripping his penis. He thrust forcefully, and with a "plop," a stream of semen flowed into his wife's cherry-like mouth. Huang Zhong awoke then, seeing his wife licking his penis. Overjoyed, he cried out, "Good wife! How loving! That wasn't enough! Let's enjoy ourselves again!" He then resumed his lovemaking with even greater effort.
The lady was also delighted, and the two entwined for an hour, writhing in agony. Finally, old age and declining stamina forced them to part. The lady then urged Huang Zhong to surrender to the Imperial Uncle. Huang Zhong, having received such high regard from his wife, dared not disobey and quickly surrendered. The lady was also delighted, for she would now have two valiant generals, Huang Zhong and Guan Yu, serving her—truly a blessing from heaven!

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Anecdotes of the Three Kingdoms

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