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[A short, perverted man battles a one-armed heroine] (A humorous piece - in its entirety) 

I. A Passionate Man's First Encounter with an Ice-Clad Woman
It was a moonlit night.
The stars in the sky shone with a hazy light.
A pair of lovers were in a room, exchanging the secrets of their bodies.
The moon seemed to shyly close its eyes.
"Spring...you're so beautiful!" The man panted heavily, sweat pouring down his face.
"Pah! What's so beautiful about me?!" the woman retorted coquettishly, twisting her hips even more rapidly.
"You...you're beautiful everywhere!" The man frowned, beginning his final thrust.
"No! If you don't tell me where I'm beautiful, I won't do it with you!" the woman threatened to push the man off her.
"No, no! I said...you...your breasts are beautiful!"
"How so?"
"Beautiful, beautiful like two big watermelons..."
"Anything else? Where else is it beautiful?"
"Beautiful...your legs are beautiful..."
"How so? Tell me!"
"Beautiful, beautiful like a big loofah..."
"Pah! Nonsense! Anything else?"
"Your...your pussy is beautiful too...beautiful...beautiful like a morning glory..."
"Bullshit! Tell me, what is my pussy doing?"
"Your pussy...oh...is...is squeezing me..."
"Squeezing you where?"
"Squeezing...squeezing there..."
"No, tell me everything, or I won't do it!"
The man, nearing climax, held back his ejaculation and said shyly, "Squeezing...is squeezing my...my cock..."
"...Your hole is gripping my big cock...Oh! I can't take it anymore! Chun'er...I...I'm going to cum! Ah..."
The man's ejaculation was wide open, his broad back heaving violently, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, dripping onto
the woman's face beneath him.
The heavily made-up woman also joined in the man's shouts: "Husband! You're so amazing! You're so powerful!
Even though your cock is too small, you're making me cum! Oh dear, I'm cumming!"
-------------------------------------------------------------
The moon was bright and the stars were few, crows perched on branches.
Zhang Dongliang, wearing a robe and shuffling shoes, walked out of the Yichun Pavilion.
"Master Zhang, remember to come again!" Zhang Dongliang
picked his nose with his right little finger, waved his left hand behind him, and said goodbye to the madam.
"Damn it! Seven taels of silver and all you can get is this kind of stuff... even your moaning is so fake... ugh!
I'm never coming back!"
He cursed inwardly as he used the Toad Kung Fu passed down from his master, his legs pushing off slightly, and he vanished into the darkness
.
"Damn it! Who was that blind fool... they bumped into my butt, it hurts so much!"
Zhang Dongliang got up from the ground, rubbing his backside and cursing.
"Hmph! You rude scoundrel! You bumped into me backwards and dare to curse me!?"
A sharp, bell-like voice rang out, making Zhang Dongliang's heart skip a beat.
"What a beautiful woman!"
On the path shrouded in night, stood a slender woman in black. Her pointed face was framed by a
pair of bright, spirited phoenix eyes; her arched eyebrows and delicate red lips were incredibly alluring, yet she possessed an icy demeanor that
made people hesitant to approach her; her slender waist, long legs, and prominent breasts, concealed by her black clothing,
stirred Zhang Dongliang's desire.
"On this dark and windy night, why are you traveling alone, young lady? Aren't you afraid of being raped by villains?" Zhang Dongliang suppressed
his lust and asked righteously.
Unexpectedly, the woman frowned and coldly shouted, "Shameless! Who are you, you madman? How dare you speak
so disrespectfully in front of me!"
Zhang Dongliang hesitated slightly, then smiled and said, "Little girl, don't get angry. Let me explain slowly...
Oh? You have a booger on your face, let me remove it for you..."
With a soft snort, the woman sidestepped Zhang Dongliang's right hand that reached for her face, and with a swift kick,
aimed at Zhang Dongliang's chest.
"Good move!" Before Zhang Dongliang could finish speaking, he had already taken a solid kick and fell to
the ground with a "thud," but immediately pushed off with both legs, leaping back five feet with his rear end sticking out.
"So this is some audacious villain! His skills are so poor!" The woman's face showed a disdainful expression, but
suddenly she saw Zhang Dongliang turn around and charge at her again with his rear end sticking out.
