Moral Boundaries

Years after Yang Shuhui divorced Wang Jian's father, she had a considerable number of suitors. Regardless of the men's circumstances, she consistently and tactfully rejected them all, throwing herself wholeheartedly into her work and life with Wang Jian. Working at a foreign trade company, she routinely left early and returned late, perhaps so busy that she had no interest in sex. For years, she had been sexually abstinent, not even masturbating. While Yang Shuhui wasn't a woman with an insatiable sex drive, nor was she a celibate nun, she wasn't exactly devoid of desire either. If her body was a perfect bottle crafted from flawless crystal, then the passion within her was the sweet spring water slowly flowing into its mouth. However, by focusing so intently on her work and Wang Jian, she had unknowingly sealed the bottle shut. What she herself didn't know was that before the bottle was sealed, the spring water inside was already overflowing. If someone opened the bottle, the sweet spring water would gush out like a raging torrent. Sure enough, after Wang Jian and Liu Bin opened the bottle, a surge of desire crashed down on Yang Shuhui. Before she knew it, two months had passed. Two months is nothing in the blink of an eye, but the unbearable pain lingered in her heart, making her feel as if each day was an eternity. Her pain and unbearable pain were two completely different emotions, yet in reality, they were inseparable. On one hand, she was tormented by the illicit desire that had arisen in her heart. On the other hand, she knew that this was an act that almost crossed the line of ethics, even violating the bottom line of morality. Although she knew she shouldn't do it, she inexplicably fell into it. Every few days, she would masturbate, sometimes for several days in a row, and each time, without exception, she used Wang Jian and Liu Bin as the objects of her sexual fantasies. Whether it was the negative effects of masturbation on her body, or her own guilty conscience, Yang Shuhui felt ashamed and sad whenever she thought of Wang Jian. When facing his clear, bright eyes, she always wanted to look away. But she could only try to meet his gaze, afraid that if she acted too strangely, he would discover her secret. Fortunately, the familiar home environment and her mother's efforts to maintain a normal appearance prevented Wang Jian from noticing anything amiss. Due to his busy work schedule, he came home later and later, and sometimes, when his company arranged business trips, he would be away for almost the entire week. Although Wang Jian and Yang Shuhui saw each other less and less, whenever he was home, he would always be there for her. He would gently wrap his arms around her waist, jokingly saying that he hoped to be with her all day long, that he wanted her to be with him every moment—from waking up, eating, to bathing and sleeping. This intimate joke between mother and son, if heard by Yang Shuhui before, might have made her heart flutter slightly, but she wouldn't have taken it seriously. But now, she felt apprehensive about the sweetness her child had given her. Besides feeling deep guilt towards Wang Jian, she also hoped his joke would come true. At the same time, this guilt seemed to be pulling at her physical desires. When the night was quiet, her illicit lust spread and grew throughout her body like green grass nourished by spring rain, burning and consuming her like a raging fire. She forgot that she was violating worldly morality and ethics, focusing only on seeking satisfaction on her unbearably lonely skin. When lust arose, she was immersed in that unique stimulation and pleasure. After the pleasure dissipated, deep self-reproach weighed heavily on her heart. She thought that if things continued like this, she really didn't know what she would become. She should consult a psychologist, but she didn't know how to bring up such a shameful thing. If she had to tell the doctor that she was thinking about her son masturbating, or reveal everything that had happened before, she would rather die than face the doctor. Then she thought: with the internet so readily available these days, why not consult a psychologist online? She wouldn't have to talk to them face-to-face; she could just type it out, avoiding any potential embarrassment. She simply thought she could find help online, but she had no idea how to find an online therapist, so she just opened her browser and browsed aimlessly. In a daze, she accidentally clicked into a psychological counseling forum. After browsing around, she found that many people were also facing similar problems and were posting on the forum seeking comfort and help. Yang Shuhui decided to follow suit and post her troubles on the forum. Unexpectedly, the process of posting was very difficult; it took her almost an hour to write down her troubles, constantly trying to simplify the past, ultimately omitting the details of her children stealing her underwear and her masturbation. She typed it out in what she considered a tactful but easily understandable way, also including her QQ number as contact information. She figured if anyone couldn't understand, they could ask her on QQ; and if they wanted more details, she could explain in more detail—after all, no one knows who's who through a computer screen. The post's content was as follows: A 43-year-old single mother lived with her 23-year-old son. They were very happy; the mother took good care of her son, and he treated her well. But one day, while her son was asleep, she accidentally saw his body. Then life began to change. Although her son, unaware of the truth, remained as excellent as before, she felt something different when she saw him. The mother was very troubled, even knowing she was wrong, she couldn't stop thinking about her son. Confused and unsure what to do, she desperately wanted help to resolve her inner turmoil. Her QQ number was xxxxx. Yang Shuhui repeatedly reviewed the edited post, took a deep breath, and, with a nervous anticipation of her secret being revealed, published it on the forum. Then, just a few minutes later, she saw nearly a dozen friend requests on QQ. She didn't know whether to be happy or nervous; perhaps these enthusiastic netizens could offer some advice to solve her problems. But recounting the details was still difficult to do. She carefully accepted all the requests and greeted each one politely. However, after a while, she strangely discovered that these netizens seemed to be all the same (referring only to their typing style; their nicknames, avatars, and other information were completely different): they all seemed very friendly, initially inquiring about the authenticity of the post, but after receiving Yang Shuhui's response, they gradually changed the subject. They didn't seem particularly concerned about the troubles Yang Shuhui described in the post, but rather about her place of residence, her