[I Started Being Lewd Behind My Boyfriend's Back] (Revised Edition) (03) Author: Makeface

Author: makeface
Word Count: 4271

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I Started Being Lewd Behind My Boyfriend's Back (Revised Edition) - Chapter 3 (Previous)

Chapter 3 (Previous) – Decided? Purposeful?

"Lewdness, is it innate or pursued?"

—Year xxx Month xxx Day

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"Hi..."

"Hi..." A deep, resonant voice came from the other end of the phone.

"I think... I'm sick..." I said weakly.

"..." The phone was silent for a while, then the deep, resonant voice said, "Come over at 10:30 tomorrow morning
..."

"Okay..." I hung up the phone weakly.

*********************************************************************

Shopping at Alamoan Centre,
hiking at Diamond Head,
surfing at Waikiki Beach, and snorkeling at Hanauma Bay—with less than two days left on the itinerary, I frantically rushed through it
like a tourist, afraid that the money for the plane ticket would be wasted.

The night before my flight, I lay in bed with a kraft paper notebook, brainstorming articles for submission.

"This time it's a relationship column..." I pouted, holding a pencil between my fingers as I pondered. "I'll write about this then..."

Title: Infidelity, no, infidelity is about love. Content: ...Women cheat to find their Venus;
men cheat to find their Venus...

Early in the morning, after packing our luggage, we waited for the shuttle bus in the hotel lobby. Xiao Cheng was
talking to the person in charge, while I wandered around the lobby. Suddenly, I saw a familiar figure. I quietly
walked over, wanting to say a final goodbye.

"Ha!
Ha! I
don't like being forced... I like more interaction... Anyway... thank you!"

I saw the masseuse talking to... another masseuse? A nameless fear
rose within me. I tried to retreat as quickly as possible, but I only stumbled backward step by step.

"The luggage's all put away! Xiao Xi, let's go?" Xiao Cheng suddenly called out to me.

That call jolted my turbulent mind, and my entire body seemed to suddenly spring together. I turned around
and ran as fast as I could, getting into the car as quickly as I could.

"Are you alright? Are you feeling unwell again?" Xiao Cheng asked with concern after getting into the car, noticing that something was wrong with me
.

I closed my eyes and didn't answer.

"Hmm... well, let me tell you something interesting I just heard... you know, Mrs. Maeda has twin sons,
one of whom is the one who massaged us on the first day!" Koji said excitedly, "I never imagined
we'd have such a connection!"

"Twins," "rapiding isn't my style...likem
reinteraction," "twins," "rapiding isn't my
style...likem reinteraction"... these two phrases
kept flashing through my mind. So, was it all a lie? Was it all a lie?

Could it be that even Mrs. Maeda was there on purpose? …

My heart aches so much, how could I be so foolish… How can I face Xiaocheng…

If I could, I wish the plane could just plunge into the Pacific Ocean, let the sea
wash away my filthy, ugly sins…

I… I just want to die…

However, perhaps my request was too willful, too selfish, and heaven still peacefully sent me home
, leaving my heart to continue tormenting me.

I started to suffer from severe insomnia, treating day as night and night as day.

I became easily startled, so I turned off my phone and shut myself off.

I stopped wanting to make love with Xiaocheng, and we kept arguing about it.

I don't know if it's because of too much pressure that I can't write? Or is it because I lack inspiration and am under too much pressure?

I only know that my life has fallen apart…

So Xiaocheng moved in with me in my apartment, but things still didn't improve.

"I want to see a doctor… a psychiatrist…" I said weakly to Xiaocheng, looking haggard.

"It seems that's the only way…" He also lowered his head helplessly, indicating that this was our only solution at the moment
.

"Can I go see him...?" I whispered, a little nervous.

"Him?..." Xiao Cheng sighed, his face turning serious before he continued, "...Then I must
go with you..."

The next day, after parking the car, we slowly walked upstairs. Everything was so familiar. I
remembered choosing the painting by the door, picking out the sofa, choosing the floor... I remembered
how I liked to sit by the window writing. So many memories were in this clinic. Three years... a whole
three years since I'd been here. Suddenly, a flood of emotions welled up inside me.