"I'll slice off your legs!" A cold glint flashed as the woman drew her sword with lightning speed, aiming for Zhang Dongliang's knee
.
"Toad Style, Third Form: Toad Spitting Mist—" With a shout from Zhang Dongliang, a plume of yellow smoke
billowed from his buttocks. The woman tried to hold her breath, but it was too late. A strong, pungent stench assaulted her nostrils
, followed by dizziness. Her arm went limp, and the sword clattered to the ground.
Zhang Dongliang looked triumphantly at the woman lying on the ground. Looking at her face, he saw her beautiful eyes wide open, filled with anger,
while her delicate red lips were tightly clenched together, as if she were enduring immense pain.
"Hehe, it must be painful, right? Anyone who takes my Toad Style, Third Form, will faint on the spot and lose all their internal energy
. You can still open your eyes, good skill! Truly remarkable! Very good!"
Zhang Dongliang kicked the woman's waist with his toe. Seeing that she was no longer able to fight, he bent down.
"What are you doing?! You scoundrel! Don't come near me!" The woman finally couldn't hold back any longer and screamed.
"What am I doing? Hehe...of course, I'm going to do what we love." Zhang Dongliang grinned wickedly and puckered his lips to kiss the woman
's red lips.
"Don't come any closer...I...Ugh...Ah...Ugh..."
The moment Zhang Dongliang's lips touched the woman's soft lips, she suddenly opened her mouth and vomited.
"Ugh...Fuck...What the hell are you doing?!" Most of the vomit sprayed into Zhang Dongliang's
mouth, almost choking him to death.
"You damn woman! So...so unromantic...Damn it! I've never met anyone like this before! Ugh...
Ugh..."
The woman's eyes were red and seemed to spit fire as she glared fiercely at Zhang Dongliang, panting as
she roared, "You wicked villain, you deserve to be cut into a thousand pieces! You...you...what kind of vicious trick did you just use! It stinks..."
Her words began with fury, but her voice trailed off towards the end. "This is   the third move of
my powerful Toad Divine Skill, where I channel my formidable internal energy through my dantian, transforming it into a stream of energy that bursts forth from my anus ..."    Before Zhang Dongliang could finish, the woman's eyes rolled back, and she fainted.    "Hmm? The little girl's unconscious, great! I'll ravage her a hundred times over..." Just as    Zhang Dongliang was lost in his lewd thoughts, he heard several loud clanging sounds, followed by   the sound of footsteps.    "Kunlun! Kunlun! This is Taishan! A lecherous thief has been spotted at the intersection of Huazhijia Street, about to commit violence in the street! Repeat,   a lecherous thief has been spotted at Huazhijia Street! Come quickly for backup!"    Zhang Dongliang frowned, spat, and said    , "Pah! The cops are here!" Then, on a sudden inspiration, he shouted, "The cops are here! Brothers! Get out of here! Repeat, the cops are here,   get out of here!" He then used his Toad Kung Fu, turned around, and darted into the woods by the roadside like a wisp of smoke. Behind him,   he heard the police shouting, "Come quickly for backup... the lecherous gang is about to escape..."   -------------------------------------------------------------   II. The Lovestruck Man Meets the Heroic Woman Again    June.    Noon.    Wuyi Lane.    Ancient road, west wind. A    crow in the distance cawed twice, seemingly startled by the long shadows cast by the branches at dusk, and fluttered away   .    A man with a resolute face walked from afar.    He had short eyebrows and a long mouth.    His eyes were melancholy, like a fish long out of water.    His legs were short but powerful, and his buttocks were firm.    It was clear at a glance that he possessed superior martial arts skills or was a frequent lover.   "Outside the long pavilion, along the ancient road, the fragrant grass stretches to the horizon... The evening breeze brushes the willows, the flute's melody fades, the setting sun beyond the mountains..."    An ancient and sorrowful ballad floated from the man's lips.    At this moment, Wuyi Lane was in an uproar.    "Oh no! The lovelorn young man is here!"    "Neighbors... Oh no! The lovelorn young man! The lovelorn young man is here again!"    