measurements, and so on. Some even inexplicably asked why Yang Shuhui's QQ album (a function in chat tools that can display or save pictures) was completely blank without a single photo, and some even sent her voice and video call requests. She had been nervous and anxious about how to describe her experiences in detail, but now, seeing that the netizens didn't seem in a hurry to ask, she felt a little strange but also relieved. She thought that since she had left her contact information, she should respond patiently out of politeness. As for their voice and video chat requests, perhaps they felt her written descriptions weren't detailed enough. However, she never expected that after accepting the voice call request, a very young male voice came through her earpiece, asking Yang Shuhui if she could be his online mother, while moaning and saying disgusting things like "I want to fuck you." The netizen who sent the video request was even worse. The moment Yang Shuhui answered, a man appeared on the screen. Due to the camera angle, the man's entire body except his head was visible in the video, his legs spread, his lower body naked, and he was stroking his dark penis. Ah!! Yang Shuhui was startled. She quickly took off her headphones and closed QQ, nearly shutting down her computer in her haste. "Damn it!" she thought angrily. "Who are these people? What's with that incoherent moaning from that young man? And what's that man doing, pulling at his penis like that?" After calming down, she thought that all sorts of people exist online, and maybe not everyone is like that. Unexpectedly, when she reopened QQ, she found her online friends were still the same. Disappointed and losing patience, she angrily added them to her blacklist. "Sigh, so disappointing," she thought. "Let's see if anyone replies to my post. I don't want to ask questions online anymore; it's such a waste of time." She opened her post and found about twenty replies (internet slang, meaning each reply is considered a comment, 20 replies total). She looked at her online friends...The replies in the post only added to the disappointment. Some replies were roughly as follows: "QQ: xxxxxx, add me! I really want to cum in you, Mom. Seeing what you said has already made me hard. Where are you from? Add me on QQ: xxxxxx, I have incestuous experience, I've fucked my mom's 18-year-old handsome son, obedient and with a big dick, looking for mature women to play with his mom's slutty pussy. I just added her and she blocked me. Garbage, my god, what rubbish!" Yang Shuhui cursed under her breath, feeling disgusted, but still frowned and carefully read through the replies. Finally, after almost finishing reading a whole page of replies, she saw a reply that caught her eye: "I am a woman of similar age to you. After reading your post, I feel I deeply understand your feelings right now. I have three small suggestions for your situation. First, I think the root of your troubles didn't start after seeing your son. Of course, that's not the most important thing. The important thing is that if you keep dwelling on right and wrong, you'll only increase your troubles." Perhaps you desperately want someone to tell you whether you've done something wrong, but you should know that no one but yourself has the right to give you the correct answer. Secondly, to be honest, this might not be polite, so please don't mind. Having been single for a long time, I now realize that women who haven't been in a relationship for a long time or have had romantic relationships tend to overthink things. Therefore, I think it would be best if you had a beloved man by your side. Thirdly, I don't know if you've been going out much lately. If not, you could try going to places you enjoy. I've always believed that travel is a great way to relieve stress; breathing fresh air really helps to lift your spirits. Besides, shouldn't we women choose the lifestyle we love? I'm so glad I made that choice, and you can too, right? Yang Shuhui carefully read this reply. After reading it line by line, she was amazed by the reader's reading ability. She felt her post was quite simplified, but the replyer seemed to see more in the simple statement, as if they had glimpsed her innermost thoughts and experiences. As the respondent stated, she was indeed constantly troubled by her own thoughts and actions. For many years, she had deeply loved Wang Jian. After divorcing her husband, she poured everything she could give into Wang Jian and their family. Her decision not to remarry for so many years was not because she was detached from worldly affairs, but rather closely related to Wang Jian, as she always worried that remarriage might negatively impact his development. It can be said that Yang Shuhui had a clear conscience in front of Wang Jian. Although her maternal instincts made her feel she hadn't done enough, what more could she give him now? Youth? Maternal love? Money? She gave everything she could without reservation. While she felt she had crossed a moral line, she also felt it had nothing to do with ethics or morality. Did a mother's unintentional desire for her child really constitute incest and warrant being drowned in a pig cage? What kind of logic is this? Yang Shuhui was like a sculptor; her intense love became the chisel in her hand, carving Wang Jian into a flawless statue. Having exhausted all her energy, she now realized that only this perfect statue remained by her side. Years of companionship with Wang Jian had left her with feelings for him that burned as brightly as ever. But as their child grew up, her perspective on him seemed to have shifted; she felt the identities of son and man gradually coexisting within Wang Jian. She pondered, searching for the root of her desires. After a while, feeling her thoughts becoming somewhat chaotic, she picked up a pen and began to answer her own questions in a notebook. She wrote down three questions for herself: 1. How do I feel about that kind of relationship? 2. How do I view that kind of relationship? 3. If it really happened, would I feel disgusted? She quietly and rationally considered for a while, then wrote her answers below the questions: 1. With guilt and unease. 2. I can think about it secretly, but it can't actually happen. 