The Eight Immortals' Strange Tales

In the pale moonlight, a figure draped in a crimson robe walked gracefully across the secluded path, appearing elegant and ethereal. The trees, shrouded in mist, swayed in the moonlight, their branches and leaves fluttering. A gentle breeze carried away worldly cares, and fleeting thoughts drifted away with the sound of a flute… Undeniably, He Qiong was the most beautiful woman among the Eight Immortals, with a peach-blossom face, captivating charm, and a graceful figure that would shame the flowers and eclipse the moon. Winning the fairy's heart was Han Xiangzi, the flute player, a free spirit who loved wine and song and was exceptionally skilled in music. The romantic scene of this talented man and beautiful woman was the envy of even the pale moon.

Popular legend says the Eight Immortals consisted of seven men and one woman, but Tieguai Li, the first among them, disagreed, for the secret was known only to two people. Tieguai Li's real name was Li Xuan, originally a tall, imposing, and dignified man. He was skilled in cultivation, especially in the art of the primordial spirit. Young Li Xuan was naturally amorous, occasionally visiting brothels and theaters. His method of cultivation was bestowed upon him by a libertine Taoist priest. The priest claimed his method was a balance of Yin and Yang, a cycle of the heavens; regular use could prolong life, and even lead to immortality. Since ancient times, the Li family had been known for their romantic pursuits, and being a prominent family in the capital, they naturally sought a marriage of equal social standing. He married a woman surnamed Tang, from an official family. Her father, Tang, was a high-ranking official, and her mother, Lan, was named Lan Yuhe. Miss Tang, whose real name was Ting, was a renowned lady of high birth in the capital, skilled in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, and possessed an exceptionally beautiful appearance, clearly inherited from her mother.

After marrying his beautiful wife, Li Xuan indulged in nightly pleasures, becoming infatuated with her beauty and rarely visiting brothels, much to the pity of the delicate Miss Tang. She would often cry out in bed, her voice as clear and sweet as a swallow emerging from the clouds. She was physically sensitive, and Li Xuan's erection was so strong and large that whenever his head touched her clitoris, she would be utterly defeated, her body gushing with fragrant sweat, further stimulating Li Xuan's vigorous pursuit. Every night, she would soar through the clouds four or five times, sometimes feeling dizzy, sometimes floating on air. Finally, she tragically died in Li Xuan's arms, her body foaming incessantly as she passed away. The imperial physician diagnosed her with vaginal prolapse, but publicly claimed it was due to illness.

Two years after his wife's death, Li Xuan also used the techniques taught by Taoists to attain the Way of Pleasure, even achieving the ability to project his spirit into his body. However, the brothels and theaters ultimately lacked suitable beauties, so he set his sights on his mother-in-law.

Lan Yuhe was in her thirties or forties, a woman in her prime, but the poor Tang Yi, the high-ranking official, was always busy with official duties and unable to satisfy his wife; she, to some extent, suffered from physical hunger. She was even more voluptuous than Tang Ting, with a beautiful and charming face, pampered and elegant. Li Xuan naturally couldn't openly steal his mother-in-law, but he had his own methods. Many people in Tang Shi loved Taoism, and Tang Yi was particularly obsessed. Li Xuan was also skilled in Taoist magic; even a few minor spells he used were enough to astound Tang Yi as if he were an immortal.

One day, Li Xuan instructed Tang Yi that he would alight on his primordial spirit to learn more advanced magic in the West and then pass it on to him. He told Tang Yi to guard his physical body on Zhongnan Mountain and awaken him after seven days. If he didn't awaken after seven days, he should burn his body. Tang Yi naturally trusted his son-in-law completely. After Li Xuan's primordial spirit alighted, the first person he sought was his mother-in-law, Lan Yuhe. Lan Yuhe was dreaming of washing in her room when she discovered her son-in-law pushing open the door. He was handsome and robust, a truly remarkable man. His eyes gleamed with lust, his demeanor licentious. Ignoring her presence, he forcefully pinned her to the bed until their clothes were torn and they were naked before each other. Her beautiful eyes caught sight of his thick, silvery penis erect between his legs, its glistening head even emitting steam—utterly obscene. Her son-in-law was skillful; he sucked on her earlobe, his penis occasionally penetrating her ear canal, accompanied by bursts of heat. Lan Yuhe was aroused, her body immediately reacting. Her mature body revealed its honesty; her full, plump labia slowly parted, revealing her large, tender nipples, while her vulva gushed forth nectar, her fair skin instantly flushed. "Ah!" the mother-in-law murmured softly, as a strange hand grasped her sensitive area, gently teasing her clitoris, slowly caressing her labia, and then forcefully probing her vagina. In her murmurs, she even experienced a small orgasm.