The residents of Wuyi Lane hurriedly sent their children home, closing their doors and windows tightly; the small vendors also   began to close in a flurry; and some young children, upon hearing the name "lovelorn young man," were so frightened that they began to cry   .    Thirty-one years old, a dignified man standing six feet tall, with skin like bronze, possessing the unique skills passed down solely by the Toad School   , and frequently engaging in sexual activity—"The Passionate Lover" was the nickname Zhang Dongliang gave himself.    "Damn it all! Where the hell are they! Don't think you can't get in just because you've closed the door!   I can break your bolts with a single fart, believe it or not!?" Zhang Dongliang strode confidently through Wuyi Lane,   shouting curses at the closed doors and windows on both sides.    "Old Wang from room 103, open the door for me!" Zhang Dongliang kicked the door while continuing to curse, "   Where's the protection money for May?! Pay it now! You dare offend the underworld, you old geezer, are you tired of living?!"    "105! Liu the locksmith, come out here right now! Pry open Old Wang's door for me! Otherwise, your mother-in-law   won't escape my clutches! Do you hear me?!"   "Where did this madman shout from?!" With a shout, a lithe figure floated down in front of Zhang Dongliang   .    He saw a slender woman, dressed in black, with a pointed face and a pair of bright, phoenix-like   eyes... (details omitted).    "It's you again?" "It's you again, you villain!" the two shouted at the same time.    The woman in front of him was the woman Zhang Dongliang had missed the day before yesterday. In the moonlight, her beautiful face   seemed to be shrouded in a holy white light.    "Little girl, how have you been since we parted? I am Zhang Dongliang, your devoted lover."    "Bah! I wish I could cut you into eight pieces!" The woman's eyes blazed with anger, and before she finished speaking, she drew her gleaming   two-foot-long silver dagger.    "Heh heh. Good little girl, you've already experienced my skills last time, still not convinced? Quickly state your name, and I   'll teach you a couple more moves!"    The woman held her sword up, pointing it directly at Zhang Dongliang's face, and said coldly, "Listen to me! This young lady is   unchanging in name and demeanor—Murong Liu!"    Zhang Dongliang opened his mouth and said jokingly, "Unchanging name and demeanor? What if I'm lying down? Haha..."    Suddenly, his smile froze on Zhang Dongliang's face, because the woman's sword had already touched the tip of his nose.    "Such a fast sword! Murong... Liu? No... could it be...!" Zhang Dongliang hurriedly took a step back,   but he couldn't dodge it, and the woman's sword had already cut a gash on his garlic-shaped nose.    "Murong Liu!? Could you be that Murong Liu?"    The woman twirled her sword, then pointed it directly at Zhang Dongliang's face, saying in a deep voice, "That's right! It   's Murong Liu, the one who specializes in killing wicked and lewd people!"    "Murong Liu—Murong Sanyan's Swift Sword—Punishing evil and promoting good—Lewd thief—Castration—Euthanasia—One-Armed   Heroine—The most feared heroine in the Pingtougou Village area..." A series of words   flashed through Zhang Dongliang's mind, and unknowingly, beads of sweat appeared    on his forehead. "Heroine Murong, please accept my bow!"    "Who wants your bow!" Murong Liu didn't allow any further explanation, and thrust her sword towards Zhang Dongliang's crown.    "Ah..." Murong Liu suddenly let out a delicate cry.    Just as the tip of her sword was about to touch his scalp, Zhang Dongliang bent his legs and suddenly kicked out, his whole   body leaping forward like a rabbit, like lightning, like a toad, reaching out with both hands to grab his ankles.   The sword she had thrust out, however, had pierced his buttocks precisely, tearing his trousers but not damaging   a single inch of flesh.    "Oh...wonderful! Such light and thin stockings, like silk...I love stockings! Mmm..."









































































…Zhang Dongliang had already rolled up Murong Liu's trouser leg, revealing thin, gossamer-like socks underneath.
"Mmm…smells so good…the heroine's stinky feet smell so good!" Zhang Dongliang grabbed the woman's ankle, his nose
pressed against her feet, inhaling deeply.
