[Heading Towards Depravity]

My name is Wu Xiaoping. When I sit alone and bored in front of the computer writing down my past, it's hard to describe the feelings in my heart.

(I) Yearning for Rape

I was 15 when I entered high school. Unlike other girls in lower grades who were chased around by the seniors, almost no older students paid attention to me. At that time, I was still a minor and undeveloped little girl, and I didn't dare to walk with my head held high. Seeing my girlfriends going on dates frequently, I was very itchy. At night, when I lay in bed in the dormitory, I would touch my pubic area, which hadn't grown a single hair, and I couldn't help but sigh secretly.

In the second semester of my first year of high school, the opportunity finally came. A boy named Sun Yannan wrote me a love letter.

Although he was very handsome and tall, he was somewhat gloomy. To be honest, I longed to be raped by him. It would be so exciting to be held in his strong arms. But he seemed very timid. Every time he stood next to me, he wouldn't move at all.

One day, a short but even more handsome boy stopped me and demanded that I tell him my name. I pretended to be shy and refused. He laughed wildly and said, "I see your chest is small and flat, so I'll call you Xiaoping (Little Flat)." Huh? It turned out to be a lucky coincidence.

From then on, that boy named Lu Junfeng would call me "Little Flat Girl, Little Flat Girl" incessantly whenever he saw me. Once, during a power outage, he touched my still-developing breasts, leaving me feeling unsettled for days. Actually, I liked this kind of straightforward boy; it felt very satisfying. As for Sun Yannan, who might have truly loved me, he never even held my hand.

I heard that Sun Yannan had a good chance of getting into a good university, so unconsciously, my heart leaned towards him. I casually mentioned that Lu Junfeng had harassed me, and they got into a fight, which Sun Yannan won. However, he never touched me until he got into university.

(II) Awaiting Cultivation

After Sun Yannan was admitted to university, he kept writing to me. However, at that time, I felt almost nothing for a boy who wasn't around and with whom I hadn't had any physical relationship. Around this time, a senior high school girl I knew passed me a letter from a boy named Fang Yesheng. Although I'd heard he was a womanizer, I secretly went on dates with him out of loneliness.

Fang Yesheng's parents were business people and often away from home. One weekend, he invited me to his house, and since I was bored, I went. Since kissing was common on dates, as soon as I entered his house, he roughly pushed me onto the bed, kissed me, and frantically rubbed my flat chest with his hands. Although his lips were covering my mouth, I couldn't help but let out a few muffled moans.

His hands moved downwards, slipping inside my underwear. When he touched my labia, he trembled with excitement. I felt his lower body throbbing against me, but I didn't stop him. Instead, I twisted my body and let out a soft "Ah."

My reaction probably encouraged him greatly, because he unbuttoned my shirt. Since my breasts weren't fully developed, I wasn't wearing a bra. His tongue began to lick my slightly hardened nipples, and I twisted even more vigorously, not out of resistance, but out of excitement. But just as he was about to unbutton my pants, I suddenly thought of Sun Yannan.

This boy, who had expressed his feelings for me for the first time, wrote me a letter every week. The sincere affection revealed in his letters had once impressed my best friend, Sheng Yufang. And he was such a promising boy; I had no reason to choose this good-for-nothing Fang Yesheng over him. I suddenly reached out and pulled my pants down forcefully, shouting resolutely, "No!" I had made up my mind to give my virginity to the boy who truly loved me—Sun Yannan.

Fang Yesheng was somewhat surprised, then hung his head dejectedly. I quickly dressed, sat down at the table, and didn't look at him or say anything, feeling extremely awkward. He suddenly grabbed my arm fiercely and asked, "Are you still thinking about that guy surnamed Sun?" I didn't speak, feeling embarrassed for suddenly spoiling his mood when he was so excited. After a while, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to do this so soon. I'm only 16." He calmed down and asked me, "So, will you still talk to me in the future?" I nodded, unsure whether it meant I would talk to him or not.

Later, when Fang Yesheng asked me out, I tried my best to find excuses not to go. But if I did go, I didn't resist his kisses and touches at all. Once, he pulled my hand to touch his genitals. It was the first time I had ever touched a man's penis; it was hard, hot, and throbbing. At first, I firmly refused his sexual advances, but the more I tried, the harder it became to resist the temptation.

Ever since that incident at his house, I've been fantasizing about sex all the time, and my body has been constantly aroused. But around this time, Sun Yannan stopped writing to me. Years later, I learned that he was testing whether I had feelings for him.

However, I'm a very lazy person, so if he didn't write, I didn't write either. Besides, my libido was very high at that time, and I often secretly masturbated until late at night, leaving me feeling very tired. I was pleasantly surprised to find that my breasts had gotten bigger, and a few sparse hairs had grown on my vulva.