"Hoo." Li Xuan's thick, silvery penis plunged into his mother-in-law's plump vulva, immediately emitting a satisfied groan. Her vaginal opening was plump yet firm, no less than that of a virgin. Even more juicy and slippery, it writhed and sucked with greater force. One was strong and vigorous, the other a thirsty woman in her boudoir. The foreplay had been plentiful, so Li Xuan didn't thrust gently, but rather with force. A close look at their joined bodies revealed a silver dragon emerging and disappearing swiftly like a pestle, its large, silvery tip gleaming. The honeyed fluid it brought was even ground into bubbles by the rapid thrusting, white foam mixed with viscous fluid, making one's mouth dry. Sometimes he pressed the beautiful woman beneath him, kneading her large breasts; sometimes he rode her from behind, slapping her round, thick buttocks; sometimes he lay on his back, watching the woman's breasts sway and her hips move. He also massaged her sensitive clitoris. Truly, he employed a variety of techniques. Lan Yuhe, long out of practice, had her honeyed orifice pierced by the giant spear thirty times. Her flower core went numb, her flower chamber loosened, and a torrent of nectar gushed out, soaking the spearhead and lubricating the shaft. Li Xuan continued his assault, the sounds of gunfire and the slapping of her plump buttocks echoing incessantly. After the middle-aged woman had climaxed four or five times, her body convulsing and trembling, he reluctantly poured large amounts of white fluid into his mother-in-law's honeyed cavity. Li Xuan's soul journey lasted only seven days, so he naturally wanted to seize every moment. This was a hardship for the beautiful woman; her honeyed orifice, unable to withstand the abuse, was already swollen and red, and her son-in-law's semen had soaked her entire body—her hair, face, breasts, and honeyed orifice. Even her ears, armpits, and lotus feet were defiled. What shamed her most was that her red lips were no longer pure; white fluid dripped from the corners of her mouth onto the bedsheets, a truly lewd sight.

Meanwhile, Tang Yi, who was guarding his son-in-law's body, was suddenly informed by a servant that his wife had been unconscious for six days and nights, and now her belly was suddenly swollen; the imperial physician even declared she was pregnant. Shocked and grieving, Tang Yi had no heart to stay another half a day. He quickly burned his son-in-law's body and returned home. Poor Li Xuan, when he returned to Zhongnan Mountain satisfied, found his body gone. Overwhelmed with joy and sorrow, he saw the body of a lame beggar at the corner of the mountain and possessed it. The once dashing and charming young man had become an old, ugly, and lame beggar—truly, the cycle of fate.

Time flew by, and sixteen years passed. He diligently practiced magic using courtesans in brothels, his skills becoming increasingly refined, yet his power still couldn't reach the ranks of the immortals. One day, remembering his mother-in-law's voluptuous body, he went to kiss her again, only to find that she had aged. After several encounters, he learned that when he lost his physical body, she had given birth to a daughter—a bastard child conceived through divine intercourse—whom she had abandoned and was now wandering the streets, begging for a living. When he finally found the little girl, he discovered that she was petite and elfin, inheriting the best features of both Li Xuan and Lan Yuhe. She was graceful and exceptionally beautiful. Her crystal-clear face was adorned with powder, her figure full yet petite and well-proportioned, and she possessed a certain air of heroism, making her uniquely dashing. Li Xuan was not a gentleman, and naturally, he wouldn't let such a beautiful woman go. After half-forced, half-forced himself on the girl, his dark, thick penis breaking through her virginity, and as drops of bright red virgin blood dripped down his shaft, he had a sudden realization of the will of Heaven. He then unleashed a torrent of passion, completely disregarding the girl's suffering as she experienced the first taste of womanhood. Perhaps the girl inherited his constitution, or perhaps they were related by blood, but she managed to withstand the attack until the two of them ascended to the clouds at the same time.