3. I don't know what would happen if it did; if it's just in my imagination, it will always be beautiful because it's my son. Unexpectedly, after writing these questions and answers in her notebook, she felt inexplicably more at ease. She felt that after years without a man's companionship, the pent-up needs within her were probably stronger than anyone else's. What Wang Jian and Liu Bin had done to her might have inadvertently awakened those desires. If she had a man by her side, she wouldn't be having these wild thoughts. As for thinking about the children, it wasn't a big deal; nothing had actually happened. Was it wrong to simply think about it? Why bother judging right and wrong when it was something only she knew and didn't affect anyone else? Was she really just adding to her troubles, as the commenter said? Yang Shuhui felt she should find a suitable man to be by her side. After considering the ages of her suitors, she was suddenly shocked. It turned out that the men pursuing her spanned almost every age group, from high school students to married and divorced men. One business owner had even spent lavishly, using flowers as a weapon in his pursuit of Yang Shuhui. She bought 10,000 red roses and had them delivered to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having the flowers taken back. Besides, men pursued her with endless tricks, but Yang Shuhui always calmly refused. Thinking back on it now, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was because she'd been single for too long and wasn't used to being with men yet. She thought, "Maybe I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for almost a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason she could choose such a destination so quickly was because she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood. Its beautiful and delicate prose had always inspired her; she longed for the majestic and ancient cathedral and yearned for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.A Japanese community website (website address) sent 10,000 red roses to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having them taken back. Besides this, men pursued her with various tactics, but Yang Shuhui consistently refused. Now, thinking back, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was due to being single for too long and not yet used to being with men. She thought, "Perhaps I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for nearly a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason for her quick choice was that she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood, its beautiful and delicate prose having always inspired her. She yearned for the majestic and ancient cathedral and longed for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.A Japanese community website (website address) sent 10,000 red roses to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having them taken back. Besides this, men pursued her with various tactics, but Yang Shuhui consistently refused. Now, thinking back, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was due to being single for too long and not yet used to being with men. She thought, "Perhaps I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for nearly a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason for her quick choice was that she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood, its beautiful and delicate prose having always inspired her. She yearned for the majestic and ancient cathedral and longed for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.A Japanese community website (website address) sent 10,000 red roses to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having them taken back. Besides this, men pursued her with various tactics, but Yang Shuhui consistently refused. Now, thinking back, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was due to being single for too long and not yet used to being with men. She thought, "Perhaps I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for nearly a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason for her quick choice was that she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood, its beautiful and delicate prose having always inspired her. She yearned for the majestic and ancient cathedral and longed for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.A Japanese community website (website address) sent 10,000 red roses to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having them taken back. Besides this, men pursued her with various tactics, but Yang Shuhui consistently refused. Now, thinking back, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was due to being single for too long and not yet used to being with men. She thought, "Perhaps I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for nearly a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason for her quick choice was that she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood, its beautiful and delicate prose having always inspired her. She yearned for the majestic and ancient cathedral and longed for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.A Japanese community website (website address) sent 10,000 red roses to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having them taken back. Besides this, men pursued her with various tactics, but Yang Shuhui consistently refused. Now, thinking back, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was due to being single for too long and not yet used to being with men. She thought, "Perhaps I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for nearly a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason for her quick choice was that she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood, its beautiful and delicate prose having always inspired her. She yearned for the majestic and ancient cathedral and longed for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.A Japanese community website (website address) sent 10,000 red roses to Yang Shuhui's workplace. This gesture drew envious screams from her colleagues, but Yang Shuhui only glanced at them before calmly having them taken back. Besides this, men pursued her with various tactics, but Yang Shuhui consistently refused. Now, thinking back, she couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if her coldness was due to being single for too long and not yet used to being with men. She thought, "Perhaps I should go out and clear my head." After dating her suitors for nearly a month, she finally decided to travel. Choosing a travel destination was much easier than choosing a man. Without hesitation, she set her sights on France, known as the land of art. The reason for her quick choice was that she had read Victor Hugo's *The Hunchback of Notre Dame* since childhood, its beautiful and delicate prose having always inspired her. She yearned for the majestic and ancient cathedral and longed for the romantic city of Paris. During her first few days in France, Wang Jian had already gone on a business trip. Yang Shuhui tidied up the house, thinking she should call Wang Jian to let him know, but then, considering he might be very busy working away from home, she left a note. Worried that Wang Jian might suddenly need money urgently, she left some cash at home. Then she thought, "He's a grown man, why should I worry about him?" But she still left the money. After settling things at home, she boarded a plane to France, embarking on her journey to the romantic capital.

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