Fang Yesheng touched my breasts and clearly felt the change. He asked me to unbutton my shirt so he could lick them. I thought that way I wouldn't lose my virginity, so I let him lick me. Several times I couldn't take it anymore and really wanted to have sex with him, but I desperately restrained myself because winter vacation was approaching, and I had to wait for Sun Yannan to come back.

Just before winter vacation, Sun Yannan wrote to me, saying that he had injured himself while playing ball and told me the date he would be home. After receiving the letter, I was overwhelmed with mixed feelings. I replied with extremely complicated emotions, but pretended not to care. I knew the letter must have hurt him; otherwise, he wouldn't have been so sensitive to the matter between me and Fang Yesheng as soon as he returned.

I knew he was very angry with me, especially since I hadn't said anything he wanted to hear, which probably angered him.

I was also angry at his foolishness. So the next day, when he saw me off, I didn't ask him to walk me very far.

I could tell his eyes were a little red; he definitely hadn't slept well the night before. But walking with him made me feel incredibly oppressed. He seemed to be probing, wanting me to admit my mistakes.

As he turned to leave, I felt a pang of sadness and suddenly had the urge to end things with Fang Yesheng.

So, I boarded the boat heading to Fang's house. I told Fang Yesheng that I only loved Sun Yannan and that we were officially breaking up. His parents were home, and he didn't do anything to me. And I threatened him, saying that when school started after winter break, Sun Yannan would have someone beat him up. That cowardly guy never bothered me again after that.

Sun Yannan called me a few times during winter break, but I hated his bossy tone, so I had my mother answer the phone. My mother gave him a good scolding, while I laughed rather brazenly. Sun Yannan was definitely disappointed in me. When school started again, he came to the school, but didn't look for me, and didn't write to me again for a year. And me, for some reason, I didn't flirt with any other boys that year. Maybe deep down, I felt it was a pity to lose Sun Yannan, and I was also angry with myself. In

my senior year of high school, my grades plummeted. Thinking of how Sun Yannan had encouraged me to have a date with him by the lake at his university, I laughed self-deprecatingly. I hardly went to class anymore; I just liked to sleep.

During the day, I slept alone in my dormitory, caressing my own body—not plump, but smooth—feeling sorry for Sun Yannan; he hadn't even seen her, let alone touched her. The school finally couldn't tolerate my truancy anymore and advised me to drop out and go home, along with Sheng Yufang, Zhan Xingyan, and others.

Since I dropped out in the second semester of my senior year, the winter of 2001 was probably the happiest time of my life. Although I no longer hung out with boys, I could skip classes openly, and even go back to the classroom when I was tired of playing.

Before New Year's Day, I heard that Sun Yannan had written a letter to Chen Shanhua, and I wondered if they were having an affair.

I had someone steal the letter, and to my surprise, I saw that Sun Yannan asked about me in the letter. The idea of getting back together with him was born, and I immediately bought a greeting card, wrote a few simple words, and sent it. I understood that for someone who was so deeply in love with me, this was enough. Sure enough, he replied, saying that he would come back to see me.

(IV) Flowers Bloom and Fade

When Sun Yannan came back, we were already on holiday, and he didn't call my family. I thought he was just making excuses. At the beginning of the second semester, I went to school to pack my things to go home, and I heard Zhan Xingyan say that Sun Yannan was looking for me. When he saw me, he seemed to be forcing a smile. I knew that before he found me, he had talked with Chen Shanhua for a long time, and maybe Chen Shanhua had told him.

He tried his best to make me stay with him, saying that he had a lot to say to me. I understood that his purpose in wanting me to stay was to take advantage of me that night. But I had told my family I was going home that day, so I invited him to my house instead. To my surprise, he became much bolder and wasn't afraid of my mother anymore. He actually came home with me, and Sheng Yufang and Zhan Xingyan also came to visit.

My parents and brother vaguely knew about my relationship with him, and they were extremely pleased, especially when they learned he was a student at a prestigious university. Sheng Yufang, Zhan Xingyan, and I discussed going to the city where his university was located to study computers. However, at the last minute, Sheng Yufang was stopped by her family. Zhan Xingyan

and I, accompanied by my brother, arrived in his city, but were greatly disappointed with the computer school that advertised in newspapers, radio, and television, and insisted on going home. Sun Yannan's attempts to persuade us to stay were unsuccessful, and he could only watch us board the train home. Later, Sun Yannan called me several times, urging me to go back to that city, and I was tempted. Besides, I knew that if I stayed home, I would never have a chance to succeed. So, I packed my bags again and went to the county town alone to catch a bus.

(V) Getting on the Wrong Bridal Sedan Chair

However, while waiting for the train on the platform, I realized I was on the wrong platform. In the distance, a train coming from the opposite direction of my destination was speeding towards me. I saw familiar faces in the crowd—several female classmates from my class. They had been urging me to go to Nanchang to learn computers. Having missed my train, I was very upset and, as if possessed, followed them to Nanchang.

