The Erotic History of Wu Zetian

The poem reads:

"I often laugh at my own foolishness, busy with books all day long; beauty fades easily, so don't delay in seeking company with beauties.

Let's unlock our brows with wine, lest weave our scheming into our hair and let the fleeting time slip by, lest we waste our youth."

These eight lines are simply for the sake of life, for time is short and good things are rare, so don't let it be wasted. Since we can't escape the temptations of wine, women, wealth, and power, nor can we avoid the suffering of birth, old age, sickness, and death, it's better to enjoy the beauty of nature and find pleasure in the company of beauties. Indeed: "

To seek endless pleasures beyond ourselves, let's make the most of our limited time."

Now, in the first year of the Daye era of Emperor Yang of Sui, he built the Xianren Palace and the Western Garden, indulging in extravagance. When the palace trees withered in autumn and winter, they were cut into colorful flowers. On moonlit nights, he allowed palace women to roam freely, composing melodies to be played on horseback. As for his debauchery with his mother and sister, that was considered licentious. He then visited Yangzhou to see the Qionghua flowers. Thinking that land routes were inconvenient, he ordered the officials to open the Bian River, and launched dragon boats, with willows lining the waters for thousands of miles. The dead lay piled upon each other, the people were deceitful, bandits rose up everywhere, and sixty-four fiefdoms were established, leading to the change of eighteen reign titles. Which eighteen?

Taiyuan Li Yuan, Liaodong Li Mi, Jiangnan Xiao Shen, Liangzhou Li Gui, Chuzhou Zhu Can, Lanzhou Xue Ju, Youzhou Liu Longzhen, Mingzhou Dou Jiande, Hezhou Liang Shidu, Raozhou Lin Shihong, Huzhou Shen Faxing, Yanzhou Xu Yuanlang, Dengzhou Li Zitong, Jizhou Fu Gong, Youshanhou Liu Wuzhou, Jianzhou Liu Heida, Xiyu Wang Shike, Yangzhou Yuwen Huaji.

These sixty-four fiefdoms were all quelled by Emperor Gaozu of Tang. Taking advantage of Emperor Yang's death at the hands of Yuwen Huaji, he proclaimed himself Emperor of the Great Tang, changing the reign title to Jiande in the year of Wuyin. The historian lamented the fall of the Sui Dynasty, as evidenced by the eight lines of poetry: "

The Purple Spring Palace is locked in mist and haze, He sought to seize the ruined city as his imperial home; The imperial seal did not return to the sun's corner, The brocade sails should have reached the ends of the earth.

Now, rotting grass has no fireflies, Since ancient times, weeping willows have had crows at dusk; The broken mirror was mended by the last emperor of Chen, It is no longer fitting to sing 'The Flowers of the Rear Courtyard'.

" Now, in this biography, there was a man from Jingzhou, named Wu Shiyue, courtesy name Xingzhi, who married a woman surnamed Wang. The couple were over forty and childless. One day, Wang said to her husband, "We are both over fifty and lack offspring. Of the three unfilial acts, the greatest is to have no descendants. Why not take a concubine to bear a son or daughter? What do you think?" Wu Xingzhi smiled and said, "Wise! Since you have such a good idea, I dare not disobey." He then went to find a matchmaker and married the daughter of a carpenter named Zhang from the next village, who was quite beautiful. A month after their marriage, Zhang dreamt that someone was playing with her. She thought it was Xingzhi, but upon closer inspection, she saw a beautiful woman with a jade-like face. Zhang was startled and pushed herself awake. She then felt a premonition and became pregnant. After ten months, she gave birth to a beautiful daughter, much to the joy of the couple. At three years old, she had grown into a beautiful young woman. Wu Xingzhi said to Wang, "This girl will grow up to be very charming." Wang replied, "How about we name her Mei Niang?" Thus, the whole family called her Mei Niang. Later, Zhang suffered another miscarriage and, failing to take care of herself, became weak and died within six months. Wu Xingzhi, heeding his wife's advice, initially intended to take a concubine to have a son, but ultimately, due to financial difficulties, he abandoned the idea. He had a cousin named Wu Cheng. His son and daughter-in-law had died, but they had two grandnephews, named Wu Lang and Shen Lang. Considering they should have one of them as a grandson, he discussed it with Wang. Wang said, "I've heard that one should not adopt a grandson, so the husband should think carefully before acting." Xingzhi said, "This is my own flesh and blood, what's the problem?" He immediately went out and arrived at his brother's house, where he met Wucheng and his sister-in-law, explaining his purpose. Wucheng and his wife said, "That's fine. But the orphan must be properly cared for, so that when he grows up, this good intention will not have been in vain." Xingzhi said, "There's no need to tell him about this." After a while, he called Shenlang out. This Shenlang was only four years old, born in the year of Jia Shen, hence the name Shenlang. As soon as he came out, Xingzhi saw that he was handsome with clear eyebrows and bright eyes, white teeth and red lips, and he was overjoyed. He immediately took him in his arms, praising him profusely, and said to Wucheng, "Since my brother has so kindly agreed, how about I take him and raise him today?" Wucheng said, "Alright. Go back and pay your respects to your wife, and my husband and I will visit him together in a few days." Xingzhi was overjoyed, thanked him, and left. Shenlang was also strange; he only laughed and played along the way, without any fear or worry. When he arrived home, he hurriedly called his wife out and told her everything. Seeing Shen Lang's handsome appearance, Wang Shi quickly took him and kissed him, saying, "What a good boy! He'll surely amount to something someday." Shen Lang and Meiniang were the same age; though aunt and nephew, they played together all day without regard for rank. By the time Shen Lang was seven, he had become even more handsome. A local tutor happened to be living next door and wanted him to attend, so a formal name was needed. After much deliberation, Wang Shi suddenly remembered that when she had taken him in her arms years ago, her wife had told her to think carefully before acting. So she named him Sansi (meaning "Think it over") and immediately sent him to school to begin his education. Meiniang, because of the back door, also went to school and read some classics on filial piety, learning some characters and poetry. Shen Lang, however, was clever; later, he knew everything and could even compose poetry. One day, he bumped into a foreign monk and, upon seeing him, exclaimed in surprise, "What a noble woman! She will rule the world!" Shen Lang replied, "What woman can be emperor!" In the blink of an eye, the foreign monk was gone. Therefore, Wang Shi cherished him even more. After he turned ten and grew into an adult, he no longer went to school but stayed home to learn needlework.