"Disgusting lecher! Die!" Murong Liu was both angry and ashamed, her pretty face flushed red. She raised her hand and
thrust her sword again, aiming for Zhang Dongliang's back as he fell to the ground.
Unexpectedly, Zhang Dongliang hunched his back, bent his knees, and stood up abruptly, his hands still tightly gripping Murong Liu
's feet. Murong Liu's sword struck the ground, now held upside down by Zhang Dongliang.
Murong Liu and Zhang Dongliang were the same height, her beautiful hair spread out, touching the ground. Unperturbed by the danger, she
swung her sword straight down, like lightning, aiming for Zhang Dongliang's groin.
"She's pretty ruthless!" Zhang Dongliang felt a chill run down his spine; in an instant, his manhood was about to
be lost.
"Toad Kung Fu Ninth Form - Legs into the Blade!" Just as Murong Liu was about to cleave Zhang Dongliang's manhood, Zhang
Dongliang suddenly clamped his legs together, trapping her sword between them. No matter how much Murong Liu tried to slash or pull, she was helpless
.
"What kind of kung fu is this?!" Murong Liu was horrified. She tried to pull her sword out, but Zhang Dongliang's legs
were welded together like iron; no matter how hard she tried, the sword wouldn't budge.
"Hehe, don't waste your energy!" Zhang Dongliang laughed smugly. "My Toad Kung Fu is specifically for training the lower body,
making my legs feel like they have the strength of a thousand pounds... How could you so easily cut off my testicles?"
Murong Liu was facing away from Zhang Dongliang, his ankles held upside down, his face pressed against his buttocks
. He felt a surge of shame and anger, fearing that he would unleash his "Toad Breathing Mist" again like last time. If he were to be attacked at such close range,
he would probably bleed from all seven orifices.
"Don't hold your breath, haha!" Zhang Dongliang saw through Murong Liu's worries and said with a grin, "I
won't use my moves on the same person twice! I'll give you another new move... and then you'll be obedient!"
With that, Zhang Dongliang thrust his waist forward and then suddenly stick out his buttocks. Murong Liu's face was
slammed hard by Zhang Dongliang's iron-hard buttocks, and he immediately blacked out and fainted.
"How about it? My second move of Toad Kung Fu. Toad Protruding Butt, not bad, right? Hahaha..."
Amidst wild laughter, Zhang Dongliang, carrying Murong Liu by one leg, burst through the door into a house.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A crisp "smack!" Zhang Dongliang looked up and was startled. In the main hall sat a
dark-faced man with bright eyes, lips like painted rouge, a sharp nose, and ears that reached his shoulders; he wore a python robe, a black gauze hat, and a jade
belt; on either side stood a line of burly men wielding clubs; above the hall hung a plaque with
the six large characters "People's Democratic Dictatorship. "
A booming voice, like thunder, rang out: "You audacious thief! In broad daylight, you dare to abduct a chivalrous woman and
attempt to rape her! Your audacity is outrageous! This is intolerable! Tragic! Tragic! Wang Chao, Ma Han, quickly seize this scoundrel!"
Zhang Dongliang was terrified. He hadn't expected that the one who broke in was the government office; wasn't this like walking into a trap? In a
flash, Zhang Dongliang kicked off the ground, ignoring the unconscious Murong Liu, and flew backwards out of the door, throwing
two packets of quicklime at the onrushing Wang Chao and Ma Han, burning their eyes.
As soon as he stepped outside, Zhang Dongliang used his Toad Kung Fu to leap across rooftops and walls, not forgetting to turn back to the burly man: "Lovers,
I'm taking my leave first! You cover my retreat! Repeat, I, Liu Qiaoshou, am taking my leave first..."
In a few leaps, Zhang Dongliang had already crossed several houses, when a deep voice faintly came from behind: "
The lovers are actually a criminal gang, don't let them escape... Catch them all!"
"Sir! The escaped Liu Qiaoshou is the locksmith who lives in room 105. He can run away, but he can't hide!"
"Hurry up and arrest his mother-in-law, torture her severely, and humiliate her in every way..."
-------------------------------------------------------------
III. The Lewd Man's Three Battles with the Heartless Woman
"Lick! Lick harder! Yes, oh...so good!" A woman was kneeling between Zhang Dongliang's legs, diligently
licking his penis.