All computer training schools are the same, as black as crows. In Nanchang, we learned practically nothing. Several of the girls who came with me were seduced by wealthy men, and they came back telling me about their experiences in bed. At this time, a handsome guy from Zhejiang extended an olive branch to me. Disappointed and lonely, I started dating him, and things progressed quickly.

Sun Yannan tried every means to call and write to me; my heart was in turmoil. I had maintained my chastity for three years for him, but fate seemed to decree that he could not enjoy my body. I began to avoid him and soon slept with Wang Badan from Zhejiang.

That day, Wang Badan invited me to his room to watch a video. It's funny, we've been studying computers for almost half a year, and we still don't know how to use the internet. Typing in pinyin, we can only manage thirteen or fourteen characters per minute, so our daily lives are usually very boring. We used to go to Wang Badan's room often, but it was always with a group. That day, when I went in, I realized it was just the two of us.

He was playing "The Jade Maiden Heart Sutra," and when the sex scene came on, I blushed and felt hot. He had already embraced me, his hand slipping under my clothes. After more than a year, suddenly reliving the feeling of being touched by a man sent a jolt of excitement through me, like an electric shock.

I kissed him first, and before he could even touch my genitals, he started undressing me. My hand involuntarily reached for his genitals. His voice trembled with excitement as he said, "Okay, let me show you. By the way, take it out with your own hand." He urged me with his eyes. At that moment, I lost my senses. I reached for Wang Badan's crotch, grabbed it—it was so hard, so big… I slowly pulled down the zipper and pulled his penis out of my underwear. Seeing its dark, thick shape, and its constant nodding, I was startled. He didn't give me a chance to admire it further. Suddenly, he forcefully spread my legs and began licking my genitals. The position made it seem like I was about to urinate, and my face turned bright red. But it felt so good… "Your nipples are pink, are you a virgin?" Wang Badan quickly pulled off his shirt, pants, and underwear, becoming completely naked, and straddled me. After a few more strokes, he said, "I can't take it anymore, I'm going in." His hard, thick thing touched the entrance to my vulva. Finally, it came, but in that instant, a sharp pain shot through me.

"It hurts, it hurts so much!"

"Ah? Is this really your first time?" I was in so much pain that tears were welling up in my eyes, and I couldn't speak. He slowly inserted himself, his thick, hot thing completely enveloping me. I didn't know if it was pain or heat, but I clung tightly to Wang Badan.

He kissed me as he said, "Xiaoping, relax a little, I can't move." Seeing how tense I was, he drew circles on my small breasts with his fingers, and I felt waves of tingling, so I involuntarily let go. I felt his thing slowly withdrawing from my lower body, and then suddenly thrusting in heavily. I screamed "Ah!" A feeling I had never experienced before made my heart feel like it was about to fly out of my chest.

Then, like a chick pecking at rice, he moved in and out of my vagina at a rapid rhythm. My breathing became labored, so I had to take a deep breath and then exhale heavily. The grinding sensation inside my vagina made me want to scream, but I was afraid someone would hear, so I bit my lip desperately.

As his rhythm quickened, I felt pent-up frustration. I opened my mouth and bit his shoulder hard. He cried out, but the pace quickened even further. I felt like I was being carried high into the sky.

Suddenly, he let out a heavy sigh and collapsed on top of me, motionless. I felt like I had plummeted to the bottom. It took me a while to recover before I asked, "Um, what's wrong?" He said weakly, "I'm about to collapse. Let me rest for a bit." I wouldn't have it. I shook my lower body violently and frantically pressed him down, thrusting myself. After a while, as if unwilling to be suppressed, he came back again, his thing even thicker and hotter. I moaned a few times with pleasure, but his lips silenced me. I could only scratch his skin with my hands.

Suddenly, I felt his penis throbbing violently inside me, and a warm liquid began to gush out in large spurts. He growled softly, and we embraced tightly, wanting to hold onto this moment longer. After about seven or eight seconds, the throbbing stopped, but his penis was still hard, as if it had lengthened considerably, pressing against somewhere inside me, making me not want to move.

His penis finally softened slowly and was squeezed out by my lower body. He buried his face between my not-so-full breasts, muttering something. I didn't want to talk for the time being and ignored him. After a while, he climbed off me, glanced at my genitals, and then kissed me: "Thank you!" I knew he was thanking me for giving him my virginity, but I felt his reaction wasn't passionate enough, so I asked him, "Will you cherish me?" He nodded wearily and said, "There's so much blood, let me clean it for you." I rolled over, a little shyly saying, "Um... turn around, I'll do it myself." He roughly and teasingly spread my legs: "What's there to be shy about? I saw everything." I punched him lightly and let him be. He parted my labia with his fingers, and I felt something immediately flow out. I immediately covered my face and said, "Don't do this... wipe it off quickly." He wiped it very gently, a ticklish sensation spreading throughout my body. I got up to look at the sheets—a huge pool of blood! I couldn't help but gasp.