From then on, the two indulged in nightly passions. Li Xuan even taught his daughter magic arts, and together they studied the Joyful Buddha and comprehended the Dao. Heaven rewards diligence, and finally, both entered the ranks of immortals. Fearing divine retribution, he secretly had his daughter disguise herself as a man, taking the name Lan Caihe, to enjoy a carefree life as an immortal. This secret was kept hidden. Lan Caihe retained her childlike nature, being as clever as a boy, and the other six immortals remained unaware. She often played pranks on others; for example, Han Zhongli's fan was burned; Lü Dongbin's beard was plucked many times; Guo Lao's white donkey was trained to only be ridden backwards, and anyone who rode it forward would be kicked; He Xiangu's underwear was stolen many times, and the one who benefited most was naturally her father, Tieguai Li, though she didn't yet know he was her biological father; Cao Guojiu would avoid her whenever he saw her; only Han Xiangzi was an exception, as the young girl clearly had no power over the dashing and talented man. He Xiangu was well aware of Tieguai Li's designs on her, and she was even a little jealous, partly because she felt He Xiangu had seduced her father and partly because of Han Xiangzi. Therefore, she never gave He Xiangu a kind look. She didn't know why she liked being with Tieguai Li; he was old, ugly, and lame. But every time he inserted his large, black penis into her tender orifice, she couldn't help herself, feeling as if her heart was being pushed out—that ugly thing was so big and thick. And when the two of them were in harmony, the feeling was even more ecstatic, no, it was the envy of even the gods. The moonlight was pale, perfect for their tryst. In the distance, a pair of lovers were engaged in passionate lovemaking, while closer, a delicate young girl's body was being pressed against a large, black wooden stake. Upon closer inspection, the stake was as thick as a girl's calf; the stark contrast of black and white was enough to make one's blood boil. An old, ugly beggar lay in a flowerbed, while a beautiful elf sat on his lap, carefully squatting and sitting down. Upon closer inspection, his large, black penis gleamed brilliantly, the fist-sized head stretching the girl's opening wide, a shocking sight. Copious amounts of fluid dripped from the penis onto his body, the fine bubbles of the friction floating among the flowers. The girl didn't choose to use her internal energy; she indulged in physical pleasure, her movements incredibly fast and intense, until waves of pleasure washed over her. Her throat went dry, her vagina tightened and loosened, and she released completely. Li Xuan's glans, scalded by his daughter's hot semen, could no longer hold back, and gushing streams of white fluid poured into her flower, the excess flowing out of her opening. Clearly, Lan Caihe wasn't satisfied, as the irritating flute music continued. She slid down, her small hands grabbing the half-softened black eel, quickly stroking it, occasionally using her small mouth to suck on the bald monk. Smelling the stimulating aroma, she realized that only by swallowing it deeply, pushing the mushroom head down her throat, and using the peristalsis of her esophagus could she alleviate the turmoil in her heart. She had almost swallowed half of the black rod when the tender flesh around her throat went numb, and she immediately choked, tears streaming down her face. After a long while, she reluctantly spat out the massive object. The black, hard shaft overflowed with glistening fluid.

She kissed his lips, filling her mouth with the remaining fluid; only then did she feel he was dirty enough. Letting his black hands freely knead and squeeze her delicate buds, she joined her right index and middle fingers together, applying a little slippery fluid to her opening, then laboriously probed into her anus. She watched as her two fingers slowly smoothed out the cute wrinkles, turning them into a red mark. "Oh!" Lan Caihe sighed softly, his fingers quickly moving in sync with the flute music, sometimes swift as thunder, sometimes as silent as a forest. Slowly, her anus became slippery, and clear anal fluid dripped down her fingers. Li Xuan bit his daughter's tender nipple, his tongue circling the small areola, while his teeth gently bit the nipple, slowly pulling it out. He felt a tightness in his lower body as the sensitive head of his black penis entered a warm place, a wonderful sensation different from the wetness of her vagina, yet even tighter and hotter. It seemed she was playing with her anus again; whenever this happened, she would become almost obsessively frenzied. Therefore, Li Xuan carefully protected her slender waist to prevent her from going astray.

Lan Caihe seemed oblivious to the pain of her tearing anus, for her mind was in turmoil, and only pain could numb the torment from within. The black dragon slowly tore at her delicate anus; with each deeper penetration of its thick body, her brow furrowed, accompanied by soft moans. The tender anus unbelievably swallowed the dragon, but it paid a price. The small cavity was widened to its maximum, her lower abdomen even slightly bulging, as if the small mound was the dragon's lair, and streaks of blood slowly seeped from the anus. Li Xuan, feeling the intense pain from being squeezed, couldn't help but let out a deep breath. The girl, after wiping away her tears, began to thrust wildly up and down, her massive member frolicking amidst flying blood. Her slightly torn anus was a gruesome sight, but the girl couldn't see it, nor did she want to. She followed her instincts; the slight pain outweighed the inner torment, bringing her immense pleasure, so her movements were faster rather than slower. On one side, the battle raged, a passionate lovemaking. On the other, songs echoed, an atmosphere of intense intimacy. Finally, He Xianzi was moved by the elegant flute music; she couldn't help but join in, singing a beautiful song like heavenly music.