"Tell me quickly, is my cock big or not!? Big or not!?" He roughly grabbed the woman's hair, vigorously
stroking his penis back and forth, enjoying the soft sensation of his penis entering the woman's throat.
"...Big, pretty big, right...Young master's big cock is touching my tongue, no, my throat! It hurts so much
..."
"Oh...oh...I'm going to cum...ah...I'm cumming!"
After Zhang Dongliang ejaculated a stream of semen into the woman's mouth, he pushed her away and cursed unhappily, "
Damn it! Such poor acting! And you still have the nerve to charge me two extra coins! Give it back to me now!"
It was late afternoon.
A waning moon.
A woman leaned against a pine tree, watching the man beside her with great interest.
"Please call me a wanderer. Because I have no name. I have no past, and I will have no future."
The man's rough, deep voice plucked at the woman's heartstrings, making this young lady from a prominent family, who rarely went out, feel
a little flutter in her heart.
"Miss... come with me! I'll give you a future! Yes... I'll give you my future
... even if I have nothing."
The woman chuckled softly, seemingly mocking the man's ramblings.
"Miss... why are you crying? I can't bear to see a woman's tears. Even
a man of iron like me can be captivated by tenderness... No! Please don't ask about my past! I don't want to mention my hardships. I'm
a man like the wind, never stopping for anyone... Ah, yes! Only stopping for you... Are you willing to accept
my fragile heart?"
"Shameless lecher! I've been looking for you for so long—prepare to die!"
A sharp shout interrupted the woman's thoughts, and a woman in black gracefully landed before her. A sharp sword, like a cold star
, pointed directly at the man's back.
"You should leave now, I have some things to settle." The man gazed wistfully at the sky, a hand gently resting
on the woman's shoulder.
"Ah—murder! Murder! Help!"
In the instant the woman fled, the man swiftly kicked the woman in black in the abdomen.
"Ouch! Murong Liu! I didn't come to rape you, but you actually delivered yourself to my door!"
Because the man's legs were too short, before he could kick Murong Liu, she stabbed him in the thigh instead.
"You lecher—you have insulted me several times, today I won't be able to quell my hatred if I don't kill you!"
Murong Liu flicked her short sword, took a step to the side, and used the move "Swallow Returns to the Forest," the sword tip arcing
towards Zhang Dongliang's chest.
"Good skill! I like women with good skills the most!" Zhang Dongliang leered as he dodged the sword, then in mid-air
, he spun around and kicked Murong Liu in the face.
Murong Liu, burning with rage, wouldn't allow him to succeed. With a flick of her left hand, she deflected Zhang Dongliang's flying leg
, and with a horizontal swing of her right, her sword, seemingly springy, slashed towards Zhang Dongliang's waist with even greater speed.
Zhang Dongliang, still airborne and unable to dodge, suddenly pushed off with his left foot to meet Murong Liu's blade.
"Toad Kung Fu Ninth Form - Double Legs into the Blade - Modified - Double Toes into the Blade!"
With a roar, Murong Liu's sword pierced Zhang Dongliang's shoe, but he held it
firmly with two toes, preventing it from advancing an inch further!
"You bastard! What a shameless move!"
"You're still too green, little girl, haha! I, Zhang Dongliang, the Lone Ranger, won't be so easily crippled by you!"
Zhang Dongliang laughed, stepping on Murong Liu's sword. "I want to ask you, you're clearly healthy and well-endowed
, so why are you called 'One-Armed Heroine'?"
Murong Liu retorted angrily, "I'll call myself One-Armed! What's it to you! You lecher, get your foot off me!"
"If you've got the guts, try it yourself! Ahahaha..." Zhang Dongliang laughed as he pulled a
small packet from his pocket and threw it at Murong Liu's face.
"Oh no—lime powder! This villain is going to blind me!" In a flash, Murong Liu quickly closed
her eyes.
Unexpectedly, she didn't feel anything hitting her face, but a familiar, foul smell assaulted her senses.
She tried to hold her breath, but it was too late.
With a thud, Murong Liu collapsed to the ground, her body limp.
"Toad Kung Fu, Third Form: Toad Spitting Mist - Modified - Toad Missile! How does it feel? Not bad, right?"