"Excuse me, are you Ms. Yao Kexi?" a friendly nurse asked, getting up. "This way, please."

We entered the consultation room, and I froze when I saw the interior. Not only the outside, but
everything I saw was exactly the same as when I left. The ripples in my heart made me want to cry.

"Let me make this clear... Jiang Yujie..." Xiao Cheng said impatiently to the man in front of him, "I'm here today purely
because Xiao Xi needs your help... I'm not here to bow down to you!"

The man in front of him calmly raised his head, glanced at Xiao Cheng, and said coldly, "Hmph... what's a doctor
doing if he doesn't see patients? By the way, you should probably make an appointment too..."

"You..." Xiao Cheng angrily pointed at Yujie with his index finger, "Say that again! You sissy!"

Yujie shook his head and smiled, turning to look at the medical record in his hand, ignoring what Xiao Cheng said.

"Enough...you two..." I said unhappily, then pulled out a chair and sat down. "I'm tired...
can you two sit down too?"

"Bang!" Xiao Cheng deliberately slammed the chair to the ground as he pulled it out,
glaring fiercely at Yu Jie as he sat down.

Jiang Yu Jie, tall and thin, with a handsome and refined appearance, is one of my male best friends, or you could say my
childhood sweetheart . He is quite intelligent and attentive, often understanding my needs with just a glance or a gesture. He
is very gentlemanly, taking care of me like an older brother for almost thirty years, which is why Xiao Cheng couldn't accept his existence.
So three years ago, Xiao Cheng asked me if I could cut off contact with him, and just like that... it's been three years since then.

However, even after almost thirty years of getting along, Yu Jie and I have never been together. It's not like what many
urban men and women say: "We've become family, how could there be feelings?" Rather, I
have a fear of him. I can't hide anything from him because he can see right through me.

Yu-Jie put down the medical record, glanced at Xiao-Cheng, then turned and softly asked me, "What symptoms are you currently experiencing that
make you feel unwell?"

"Roughly... insomnia, anxiety, tension..." I counted on my fingers, "And... my
brain is completely devoid of inspiration for writing..."

"Hmm..." He gently covered Xiao-Cheng's lips with his long, slender fingers and lowered his head in thought, "...
Mr. Wang Zhongcheng, would it be convenient for you to leave the examination room for a moment?"

"Why? Is there something that can't be said in person?" Xiao-Cheng said with a hint of displeasure.

"I'm guessing you're the cause of the illness..." Yu-Jie said nonchalantly, looking at Xiao-Cheng, "If you two
started arguing in front of me, wouldn't that be a lot of trouble for me?"

"You...!" Xiao-Cheng stood up, as if to attack.

"Stop arguing...!" I couldn't stand their constant bickering any longer and snapped, "Xiao Cheng,
can you go out first? I'm really tired. I just want to get treatment."

"Xiao Xi... he started it..." Xiao Cheng hesitated, seeing my angry expression, "Okay... I'll wait outside..."

With that, Xiao Cheng walked out of the examination room sullenly and slammed the door shut with a "bang!"

Yu Jie watched Xiao Cheng leave the examination room, turned around, sighed, and said softly to me, "Sigh... I've said everything I needed to say
..."

I knew that it was three years ago when I introduced Xiao Cheng, whom I had just started dating, to Yu Jie. Yu Jie had privately told me that
Xiao Cheng was too naive and impulsive, and not suitable for a girl like me who thought a lot and preferred quiet. I never expected that
Xiao Cheng would see that message, and the two of them would have a huge argument in the examination room. That's how I lost face in front of Yu Jie.

"Let's not talk about this anymore..." Yu-jie got up, walked to the door, locked it, and silently sat down beside me. "Do
n't worry, no one will bother you now, and the soundproofing is good... Tell me, 'What major thing has happened to you recently?' Please
say the first thing that comes to mind..."

