A single mother's true experience

I'm rather conservative. Being single for so many years has been unbearable; I've even resorted to eating eggplants and radishes to satisfy myself, but I'm too afraid to go out and find someone. The thought of having sex with a man is unbearable. The second year after V and I got married, our son was born, whom we'll call Xiao Z. V and I worked hard every day and enjoyed family life at home. Then, tragedy struck. Six years ago, late one night, V was driving on business in another city when there was a car accident ahead. V stopped the car at the scene, got out to check, and a heavy truck traveling in the same direction crashed into him from behind, killing him instantly. This brought immense devastation to our family of three. With the comfort of family and friends, I managed to stay alive. Xiao Z became my only focus. I was determined to raise him to adulthood, to make him as talented and upright as V. I gave all the motherly love in the world to my son, Xiao Z, without reservation. Xiao Z was spoiled from a young age and always had a mother complex. When my husband was still alive, even though he was in elementary school, he needed me to hold him while he slept, otherwise he would have trouble falling asleep. Before leaving for school in the morning, instead of waving goodbye to the other children, he would kiss me and touch my breasts before happily going to school. Even when bathing me at night, he wanted me to scrub his back, saying that his mother cleaned him well. This continued until Xiao Z graduated from junior high school. Children without fathers are unfortunate and lonely. To prevent him from feeling lonely, I always slept in the same bed as Xiao Z. He had his own bedroom, but he insisted on sleeping in the same room as me. I once told Xiao Z that children need to learn independence as they grow up, starting with sleeping. Sometimes he could sleep in his own room, but most of the time he still slept with me. Because of a habit he developed from childhood, even in junior high school, he still needed me to bathe him. While bathing him in the bathroom, I was wearing very thin clothes; the water soaked through my underwear, clearly revealing my body outline. I could vaguely see that Little Z's genitals (his penis) were aroused. Little Z even curiously pointed to my genitals and asked me, "Mom, why don't you have this thing? What's this thing for?" I found it difficult to answer immediately and could only brush him off, saying, "You're still young; you'll know when you grow up." "Afterwards, I asked myself: What should I do in the future? I can't continue like this. My child is growing up, maturing, and needs to live independently. But whenever he calls me to rub his back, whenever he wants to sleep in the same room with me, I hesitate and can't bear to refuse. Countless nights, looking at my sleeping child, I can't help but think of my husband, and the feelings in my heart... Sigh! I think: It's really nothing, I'm his mother. Sometimes when I see little Z sleeping soundly, his development is already quite mature, his Adam's apple, his erect penis, I think, my child has finally grown up. When I wash his underwear, I see white stuff on it, I think that's probably little Z's nocturnal emission. Because I've lived with my child for a long time, I've gotten used to our usual behavior, and at night I only wear very thin, semi-transparent underwear. Before going to sleep, little Z often sucks on my breasts. I'm a 43-year-old woman, with a good figure, large and high breasts, which little Z is very interested in. He climbs on top of me to kiss them from time to time." In the summer, amidst thunder and lightning, Little Z was a little scared by the thunder and asked me to hold him tightly. He seemed so comfortable and natural, and I felt so relieved. Countless days and nights like this passed… One night, I had a dream. I dreamt that my husband had returned from his business trip, and we happily embraced, making love passionately. That feeling of separation making the heart grow fonder was fully experienced. Suddenly, someone touched me, and I woke up abruptly. It was just a dream. I was disappointed, and a wave of longing for my husband washed over me, making me feel incredibly down. Then I looked down—oh no! Little Z had already pulled down my underwear and was shining a flashlight on my genitals. "Little Z, what are you doing? How could you do this? I'm your mother!" For the first time in my life, I yelled at Little Z. Little Z was devastated, probably scared, and clung to me, saying, "Mom, I'm sorry, but I really missed you!" My heart softened, and I coaxed Xiao Z, saying, "It was Mommy's fault. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. Go to sleep." The next day, while tidying Xiao Z's room, I discovered his secret: he had been "watching me" all along. In his diary, there was a sentence that read: "Mommy's body is amazing, with her full figure, firm breasts, and that mysterious 'garden of the soul.' I want to find a woman like Mommy when I look for a partner." Oh my god, my head exploded! What was I going to do? I didn't have a husband; who could I tell about this? Xiao Z was my flesh and blood, my hope! Then I thought, maybe teenagers are just curious, and he'll get over this phase. And so, peace returned to our home. From then on, I resolutely decided to sleep in a separate bed from Xiao Z and stopped bathing and scrubbing his back. I would still check on him in his room every now and then at night to cover him with a blanket so he wouldn't catch a cold. Once, during summer vacation, Xiao Z caught a cold and had a fever. After receiving an IV drip at the hospital, he recovered quickly at home thanks to my careful care. That night, Little Z asked to sleep in the same bed with me again, and my heart softened once more. I said, "Okay, Mommy agrees to this one last time." "And so we were together again. We were watching TV and chatting in bed, and I asked him about his studies. During the conversation, Xiao Z put his leg on my lower abdomen. This had happened often before, so I didn't pay much attention this time and continued chatting. Then, Xiao Z deliberately stroked my thigh and lower abdomen. I glanced at him and said, 'The child is older now, don't be naughty.' Xiao Z continued to touch down, until he reached my genitals. To be honest, since my husband passed away, I haven't had a normal sex life. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and see Xiao Z beside me in the dim moonlight. I'll hug him tightly, and half-asleep, I'll mistake him for my husband. You can imagine the intense hunger and desire that I've suppressed for so many years. So when Xiao Z touched my genitals that time, I felt something down there, and I became quite wet, quickly soaking my underwear. At that moment, my heart was racing, and my face flushed. But I still wouldn't let Xiao Z touch me." He found my underwear was wet, and suddenly climbed on top of me, his erect penis pressing directly against my clitoris. I was dripping wet. At that moment, the last vestiges of my reason wanted to resist, but my limbs were already weak. At the same time, another voice seemed to be whispering in my mind: "Close the door, this is our private matter! If we don't tell anyone, who will know?" Taking advantage of my weak legs, Xiao Z pulled down my underwear and thrust his big, hard penis inside me. He was breathing heavily, extremely aroused, but he probably didn't know that I was even more excited than him. At that moment, I dared not make a sound, feeling utterly helpless. As Xiao Z fucked me, he said, "Mom, forgive me! I couldn't control myself!" "I was in a frenzy, my legs were twitching from his ministrations, and I quickly reached orgasm. A little while later, Little Z ejaculated inside me. Afterwards, he fell asleep quickly. But my heart pounded for a long time. My fingers involuntarily touched my genitals. There was a large patch of warm, sticky fluid there. My fingers slowly slid in, excitedly exploring my wet, shameful cavity, which was full of our secretions. That night I couldn't sleep. What had I done? Should I forgive us both? Having started this, could I ever stop? The next morning, I didn't eat breakfast or cook for him; I went straight to work. I felt I couldn't face him. All day I was in a daze, absent-minded, like I was seriously ill. After get off work, I lingered on the street for a long time, afraid to go home." I wandered around, not knowing where to go. But I had nowhere else to go but home. That was my home, the place I should return to after struggling outside. Besides, my son had been spoiled rotten; how could he survive if I didn't go back to take care of him? I went home, steeled myself, and pushed open the door, only to find my son, Z, watching DVDs with a girl, the table a mess of leftovers. I'd never seen the girl before. Z said she was a classmate. I was heartbroken. Sitting next to them, I couldn't eat anything. Watching him whisper with that girl, my heart ached. He wasn't worried about me coming home so late. He seemed perfectly content with me, as if nothing had happened between us. He didn't want me anymore! So last night he was using me as an experiment, and now he was on his own. That girl was so young, and prettier than me. I'm already a haggard old woman.I was filled with resentment, with nowhere to vent it, so I could only swallow it all down. A short while later, the girl got up to leave. I had to force a smile, see her to the