After my first time, my desires were extremely strong. If seeing my own blood on the sheets made me feel even a little guilty towards Sun Yannan, then I completely indulged in my desires and almost forgot about him. Of course, he wouldn't forget me so easily; he wrote to me repeatedly. I replied that we weren't suitable, and if he wanted, I could be his sister. This letter deeply hurt him; his reply was furious, so I simply ignored him.

I had several passionate encounters with Wang Badan, but he refused to give me the key to his room, only allowing me to visit him on Mondays and Thursdays. It was difficult to find him on other days.

As summer vacation approached, I worried that I wouldn't be able to do "that" with him for a long time after returning home, so I wanted to spend every day with him. One weekend, bored, I went to his room, only to find the door locked. Just as I was about to leave, I suddenly heard several woman's moans.

I knew those moans all too well; they were made during pleasurable sex. I chuckled dismissively, but then realized the sounds seemed to be coming from Wang Badan's room. I pressed my ear to the door and heard that someone was indeed doing "that" inside. Even worse, I could hear occasional muffled voices—it was Wang Badan's voice!

I pounded on the door, my desire surging. Someone inside asked, "Who is it? The master isn't in." It was the woman speaking!

I was even angrier: "You bastard, I heard your voice! Open the door!" Wang Badan opened the door, looking at me coldly. I didn't cry, I just grabbed his arm, my nails almost piercing his bones. The woman wasn't fully dressed yet, her full, white breasts trembling, she walked over seductively and said, "What's wrong? Haven't you seen me doing it before? Come on, Brother Wang, let's perform for him." I angrily cursed, "Slut!" She raised her hand and slapped me hard, but Wang Badan didn't seem to care, walking back to his room and sitting down. I wanted to slap her too, but suddenly I lost my temper, covered my face and ran back to my dorm, throwing myself onto the bed.

The next day, I packed my things and went home without telling anyone. I would never go back to Nanchang, that heartbreaking place.

(VI) Utter Depravity

When I got home, my parents were very affectionate, which made me feel ashamed. I had to make up a lie, saying that I was on vacation, though I was naturally anxious about the start of the new semester.

The "summer vacation" was rather boring. I called Sheng Yufang and Zhan Xingyan, but neither of them were home. I had no choice but to hide in my room watching porn and masturbating. More than ten days passed without me doing "that," and I started to feel wanton; my desires swelled violently.

One afternoon, the phone on the table rang. It was a man named Wang Jianbi, Sun Yannan's high school classmate. He said he was back and had to go home, but he had a lot of things to take and couldn't manage alone, so he asked if I could help him. Since I was bored anyway, I answered the phone, told my mother, and went out.

I wasn't unfamiliar with Wang Jianbi. In high school, he pursued Chen Shanhua in our class, often getting drunk and causing trouble in our classroom. I heard he was now in the same city as Sun Yannan. I accompanied him over mountains and valleys to his house. It was getting late, but we could still get home.

When I said goodbye, Wang Jianbi tried to persuade me to stay, saying, "It's getting dark, don't go back. I'll take you tomorrow." Seeing that I was still hesitant, he whispered, "I can tell you about Sun Yannan, do you want to hear it?" So I stayed. But I slept with his mother that night, so I didn't hear anything about Sun Yannan.

The next day, he rushed home with me early in the morning. His true nature finally showed; he was his usual scoundrel, groping me all over with a lewd grin. What's worse, he even said I was the girl with the smallest breasts he had ever met. I was angry and ignored him the whole way home. He was staying in the dormitory of a good friend of his in town.

That evening, it was a bit hot, and I received a call from Wang Jianbi, saying he was bored in his friend's dormitory and could tell me about Sun Yannan. I didn't want to talk to him, but I felt uncomfortable sitting at home, so I went to his friend's dormitory in town.

He was shirtless, wearing beach shorts. I had never seen a man with such an ugly body. At first, he genuinely told me about Sun Yannan. He said that when Sun Yannan was a freshman, a girl from another department who looked a lot like me pursued him, but at that time, he only had eyes for me and actually rejected her, and he hadn't dated anyone since.

After talking for a while, his hands started groping my waist, and I felt a sense of resistance.

After all, he was Sun Yannan's good friend, and if I did *that* with him, Sun Yannan would definitely find out, so I stood up to leave.

He pushed me down onto the bed, roughly ripped open my t-shirt, bit my nipple, and before I could even say "no," he had already unbuttoned my capri pants. He was going to rape me! But a passion I had never felt before surged within me, and while pretending to twist my body in resistance, I let out a very seductive moan.

He squeezed my genitals hard, inserted his fingers, and I cried out in pain. This pervert!

He even had very long nails, scraping my vaginal walls painfully. He seemed to have no intention of continuing the foreplay, and pulled out his thing and thrust it inside. To be honest, it wasn't long, but because my vagina was tight, it felt very full once it was inside.