I really felt bad for losing contact with him back then, and I never
thought I silently shed tears

. He patted my shoulder, handed me a tissue, and gave me a forced smile, indicating that I should relax.

I then told him everything that had happened in Hawaii, and that since returning from
Hawaii , I had no feelings for Xiao-cheng, which was why Xiao-cheng and I couldn't be affectionate for a while.

I saw his brows furrow deeper as he listened, and after a moment of contemplation, he told me seriously, "Ke-xi, you...
may have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)..."

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?" I couldn't believe that I was actually hearing this word, which I had only read about in the media, in my
ear .

"Hmm...right..." Yu-Jie got up and sat back at his desk, beginning to explain his arguments to me.

"First of all, the first accident already had a significant impact on your mind, meaning your brain was quite shaken
. If it only went this far, your heart would be able to process it after a while. However, that's the 'however,' and
a second one happened. Aren't you curious why you believed his lame lie about losing his wife?"

"Hmm?" I listened curiously.

"Stockholm syndrome, in order to rationalize the shock to the brain, one begins to defend or believe
the perpetrator ."

"Stockholm... syndrome?"

"Yes!" Yu-Jie took a sip of water and continued, "However, you later unexpectedly heard the
truth. The brain's rational explanation was shattered, thus resulting in typical
symptoms . By the way, do you still believe he lost his wife?"

"I..." I knew I was being used, but I couldn't answer the question for a moment, "...Maybe he
really did lose his wife..."

"It's a bit complicated... but it's PTSD plus some symptoms of Stockholm! That's
the explanation ."

Yu-Jie suddenly said.

"Then what should I do..." I felt a little frustrated, as if it were an incurable disease.

"People change. Besides relieving symptoms, I personally don't favor 'treatment.' I don't believe in
cognitive therapy, exposure therapy, and the like. I prefer patients to find
a lifestyle .'"

"A new...self?" I looked at Yu-Chieh, puzzled. "So what should I do?" "

I remember you majored in philosophy, right?...Do you know about determinism and teleology?"

"Um..." I looked at Yu-Chieh somewhat awkwardly.

He chuckled and said, "I'll explain your situation using teleology. I think you're
creating feelings of guilt and pressure to avoid getting close to Xiaocheng, and the reason is related to the 'accident.'"

I was somewhat surprised, but unwilling to accept this explanation, so I retorted, "Isn't
it simply because of the 'accident' that you feel guilty towards Xiaocheng, which is why you're accumulating pressure?"

"Heh... that's determinism..." Yujie smiled, "However, that doesn't quite apply here. Because
it doesn't explain why a second 'accident' would happen. After all, people don't act to increase their guilt..."

"Don't believe me?" Yujie asked, seeing my incredulous expression, "Then let's conduct an experiment..."

"What experiment?" I looked at him curiously, only to see him rummaging through the boxes behind him.

"Got it!... This is it..." Yu-Jie took out a long, black thing that seemed to be elastic
...

I stared at it closely and exclaimed, "That... that's... a vibrator, isn't it?"

"Yeah... yes... you know some of my patients... are very complicated..." Yu-Jie smiled awkwardly.

He asked me to take the vibrator to the recliner next to him, hoping I could masturbate to orgasm. His
reasoning was that masturbation would reduce my stress and guilt, and if it did, he could tell me
the reason I might be "sick." However, if not, I would have to follow the traditional long-term treatment.

I shyly put on the blindfold and slowly sat on the recliner, nervously asking before masturbating, "Is this really the only
way?"

"I'm not sure... but I'm usually right..." he said softly in a confident and gentle voice, trying to
relax me.

"Haha... besides, I've seen your body countless times... don't worry... I'm going to play some video games over there
..."

"Jiang Yujie! You bastard!" My face flushed red, and I angrily cursed him.

This little playful banter actually made me feel much more at ease, like we used to play around every day in our school days.
So I relaxed and lay down on the cloth recliner I had chosen before, covering my eyes to avoid
being disturbed by my surroundings, and slowly, slowly, I let myself get into the mood.

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