door, and say, "Come visit often." I've fallen so low! My son played me, fooled me, and I actually took it seriously, even getting jealous of his girlfriend. The girl left. I closed the door and asked Xiao Z how long he'd been dating that girl. He denied she was his girlfriend, saying he'd only seen her to vent, and now he realized it hadn't relieved his stress. I said, "What else do you need to vent?" He said he was in extreme pain, feeling like his gaze towards women was "wrong." I said, "There's nothing wrong between men and women, it's just like that." He said last night he thought he'd find peace after what happened with me, but today he realized he'd made a huge mistake; he'd insulted his own mother, and he couldn't forgive himself. I said, "Mom can forgive you. What wrong has your son done that a mother can't forgive?" He said even if he could be forgiven, carrying this enormous secret, unable to tell anyone, was too heavy a burden. He couldn't bear it. This was something he hadn't expected. I said it was something I hadn't expected either. The pressure was suffocating me. I was on the verge of collapse. My son said it had already happened, but he didn't know how to face it. I said we should sleep in separate beds from now on, and neither of us was allowed to mention what happened last night. He agreed. Peace and quiet? Was that even possible? I tossed and turned every night, unable to sleep, my mind filled with strange thoughts, my fingers always wandering between my legs. I made myself incredibly excited, with a persistent high fever. Just two days later, my son climbed into my bed again. I felt that he had come up naked. His body was as hot as mine. He immediately cupped my face and kissed me. I let him kiss me without resisting. Being kissed by a young man is very, very comfortable. That's right, coincidentally, this young man was my son. What happened? We ended up like this! We didn't hurt anyone else. We were just helping each other reduce our fevers and relieve each other's pent-up desires. What happened next was just a natural progression. Every evening after dinner, he would do his homework while I did housework. Before bed, he would always come to my bed and have sex with me, then go back to his own bed. We both felt relaxed and satisfied. No more struggle, no more hesitation. To be honest, Xiao Z has really grown up; he's no less skilled than V in bed. Sometimes I let him ejaculate on my face, and I use it as face cream. I think it's good for my skin. Days went by. This special relationship stirred up and disrupted the originally lifeless home. That special desire and "itch-relieving" made me a radiant, new woman. My son even stirred up the desire in my heart. Sometimes, when he was in the throes of passion during sex, he would thrust into me hard while holding my face and calling me "old slut," saying he wanted to fuck me to death. Whenever I heard him say such bold things to me, I was extremely excited. I told him I loved hearing it. Sometimes he would even make me say it too. I would say, "Big-dicked son, come fuck Mommy, Mommy loves you so much! Come on, big-dicked man..." He always got really excited when he heard that, and then he would say a string of even more outrageous swear words to me, while thrusting even harder, and then I would climax... His dad is clumsy with words and has never been so passionate with me. Now I know that "swear words" between two people in bed can indeed enhance physical pleasure. For a while in the beginning, when Little Z was on top of me, pulling my hair with his left hand and pressing his fingers against my anus with his right hand to "torture" me during those passionate moments, I always vaguely felt that the person doing me was V. Later, I stopped deceiving myself like that. The person doing me was Little Z, my son. Sometimes I felt like I was fucking my son, using him to satisfy my desires and needs, using him to fill my physical and emotional emptiness, using his fingers and penis to "kill the itch" for me. In this kind of thing between men and women, the younger one always puts in the effort, and the older one has the advantage. I know I'm ashamed to be seen by others. But I am who I am. Fuck behind closed doors is my greatest enjoyment. Who in the world can understand? Then again, why should I expect others to understand? Of course I know this is blatant incest, but I can't stop. Every day I long for nightfall, because in the darkness, I can strip naked and revert to my most authentic self; because in the darkness, I can become a harlot, a woman I barely recognize. Is this a "tragedy"? I don't know.

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A single mother's true experience

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