Now, across from the Wu family lived a man named Zhang Yu, nicknamed "Needle in the Flower," a scoundrel who habitually committed illegal acts and associated with a bunch of scoundrels. His closest friend was Jiang Cai, nicknamed "Catfish," who specialized in stabbing people in the hearth and abducting women. He would perform magic tricks, sell aphrodisiacs, or tell fortunes and sell fake medicine on the streets to earn money, either abducting young men or seducing women. Zhang Yu's wife was named Zhou Yumei, originally a singer on a pleasure boat in Suzhou. That year, while performing in Nanjing, Jiang Cai and Zhang Yu also traveled there. They met by chance, and seeing her beauty, Zhang Yu devised a plan to swindle her. Because Jiang Cai possessed aphrodisiacs, he became intimate with Yumei, abandoning her husband and running off with him. They all mingled, the three of them sharing a bed. Later, in Jingzhou, Zhang Yu rented a house across from the Wu family and took Yumei as his wife. Jiang Cai, having nowhere to stay, sometimes stayed in inns, sometimes rested at Zhang Yu's house. Though nominally Zhang Yu's wife, they were in fact engaged in illicit affairs.

It was the tenth year of the Zhenguan era, and Emperor Taizong had decreed that every household should decorate with lanterns and colorful decorations on the Lantern Festival to symbolize a bountiful year. A group of young men, unable to wait until evening, were playing music and merriment in the streets. Wu Meiniang, hearing this, couldn't resist watching and came out to stand at the door, her beauty unparalleled. Meiniang was thirteen years old at the beginning of the new year, and having grown into a beautiful young woman, her hair already styled in a high bun, she was truly a peerless beauty. Zhang Yu, at home, heard the commotion at his door and also came out to see. Turning around and catching sight of Meiniang, he was instantly captivated. He thought to himself, "If I could get this girl, I could sell her into the water and get at least a few hundred taels of silver. How can I get my hands on her?" He then thought, "One person can't outwit two. I might as well find Jiang Cai and discuss it with him." So he went to the streets to look for her and saw Jiang Cai performing magic tricks in front of the county gate, attracting a large crowd. Zhang Yu called out from outside the circle, "Brother Jiang Cai, quickly pack up your costume. I need to discuss something important with you." Hearing this, Jiang Cai quickly packed up and said to the crowd, "I have something to do today. Come back tomorrow." Hearing this, the crowd dispersed. Jiang Cai asked, "What is it, Brother?" Zhang Yu said, "I came to welcome you for the Lantern Festival, and I also have something fun to discuss with you. Let's go home." When they arrived home, Zhang Yu said, "You sit here. I'll go buy some things to make Lantern Festival dumplings." He then left. Seeing Zhang Yu leave, Jiang Cai went upstairs and saw Yu Mei leaning against the window looking at the street, unaware that Jiang Cai had come. Jiang Cai suddenly yelled in Yu Mei's ear, startling her. Yu Mei turned around and saw it was Jiang Cai, cursing, "You scoundrel! You scared me half to death!" Jiang Cai said, "No need to curse, I'll apologize." He then pulled Yu Mei onto the bed and kissed her, then went to pull down her pants. Yu Mei said, "Wait until tonight." Jiang Cai couldn't wait, so he pushed her down, ripped off her pants, lifted her legs, put them on his shoulders, and started thrusting. Yu Mei, aroused, swayed her body and cried out, "My dear, it's so good, don't stop, thrust faster!" Jiang Cai then thrust vigorously, and just as he was getting into the swing of things, they heard a knock at the door downstairs, knowing it was Zhang Yu returning. The two quickly dressed and went downstairs. Yu Mei went to prepare the food and wine. Zhang Yu went to the door and looked down, just then seeing Meiniang standing there again. Zhang Yu quickly waved to her. Jiang Cai approached and said, "Why did you call me?" Zhang Yu said, "Did you see Guanyin appear across the street?" Jiang Cai looked, stared in disbelief, and said, "What a beautiful woman! I'd be willing to die for her even if it meant sleeping with her for just one night." Zhang Yu said, "I want to discuss with you how to trick her into coming into our possession, sell her for a few hundred taels of silver, and split the profits with you." Jiang Cai nodded and said, "Does she often come here?" Zhang Yu said, "She never comes." Jiang Cai said, "Who else is in her family?" Zhang Yu said, "Her parents are both forty-five or forty-six years old, and she has a grandson named Wu Sansi, who is fourteen or fifteen years old and even more handsome than her." Jiang Cai said, "I have a plan." Zhang Yu said, "What is your plan?" What plan did Jiang Cai reveal? To be continued in the next chapter.

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The Erotic History of Wu Zetian

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