Anecdotes and Erotic Stories from the Three Kingdoms Period (Author unknown)

Anecdotes of the Three Kingdoms

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I. A Night of Pleasure at the Inn, Guan Yu's Secret Love with His Two Sisters-in-Law

Since Luo Guanzhong wrote *Romance of the Three Kingdoms*, everyone has believed it to be true, only saying that Guan Yu was a hero. But they don't know that "food and sex are human nature"—after capturing and killing Lü Bu in Xiapi, Guan Yu repeatedly pleaded with Cao Cao, requesting one of Lü Bu's concubines. Cao Cao suspected the girl was beautiful and took her for himself, which displeased Guan Yu.

I am not mocking Guan Yu, but such is human nature; how can we fabricate and cover it up? Only by revealing the true nature of "worldly customs" can we live up to the expectations of the world. You all only know that Guan Yu surrendered to Cao Cao to protect his sister-in-law, but you don't know the true hidden story behind it!

Back then, Liu Bei stationed his troops at Xiaopei. Cao Cao, knowing Liu Bei was a dragon among men and fearing his growing power, led an army of 200,000 to seize Xuzhou. Liu Bei, being mediocre, sent Zhang Fei to launch a night raid on Cao Cao's camp. Cao Cao preemptively struck and decisively defeated him. Liu Bei abandoned Xiaopei and surrendered to Yuan Shao, while the Xuzhou generals Mi Zhu and Jian Yong also fled. Cao Cao drove his troops straight towards Xiapi.

Guan Yu protected his two sisters-in-law, desperately holding out. However, Liu Bei showed no regard for his brothers and wives, fleeing alone: truly a villain! As the ancients said, "If one cannot even manage one's family, how can one plan for the world?"

Guan Yu, alone in the isolated city, had no choice but to surrender. Cao Cao, who admired Guan Yu's talent and martial prowess, hosted a banquet in his honor. The next day, he returned to Xuchang. Guan Yu packed his carriages and invited his two sisters-in-law into the carriage, personally escorting it. At a roadside inn, Cao Cao, wanting to disrupt the proper relationship between ruler and subject, forced Guan Yu to share a room with his two sisters-in-law. Guan Yu stood outside with a candle, from night till dawn, showing no sign of fatigue.
That night, Guan Yu was secretly thinking of his elder brother and third brother when he suddenly heard whispers from inside the room. Fearing something was wrong with his two sisters-in-law, yet not daring to be impolite and barge in, Guan Yu hastily poked a hole in the paper window to peek. He saw his two sisters-in-law completely naked, Lady Mi kissing Lady Gan. Lady Mi was the younger sister of Mi Zhu, wealthy and noble, plump and voluptuous; Lady Gan was a talented and romantic woman with a penchant for poetry.

The two ladies had long been neglected by Liu Bei and were now suffering the hardships of exile, feeling extremely lonely. So they removed their clothes and embraced each other to relieve their desires. Guan Yu, nearly forty years old and still unmarried, blushed at the sight and quickly looked away.
But how could a young man without a family not be moved? Peeking again, he saw his two sisters-in-law embracing intimately, kissing incessantly, their lewd words and actions need not be described.

Guan Yu couldn't bear to leave, so he leaned down to peek, feeling his breath quicken and his groin grow hot and firm. The two sisters-in-law were getting closer, like fish in water: Lady Gan, skilled in amorous arts, instructed Lady Mi to scream and shout, part her red lips, stick out her fragrant tongue, loosen her hair, reveal her plump white breasts… pressed chest to chest, thigh to thigh, grasping breasts and buttocks, fiery red lips, starry eyes slightly open.

An endless array of captivatingly alluring postures, an incessant stream of seductive whispers.

Guan Yu was momentarily at a loss, gripping his "Guan Yu's Blade," almost ready to rush into the room for a fight. Just as he was hesitating, he suddenly saw a figure flash past in the back room. Guan Yu suspected it was a villain, but upon closer inspection, it was Cao Cao! Guan Yu was shocked to see that Cao Cao was also spying. Mengde gently called to Guan Yu, "Yun Chang, be quiet, come quickly." Guan Yu said, "Prime Minister, what brings you here?" Cao Cao whispered to him, "Don't say anything more, just look at the erotic pictures of the Empress's sisters-in-law."

Guan Yu dared not ask any more questions, and thus watched with Cao Cao. Inside the room, the two sisters-in-law's moans grew increasingly lewd, while outside, the two men's penises grew increasingly erect. With a loud shout, all four ejaculated, their semen flowing all over the ground. Cao Cao laughed and said, "Yun Chang, do you know the secret? I predict that the two sisters-in-law will soon be your mounts. I have had my fill, Yun Chang, you should act accordingly and not miss this opportunity." He then turned and left.
Guan Yu stood there dumbfounded for a long time, his blood boiling, unable to stop himself. He waited all night, and the next day went to see Cao Cao, saying, "I am a fool, Guan Yu, and I hope the Prime Minister can enlighten me." Mengde laughed loudly, "Yun Chang, a hero of the world, yet you have no good plan?"
Yun Chang said with shame, "I am but a warrior, I humbly beg the Prime Minister for a brilliant plan." Cao Cao whispered to him, "This is how you can get to kiss the two ladies." Guan Yu was overjoyed, bowed in gratitude, and departed.