Zhang Dongliang squatted down, running a finger across Murong Liu's delicate face. "Tsk tsk...
such a tender little face. One-Armed Heroine, let me tell you, I also have a one-armed hand, I'll show you in a moment
!"
Zhang Dongliang hoisted Murong Liu up, tickling his "one-arm" spot between his legs with one hand, and strode away into the darkness
.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"How was it!? Did I make you feel good? Did you feel good? Haha!"
In the small room,
Zhang Dongliang kneaded Murong Liu's peach-like, tender buttocks, occasionally bringing his mouth
to lick and nibble on her buttocks.
His other hand was already inside her crotch, his fingers rubbing her most sensitive clitoris.
"You lecherous thief...stop! You...you villain...I'll cut you into a thousand...a thousand...pieces..."
Murong Liu's feeble resistance only became Zhang Dongliang's cruel joke.
"Haha! A thousand cuts? Watch me fuck you a thousand times later!"
The lecherous thief's vicious words chilled the heroine's heart. She knew she could no longer escape her
fate of being raped by the villain.
She painfully closed her beautiful eyes, trying to blank her mind and avoid the unbearable
touch on her lower body.
But Zhang Dongliang began to use his skills.
When his tongue slid along the alluring curve of her buttocks to her luscious lips, Murong Liu couldn't help but let
out a soft moan.
"Ah..." She tried to suppress the urge to scream, but a shameful murmur still escaped from her lips
.
Zhang Dongliang, sensing the woman's impending surrender, began to freely explore her
vaginal canal with his tongue and fingers, wantonly ravaging her delicate clitoris.
When Zhang Dongliang took Murong Liu's clitoris into his mouth and used two fingers to probe the raised bumps in her moist vagina,
Murong Liu finally couldn't help but moan loudly.
"Stop...no! Don't touch...there...no..."
"Hehe, where shouldn't you touch me? Here? Or here?"
Zhang Dongliang asked teasingly, exploring Murong Liu's slippery vagina, sometimes pulling at
her labia, sometimes deeply probing the folds inside, even using both hands, one finger on each side, to forcefully pry
open her vagina, exploring the deepest secrets of her flower. "Oh!" How beautiful! What a rare sight! Fantastic! My dear heroine, you   are pink
inside and out !
"You probably can't see it yourself..."
When he finally thrust his penis into Murong Liu's body, her vagina was already overflowing with desire. She
bit her bright red lower lip tightly with her teeth, whether from pain or shyness, it was hard to tell.
At three-quarters past midnight,
Murong Liu woke up with a start.
This wasn't a nightmare.
The dark-skinned man was still vigorously thrusting on her flower-like body.
"Little girl, you're awake? Hehe, did I fuck you until you passed out?"
The man said, making "hoarse" noises, his disgusting saliva dripping down and onto her
pink breasts.
Murong Liu said coldly, "You lecherous scoundrel! Are you done yet?! If you're going to fuck me, just fuck me already! I'm all wet
!"
Zhang Dongliang's expression suddenly froze.
"What...did you say?"
"You've been thrusting on me for ages! If you're going to fuck me, just fuck me already, why are you pretending!"
Zhang Dongliang's body stiffened. His mouth was slightly open, as if unable to close it.
After a long while, he finally let out an angry shout: "I've already ejaculated inside you three times! You, you... didn't
feel a thing?!"
-------------------------------------------------------------    The door broke.
The    lights went out.    "Caught! Caught! He can't run away this time!"    "Damn it! Who grabbed my ears!"    "Quickly, take it back to the Yamen! Report the case to the adults!"    "Congratulations, Mahan! You have made a great contribution!"    "Here, tie up this thief!"    "Hurry up and put some clothes on the heroine..."    "Damn it! Let me go... I am the infatuated husband Zhang Dong..."    "You're not honest! Beat him up... Ouch, he farts! It stinks! Kick him to death! Kick his anus..."    "Mahan! Your eyes have been blinded by me... How the hell did you get here..."    "I still have horse eyes..."    "Don't talk nonsense to him, get in the car! Make way, everyone! Make way! We are performing official duties, don't watch   ..."    "Did you hear that? Don't stand around, get out of the way, get out of the way! What about you! People who don't know the truth,   what are you looking at!?"   ?

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