He wasn't very tall either, so his movements were like lightning, making me a little dizzy. He might be a natural sadist, taking the time to bite my breasts hard with his mouth, which hurt, but I felt a strange kind of pleasure. But the good times didn't last long; less than fifteen minutes later, he ejaculated on top of me.

Even though the fan was on full blast, I was sweating profusely, so I pushed him aside, who was reluctant to leave my body, and he remained motionless, letting me do as I pleased. I could tell he was satisfied, but I wasn't quite done. I turned him over, lay on his chest, gently biting his nipple, and reached down to his genitals, gently stroking his penis.

He opened his eyes, his energy returned, and his penis slowly hardened, so he pressed me down forcefully.

But his erection didn't last long; just as he was about to penetrate, it went soft again. He cursed, "Damn it!" and rubbed his soft, snake-like thing repeatedly against my vaginal opening, making my labia, which had become numb from the thrusting, feel something again. As expected, his thing finally regained its strength, and this time it lasted for more than twenty minutes.

He wouldn't let me go home, so I had no choice but to sleep with him. I repeatedly begged him not to tell Sun Yannan about what happened that night, and he agreed. Later, I found out that he had told Sun Yannan about us as soon as he arrived.

(VII) Incestuous Pleasure

The next day, I guessed that my parents had gone out to play cards, so I sneaked home. I furtively took out my key and opened the door, only to find my brother sitting in my room with a gloomy face. The TV wasn't on, and the fan wasn't on either. I sensed something was wrong and wanted to quietly close the door and make a quick getaway.

"Come back!" I heard my brother shout loudly. How could my brother, who always doted on me, speak to me like that? I nervously reopened the door and went back in. Seeing my brother's expression, I decided to use my trump card—acting cute. In a slightly trembling voice, I said, "Oh dear, brother, what's wrong? You scared your little sister to death!" I approached him and smelled alcohol—he rarely drank, not even beer, so it seemed he was drunk. Knowing he was drunk, I felt relieved.

But my usually effective act of acting cute didn't work this time. My brother continued to question me loudly:

"Where were you gallivanting off to last night?"

I lied without thinking: "Well, I went to see Lina in town. She was home alone last night." With a "bang," my brother slammed a piece of paper on the table: "Look at this! Don't think everyone doesn't know what you've been up to!" I suspiciously picked up the paper, and a look horrified me. It turned out to be a letter from our "school" in Nanchang, saying that I was not studying and was having illicit relationships with men and women, and that I should be expelled from school.

What I fear most is the school finding out about what happened at home. I wonder if Mom and Dad have seen this letter. Now, in front of my brother, I can't help but cry. "Stop crying! Tell me, who were you fooling around with last night?" I didn't dare to answer, and I lowered my voice a little. My brother slammed his hand on the table again: "Do you know why I'm 26 and still not married? I just want you to be successful, to study more, so I'm focused on making money for you! I won't even mention it when you were in high school, I told you to study computers, but you didn't go to Sun Yannan's place, you went to Nanchang to fool around. Now you've been expelled, and you still don't repent. Who were you with last night? What's the difference between you and a prostitute? How can you face me?" Hearing my brother say that I was no different from a prostitute, I burst into tears again. My brother stood up abruptly, grabbed my arm, and threw me heavily onto the bed. I covered my head with my hands, guessing that my brother was going to beat me, and quickly curled up. He suddenly grabbed my t-shirt, ripped off my bra, and slapped my breasts twice. It all happened so suddenly; I stared at him in terror.

My fear and helplessness probably aroused his desire. His eyes were red, reeking of alcohol, and he pressed himself against me, viciously cursing, "I'd rather have your own brother fuck you to death than let a customer fuck you!" I cried, "Brother, don't do this..." But he seemed to have lost his mind, tearing down my underwear.

Perhaps due to the alcohol, his movements were clumsy but powerful. He pinned my hands to the bed with both hands, his penis thrusting haphazardly against my genitals, making my whole body tingle. Although I was still crying, seeing that I couldn't resist, I became somewhat resigned, secretly glancing at my brother's genitals—ah, his penis was so big!

But without guidance, his penis passed by my vagina three times without penetrating; even more outrageous, once it even poked into my navel. Fearing I would resist, he raised my hands above my head, holding them down with one hand while using the other to guide his penis, and thrust it hard into my vagina. I couldn't help but cry out, feeling as if his penis was piercing my throat, making it feel blocked.

Afraid of the smell of alcohol emanating from his mouth, I turned my head away, refusing to face him. He roughly grabbed my ear, pulling my face back, and pressed his alcohol-smelling lips against mine. Below was the pleasure of in-and-out thrusting, above was the alcohol smell I hated; I shook my head in resistance.

But he wasn't satisfied. He pulled my chin with one hand, and while my mouth was open, he shoved his tongue inside, swirling it around. I groaned, but my hands unconsciously tightened their grip, clinging to my brother's waist, trying to make him move less. But I couldn't hold him back. He attacked me like a tidal wave, yelling, "Fuck you, you bitch! Fuck you, you bitch!" Because it was my brother on top of me, I dared not make any lewd moans, and could only bite my lip desperately. It was truly "one wave after another," the repeated thrusts activating the movement within me. I hugged my brother's waist tightly with my legs, my body shaking vigorously with his rhythm, my hands scratching his back with nowhere to vent, sweat soaking my long hair.