Within a few days, he arrived in Xuchang. Cao Cao allocated a residence for Guan Yu and also sent him gold, silk, and beautiful women. Guan Yu thanked the Prime Minister and every day at his two sisters-in-law's door asked, "Are you well, sisters-in-law?" After inquiring about their uncle's condition, the sisters-in-law replied, "Uncle, please make yourself at home."
Only then did Guan Yu dare to leave. One day, Guan Yu heard his two sisters-in-law weeping. He rushed to inquire after them, comforted them for a long time, and ordered his maids to serve them attentively before returning. The following day, he again comforted his sisters-in-law, sending them fine silks, precious tonics, and other gifts to win their hearts. Afterward, he repeatedly comforted his sisters-in-law with a gentle and kind expression, relieving their worries. Second Sister-in-law also... Cao Cao, because Guan Yu's horse was thin, gifted him the Red Hare. Guan Yu rode the Red Hare back to his
residence. Lady Mi, seeing him, exclaimed excitedly, "Uncle, what a magnificent sight you are!" Guan Yu hurriedly returned the greeting. Lady Mi, realizing her slip of the tongue, blushed.

Lady Gan laughed and said, "Uncle, with this warhorse, you are like a tiger with wings, invincible!" She then took a silk handkerchief to wipe Guan Yu's sweat. Guan Yu was startled and hurriedly accepted the handkerchief with both hands, bowing his head in thanks.
Others remarked, "General Guan is invincible in bravery, and his relationship with the Empress Dowager is as close as blood; it is truly enviable." That night, Guan Yu was restless and went straight to his two sisters-in-law's courtyard. He called out from outside the door, "Are you well, sisters-in-law? I am here to serve you." The two ladies said, "Uncle, please come in. We are blood relatives; there is no need to

avoid suspicion." Guan Yu then entered, dismissed the maids around him, and said, "I am deeply grateful for your kindness today." Lady Mi laughed and said, "Uncle, what are you saying? We women were simply moved by your handsome appearance." Lady Gan also laughed, "Uncle is a hero of the world; to have you as a wife..." " Uncle, we are truly fortunate to have been protected. We were almost in dire straits just now. If it weren't for your self-demotion and surrender to Cao Cao, how could we have survived?"

Guan Yu bowed his head and said, "Sister-in-law, you flatter me. I dare not accept such praise." Lady Gan asked, "Uncle, have you ever married?"
Guan Yu replied, "I have been traveling all year and have never had a wife." Lady Mi laughed and said, "Don't shy away from this. If you have someone in mind, your sister-in-law and I will act as matchmakers for you." Guan Yu blushed and said, "I really haven't. Please don't tease me, sister-in-law." Lady Gan teased him, "I heard that you once asked Cao Cao for a concubine from Lü Bu. Is that true?"

Guan Yu lowered his head and did not answer. Lady Mi lay on the couch and chuckled, "Yun Chang, there's no need for that. It's just human nature.
Uncle, look at me and that concubine. Which one is more beautiful?" Lady Gan laughed and said, "Yun Chang, have you ever seen the joys of my sister and me in our private quarters?" Guan Yu knew that his secret had been exposed, so he didn't try to hide it and could only tell her, "I was confused

for a moment. I hope you will forgive me, sister-in-law. " Lady Gan said, "Uncle, there's no need for this. My sister and I wish to spend a night with you to repay your kindness and care!" Guan Yu exclaimed in surprise, "How can this be? Sister-in-law, please don't talk nonsense!" Lady Mi had already removed her clothes, revealing her plump, white, and fragrant skin. With seductive eyes, she said in a sweet voice, "
Uncle, do you think I'm comparable to Lü Bu's concubine?

Today, we are willing to serve you. Please don't refuse." Lady Gan gently put her arm around Guan Yu's arm and said, "Uncle, don't doubt it. Don't miss this wonderful night." She pulled Guan Yu to the bedside, her allure captivating him.

Guan Yu thought to himself, "I've fought for my brother half my life, and I'm still alone; it's truly not easy. Now my sister-in-law is lonely, and no one else knows. How can we secretly do something good and have mutual pleasure?" So he embraced Lady Gan, saying, "Sister-in-law, have you thought it through? You mustn't tell anyone about what I'm doing." Lady Gan leaned against Guan Yu, whispering tenderly, "Uncle, please enjoy yourself. I'm willing to serve you with my body." Guan Yu could no longer restrain himself. He embraced the petite beauty and kissed her passionately. Guan Yu was a fierce general, nine feet tall and incredibly strong.

Now, embracing Lady Gan was like lifting a chick. He ripped open her clothes, lifted her up, and began to caress and kiss her.
Panicked, Lady Mi cried out softly, "Uncle, why don't you satisfy my thirst and take Lady Gan first?" Guan Yu placed Lady Gan next to Lady Mi, undressed, and climbed onto the bed. He grabbed Lady Mi's plump, white breasts and wantonly played with and rubbed them, making Lady Mi moan and groan. Lady Gan was not to be outdone; she rolled over and climbed onto Guan Yu's back, straddling him and caressing and kissing him, rubbing her most amorous spot against his back.

Lady Mi was fondled by Guan Yu for a long time, until she was completely limp, moaning softly. Guan Yu then thrust his "Guan Yu's Great Saber"
inside her, displaying the martial prowess he used in battle, "slashing and hacking fiercely.

" Lady Mi was a plump, fair-skinned noblewoman, whom Liu Bei usually treated perfunctorily.

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