Li Xuan, upon hearing the song, was awestruck. He flipped his exhausted daughter over, placing her in a kneeling, puppy-dog position, and, wielding his massive member, frantically thrust it into her anus from behind, the sounds of splashing and slapping echoing the flute and song. In the time it takes to drink a cup of tea, Li Xuan had thrust countless times. Now, the music had faded, and with a final, powerful thrust, he rammed into her cavity, the entire shaft inside. With a hiss and a gurgling sound, gushes of increasingly scalding hot semen rushed into his daughter's intestines. Lan Caihe groaned and fainted. That day, as dawn broke and all things awoke, He Xianzi arrived as promised on a small mountain on the east coast. The next day, the Eight Immortals would be attending the Queen Mother of the West's birthday banquet, and together they would cross the East Sea. Before that, she needed to fulfill one of her wishes: to learn the art of the primordial spirit. Only then would she have the leisure to descend to the mortal realm and spread blessings. Tieguai Li, as the leader of the immortals, possessed immeasurable prestige and cultivation. The cave was filled with various magical arrays, and in the center, a white cloth altar stood between candlesticks. Following his instructions, Fairy He focused her gaze on her nose, her nose on her heart, guarding her own path, finding peace within. As a result, entirely under Li Xuan's deliberate manipulation, only her Qi and Jing remained of her three souls and seven spirits. (The soul has three parts: the Heavenly Soul, the Earthly Soul, and the Life Soul. The spirit has seven parts: the Heavenly Spirit, the Spiritual Wisdom, the Qi, the Strength, the Central Body, the Essence, and the Heroic Spirit.) The fairy, having lost two spirits, was completely unaware. Under Lan Caihe's deliberate protection, she experienced the pleasures of soul travel. Because she still possessed the Qi and Jing spirits, Fairy He's physical body remained unchanged, except that she was a mindless living dead.

Knowing time was limited, Li Xuan quickly undressed Fairy He and removed his own armor. He lifted the fairy's slender legs and placed them on his shoulders, then bent down to kiss her cherry lips, her large, towering breasts, and her exquisitely beautiful vulva, sucking and biting fiercely. When the fairy's flower path released its juices, he stroked his shaft a few times, and then, the fist-sized tip slowly broke through her plump lips, penetrating her flower cave and squeezing out a pool of nectar.

Once the black dragon entered, he became like a water dragon, soaring up and down, leaping left and right. The fairy's flower cave, unable to withstand the ravages, gradually became red and swollen, and juices flew wildly, the dragon's body churning, water splashing everywhere, transforming into countless small white flowers. Li Xuan didn't know how many times he ejaculated. The last time, he forcefully guided his dragon into the fairy's anus. Finally, the fairy's chrysanthemum also succumbed, red plum blossoms adorning the white altar. He felt his shaft begin to swell, knowing he was about to ejaculate, and quickly composed himself. However, at that very moment, a sharp whistle rang out as promised. He knew that He Xiangu's soul had returned. Suppressing the pleasure of her orgasm, he quickly used his magic to transform into the appearance of Lü Dongbin. He Xiangu's soul returned, only to find a white-robed figure wreaking havoc on her body. She quickly returned her spirit to its original state. Suddenly, she felt excruciating pain in her anus, a tearing agony that pierced her heart and lungs. It was him! The man was actually Lü Dongbin! At that moment, she realized she was awake, and her penis had doubled in size. Then, a stream of hot liquid rushed into her intestines, warm and comforting, relieving the pain. But the thought of it being the filth expelled by his ugly member filled her with bitterness and unbearable shame.

Just as she was distracted, the beast tightened his belt, took off running, and vanished instantly, leaving only a limping figure behind. The Eight Immortals gathered as agreed at the East Sea coast; it would only take half a day to fly across. However, Lü Dongbin surprisingly suggested that each use their own magical treasures, throwing them into the sea and displaying their supernatural abilities to cross. The other immortals naturally had no objections, but Fairy He didn't think so. Although the shameful affair of immortals couldn't be exposed, her crotch was still incredibly painful. She could suffer in silence, but to be openly bullied... the thought made tears stream down her face. The Imperial Uncle and Han Zhongli were the first to act; with a flick of their jade tablets and fans, their two immortal figures flashed and they were already seven zhang away. Upon seeing this, Lü Dongbin leaped onto his flying sword, intending to ride it away. When Han Xiangzi saw the fairy crying, he carefully inquired and learned that the old scoundrel Lü Dongbin had bullied his lover. He immediately transformed into a large black dog, leaped onto the flute, and chased after Lü Dongbin to bite him. Seeing the black dog biting the beast's leg and flying away, the fairy He endured the excruciating pain of being bitten by the flower, flew onto the lotus, and floated away.

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The Eight Immortals' Strange Tales

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