He closed his eyes in ecstasy, as if my tender white body wasn't beneath him, mechanically and rapidly planting his seed. I finally couldn't help but moan, feeling his thing suddenly double in size inside me, and then I seemed to hear a "squeak" sound as my brother ejaculated inside my vagina. He stopped thrusting, his once powerful body collapsing onto me. He grasped my breasts, gently rubbing his face against my cleavage, letting out a satisfied sigh.

When he opened his eyes and saw that it was his sister beneath him, he suddenly panicked, hurriedly dressed, opened the door, and left. I remained lying in bed, savoring the experience. To be honest, despite the incest, this time the feeling was the most wonderful.

Later, I learned that only my brother had seen the letter; my parents were still unaware. And my brother, although he often felt guilty about incest, was conquered by my fair and tender body and wouldn't reveal the letter. About half a month later, Wang Jianbi called me, asking me to come to his place.

I told my parents that I was going to study computers with Sun Yannan and didn't want to go back to Nanchang. My parents were very supportive of my relationship with Sun Yannan, but they knew very little about it, and didn't even know we had broken up. Although my brother knew the inside story, he didn't say anything. When he handed me a large sum of "tuition money," he probably felt a little heartache. He certainly hadn't expected the price of having sex with his "prostitute" sister to be so high, right?

(VIII) Withered Willows and Fallen Flowers When I

arrived in Wang Jianbi's city, he was already waiting for me at the station. That evening, after we ate out, he took me home. The August weather was stuffy inside, but he was impatient to take off my clothes. Just as he

was about to pull down my jeans, he seemed to suddenly remember something, handed me a piece of chewing gum-like stuff, and said, "Hehe, this will make you more open." Without thinking, I chewed it, while he was already stroking my labia. I felt a strange warmth slowly rising from my lower body, making my heart race and my mouth dry. So I spread my legs wide, exposing my genitals completely, and began to caress my breasts with both hands.

He mounted me and moved his body to my chest, placing his slightly hot thing in my cleavage, indicating that I should massage him with my breasts. I squeezed my breasts together forcefully, and he, surrounded by the tender flesh of my breasts, still couldn't resist, thrusting in and out like he was having sex. I felt his glans secrete some fluid, and as his penis rubbed back and forth, the foreskin retracted and expanded, stimulating the most sensitive nerves in my chest.

He placed that dark thing near my mouth, and I took it in without hesitation, gently biting it with my teeth.

Perhaps this was a bit stimulating, because his breathing became heavy, and suddenly he pressed his entire genitals against my face, his penis thrusting in and out of my mouth. He made my throat itchy, but I couldn't cough, feeling a little suffocated, yet unable to resist, I could only shake my head from side to side.

I felt his penis begin to swell, and suddenly I regained my senses, desperately pushing him away, but a few drops of semen still shot onto my face. This time, his penis didn't soften after ejaculation (I guessed he must have taken drugs), he forcefully spread my legs and thrust inside.

But after that teasing, my vagina had secreted a lot of fluid, making his thrusts too lubricated, and I didn't feel much pleasure. He spread his legs and clamped mine tightly between them. I secretly strained my genitals, trying to squeeze him even tighter.

His movements were swift, but because he was clamping my legs, the penetration wasn't very deep. Often, when he pulled out, my vagina couldn't hold him, and his penis would withdraw, forcing him to insert it again. I noticed that when his penis entered my body, I would tremble with excitement, so I begged him to pull out a few more times before re-inserting.

We rolled off the bed onto the floor, not caring that we were covered in dust. During intercourse, he breathed heavily, and I moaned passionately. Our duet was perfectly synchronized, and the mingling of our fluids made a "squeaking" sound. My buttocks slapped the floor, making a "slapping" sound—it was incredibly lively. We continued like this for thirty minutes, both of us sweating profusely and feeling completely exhausted. Fortunately, he ejaculated then, and the hot semen stimulated my lust, causing me to toss my body up and down repeatedly.

The next day, he went to work, and I slept until ten o'clock. Later, this often happened, and I suddenly felt a little lonely. We hardly had anything to say to each other anymore. He would only occasionally mention Sun Yannan, his words tinged with mockery. Yes, Sun Yannan couldn't sleep with me for three years, but he did it in three hours. Would I seem cheap in other people's eyes, even in Wang Jianbi's?

One day, he came home dejected. That night, we drank heavily at dinner, and after finishing, he pushed me down and started having sex. But halfway through, he suddenly vomited all over me, making a mess of my chest. Yet, he seemed oblivious, remaining motionless, and after a while, he even started snoring.

I helped him to bed, and in the darkness, I washed myself over and over again. Suddenly, I thought of Sun Yannan. We lived in the same city, yet I'd never seen him. He must be a junior in college now, right? Because of me, his once-close relationship with Wang Jianbi had vanished, and Wang Jianbi hadn't even tried to contact him.

I suddenly felt a strong urge to see Sun Yannan, but I certainly wouldn't let Wang Jianbi take me. Since I arrived, he'd kept me in his room, having sex with me whenever he had the chance. He hadn't taken me anywhere, so I didn't even know where Sun Yannan's school was. And I was already past my prime; what good would seeing him do?

The next day, Wang Jianbi didn't get up for work. I assumed he was drunk and didn't think much of it. But the third and fourth days were the same, and that's when I learned he'd lost his job. He'd occasionally sneak out to look for work, and when he came back, he wouldn't tell me anything, just drag me into sex. I was getting anxious. I told him that it was better for two people to look for work than one, and asked him to take me to look for work too. He hesitated for a long time, but finally agreed.

My job search went much more smoothly than his. On my first day, I found a sales clerk job in a shopping mall, while he struggled to find one. After I started working, he spoke to me even less. I knew he was probably very insecure; he didn't have sex often anymore, and when he did, he ejaculated before I even experienced pleasure.

My desires became increasingly unfulfilled, and I finally started a secret affair with a boy in the same sales department.

That day, I took the bus with that boy to his place for a tryst. The bus happened to pass by the north gate of Sun Yannan's university, and we unexpectedly met. I saw him when he boarded the bus from the front. In just over six months, he had gained a lot of weight, greatly obscuring his handsome features. Although he was smiling, there was still a hint of melancholy in his eyes. I

had hoped to see him, but I didn't want to meet him like this. So, I buried my face in the arm of the boy beside me. He still saw me, a startled glance, and his eyes immediately stung. It seemed he not only recognized me at first glance but also still cared about me. My mind was in turmoil; I didn't even know when he got off the bus.

(IX) People Leave and Tea

Grows Cold After that incident, Wang Jianbi repeatedly apologized to me, and I also felt that I had gone too far, so I quit that job and quickly reconciled with him. However, his sexual function seemed to decline day by day, and I could only masturbate to quench my thirst when he wasn't around.

The weather gradually got colder, but Wang Jianbi still hadn't found a job, while I was lazy and didn't really want to look for work anymore. Wang Jianbi didn't have much savings to begin with, and the few thousand yuan I brought from home was almost gone, and we encountered an unprecedented predicament. I couldn't bear to cut my long hair, so I had to wash it frequently, but we were so poor that we couldn't even afford shampoo, so I had to use soap to wash my hair. To make matters worse

, Wang Jianbi contracted a strange illness. First, he coughed up black phlegm, and then he vomited blood. I told him to go to the hospital to see a doctor, but he struggled to say that he was fine, but his body was getting weaker day by day, so we had to go home.

That winter after returning home, my life was very difficult. Wang Jianbi was undergoing treatment and naturally couldn't do *that* with me. My brother took advantage of this vulnerability, repeatedly defiling my body. Although it brought me pleasure, my guilt grew daily.

That winter night, I frequently received unknown phone calls, often late at night. When I answered, the caller wouldn't say a word until I hung up. I guessed it might be Sun Yannan; perhaps he just wanted to hear my voice. A strong sense of guilt rose within me towards him.

The following year, Wang Jianbi's condition improved somewhat, and we returned to that city. But this time, Wang Jianbi's luck was even worse. Not only could he not find a suitable job, but he was also repeatedly cheated by labor agencies, wasting a lot of energy and money.

One day, he told me painfully, "It seems this place won't keep me. I'm thinking of going to Guangzhou." He asked for my opinion, and because I was thinking of Sun Yannan, I decided to stay. So he made a promise to come see me again in winter, and then packed his bags and headed south.

After he left, I started looking for a job and quickly found one promoting a brand of liquor. This allowed me to support myself and even indulge in the occasional luxury. Time flew by, and winter arrived. Sun Yannan was now a senior in

college. During my breaks, I often visited his campus, sitting for long periods by the Weeping Lake (also known as Swan Lake). Occasionally, some college students would try to flirt with me, but I was uninterested. Although we would sometimes hug and cuddle, we never slept together. I often secretly followed Sun Yannan, but I lacked the courage to approach him and say a word. Winter deepened, and Wang Jianbi finally disappeared, as I had expected.

Winter was the peak season for alcohol, and many customers drank the liquor I promoted. When they got drunk, they would inevitably try to grope me. Since I wasn't a virgin anyway, I was open-minded and took the opportunity to earn some extra money. I was quite adept at the entertainment industry.

I gradually came to a conclusion: men weren't particularly interested in overly submissive women; they often preferred to encounter obstacles when trying to conquer them. In fact, men are born with a desire to rape, just as women are born with a desire to be raped. So, in front of customers, I often pretend to be unwilling, desperately protecting my body and not letting them take off my clothes so easily.

This trick is very effective, and I conquered many veterans of the pleasure quarters with it.

(X) Lost in the World of Brothels

During the Spring Festival, I didn't go home. All the other girls had left, and there were very few girls left to promote the hotel. That day, a middle-aged boss was hosting a dinner at the hotel. I went in to promote our wine, and he readily accepted.

To be honest, although the boss was middle-aged, he was very charming, and I decided to seduce him. Because I was wearing very little in the air-conditioned private room, when pouring the wine, I intentionally or unintentionally touched the boss's face, back, and arms with my breasts. Every time I touched him, his eyes lit up, and he looked at me with great interest. I secretly felt smug: he took the bait. The boss had a high alcohol tolerance and maintained a very good demeanor until the end of the banquet. After the drinks, when we went to the private room to rest, he called me in to settle the bill.

I took the bill and entered his private room with a reserved air. He was half-drunk and said, "Come here, young lady." I pretended to be oblivious and walked up to him, but stood a meter away. He nodded, puzzled, and asked, "How old are you, young lady?" I timidly replied, "19."

His eyes lit up again, and he continued talking nonsense before getting to the point:

"Little sister, would you like to keep me company tonight?"

I took a step back and said, "No, boss, I have to go home right now." "Go home what!" He stood up, grabbed me, and pulled me into his arms. I struggled desperately, refusing in a tearful voice, "Boss, don't do this, I'm not that kind of person, just pay the bill..." "I'll pay it all later, I'll give you more, hahaha!" He violently tore open my shirt, pushed me down onto the sofa, and then pulled down my pants. I kicked my legs wildly, but not randomly, because I could see clearly. As I kicked, I helped him pull down my pants, avoiding any of his vital areas.

I cried out softly, "Boss, please, I'm scared..." "Scared of what, baby?" he said, pulling down his own pants and pulling out his hard, hot penis, trying to insert it into me.

"Ah..." I screamed, "It hurts!"

He thought I was really in pain, but actually, I was experiencing intense pleasure and wanted to scream. He didn't move immediately, focusing his energy on his lower body, making his penis throb inside me. I deliberately turned my head away, ignoring him, and desperately squeezed out a few tears.

The boss quickly pressed his lips to my eyes, licking away my "tears," and then slowly moved his lower body. I still pretended to be unwilling, and pushed against his chest with my hands. His belly was a bit flabby, which affected the connection between our bodies, and besides, I was deliberately keeping my legs tightly closed, which made him quite uncomfortable.

He said in a coaxing tone, "Baby, don't do this, I won't mistreat you, come on." I didn't move, still pretending to resist, but this further aroused his lust. He didn't care whether I was really in pain or not, and started thrusting in and out. I felt very satisfied, but in order not to let him see through my act, I pretended to grimace, occasionally letting out painful yet soul-stirring moans.

He was completely conquered by me, and didn't last long before ejaculating inside me. After it was over, he lingered on top of me, playing with my nipples and breasts, licking my "tears." My performance this time satisfied this boss named Dong Dachuan so much that he took me as his mistress. And so, I spent my days sleeping, surfing the internet, and putting on makeup in the house he bought for me, waiting for his arrival.

Life was lonely and boring, so I began this autobiographical novel. Perhaps it was to commemorate something, or perhaps just to entertain the readers. Just as I was about to finish the novel, I ran into Sun Yannan again.

The day before yesterday, I was strolling around my neighborhood when I saw a very familiar figure walking not far away. I ran over and called out, "Sun Yannan!" He turned around, looking at me with a complicated expression.

He had clearly lost a lot of weight, back to how he looked when we first met. Seeing his tall and handsome figure, my heart suddenly pounded like a girl experiencing first love. Dong Dachuan happened to be out of town and wouldn't be back for a while, so I invited him to my place. He hesitated for a moment, then came with me.

As soon as the door closed, my clothes silently slipped down. Sun Yannan seemed expressionless, reaching out to caress my breasts, and I closed my eyes contentedly. Five years have passed, and I've finally given him my body. Will he still care about this body of mine?

I'm certain my body is more mature and attractive than it was five years ago. If he's willing to possess me, I can definitely take him to paradise. But the movement of my chest didn't continue; instead, I heard him walking towards the door. I went over and hugged him from behind, asking, "Yan Nan, you...?" He gently pushed me away, his hand resting on my breast, but not lingering for long. He told me somewhat coldly, "If it were five years ago, or even a year ago, I would have gone crazy seeing you like this. But do you know how many middle school and high school students I've slept with this past year? I used to like you because of your pure, shy appearance, and I still like that when I like girls now. I love their tender bodies and the cries of first love during sex. I definitely won't find that in you." After saying that, he turned and left.

I leaned weakly against the door, listening to his footsteps fading into the distance... a dream.

[End of article]

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(This post was edited by jyron on 2015-08-26 23:45)
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